Tips for Remaining Calm


This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out

51 thoughts on “Tips for Remaining Calm

  1. Oh my……well, sorry for the bad day, but glad to see you’re channeling it somewhere creative…..and this is very creative! I do wonder though if the slapping yourself can be nearly as fulfilling as slapping the object of your frustration…….hrumpf! Cheers, Juls…hang in there!


  2. I fear with each post we are more and more like each other lol I am also terrible at saying no. Particularly at work and with family! I can be asked to do something and I’m all “sure no problem, anything for you” when deep down I want to punch them in the face for not doing it themselves lol I may take a leaf out of your book… Slapping may leave marks brought into question about my home life… Sprouts give me terrible gas… Guess it’s the coffee route for me! Lol xXx


  3. I found this in the nick of time! Heading for a meltdown myself this week – and it’s only flippin Tuesday!!! My procrastination is catching up with me in one almighty meteor strike. But I’ve bought a new posh notebook and named my demons/.missions in my best handwriting at the top of each page. These are all good tips…but slap myself?????Can I not just eat a biscuit instead?? ;-)


    • You can, but if you are meant to be being good would you not have to slap yourself anyway for eating the biscuit?
      Love the new notebook idea. Have you ever seen the Happy Jackson ones? I got two at Christmas time, one says on the front ‘Really Serious Stuff’ and the other says ‘Random Crap’ lol Shame I can’t think of anything to write in the bloomin things lol


    • Good call, Judas Priest Painkiller was always a good one to belt out. My introduction to it was courtesy of Rockband the game. Learning that song made my fingers bleed lol
      I’m not doing to bad, how’s life your side of the pond?


  4. Sheesh, I could have used the Brussel sprout strategy today. How amazing that the humble Brussel sprout is such a “whole” food: gives one a good clean out whilst dispersing the toxic elements in close proximity. Love it :) Linda


  5. roflmbo —- now this is creative genius in the words, eh!

    Great ideas – to be considered for future dates …. but I shall skip on the Brussel Sprouts [BS] as they are the devil’s balls – no matter how they are cooked – and well – yuck. I’ll carefully consider alternate gas inducing break the wind of yer sails alternatives XD

    hugs to you Juls – hope you are feeling better :)


  6. This made me lol, especially the smiling and slapping. I slap myself mentally, while laughing hysterically :)


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