Tag: humour

The end of the year…..almost

The Indecisive Eejit7 Comments
Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

I mean nothing says Christmas like a tiny car with a wee tree on top, right!? It was just too cute not to use : )

So this is an unexpected guest appearance, it’s saying something when even I feel like a guest on my own blog. Way back at the start of the year when I wrote my 2021 in review post, the only goal I set myself was to write 6 posts throughout 2022. I didn’t manage it, this one, brings me to a grand total of 5, that said, it’s better than none, so I am going to celebrate that small victory.

It was a busy year, lots of training new folk in work, very few days off and the fact that the days melted into weeks and then into months and now it’s Christmas already and we’re rushing towards New Year like a wee tree on top of a tiny car.

Next year is going to bring more challenges, I finally have a date for my second surgery, which is good news I guess, but I worry what comes next, forced menopause and the possibility of anxiety spikes is not something I am really looking forward to, but I just have to take each day as it comes.

I’d like to say I will have more time to write, actually I can say with certainty that I will have more time to write, certainly following surgery, but whether I do it or not is another thing, I’m not going to make any promises or set any goals this year, which means that every post that magically appears is a bonus.

I suppose in some ways, this is a mini 2022 in review post, there really wasn’t much to say after all, it was pretty much all work and no play.

There were however definite highlights to the year, I made some new friends, and perhaps even a special one. I reconnected with some old ones and I’m still here to annoy the living daylights out of you lot…..you are welcome!

I miss you my blog family and I wish you all a very merry holiday season and my sincerest best wishes for 2023 should I not see you before.

The Eejit : ) x

Spring Clean time maybe?

The Indecisive Eejit13 Comments
Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

I think for me there is a certain time of the year when all things spring clean related start to happen. Now when I say they start to happen, I mean I start to think about it, it doesn’t always happen happen, if you catch my drift. The days are getting longer and the snowdrops in the garden have started to poke through so that gives me hope that spring is on the way.

On this occasion I am actually talking about a spring clean of my blog, so thankfully that’s a task I can do while sitting down, I’m marginally clever sometimes when I want to be, I don’t want to overdo it after all ffs.

I’ve been reading a few posts of late about the do’s and don’ts when it comes to your blog. I kinda think that after 8 years I’ve probably pretty much got all the don’ts covered so perhaps it’s time to cautiously approach the do’s.

The first one I read was about updating the About page, so I thought that’s a good place to start, it’s been a while since I have given it any attention, it does after all say I am in my early 40’s and that is soooo last year, or last 10….oh never mind. So I load it up and have a look and you know what I still like it, and I think to myself how many people will really read it anyway. It’s weird and doesn’t really make much sense, which explains me perfectly I think. I mean if I went right in with the hey there, I’m a 50 year old introvert with mental health issues, I’m not sure anyone would come back. So I’m hoping for a kind of lure them in with a bit of humour and perhaps they will think, wow this is so weird I must come back. Actually, the way I describe it I’d think my about page was awesome, it really isn’t, it’s average at best, but that’s also what you get with this blog, so job done!

Then there are the 566 posts that I have written over the life time of my blog. No one ever scrolls back, or do they? So do I leave them, or do I update them, or do I just go all out full on clean and delete them, banished forever to the trash can full of spam comments. I haven’t thought that far ahead as yet, because to be honest with the little bit I have managed so far, like changing the picture on the about page, my age and the year for the copywrite, I’m about worn out and ready to collapse into a comfortable chair with a cup of coffee and a tube of Smarties.

That said, in 2022 I also hope to do a spring clean of my mind, so expect more posts…..maybe :)

Will you be making any changes to your blog in 2022?

WTF is it with…..

The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments
Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

…junk comments these days. It’s like they multiply. No matter how many times I empty the junk folder, it is always full when I return. Perhaps I should return more often, so this is kind of my own fault isn’t it. Anyway, moving on, that is not actually why I stopped by, it was just something that irritated me on my journey and I thought I would share it, because I am nice like that :)

How have you all been? The strange goings on in the world continue, the return to normality that some have been dreaming of is not yet here, albeit there is perhaps a glimmer of light in the horizon. Me personally, well I’m still hoping for a blended mix of the old and the new, fingers crossed.

So I was in hospital, that was a thing that happened, oh way back in May now. The dreaded gallstones decided to play dirty and introduce themselves to my pancreas. Clearly they didn’t get the memo about social distancing and decided this was a space they would like to muscle in on, thoughtless little shits. So I’m also sure you know that being in hospital comes with all the tests, bloods, scans, not just one variety, noooo I had them all, CT, MRCP and Ultrasound. Then after the scans come all the things that you didn’t even know you had, like a large mass, stranding / weird things around the gallbladder, a hiatus hernia. I mean ffs, I though the gallstones was enough to be getting on with, but apparently not.

The current situation is that I am waiting on the results of tests. I’m finding that consultants don’t really talk to you, they talk around you and mention things like tumours and anomalies, but don’t really tell you why or if this is something that you need to actually worry about, bearing in mind I have anxiety and worry about E V E R Y T H I N G. Thankfully for me, in the last visit the mention of tumour was preceded with I don’t think it’s a…. so I hope they are right. Anyone going through this, my heart goes out to you, it is a very unsettling time. There is something going on in my body though and I hope they find out what it is soon so I can at least have an explanation for the daily pain.

Being off work has been challenging for me. I am so used to working that for the first few weeks I felt an incredible guilt that I was letting people down even though I knew myself that I was not well, very little tired me out, and it took a while to build up my eating routine again. Thankfully this last week I have not been tiring as quickly, I can tidy a little bit more before I have to sit down, but I’m not yet at the stage where I can return to any kind of normality. It’s incredibly frustrating. That said, I am thankful that I am still here typing, another lady who came into the hospital at the same time as me with the same thing didn’t make it out again.

Being in hospital was a real eye opener. We hear all these stories of the fabulous NHS and the work they have done throughout this pandemic, but honestly, from the outside, we have no idea. Those nurses are incredibly busy, they never stop, I know for sure I could not do what they do, never mind anything else, I would not have the patience, especially for those people who treat it like a hotel stay. I’m incredibly grateful for the care I received during my stay.

So I guess in the grand scheme of life, this is the next hurdle to face. Most days I am ok, and sometimes I cry, but I think that’s to be expected, I mean apart from anything else I’m probably being smacked in the face by the menopause too, so the fecking hormones are almost as problematic as the gallstones.

Anyway, what’s new with all of you, tell me a good story, actually just tell me a story, we have to take the rough with the smooth!

The Devil made me do it!

The Indecisive Eejit17 Comments

Of late I’ve been picking random posts of my site to read. Mainly because I want to see if my writing has improved any at all. I used to love the What If? Challenge and tried to come up with something fun and quirky each week. This was one of my favourites, so in a fit of nostalgia, I am going to repost it.

I left the original details in so you get the idea what the challenge was. This was written in 2013, I wish my little brain could still think like this!

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This weeks Whatif? Challenge

What if you let your dark side take over?

An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution.

An unusual turn of events indeed. I have been pondering this one for a few days, well since Sunday, when the challenge went up. No one willingly wishes to court the Devil, so the conundrum is, how best to tackle this unfortunate event and in fact turn it to your advantage.

The Devil dislikes my body, he has no option but to use it as a host, so will spend endless hours fashioning it into a more visually pleasing and competent, super human vessel. Even without the option of choice, I will secretly marvel at my new svelte frame and flowing strawberry blond (gingerish) locks, some things it seems just cannot be amended. From the array of clothes that my new figure opens the opportunity of, I will select a black all in one jumpsuit, that clings to every curve and makes both womens and men’s heads turn. “Who are you?” they will say, awed by my presence and I shall reply, “I am the Ginga Ninja, remember my name, for it will be the ruination of many.”

Black Widow

The Devil turns his gaze from me, just for a few minutes. It seems his addiction to Starbucks coffee is just the same as any mortals. His lapse in concentration affords me the chance to substitute the list of victims he has provided, with my own.

He bids me farewell, a wry smile on his face.  It would appear he does indeed derive great pleasure from a soul in torment. I have 3 hours in which to perform 3 kills, if I am to make the Devil smile and regain my soul.

11.59 am

I slip into an apartment block just west of Sudsly Avenue. It is run down and dingy. Rats scuttle at my feet as I read the names on the mail boxes. Smiling, I mentally note the number and proceed to climb the stairs, mumbling about the fact that his nibs did not consider flying as an option, when it could have been so helpful. Stubborn bloody man.

Two henchmen guard the door, but they are no match for the Ginga Ninja and I quickly dispense of them and hide their bodies in the broom cupboard, giggling to myself about the cliché of it all.

True to his form, Bubbles the Beast McGinn is in the bath. It takes him a minute to realise I am there. “My boss sent me” I say. I am instantly recognizable as soulless, so I am not surprised by the look of shock on his face as I push his head below the water, holding it there until the beast bubbles no more.

12.45 pm

Lunchtime – Kentucky Fried Chicken for a Boneless Banquet for One – Gravy as the side. What ffs??? A girls gotta eat. This assassination lark is not easy and besides my feet are killing me in these high heeled boots!

2.30 pm

Destination downtown Dumpsville. A laundromat on the corner of Persil Place. The sign in the window asks for young female workers, promising good benefits and competitive rates of pay. Rita the Rinser has been using the same ploy for years to lull young girls into her lair. She promises them the earth before she drugs them and sells them on as either prostitutes or slaves. I spy her loading washing into a huge clanking machine and quick as lightening I am behind her. Again she can sense I am soulless and visibly relaxes, that is until I whisper in her ear, “My boss sent me” and push her headlong into the machine, setting it for boil wash.

3.05 pm

A quick call into Manicures for the Mighty. I need to look in pristine condition for my next job, the last on my list.

3.45 pm

A prestigious fashion house. In full stealth mode I hitch a ride to the top floor hidden in a rack of clothes. I see my prey hunched over, pencil in hand, sketching out the new seasons trends. Saying not a single word I snap his neck like a twig.

4.15 pm

Grabbing a Starbucks I head back to ‘Satan’s Shack’ a prestigious gambling establishment I know he with the horns frequents. Sure enough, there he is surrounded by women and being fawned over by men. I step forward and offer the Starbucks.

Me: “I’m all finished, can I have my soul back please?”

Devil: “Why would you even ask such a stupid question, you have just killed two of my most loyal staff members, how could you ever imagine this would please me.”

Me: “I thought you knew everything ffs. Every night those two pray to God to forgive them for theirs sins. Every night their excuse is the same, ‘the devil made me do it’. In the end they were going to be detrimental to your business, and besides you’re going to save a fecking fortune on bubbles and soap powder.”

Devil: (sniggers) “Dam, you made me laugh, and by the terms of our agreement I must give you back your soul. Get out of my sight, I never wish to lay eyes on you again.”

Me: “Suits me. Any chance I can keep the body till the morning though?”

Devil: “GET OUT!!”

I figure my svelte figure could disappear at any second, so I decide to make as much as I can of the little time I have left and head to my local pub ‘The Pearly Gates’. Peter my favourite barman is on and after greeting me with a smile he pushes a pint of water across the bar to me.

Peter: “Busy day huh?”

Me: “Sure was. Is the boss happy?”

Peter: “Delighted, he’s been after those two for a while, however he did mention the fact that you deviated from the original plan and added in an extra assassination. There were only meant to be two.”

Me: “Yeah I know,”

Peter: “So enlighten me. The first two I can understand, but the third one has left me a little confused as well.”

Me: (shrugs shoulders) It was just for fun, and pretty simple really, the devil wears Prada.

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Why did I ever……….

The Indecisive Eejit43 Comments

….think it was a good idea to take a week off work! Seriously, WHY!

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While not this overjoyed at the prospect of a week away from my desk, I was a little excited all the same. I’d put in a lot of hours and they were all mounting up so I felt it was time, well that and I have to fit leave around everyone else’s schedules too.

I had plans, catch up on jobs I had to do for other people and also on things I needed to do around the blog. I factored time in for some writing also, perhaps some gaming and a little relaxation. Guess what? It’s already Thursday and very little of that has actually happened, in fact this is turning out to be the week from hell!

There have been tears, tantrums, toilet disasters (not mine thank you very much!) and basically a whole heap of running around doing things for other people. In fact Tuesday was pretty much the only day or normality where I got to visit friends and stroke a few things off the list.

I’m beginning to wonder if perhaps the Fathership had a clever plan in making appointments for this week, although I am sure he would deny it. Today however, just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, one of my teeth broke, I have to say my eyes leaked in despair, I was at the end of my tether!

I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow, which I dread for two reasons, fear of the dentist and fear of the cost of the dentist. I will openly admit I am a big ginny ann with regards to all things dental. I did however know this day was coming, it was only a matter of time before my back tooth caved in, too many years of clenching due to anxiety. Why I couldn’t just have been like everyone else and used the butt cheeks instead, I’ll never know.

Tomorrow will be Friday, so along with the anxiety of having to attend the dentist, the fact that I have to return to work on Monday will also start to prey on my mind too, seriously brain, give a girl a break would you!

If you have any going spare I would be grateful if you could send a few lucky vibes my way, I have a feeling I am going to need them!

I am three!

The Indecisive Eejit86 Comments

It’s true, I am three, well not me, my blog, but you knew that anyway right!?

On each of my previous birthdays, namely my first and second I commented on how amazed I was that I had made it this far and yet here I am still, that is remarkable indeed, because in the grand scheme of things I usually give up on things that I consider to be a fad, and back in the early days I foolishly thought that was what this was. How wrong was I.

In the course of three years I have amassed 1004 followers, most of whom I hope are real, written 465 posts which have been viewed 34, 428 times and there have been over 18, 000 visitors who have commented over 8000 times. Not bad for a lass from the back of beyond with pretty much nothing between her ears. Clearly you people don’t get out enough.

Just this week during a conversation someone asked me what my blog was about, I gave that some thought, in fact I gave it quite a lot of thought and still could not come up with an answer. I don’t believe there is one thing that defines my little place here, but I hope if there is, it’s laughter. Even in the midst of all the crap that goes on around me I try to laugh, because honestly if I didn’t I’d cry.

Even though I don’t have the same amount of time now that I did when I first started the blog, it remains something I want to try and keep making time for. I feel truly blessed because I have gained so many things, new friends, who I believe will be friends for a life, a larger and more diverse music collection, people who understand just how difficult life can be sometimes and forgive you when you’re not around. There’s also Steve’s radio show which has fast become the highlight of my Saturday night. It’s all the small things that help me make it through.

Sometimes I think about giving up, because words fail me. I want to write, but on certain days there is just nothing to say. On those days I read and I remember that if I were not here I would no longer be part of this community that I have grown to love and consider myself very fortunate to be a part of.

When I was two I finished my post on the following line, and as it is still apt today I want to use it again. Simply put it was a comment on the the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!

My week summed up!

The Indecisive Eejit44 Comments

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Full of problems that were just to difficult for my poor little brain to solve.

Uncontrollable emotions – by Friday I lost my shit and had a mini meltdown.

Celebrating the fact that it was the weekend only to wake up on Saturday at 5.30am and feel like shit that just slid off a shovel.

Kicking ass in work on Friday night for the 2 hours it took to wait for the next train to arrive after I missed the first one. Cleaner inbox = slight smile on face, until I go back on Monday and it’s just as bad as ever.

Superior people who tell you to let them finish while not letting you get your point across at all!

Assholes – see above.

Keeping myself from slamming down the phone and walking out, which believe me was what I really wanted to do. Previous 2 points refer.

Exciting – The thought of going back to work on Monday and yes, that is sarcasm!

Look carefully – can you crack the code :)

 

 

What’s Up-date

The Indecisive Eejit31 Comments

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Apparently time also flies when you’re not having fun too!

This last two weeks in work have been unbelievably stressful. I really need a day off, but two courses and a new boss next week mean it’s not going to happen. I’m actually worn out, despite the fact that after purchasing new pillows I’m sleeping slightly better.

That said, there are good things about being so busy. I’m hardly smoking these days mainly because I never leave my desk. I can’t tell you if I feel any better for it, but I know that when I reach a certain time scale withdrawal rage kicks in. The second thing is time, it flies.

I’m putting in 9 hour days, but they pass in the blink of an eye, sadly the mountain of post it notes is threatening to consume me if I don’t manage to make my way through them. I used to be quite organised… before I started this job. I need to get back to that and start using my to do book again, I can’t be arsed with the 20 million paper scraps!

It’s looking highly likely that this will be another weekend of working, that stresses me out too because I have jobs to do for both myself and other people, but there are just not enough hours in the day. Thankfully I have Steve’s radio show to look forward to on Saturday night.

I finally started playing Tomb Raider and I’m enjoying it immensely. I’ve had it since Christmas but just haven’t had the time to play. The only downfall is it’s giving me motion sickness which means I can only play for 30 – 60 minutes in one go. That’s ok though, because I usually only have that amount of time spare between getting everything done and going to bed anyway.

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Thanks to all my new followers, you’re all more than welcome. I have a new goal, I’d like to reach a thousand before 2020, I’m keeping a realistic time scale here, I don’t need any additional stress, or disappointment for that matter :)

Well that’s about it for today, my train journey is almost over meaning it’s time for job number two, management of the Ships.

Enjoy your day and till next time eejits :)

Tips for Remaining Calm

The Indecisive Eejit51 Comments

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This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out

Smiling Gratitude – Week One

The Indecisive Eejit37 Comments

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Two of the blogs I follow have come up with interesting ideas to help make us all feel a little happier in the New Year.

My good friend over at A Prompt Reply has started 52 Weeks of Gratitude and Trent over at Trent’s World has started Weekly Smile. Now I’m not saying I’ll be able to participate in both of these regularly, because we all know I suck at being regular, but I think that sometimes in the midst of the mire it’s not a bad idea to sit down and remember that there are good times.

Seeing as these two challenges are similar in design and I am strapped for time….busy…ok, lazy, I though I would scrunch them together under the heading Smiling Gratitude.

So what am I grateful for this week I hear you ask, well that’s simple, Blog Friends.

If I had never decided to start a blog (Yes yes Paul, thank you once again, I know you forced me into it!) I would never have met so many wonderful people.

Where else in the world would you get a community who just is, exists, and manages to do so without killing each other (that I know of anyway). Free advice, support, hugs and love come as standard and if you need an extensive knowledge base to question, well look no further.

They say you get what you give, but here, even on days when you have nothing to offer you still receive and are welcomed home with open arms after long absences.

There is comedy, drama, music, and entertainment a plenty.

This week I smile with an attitude of gratitude for all the friends I have met through the wonderful world of WordPress.