We are living in strange times, well, we have been saying that for over two years now. With covid, the world had to adjust to a new way of living, is adjusting to a new way of living, and perhaps we hoped that for a little while at least this was the worst that was to come. It wasn’t.
Silence on my part does not mean I have nothing to say, I have plenty of thoughts and feelings about how things are in the world at the moment, I just cannot find the words to express it. I am not qualified to speak on subjects I know nothing about, I never liked politics or understood the many complexities of how countries interact with each other, but I feel the human effects of it in my heart. I feel for all those people.
My anxiety has been at an all time high, that’s the strange thing I find about it sometimes, while it’s a very personal experience, more often than not my spikes are caused by worry for others, usually things I cannot control. I stopped watching the news, I had to, it was feeding my anxiety and I was letting it consume me. I didn’t stop because I don’t care, I stopped because I do care and it was affecting my mental health. I need to be able to exist, I have other people to look after besides myself. I still look sometimes though, scanning the text for glimmers of hope, but I am not sure what to look for.
That’s the thing isn’t it, I can still exist, and yet that is a something that is being denied to other people.
There are no words.