My week summed up!


Full of problems that were just to difficult for my poor little brain to solve.

Uncontrollable emotions – by Friday I lost my shit and had a mini meltdown.

Celebrating the fact that it was the weekend only to wake up on Saturday at 5.30am and feel like shit that just slid off a shovel.

Kicking ass in work on Friday night for the 2 hours it took to wait for the next train to arrive after I missed the first one. Cleaner inbox = slight smile on face, until I go back on Monday and it’s just as bad as ever.

Superior people who tell you to let them finish while not letting you get your point across at all!

Assholes – see above.

Keeping myself from slamming down the phone and walking out, which believe me was what I really wanted to do. Previous 2 points refer.

Exciting – The thought of going back to work on Monday and yes, that is sarcasm!

Look carefully – can you crack the code :)



Something you want to know?


While writing a post a while ago, who knows which one, I made a comment about being able to get to know people just by what they write on their blog. By picking up all the little snippits of information we are able to build a picture, whether it be the right one or the wrong one. At that time I realised that I don’t share an awful lot of information about myself, well certainly not that I am aware of. There are certain aspects of my life that I will always keep secret, like the village in which I live for example, I already have one someone who follows me around the house, I certainly don’t need anyone else, besides my farts stink, you’d have to be extremely brave.

That’s just one example, but obviously there are things that none of us would want to share in a public forum, I’m not exciting enough to have secrets, lies or hidden video tapes…mores the pity. That said, there may be things you are curious about and always wanted to ask but didn’t like to. There may also be nothing and I am more of an open book than I think I am.

I mulled over this idea for a while and mentioned it to a couple of other people, and while having a commenting conversation last night with Michael from Morpethroad he reminded me of it again when he told me he had learned something new about me. So with that in mind, I’m going to give you the opportunity to ask me any question you like, within reason of course, and bearing in mind some of my family members read this.

Was there something you were curious about? Something random you want to know? Well then now is a good opportunity to ask. I’m not sure whether to answer in the comments or make a post of the replies, I guess it depends how many people are nosey….erm  of course I meant curious. It’ll probably be the comments.

Over to you…..if you can be arsed.


Ralph – If you are reading this, I am stepping away from my duties as an international women of mystery for one day. Still no photo though, unless you follow me on Facebook :)

Success – I’ve scheduled this post, so if you’re reading this I did it correctly! Woohoo the Eejit learns new tricks!

Michael – Until the time of writing this post I believed your blog was called Morph the Road, what an eejit eh, apparently my eyes and brain do not work in harmony. Doh!!

Bloody Computers!

Laptop Overload - Smiffer

I got a new computer. I really needed it, mine, bless it’s little cotton socks was starting the slow decline to …… actually it was just slow. It had got to the stage where I had to turn it on (hey big boy, wanna have some fun…) before I went to the shower so it would be alive and kicking by the time I got back. I can’t complain however, we’ve been together just over 6 years and managed fine bar a few little hiccups.

I’ve been looking for ages, but being the indecisive eejit that I am, I never committed to anything, always holding off in case something better came along, which it never did.

Last week I saw that a large retailer of all things technological was having an after Christmas sale which had a PC with the spec I wanted at a fairly decent price. I know at this point you’re (Lee) screaming, why a PC and not a laptop, well that’s a whole other kettle of fish for a different day.

So the Fathership and I headed out on my day off last Tuesday to go and visit said large retailer of all things technological with the intention of purchasing the PC. I’m the brains to operate the machine, the Fathership is the bankroll, it is after all what I use to do his bookwork on, the blogging in between is our little secret ;)

So we walk in and this gentleman comes over and asks what we’re interested in and I point to the PC. He asked me what I’m going to use it for and I felt like telling him it was none of his business, but I said bookwork, surfing the web etc and he then says let me call someone else over. So this wee lad, which is a Northern Irish saying for someone who can’t manage to pull their pants all the way up, comes over and again asks me what I’m going to use it for, to which I repeated my previous answer. He then tells me that I don’t need a computer of that spec and that something less will do. I was getting right royally pissed off at this stage, even more so when he says and you need to get a recovery disc created, it’s usually £60 but we’ll do it for £45, but you’ll have to leave the PC with us and collect it tomorrow. He then continues on about how with Windows 10 it’s changed and it has to be done by specialists etc. I’m thinking I’m pretty sure I know how to do it, but he’s making me doubt myself.


So I asked him, as calmly as I could manage at this point if I could do what was required myself and he informed me that with the introduction of Windows 10 everything was different now and software was needed to extract the information. So I a little less calmly told him that this was something that they should perhaps say on their website as it might have stopped me driving the 25 miles just to find out about this extra cost.

Why was I annoyed, mainly because I had finally made a decision about something and this little dork was trying to talk me out of it. He again mentioned a PC of a lesser spec and said it would do and I said but you don’t have any, they cost the same as this one which is better spec.  I then informed him that he had succeeded in putting me off and that I would have to think about it as I marched off, well as much as my alien leg would allow.

On the way out we were stopped by the original guy who had spoken to us and he asked if we were any further on and I informed him that no we were not, his assistant had only served to put me off my purchase. I mentioned the recovery disc and said I was fairly sure I could manage it myself to which he replied in an extremely arrogant tone well if you think you’re smart enough to do it there is no problem is there, and then to add insult to injury tried to sell me the fecking care plan as well. You have to believe me when I say I am not big on violence, but I wanted to head butt his smug face right at that very second. Instead I left loudly proclaiming that if I was a mystery shopper I would fail this store for losing sales.

I was raging and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not the best at speaking out in those situations, so that lets you know how bad it must have been.

Fast forward to Sunday and an alternative PC I had been looking at, cheaper and less spec disappeared from the other website I was watching and after assistance from my friends and further negotiation with the Fathership we decided to go and get the damn PC after all. This time however we went to a different store. We walked up to the counter and ordered it, the girl asked if we would like extended warranty to be on the safe side to which we replied no. She went to collect the PC and the Fathership told me to ask her about the recovery disc just out of curiosity. She came back and we paid and as we’re leaving I happened to mention about the recovery disc, no problem she says, when you set up the PC it will give you the option, just put in a memory stick and create one yourself.

We left, I looked at the Fathership and the Fathership looked at me and we both just shrugged our shoulders. He knows nothing about PC’s, but he even he realised that the difference between the two shops was like night and day. Clearly the first one was only concerned about his commission.

Now however a new kind of stress begins as I try to back everything up and swap over. I can’t wait to be able to have more than 3 pages open with music playing in the background, I just can’t be arsed with this middle bit.

With me luck!

Tips for Remaining Calm


This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out

Smiling Gratitude – Week One


Two of the blogs I follow have come up with interesting ideas to help make us all feel a little happier in the New Year.

My good friend over at A Prompt Reply has started 52 Weeks of Gratitude and Trent over at Trent’s World has started Weekly Smile. Now I’m not saying I’ll be able to participate in both of these regularly, because we all know I suck at being regular, but I think that sometimes in the midst of the mire it’s not a bad idea to sit down and remember that there are good times.

Seeing as these two challenges are similar in design and I am strapped for time….busy…ok, lazy, I though I would scrunch them together under the heading Smiling Gratitude.

So what am I grateful for this week I hear you ask, well that’s simple, Blog Friends.

If I had never decided to start a blog (Yes yes Paul, thank you once again, I know you forced me into it!) I would never have met so many wonderful people.

Where else in the world would you get a community who just is, exists, and manages to do so without killing each other (that I know of anyway). Free advice, support, hugs and love come as standard and if you need an extensive knowledge base to question, well look no further.

They say you get what you give, but here, even on days when you have nothing to offer you still receive and are welcomed home with open arms after long absences.

There is comedy, drama, music, and entertainment a plenty.

This week I smile with an attitude of gratitude for all the friends I have met through the wonderful world of WordPress.

Stats just the way it is!


I hardly ever read my Stats anymore, I mean come on, when I don’t post as often as I used to what do I expect. It long ceased being about the views etc for me, as I’ve said many times before, it’s now all about the community.

I’ve been absent on and off a lot this year, Here There Be Spiders touched loosely on this in  one of her comments to me saying “I know when I get overwhelmed the blog is one of the first things to suffer – but when I do post, it helps so much!” She is 100% correct in what she says, I am exactly the same way, it’s just one more thing to have to deal with, so it gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

The other night I was wrought with anxiety, so much so it was making me feel sick, what can I say, it’s a been a rocky few weeks in the Eejit household, with more to come. One thing I am learning about Dementia is that it cannot be trusted, it’s a sneaky little fecker. Never, ever think that your day is going ok, because when you do and your guard is down, the little git sucker punches you. Anyway, back to my story. I paced the train platform, finally boarding when it arrived, and sat down for the beginning of my journey home. I flicked up the reader, something I hadn’t done in a while. With every post I read I felt my anxiety lift just a little, because reading about the goings on of everyone else took my mind off my own. I realised then how much I missed it, the blogging, the interaction, everything, it was like someone had give me a hug.

So I know you think I’m getting off course here, seeing as how I started this post about my blogs Statistical endeavors. I, like everyone else received the WordPress e-mail about my progress in 2015. Out of everything, the only thing that stood out to me was the fact that I had only written 88 posts throughout the whole of the year. To me, that’s a clear indication of my dwindling free time.

Here’s how it stacks up:

2013 – Birth year (March 2013) – 201 published posts -granted they were mostly shite, but still, not a bad effort.

2014 – 163 published posts – there may have been some readable ones in there if I was lucky.

2015 – 88 – That’s shocking, although perhaps I can console myself with the fact that it was more about quality than quantity? That’s my excuse anyway.

I’m still not going to make resolutions, seriously, I suck at those, but I know for certain I’m going to try really hard to write more than 88 posts this year. I’m going to be really forward thinking and try for 89, anything after that is a bonus!

I need to try and be a little more organised and perhaps make more use of the drafts and scheduler so that I can hide away little posts for the days when my brain is mush. I need to try and read more, interact more and just be here more. Not because I think you lot can’t live without me, but because I don’t think I can live without you.

As usual I am making no promises, I have long ago given up trying to figure out what this life has in store for me. I just have to keep on keeping on like everyone else.

I’ll keep being me if you promise to keep being you. ‘Stats’ all anyone can ask of us :)


It’s a New Year!


Happy New Year to you Eejits, 2016 is here. For some strange reason I could not find any New Year cartoons on Bitstrips, so I picked the one above, mainly because I liked it, but also because it reminded me of the Sound of Music which I was belting out at the top of my voice yesterday. Yep, you know that rain, it was probably my fault.

You might be fooled into thinking this is me merrily skipping though meadows, technically I am, but it’s more like a running away kinda thing than merrily skipping. Please note my invisible suitcases, one carries my Xbox and the other all the stationary I got for Christmas, and no before you ask, I didn’t forget about the penguins, they are all in the imaginary rucksack or should that be knapsack on my back.

If the last two weeks are anything to go by, then there is going to be very little ‘happy’ about this new year.

Normally I’ll write a post on New Years Eve, this year I just couldn’t do it, my mind was occupied with other things and being trampled with anxiety. I tried again yesterday, nope, nothing, same as they day before, so I did housework instead.

I’d love to sit here and tell you about all the amazing and wonderful things I would like to achieve in 2016, but you know what, it’s pointless, I need to start being realistic and stop living with my head in the clouds, because no matter what I think, life is just not the same anymore. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost myself, because I’ve become bogged down in all the things I need to do for everyone else.

In 2016 I will be happy enough to exist. I hope there are more good days than bad and that I can still find reasons to smile. I hope to be able to continue blogging, despite the fact that when my head is mush I find it hard to formulate sentences. I hope to meet more new people and some of the old ones face to face. I hope to shed a few pounds, but then again I say that every year and it’s usually only achievable by throwing some butter out the back door. Perhaps if I aim small, I will achieve the impossible.

2015 wasn’t a bad year, there was much to be grateful for, but it’s doubtful I could have got through it at all if it had not been for all of you and this platform. Writing really is good for the soul.

Thank you for being here and sticking with me even though I have not been around much. I hope to rectify that in 2016, but I’m making no promises. I have no idea what I will write about, but hopefully, somewhere along the line there will be laughter. If nothing else, that’s one thing we are good at!

Much love to you all and here’s to 2016, the year of achieving the impossible :)

That Didn’t Work!

So umm yeah, the whole writing more thing worked out well didn’t it. With those few days off over Christmas you might have thought I would have been all over it like a rash, that’s what I thought too, but sadly, it was not to be.

There was TV, Xbox, Penguins and M&M’s. There was no writing. There was turkey, brussel sprouts and Pavlova, but still there was no writing. Wait, hang on a second, let me back up here:

Happy Christmas!!

I know it’s belated and I know that technically Christmas is over, but I’m perhaps hoping you’re too drunk to realise or if you’re not, then Happy New Year, or whatever it is that comes next in your calendar. I hope you all had / have a very enjoyable holiday season.

This is the week where I need to start planning for my New Year resolutions. I’m not sure I made any last year, but I’m pretty sure that if I did, they were all broken withing two months, if even that long.

I’m going to think on it a few days and then perhaps come back and update you with my findings, you do realise though that that could be any time between now and next Christmas. I do however know that for the sake of my sanity I need to get back to some king of regular reading and writing on here. I’m going to try to make that happen.

I was well and truly spoiled this year present ways, all my friends and family know me so well, I have enough stationary to start a small shop, and that’s just the way I like it. All I need to think  of now is some marvelously astounding and amazing ideas to write in all my new notebooks.

Here’s to the last few days of 2015, I cannot thank you enough for keeping me company throughout this year. Here’s to may more of them and for taking with us the memories of those who are no longer with us, gone but not forgotten.

Till next time eejits, keep your bells a jingling!

A touching post…

 1. arousing feelings of sympathy or gratitude.

I’ve written many different kinds of posts, happy ones, sad ones, frustrated ones and angry ones to name but a few. I don’t however think I have written too many touching ones, so I think it is time I address that issue.

My touching post!

I touched the electrical socket, only I licked my finger first,
My hair has now gone curly and I look like someone cursed.
My legs have gone all tingly and there’s a buzzing in my heart,
I hope I don’t shoot lightening bolts if I accidentally fart!

There you go, how was that for a first post. That is what they mean by touching right!? Did you feel sympathy for me?

In other news, Happy Birthday to my Sister, let me embarrass her once again by putting her wonderful little Haiku on the world wide web for all to see.

Sitting on the train
Enveloped in a fart cloud
Of my own making.

Many happy returns oh Sister of mine!


Hugh’s Photo Challenge – Isolated

I’m almost a week late to the party, but hey, I’m working on the old better late than never saying.

In his challenge this week, Hugh asked us to post a photo of something isolated. I have hundreds if perhaps not thousands of photo’s, but finding one was believe it or not quite hard, and then I remembered this one:

Whitepark Bay

Whitepark Bay is one of my most favourite places here in Northern Ireland. I love the wide expanse of the beach and how shut off from the world you can feel once you have made the long walk down.

If you look closely at the picture you will notice the figure of a girl sitting on the rock, I believe she was reading, and I remember thinking at the time, what an awesome place to sit and write, isolated from the world with nothing but the sound of crashing waves to keep you company.