Thank Feck it’s Friday!

Yet another Friday dawns. The end of the working week and the start of the weekend, which sadly will most likely see me working too.

It’s been a mixed week this week, full of ups and downs, highs and lows and there’s still one full day to go, seeing as it’s only Friday morning.

My headaches have been back because I’m stressing myself out about how much I need to get done versus having very little free time to do it, and work has been hectic too, which hasn’t helped.

I haven’t written much of anything, mainly because I haven’t had the time, or after a busy working day I haven’t been able to shake my brain cells into positive action. When you don’t have that many you have to be protective of them!

I did however meet friends for dinner which is always good fun. Especially when one them was confused over a sweet side served with the duck owing to the fact she got her pancettas and panna cottas mixed up. In the end she opted for another dish. What an eejit!

~

It’s now 9 hours later and Friday is finally over, thank feck. I can honestly say I feel like I’ve been put through a wringer. I don’t quite know whether I’m blown up or stuffed! The legacy of freaky Fridays continue. It seems to be the day the weird, wonderful and wacky send queries my way. I can’t quite contain my happiness at the thought of having to do it all again on Monday!

There is still the shopping to do, oh joy, and the dinner to make, yipeee, and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep.

The sun is shining though, so that’s a plus, and we’re having pizza for tea which ticks another box, my favourite one, the I don’t have to put in too much effort option, so that’s all good too.

Now if I could just get the fairies to do my housework, we might be on to a winner with this weekend!

What’s your plans Eejits?

Tomorrow is a new day

Image from My Status 360

It’s probably a bad idea to write a blog post when you’re cross, and I am cross today. Its been another fun filled day in the office and I’ve completely fallen out with myself. About 45 minutes after going in, I wanted to turn on my heel and go back out, but I didn’t have the balls.

It’s fitting I suppose that I should feel like this, because I’ve finally stopped wondering what I am going to do with my blog. After much pondering, humming and haaahing I’ve decided I’m going to do nothing. Nothing drastic anyway.

This blog is important for me, especially on days like today where I need to stop, sit down and have a serious fucking think about where my life is going.

You see if it wasn’t for this space and it’s blank pages, I probably wouldn’t talk about the veritable storm that goes on between my ears. Instead I’d dwell, ponder and make mountains out of molehills. More so than I do normally.

I’m not the same person I was four years ago when I started this blog and it’s unlikely that I ever will be again, so I need to stop pretending to be someone I am not and embrace who I am becoming instead.

In order to do that I need to be able to write everything and about all parts of me. When I started blogging and chose to be anonymous, things were a lot easier, but when people from real life started to find out my words became stifled. So much so that despite the fact that my mind was awash with ideas, many posts remained in my head unwritten.

In reality I like to think that sometimes I can be funny, but I am hounded by anxiety and I have no doubt that often times depression nips at my heels. So I suppose in essence that means there are two sides to me, on one hand we have the public persona and on the other we have the private one. Although both are very different, when they are put together they make up the person I am.

I need and want to be able to express myself on this blog, and going forward that is something I am going to try to do. I don’t need anyone to worry about me. I find writing extremely therapeutic, it helps me to put things into perspective and sort them out. I don’t write for sympathy and nor do I want sympathy. I’m not the only person in the world with problems and this wonderful community proves that. We work and we support each other and for me that is the real beauty behind blogging.

So, you’re stuck with me for a while longer. I’ve decided to take you on my journey of discovery. It’s all about finding out who I am, what’s going on in that wonky top box of mine and how I sort it out.

Some days there will be tears and some days there will be laughter, but that’s all part of life isn’t it, we have to take the good with the bad.

Thank you so much for being here for the last however many years, months or days you have followed, I have no doubt I have received more from this community than I have given and I feel truly blessed to be a part of it.

To celebrate and as a present to myself, I finally mapped my domain name, I doubt you will have noticed, but it’s just something small that makes things a little more permanent for me.

Also, excluding social media followers, one of my goals was always to reach 1000 followers on WordPress itself. At the time of writing this post there are 998. I’ve decided that’s good enough because in life I am never really quite where I want to be, but it doesn’t stop me trying anyway.

Just over four years ago I had nothing, just some words on a page and no followers. Now I am a part of something I love, and I hope that continues for a long time.

P.s I’m not cross any more :)

Mid Week Musings

Normally I am not a fan of the sunshine, but today it feels nice.

I’ve been feeling rubbish this last few days, it resulted in me being sent home sick on Friday, in fact being driven home. The whole corridor hearing me huey was definitely not a highlight of my career and not something I’d like to repeat either. Those toilets are very fecking low.

Aside from the vomiting there was this overwhelming sense of tiredness. I got into bed on Friday and slept away the whole day. Clearly I needed it, but man I was pissed, I had so many things I wanted to do at the weekend. As a consequence nothing got done, but hey shit happens, literally.

Lamenting my lost weekend I returned to work yesterday. It was fine once I got over the initial anxiety of returning.

It’s hard to believe that in just a few short weeks Summer will be over and the kids will be returning to school. It’s been so busy in work I hardly saw the time pass and virtually no days off has meant there has been very little merriment as well. Look at me pretending I’m all exciting and stuff.

I like September and getting out and about while it’s still relatively nice but the roads are perhaps not as busy. I’ll have to try and talk the Fathership into some adventures.

For now though it’s about knuckling down and getting things finished. It’s going to mean the loss of a few more weekends but it needs to be done. I can’t wait until my new work colleague is able to cover for a couple of days so I can avail of some leave, she managed great when I was sick so we’re on the right track.

I’m still thinking about the blog and what I’m going to do with it. I’ve read a few posts this week from people who have, for one reason or another, decided to call time on their blogs. I wonder sometimes if it is a stage we all go through, where what we started no longer becomes fit for purpose. I love my blog, but I’m not the same person I was 4 years ago when I began.

Each day I worry that there are not enough ideas in my wonky top box to keep me going, but somehow I still manage to make posts, so I guess that’s something right!?

Well my stop is next, unbeknownst to you, you were on my journey to work with me, that said you’ll not be reading this until my journey home, which is when I will have time to badly proof read and publish it.

I hope your day was a good one Eejits :)

Weekend Wonderings

I seem to go through little periods of thinking. I shouldn’t think, it’s bad for me.

Every now and then I will question my need for this blog or where I fit into the so called blogsphere. I don’t have a niche as such, I’m more a bits and pieces of everything.

When starting I suppose my intention was to be a humour blog, but then life changed and all the humour kinda got sucked out of it and me. I’d still like to think I am marginally funny, or at least working my way back to that point. But as a wise man once said, self praise is no recommendation.

I think I have changed since I started writing way back in 2013, I’m not sure if it is for the better. Somewhere along the line while looking for someone to adult I realised that it was actually me, I was supposed to be the adult, well that was a steep learning curve I tell ya. Someone needs to write one of those yellow books entitled ‘The Idiots Guide to Adulting’. I could certainly have made use of it.

I did grow up, I dealt with seriously injuring my leg, which led to my first ever surgery, followed by becoming  a carer, followed by perhaps a little depression and a whole host of anxiety from these past events. Through counselling I realised I was an introvert and that I more than likely have mild social anxiety issues. People keep telling me I need to push through and force myself to do more, but for me that’s like standing at the edge of a boiling cauldron with everyone urging me to jump. Why can it not be enough for people that I am trying!

What does that mean for this blog, does it mean that I have outgrown it and is it time to give up and move on, or does it mean that I just let it evolve with me and see where the journey takes us both.

I want people to read what I write because they are genuinely interested in what I have to say. But I also want them to understand that I am geeky and awkward and not always sure of how to reply to the awesome comments that are left.  I want to write whatever my wonky little brain desires without people worrying I am going to fall off the edge of the earth.

I’ve been enjoying doing some of the fiction challenges, they make me think, but in a good way. They challenge me to hone my writing skills and they give me something else to focus on other than the inside of this rut I seem to find myself in.

When do you realise that enough is enough? When do you realise that it is time to move on, or when do you stop building barriers for yourself and just get on with the job at hand. I tell myself that likes and follows don’t matter and I mean that, but the interaction does. I love this community and I would miss it.

So I stay, but I don’t really evolve. I wonder if six months down the line people would even remember who I was. Perhaps they would say, you must remember her, you know, the weird girl from Ireland with the ginger hair. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t find that offensive, I quite like being weird :)

Perhaps one day I will eventually figure out who I am. Then I can figure out what here is. And we can all live happily ever after.

Until then I guess I just continue to be happy, be weird and be an eejit!

Think Before You Speak, Before a Beautician

Image by World Skills Team Uk

So I need to tell you a story, I’m just not exactly sure how I am going to manage it, because I know it’s going to sound way better when told than written, but bear with me and I will do the best I can.

I’ve never been a girly girl, in fact when I was younger I was a downright tomboy. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve worn a dress (childhood excluded, I had no choice!!) and when I was forced into my new job as a personal secretary I was distraught at the thought I might have to wear a skirt everyday. Thankfully I have very understanding bosses who were content with me continuing to wear jeans as long as the top half looked semi presentable.

I rarely wear make up, but I can assure you I do shower everyday just in case any of you are thinking I am a total lost cause. Anyway, there is a point to all this, I promise. Sometimes where beauty is concerned a tomboy like myself will require external help, or if things are really bad perhaps divine intervention. Take for example my eyebrows, when they start to affect my vision then I know that it is time for a visit to the beautician. So I asked my friend could I tag along next time she was going and because she loves me, or is an eejit, she said I could.

Now you have to understand I know the beautician, albeit that I had not seen her for a very long time. She’s the daughter of the lady who cuts my hair and who also came to cut Mum’s every week before she passed away. So on arrival there are the usual pleasantries, haven’t seen you in ages and that kind of thing and we wait until it is our time to be seen.

Our time arrives and my friend and I go into the little room and at this point I’m feeling particularly brave, so I go first. First up is the dying of the eyelashes, piece of cake, next comes the waxing of the eyebrows, holy feck I think I’m going to die. This girl is good at her job, I mean really good, and I thought I had a good tolerance for pain, but clearly it doesn’t extend to above my neck. You’d need a face made of leather to not feel that shit! The pain is worth it though when she holds the mirror up and through your tears you catch sight of the perfectly poised brows that have replaced the caterpillars that used to reside there.

Next it’s my friends turn and clearly she has a face made of leather cos it does not fizz on her at all.

So while all this is going on I am sitting in the corner secretly distraught at the fact that I’ve made an arse of myself , being such a wimp where the old waxing was concerned. Anyway the front door opens and shuts and this girl walks up the corridor and I am convinced it’s one of my cousins, of which there are four sisters. So I said to the beautician is that Caroline (the name of one of my cousins) and she says no, that’s Christine (which is also a name of one of the four cousins) and I said, oh Christine Smith and she said yes. So thinking I’m being really funny I shout at the top of my voice ‘Oi Christine’ and there is silence, so I shout it again, only louder this time and from the other room comes this wee voice saying ‘Who me? and I shouts ‘Yes you, get your arse in here, NOW!’ extremely gruffly.

So here I am in the corner sniggering away and this girl puts her heard through the door and I look at her kinda stupid looking and she looks at me kinda WTF looking and then she looks at the beautician and then she looks at my friend and no one says a word. Eventually my friend breaks the silence, because what feels like 3 hours has passed and no one has said anything and directing her question at me my friend asks ‘Do you know this girl?’

It was one of those moments where I wished the ground would open up and swallow me because I had to say, now rather sheepishly might I add, ‘Actually, I don’t’. At that point everyone, including the girl who although she had the same name, was clearly not my cousin started to laugh. The problem was, they were not laughing with me, they were laughing at me and now my whole face matched the belisha beacon red of my previously tortured eyebrows.

Thankfully everyone saw the funny side of the whole incident and I was fine too, once the anxiety attack passed.

I get the distinct impression though that my friend will never let me tag along again!

~

Please note, for the purpose of this post the names of my cousins were changed to protect their identity. I have a feeling that they wouldn’t want to be associated with me either.
In my defence though, through my half opened, tear stained eyes, the doppelgänger as well as having the same name did look quite similar to my cousin.

 

I am Four!

It was pretty amazing for me when I made it to the end of one year of blogging, even more amazing that I managed to survive another couple of years despite what was going on in my life. Now, I am four, who would have thought, certainly not me!

While I might not have written my very first post until the 31st March 2013, I had registered the name, which at that time was ‘The Geeky G4mer’. Even in that very first post, I made excuses which paved the way for me more than likely giving up on this new fad, but I didn’t, I am still here.

The last four years have been pretty rough, some of it will be documented on this blog and some of it on others, where I shared my experiences of being a carer for someone with Dementia. Writing from the heart wasn’t always pretty, hence my decision to keep those posts away from here. It didn’t really matter where I wrote, as long as I did, because on many days that was my saving grace, the thing that kept me going.

Had life not intervened the way it did I may have been a blogging superstar by now, these days there are people in the same position as me who have been blogging for only six months, or perhaps even less. I’m quite content to not be a superstar, it’s hard enough being me sometimes. That fame malarky is definitely not the road for an introvert to travel.

I am not, nor will I ever be a magnificent writer, I simply want to entertain and write about life, which can be hard sometimes, because it’s far from perfect despite what some people would have us believe. The difference is the way that people deal with the cards that they have been dealt and every day here, I see examples of people who despite what they hide still manage to put a smile on their faces and carry on regardless with the intention of putting a smile on ours.

Stepping into both blogging and the WordPress community can be daunting at first, but for those of you who are new, my advice would be never give up. Hold on to what you believe in and most importantly never lose sight of why you started your blog. Write for yourself and no one else, the rest will come with time. Open yourself up to this amazing community, there is nowhere else that you will find such a diverse bunch of people who probably shouldn’t work but do. There is always someone to help, comfort, teach and guide, you just have to interact and ask, never be afraid, we have all been where you are now.

In the last four years I have written 500 posts, quite fitting that this should be number 501. I have 1,220 followers, my page has seen 21, 069 visitors with 43, 941 views. There have been 9, 312 comments, with some still pending. That’s amazing, and I am extremely grateful for every follow, like and person who has stopped by whether they commented or not. But for me, what is more important are the people I have met, the friends I have made and the posts I have read that have made me smile, laugh, cry and remember that I am not alone in this world. More importantly it has reminded me I am loved and despite the fact that I am not a magnificent writer, I have things to say that people want to read.

I am four, but only because you all helped me. Thank you, words can never express how grateful I am to have had you all at my side.

Here’s to another 365 days of blogging! Happy blog anniversary to us.

Getting to know me

I’ve seen the ‘Get to know me’ type challenge doing the rounds for a while now, but never really paid much attention. I’m not usually a fan of tag type prompts / awards, mainly because way back when I first started I had a few issues with Akismet thinking I was a pain in the arse robot or something else sinister. If you’re interested you can read why I choose to be an Award free blog here.

It’s interesting that I should choose to pick this up and complete it now, but after the last four years I too am trying to get to know myself. So I thought I would share.

There are a set list of questions which I will answer, however I have left out the part where you are supposed to tag others. It’s an interesting little exercise so if you think you might like to join in, please feel free to do so.

1. Who are you named after?

No one is the short answer. I used to be miffed because most of the ladies in my immediate family had ‘Elizabeth’ in their name and I didn’t, I’m just some randomer. I did ask the Fathership once if he knew why I was named Julie, but even he can’t remember. Shall we just go with the I’m unique line?

2. Do you like your handwriting?

Sometimes. Others say they like it and would class me as a very neat writer, I think it’s a bit all over the place. I can easily waste three or four pages in a book writing and re-writing until I am happy with the final result.

3. What is your favourite lunch meat?

Hmmm, that’s tricky and I’m not sure I could narrow it down to just one, so lets go for chicken, with a salad, or bacon with toast and a poached egg! Vegetarians please look away, but I do like Ox tongue too with salad, which everyone else thinks is gross!

4. Longest relationship?

That’s a hard one to answer when it was on and off over a large number of years. Condensed it probably wasn’t that long.

Without doubt the most difficult relationship I have had is the one with myself, that one I am still working on.

5. Do you still have your tonsils?

Why yes, yes I do

6. Would you bungee jump?

Hell no. Let me be more specific as to the reasons why. The main reason is black eyes from the potential bounce back from the boo……you get the idea. Secondly, my dodgy knees would probably just come apart, now wouldn’t that be a shock for those left on the platform, my DM boots hitting them in the kisser.

7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Generally yes, as I tend to wear boots a lot. Converse and the like probably not so much, those just get prised off with the toe to heel manoeuvre.

8. Favourite Ice Cream?

Chocolate, with Malteasers pushed down into the middle of it. Chop Pop if we’re going for the lolly variety :)

9. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Generally their footwear, being an introvert anything above the ankle is usually out of bounds if I don’t know then. Other than that, it would be if they wear a smile.

10. Football or baseball?

Neither. If you were forcing me to watch a sport it would most likely be rugby, there is something quite appealing about that game, or at least the men that play it ;)

11. What colour pants are you wearing?

Now is this UK ‘pants’ or American ‘pants’ because believe me they are two very different things. I’m going to guess that you’re not being rude and do in fact mean trousers. They are grey and black with Animal from The Muppets all over then. Don’t judge, it’s is a Sunday, the day for lounge wear.

12. Last thing you ate?

Please refer to question 8, it was a Chop Pop. Don’t tell my Doctor though, I’m supposed to be cutting down!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

Oh black all the way. That’s just the kinda girl I am.

14. Favourite smell?

It’s not my bottom burps that’s for sure. Let’s go for freshly cut grass or clean linen.

15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

I prefer texting! But it was probably the Fathership.

16. Hair colour?

Strawberry Blond / light brown / gingerishly going grey probably.

17. Eye Colour?

Blue, but this week people tried to tell me they were green. So many in fact that I was starting to think I had been wrong all my life. But no, I checked, they are blue!

18. Favourite foods to eat?

At the minute Spring rolls from my local take away, oh they are sooooo good. That said, you just can’t beat a chicken dinner with all the trimmings.

19. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings. Scary movies do bad things to my blood pressure and sleep pattern. I’m of a certain age now though that even happy endings usually require tissues on standby.

20. Last movie you watched?

Miss Perigrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. It wasn’t as good as I thought it would be, but I still loved it.

21. Favourite holiday?

I haven’t had one in the last 20 years so I don’t know. My memory is shocking. Edinburgh was always one of my favourite places to go, so I shall say that. The Fathership and I are hoping to go for a weekend at some point this year.

22. Beer or Wine?

Neither, I’m not a drinker. Coffee or water are my two main drinks these days.

23. Night owl or early bird?

Night owl, although the older I get there is less of a gap between the two. Sometimes I want to go back to bed about 10 minutes after waking up :)

24. Favourite day of the week?

Probably Sunday. Saturday is reserved for housework, Sunday is the day I actually try and not have to do very much at all, even though that rarely happens.

Did I cover everything? If not and there is still something you would like to know, then please ask? Within reason though, not even I can tell you next weeks winning lottery numbers.

 


If you would like to participate yourself, here is a list of the questions that you can copy and paste.

1. Who are you named after?
2. Do you like your handwriting?
3. What is your favourite lunch meat?
4. Longest relationship?
5. Do you still have your tonsils?
6. Would you bungee jump?
7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
8. Favorite ice cream?
9. What is the first thing you notice about people?
10. Football or baseball?
11. What color pants are you wearing?
12. Last thing you ate?
13. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
14. Favorite smell?
15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
16. Hair color?
17. Eye color?
18. Favorite foods to eat?
19. Scary movies or happy endings?
20. Last movie you watched?
21. Favorite holiday?
22. Beer or wine?
23. Night owl or early bird?
24. Favourite day of the week?

Another effing update!

I’m thinking of changing the tag line on my blog, that’s if I even have one. It’s going to say ‘The blog of Updates’ because of late that is pretty much all I have managed. I want to change that, that said, what I want and what I do are usually very different things.

Thanks to everyone who has enquired about my Mum, it’s been a very weird time. Two weeks ago give or take a few days, she got sectioned, primarily we think because of her refusal to eat and drink. She’s now in a dedicated Dementia ward where they are trying to work through her issues and use medication to try and give her some sort of peace. She is not being compliant and is starting to kick off with them they way she did in the house and basically not eating or drinking very much at all. It’s really hard to watch and emotionally I have to be honest and say I am finding it very difficult. There are endless processes and procedures to be followed and a steady supply of forms that need completed and all I want to do is crawl into bed and not surface again until everything has been sorted out.

I’m very lucky that work have been understanding and I am hoping that my first session of counselling comes through soon because I feel I really need it. My anxiety has been really bad and despite using some of the techniques I have had success with before, it is not easing any. I need someone else to pick me apart and then tell my how to rebuild myself, installing coping mechanisms as I go.

I know the Fathership has been finding all of this hard too. I worry about him and I have no doubt he worries about me and my Sister. All three of us worry about the Mothership. There have been tears, very many tears, usually mine it has to be said.

I think going forward I probably might not write about this any more, not here anyway. I need a distraction and something else to focus on. I used to say that time was my enemy and when the Mothership was here that was certainly the case as there was not enough of it. Now however, even though I still need to cook and clean and do all the things I did before, I do have more time and yet still I have not been able to write, so perhaps the problem was me all along. I’m like a fence, I need to get over myself.

The intention would be to write more, I just have no idea what it is I am going to write about, but then again do I ever. Waffling seems to be one of my better traits.

I hope you have all been well, feel free to let me know what’s been happening! :)

Remember Me!

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I sort of feel like I need to provide an explanation with regards to my absence, when in reality I probably don’t. Even I was caught a little off guard this time when WordPress informed me it had been 23 days since my last post. I’d love to tell you I have been having a whale of a time, but why sugar coat it, things have been pretty shit to be honest, there is just no any other way to say it.

This whole Dementia thing is proving really stressful. We’ve had the worst month ever due to tantrums, constant crying, hospital visits, in fact you name it and we’ve probably dealt with it.

It’s becoming apparent that 9 out of 10 times I am the only person on the Motherships radar meaning she will essentially ignore everyone else and come to me for assistance. It’s like having a shadow and it’s exhausting. She leaves me with virtually no free time at all until I eventually put her to bed. I wanted to write last night but I was so tired I was unable to string a sentence together.

So that’s where I have been, every night I come home from work and step into the cocoon of caring that is so intense it almost makes you forget there is a world outside. Returning to work on a Monday after a weekend spent here feels like I’ve been away for a month, not two days and I am less than rested. As much as I dread work sometimes, I am glad of the escape.

Things are happening though, there is talk of Carers coming in to assist and a mild tablet that will hopefully bring calm, but we are doubtful it will make any difference and we certainly cannot tell the Mothership for fear of a reaction of explosive proportions. We will just have to wait and see. My Sister has been down every weekend which has been great and taken the pressure off.

But still, I am living on my nerves, and they are frazzled!

Apart from that there is nothing, not a fecking thing can I tell you that will in anyway entertain or amuse you. I just wanted to update you.

I read when I can and comment when I can, but less than perfect WiFi on my train journeys is a bit of a hindrance. Just know I am still alive and well and usually around somewhere :)

I am three!

It’s true, I am three, well not me, my blog, but you knew that anyway right!?

On each of my previous birthdays, namely my first and second I commented on how amazed I was that I had made it this far and yet here I am still, that is remarkable indeed, because in the grand scheme of things I usually give up on things that I consider to be a fad, and back in the early days I foolishly thought that was what this was. How wrong was I.

In the course of three years I have amassed 1004 followers, most of whom I hope are real, written 465 posts which have been viewed 34, 428 times and there have been over 18, 000 visitors who have commented over 8000 times. Not bad for a lass from the back of beyond with pretty much nothing between her ears. Clearly you people don’t get out enough.

Just this week during a conversation someone asked me what my blog was about, I gave that some thought, in fact I gave it quite a lot of thought and still could not come up with an answer. I don’t believe there is one thing that defines my little place here, but I hope if there is, it’s laughter. Even in the midst of all the crap that goes on around me I try to laugh, because honestly if I didn’t I’d cry.

Even though I don’t have the same amount of time now that I did when I first started the blog, it remains something I want to try and keep making time for. I feel truly blessed because I have gained so many things, new friends, who I believe will be friends for a life, a larger and more diverse music collection, people who understand just how difficult life can be sometimes and forgive you when you’re not around. There’s also Steve’s radio show which has fast become the highlight of my Saturday night. It’s all the small things that help me make it through.

Sometimes I think about giving up, because words fail me. I want to write, but on certain days there is just nothing to say. On those days I read and I remember that if I were not here I would no longer be part of this community that I have grown to love and consider myself very fortunate to be a part of.

When I was two I finished my post on the following line, and as it is still apt today I want to use it again. Simply put it was a comment on the the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!