Tips for Remaining Calm

image

This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out