It’s all gone to……….

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I feel like I’m going slowly crazy. What an opening line that is huh, some would say I am already half way there.

You’re wondering why I feel this way aren’t you, well I mean you better be, because you’re going to find out whether you want to or not. I’m nice like that, I like to share.

Work has been crazy…..it’s like someone has been plying it with red bull, so each morning it smacks you in the face. Full on assault, every feckin day! I never seem to go home anymore thinking that’s great, I got so much done. These days it’s like WTF just happened, I am sooooooo glad this day is over.

All I seem to do is work. Work during the week and work at weekends, and to top it all off, I constantly need to work at trying to stay sane.

Even GTA has been driving me nuts ffs. I was in the other night, minding my own business doing missions and this guy decides to try and mow me down. Dude, we’re supposed to be a team, on the same side, good versus bad remember. Only his rogue little ass is trying to run all over mine and the other guys, who is actually still trying to complete the mission while all this is going on. So I grab a helicopter and I’m flying around trying to save the other non physco civilian in the room who has our captive in tow, devil dude is driving around like a maniac and I land the chopper and make mince meat of everyone. I don’t often face palm, but on this occasion I left bruises!!

I don’t have a dog, but if I did even it would have been disgusted.

I switched over to Trials Fusion after that. I used to think it was so sweet how it made little video clips for me, until I realised they were entitled ‘That’s just Wrong’ and they actually detailed my epic disasters. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Maybe I need a new pass time :)

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Grabbing a coffee

This is me, tired little me, drinking coffee from the cup that my kind colleague got me for my birthday last week, whilst travelling on the train to face another exciting day at work. 

In real life I am wearing the same kind of loopy, at the end of my tether expression. It’s been a long week, in fact it’s been a long two months but hopefully there is hope on the horizon. 

I’ve been working extra hours and weekends to try and keep up with work since my colleague left in April. If you didn’t notice that I wasn’t around as much don’t worry, just lament the fact that you didn’t enjoy the peace and quiet while you had the chance. 

There’s been few days off apart from the two when we went to Donegal and one that replaced a lost weekend day and it’s starting to tell on both me and my house which hasn’t been getting the love and attention it deserves. 

This weekend is going to be another hectic one sadly, so in fact there most likely won’t be a weekend at all as I have to attend things planned each day that will most likely extend into the night. I’m going to struggle, firstly because I am going to have to people, but secondly because I’m going to get no down time and no time to unwind. 

I would just love one weekend of peace and quiet, just me, where I don’t have to do anything for anyone else and that includes cooking and cleaning! 

Monday my new colleague arrives, so that in itself is going to bring another set of challenges, like training and learning and sorting. She’s a lovely girl and I instantly liked her so that’s a positive, but I need to shield  her from being bombarded until she gets to grips with things. I don’t want her running for the hills on the first day. 

I’m nervous because it’s been so long since I trained anyone for anything. I’m not very good at taking charge, I’m more of a sheep than a shepherd, so it will be a learning curve for us both. 

No one likes change, but it still comes whether we like it or not. I’m trying to think ahead and console meself that there may be stability in my future, and days off. Days off would be lovely.

I just need to make it through the next few weeks. 

How have things been in your world?

Why did I ever……….

….think it was a good idea to take a week off work! Seriously, WHY!

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While not this overjoyed at the prospect of a week away from my desk, I was a little excited all the same. I’d put in a lot of hours and they were all mounting up so I felt it was time, well that and I have to fit leave around everyone else’s schedules too.

I had plans, catch up on jobs I had to do for other people and also on things I needed to do around the blog. I factored time in for some writing also, perhaps some gaming and a little relaxation. Guess what? It’s already Thursday and very little of that has actually happened, in fact this is turning out to be the week from hell!

There have been tears, tantrums, toilet disasters (not mine thank you very much!) and basically a whole heap of running around doing things for other people. In fact Tuesday was pretty much the only day or normality where I got to visit friends and stroke a few things off the list.

I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps the Fathership had a clever plan in making appointments for this week, although I am sure he would deny it. Today however, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, one of my teeth broke, I have to say my eyes leaked in despair, I was at the end of my tether!

I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow, which I dread for two reasons, fear of the dentist and fear of the cost of the dentist. I will openly admit I am a big ginny ann with regards to all things dental. I did however know this day was coming, it was only a matter of time before my back tooth caved in, too many years of clenching due to anxiety. Why I couldn’t just have been like everyone else and used the butt cheeks instead, I’ll never know.

Tomorrow will be Friday, so along with the anxiety of having to attend the dentist, the fact that I have to return to work on Monday will also start to prey on my mind too, seriously wonky top box, give a girl a break would you!

If you have any going spare I would be grateful if you could send a few lucky vibes my way, I have a feeling I am going to need them!

My week summed up!

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Full of problems that were just to difficult for my poor little brain to solve.

Uncontrollable emotions – by Friday I lost my shit and had a mini meltdown.

Celebrating the fact that it was the weekend only to wake up on Saturday at 5.30am and feel like shit that just slid off a shovel.

Kicking ass in work on Friday night for the 2 hours it took to wait for the next train to arrive after I missed the first one. Cleaner inbox = slight smile on face, until I go back on Monday and it’s just as bad as ever.

Superior people who tell you to let them finish while not letting you get your point across at all!

Assholes – see above.

Keeping myself from slamming down the phone and walking out, which believe me was what I really wanted to do. Previous 2 points refer.

Exciting – The thought of going back to work on Monday and yes, that is sarcasm!

Look carefully – can you crack the code :)

 

 

What’s Up-date

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Apparently time also flies when you’re not having fun too!

This last two weeks in work have been unbelievably stressful. I really need a day off, but two courses and a new boss next week mean it’s not going to happen. I’m actually worn out, despite the fact that after purchasing new pillows I’m sleeping slightly better.

That said, there are good things about being so busy. I’m hardly smoking these days mainly because I never leave my desk. I can’t tell you if I feel any better for it, but I know that when I reach a certain time scale withdrawal rage kicks in. The second thing is time, it flies.

I’m putting in 9 hour days, but they pass in the blink of an eye, sadly the mountain of post it notes is threatening to consume me if I don’t manage to make my way through them. I used to be quite organised… before I started this job. I need to get back to that and start using my to do book again, I can’t be arsed with the 20 million paper scraps!

It’s looking highly likely that this will be another weekend of working, that stresses me out too because I have jobs to do for both myself and other people, but there are just not enough hours in the day. Thankfully I have Steve’s radio show to look forward to on Saturday night.

I finally started playing Tomb Raider and I’m enjoying it immensely. I’ve had it since Christmas but just haven’t had the time to play. The only downfall is it’s giving me motion sickness which means I can only play for 30 – 60 minutes in one go. That’s ok though, because I usually only have that amount of time spare between getting everything done and going to bed anyway.

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Thanks to all my new followers, you’re all more than welcome. I have a new goal, I’d like to reach a thousand before 2020, I’m keeping a realistic time scale here, I don’t need any additional stress, or disappointment for that matter :)

Well that’s about it for today, my train journey is almost over meaning it’s time for job number two, management of the Ships.

Enjoy your day and till next time eejits :)

Sunshine and Showers

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WordPress tells me it’s been 8 days since I posted, really, is that all, because to me it feels like weeks ago.

This last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster. I really have no idea if I’m blown up or stuffed at the minute.

It’s all change at work, even after a year and a half in the job I still wouldn’t say I’m used to it. Everyday brings challenges which when added to the ones I face at home leave me almost at tipping point on a daily basis. With the current changes there are two of us managing 5 people while trying to balance our normal workload. I’m also still trying to fend off people who ask me questions about my previous position. Yeah, the whole saying no thing didn’t work out to well, I can think it, I just can’t voice it. I also need people to realise that I am not a walking encyclopaedia, unfortunately I do not have the answer to every question, but I seem to be the first port of call. I have no doubt things will once again level out, I’m just not sure I will make it through the bedding in period.

There are however some shards of light in the darkness. Did I tell you that I LOVE my new computer, I mean actually LOVE it! I might even send it a Valentines Day card. It’s quick, quiet and will let me open more than three pages without playing the blue screen of death card (touches wood). I almost fell off the chair when I opened Spotify and clicked on play. Who knew that’s what my speakers could sound like, certainly not me and I’ve had the little feckers for ages. Now I just need to finish organising my room and figure out a new desk and I will actually have a workable office space. My desk while perfectly fine will not let me kick my legs out, which when you have bad knees can lead to extra pain which I don’t need. It’s all getting there, I’m making progress and that’s the main thing.

Secondly, Steve’s radio show. You might find this heard to believe (probably not actually), but I don’t have much of a social life, there are a lot of factors to that, not just the whole caring thing, but it doesn’t help. Saturday nights can be a tad boring sometimes if no one is around to play Xbox and I have nothing to blog about. Well Steve and his radio show changed all that. I actually smile on a Saturday when I remember it’s on and try and make the dinner earlier so I can be cleared up before it starts. Each week more people have been listening in, making requests and promoting their blogs. It’s an excellent way to bring people together. Great choice of music and great company make for a fun night, armchair dancing with my pal MJ is the icing on the cake.

If you haven’t tuned in, why have you not, shame on you, you’ve no idea what you’re missing!

The last few weeks the show has been held on a Saturday night between 8pm and 10pm GMT, at Talk About Pop Music. This week however Steve and Suzie are joining forces to host the mother of all Valentines blog parties on both Twitter and the Radio. As Suzie herself says:

We are hosting the Ultimate Valentine’s Day Blog Party on Sunday 14th February from 9.00am GMT till I fall asleep in the evening or The Bloke pry’s my iPad from my hands, with the radio request show from 2.00pm – 6.00pm.

Keep an eye on both their blogs for more information, it’s going to be epic!!

Till next time eejits, I need sleep!

Tips for Remaining Calm

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This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out

Tis the seas…oh feck off!

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You may have noticed that I have not posted in, well I don’t know for how long, but it feels like forever.

I wouldn’t even know how to explain the last couple of weeks, it’s been a veritable rollercoaster of ups and downs. There have been tantrums, mini bathroom floods, periods of silence and very little breaks in between.

The run up to Christmas has started and the Mothership is already on my case about writing Christmas cards despite the fact that November has not yet ended. It’s enough to give anyone a headache.

I think I must be the worst Christmas present buyer ever, I can never think of fun and ingenious things to buy anymore, once upon a time such things would have come naturally, but now it just feels like additional stress, something I do not need.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could just programme everyone’s traits into a big machine which would then spit out the perfect gift ideas for friends and family. Even better still, what about a personal shopper!

Up until now we’ve been relatively lucky weather wise as well, its been quite mild, albeit a little windy at times, nothing to do with my arse or brussel sprouts I promise. This weekend there is the threat of snow, a piece of news that had me all a tizzy. It means the official season for the DM boots might be starting, something that is sorely going to displease Alien Leg, she’s already been pitching a fit.

But hey ho, life goes on, there’s nothing else for it.

My pre Christmas New Years resolution…to write more, wish me luck.

What about you, how’s things been?

Grrrr!

I’m blogging on the train again, go me that’s twice in one month. Is it the same month? I dunno. Who cares.

Today was one of those days where I just had to get up and leave work because I was in fear of my ‘Are you fecking serious’ meter going unto hyperdrive and blowing the top clean off my heed. Thunderous looks and muttered ‘fucks’ were flying in all directions to an audience of myself, mainly because I’ve decided I’m the only one who listens. I can’t even use the PMT card, I’m just angry!

How many things does it take before someone actually breaks, because at this rate I’m going to break myself. I hate anxiety and worry, rotten little shits, always on my case they are.

I’m going home to sit down in a dark room and give myself a good talking to!

Thanks for reading, I feel better now :)

Settle Down

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If you read the tips pages on WordPress, they advise that you should never apologise for an absence, so I won’t, I shall simply start with hello again. That said, those of you who have followed me for a while are well used to my absences.

I didn’t write last week, I didn’t even read much. As far as weeks go, it was the worst one in a long time. There was so much going on and things were continually piling in on top of each other. The Mothership was stressed and seeing things under the table, and I was stressed wondering how I was going to extract a urine sample from her, whilst worrying about the fact she was seeing things under the table. I end up walking around with constant nausea because worry turns my stomach into a washing machine.

Imagine a day where you have a shadow and that shadow is constantly talking at you and getting irritated when you don’t understand. Imagine finishing all the housework and finally sitting down only for the door to open and the shadow to appear asking yet another question which means you have to get up cos you need to be shown what it relates to. To finally get to sleep at 4am to be woken the next morning to start the routine of dressing the shadow. I may turn to alcohol!

Work was just as bad, I’m finding it really stressful. I get up in the morning and feel nauseous because I have no idea what I am going in to. I leave work and feel nauseous because I have no idea what I am coming home to. I’m not sleeping which of course makes everything seem ten times worse than it actually is.

I broke down in work the other day and told my boss I was not cut out for the job and that I couldn’t do it. I hate to admit failure, but, that’s genuinely how I feel, my job is making me feel stupid, which in turn is giving my already low confidence a good boot in the balls. He was very nice about it, but he more than likely thinks I am a fruit loop. Ah well if the cap fits.

Phew, I feel better after writing all that and now I’ve left myself with nowhere to go. I really don’t want hugs or kind words or commiserations, I just needed to get that off my chest. With a few nights good sleep (hopefully) I’ll be dead on. Tell me a joke instead or something random that will make me smile!

Missed you lot.

(I deliberated about posting this, because I really do not want sympathy, if it’s this hard for me, imagine what it must me like for the Mothership, but I promised myself a while ago I would write the good and the bad and that’s what I need to do. Better out than in as the man says!)