Tips for Remaining Calm

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This is how I felt today. Like my head was going to explode, well either that or I was.

There are just some days when it’s all about information overload. The constant stream of endless everything that filters into my lug hole and bounces around in my poor tired head. Days when my name is over used, especially when attached to a request to do something.

I’m not very good at saying the word no, well not out loud anyway. I’ve been saying for years that it is something I need to address, but the truth is it’s more likely that you would find me in a dress. If you knew me, you’d know how ridiculous that statement is, jeans and tee shirts my friends, jeans and tee shirts.

Once upon a time I used to be able to console myself that no matter how bad the day was, I could always head to the comfort of home at the end of it. These days it brings its own stresses, so no comfort there.

So how exactly can you make it through they day without exploding, good question, let me explain:

1. Eat Brussel Sprouts – these little green globules of goodness provide air. Now let’s not be mistaken, this is not air you can breathe, but a much needed release that is channeled and expelled through ones posterior. It works in two ways, both very effective in operation. Mild bursts can help release much needed steam that would otherwise come out your ears. A larger more efficient dose can disperse anyone in a ten foot radius. The sprout is not called small but mighty for nothing you know.

2. Drink coffee – It’s well documented that everyone needs to stay hydrated, but I personally find its better to also stay caffeinated. Not for everyone granted, but as I am not a tea lover what other choice do I have. I find the taste of my coffee so much better when served in my tall Penguin cup, it adds a certain je ne sais quoi and I am less likely to smash it :)

3. Slap yourself – Whilst unpleasant at times if you are in a particularly bad mood, this art is ultimately better than losing your shit and slapping someone else. It also has other uses, like bringing you to your senses in the middle of a meltdown, warming up cold cheeks, the ones on your face that is and waking you up if you’ve run out of coffee. That said, the art if slapping oneself while asleep can take years to master, its not something that just happens overnight, ho ho!!

4. Go to the toilet – Being angry on a full bladder is never good, especially if you are unfortunate enough to sneeze in the middle of your meltdown, however on this occasion, this is not the visit to the toilet I mean. Instead, march yourself to the nearest lavatory, preferably one without windows, turn the light off, sit down and have serious think about where your life is going if you continue on this path of wanton destruction. Now flush. See what I am getting at, your life is going down the pan. Sort your shit out and get back to work. Remember to wash your hands on the way out.

5. Smile – No matter what is going on in that sadistic little head of yours, smile. It unnerves those around you and gives them no clue as to what evil deeds you plot. That said, you must always remember never to clench your fists or grit your teeth whilst showing your pearly whites, both are a dead giveaway. At the same time, force your smile to reach your eyes, if you feel a wavering, a cheeky wink might just save you and your plan for world domination.

These tips should help on days of adverse working conditions, however no one is perfect, so always ensure that you place an order for a cake which includes a file with a local baker. Leave instructions that said cake should only be baked in the event of incarceration.

Tomorrow should be a breeze – you’re welcome :)

Break Out

The End of an Era

MayDupp BannerIt’s done. In the blink of an eye, ok perhaps more like a stab of the finger, the Misadventures of May Dupp is no more. It’s actually surprisingly easy to delete a site, frighteningly easy actually, so much so, that I almost erased the Eejits by mistake, but please don’t tell her, oh balls, I just did, didn’t I.

I had a fun little run over there, but not having to pay rent here is going to be so much better, and besides, she’ll be the one who has to do all the housekeeping.

There will however have to be changes around here, and we’ll get to them if herself can put down Red Dead Redemption for five minutes. It’s laughable really, a grown woman getting all gung ho about cowboys and horses, you’d never catch me being so fickle (firemen aside that is).

It was a very quiet weekend, Onda is currently living the life of the jet set in New York for a few days. Apparently she’s been spending a bit of time hanging around the sidewalks, no no, not that kind of hanging around ffs, more like she got a little lost. Knuckles told her to take her muff with her, because the weather outside was indeed frightful in New York. He got a look and reassurance that she takes her muff everywhere with her. I think to be honest there was a little confusion as to what they each meant. For clarification, Knuckles meant:

muff – a tube made of fur or other warm material into which the hands are placed for warmth

Onda however, meant something entirely different that is not suitable for typing, and besides, the Eejit would slap me senseless if I did. She’s a dirty clart is that Onda, but she’s a while good laugh.

Well I had better scoot, I’m supposed to be writing a list of all the things that need done. Next to go apparently is the May Dupp Facebook page, so if you want to keep up to date, you’re more than welcome to like the Eejits one,  for which there is a link in the side bar.

I’m hoping to keep my Twitter, it’s still under negotiation. I bought her chocolate today so I am hoping that got me some brownie points, we shall have to see.

Anyways, it’s good to be home and chat soon!

I found a fountain pen!

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Image by Herrfous

 

It was buried at the bottom of an old pencil case, dry as a bone and with spots of rust starting to take form on the nib. I cleaned it and changed the cartridge, but it still runs dry. It’s been neglected for too long.

I used to love writing, little notes, poems, scribblings in a jotter. It was what I wanted to do, although I was a realist and knew for certain it would never be my fortune. I was never without a notebook for any length of time, sadly not always the same one, meaning I sometimes created mash ups without even trying.

I cringe now when I read back over some of the things I wrote, all that teenage angst flowing through my body and out the nib of a pen, worse still was I was in my twenties! Teenage angst didn’t happen in the back of beyond, there were only hay bales, tractors and young farmers who allegedly did it in wellies. It was only when I moved to the big smoke that I discovered this inner me and my love for the written word.

Seriously, if you don’t believe me when I tell you how bad they were then let me prove it to you:

Be Funny

They say be funny,
I don’t feel like being funny!

I make faces in the mirror,
but that just makes me sad,
I notice yet another spot,
so now I’m feeling mad.
My Mum shouts “Dinners ready now”
perhaps things aren’t so bad,
I  go downstairs and stuff my face,
at last I’m feeling glad.

That said, reading back over them now I can remember both the situation and my feelings at the time, albeit in most cases now my heart is no longer breaking….yup…love was a recurring theme, that and loneliness.

Single Sided Love

I know she loves you.
I can see it in her eyes.
She wants to end your sentences,
but cannot find the words.
She holds you tight,
like if she lets you go,
she’ll loose you forever.
Yes,
she definitely loves you,
but you offer nothing in return.

It’s funny, when you’re younger, actually, any age, when you fall out of love you feel your heart will never mend, especially if you were not the one to actually fall out of it in the first place. You swear you’ll never do it again, and relationships become a taboo subject.

The Burden

I’ll walk up and down the street,
and they’ll say to me,
“What is it that you are carrying in that plastic bag,
that looks so heavy?”
And I’ll say
“My Heart”

Time however is a good healer and with time you become a little more comfortable and sure about your new status. I say a little, because there is always room for improvement.

Part-Time Lonely Heart

I tell everyone I am fine,
happy to be on my own.
But am I?
Sometimes yes,
sometimes no.
A part-time lonely heart.

Eventually you’ll realise there is life after love and that actually despite what you thought for the last three months the world did manage to keep on spinning. Time to get your shit together.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow,
when day breaks,
and the sun again resides in her palace,
the birds will sing,
and rejoice,
for a new day will have begun.

Written for todays Daily Prompt from the diaries of my twenty something self. There really never was much hope for me was there :)

Identity Crisis!

I’m having a bit of a blog identity crisis. I can see in my mind both Lee and Paul rolling their eyes and shaking their heads as they read this, because this is what I do best!

When I first stated this blog, The Geeky G4mer seemed like a good name. I am a little bit of a geek and also a little bit of a gamer, but I excel at neither. It was also my gamer tag, so it tied the whole thing  together.

So whats the problem? The honest answer is, there probably isn’t one, however my mind is a whiring dirvish that will just not let up. I don’t want to be defined as a hardcore gamer, because I will not be able to offer, exciting, informative reviews of new games. I will however sometimes occasionally offer, slightly inadequate but hopefully amusing accounts of the games I play.

As well as games I want to write about life in general and the normal day to day run of the mill things that I find funny.

I like making people smile, but it’s hard to transfer the witty one liners and quips from my head to the page without invoking the dreaded “You obviously had to be there.” 

So does the name of my blog define me as being just a gamer and therefore put off others, who in a different situation, might actually read my posts.

By the same token, does it also put off the other gamers, who have amazing blogs and actually know what they are talking about. Do they look at my  posts and go WTF and skip on by in utter disgust.

So now do you see my problem, that is probably not really a problem.

So my question for you all is, to name change or not? and if your answer  is yes do you have any suggestions?

Daily Prompt – Ha ha ha!

Better late than never for Fridays Daily Prompt.

Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with a unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome!

My favourite joke!  

It’s late and a man and his wife are heading to bed for the evening. After turning off all the lights and heading up the stairs, brushing his teeth and all the usual bed time routine, the man is just about to remove his dressing gown when there comes a knock to the front door.

Not impressed he reties his dressing gown and stomps down the stairs flinging open the front door.

There stands a man who says to him “Here mate, you couldn’t give us a push could you?”

“Give you a push! Have you any idea what time it is, I was just about to go to bed, go on about your business and don’t bother me again” and with that he shuts the door.

He returns upstairs to find his wife in the bedroom with her arms folded, a rather stern look upon her face.

“Shame on you Jimmy” she says. “I’d like to think if you were stuck or broken down at this time of night someone would help you, and not slam the door like you just did. Now go back and give that fella a hand!”

Now bordering on angry, Jimmy again descends the stairs, flings open then front door and shouts “Hey lad, where are you?”

“Over here on the swings” came the reply!