I am three!

It’s true, I am three, well not me, my blog, but you knew that anyway right!?

On each of my previous birthdays, namely my first and second I commented on how amazed I was that I had made it this far and yet here I am still, that is remarkable indeed, because in the grand scheme of things I usually give up on things that I consider to be a fad, and back in the early days I foolishly thought that was what this was. How wrong was I.

In the course of three years I have amassed 1004 followers, most of whom I hope are real, written 465 posts which have been viewed 34, 428 times and there have been over 18, 000 visitors who have commented over 8000 times. Not bad for a lass from the back of beyond with pretty much nothing between her ears. Clearly you people don’t get out enough.

Just this week during a conversation someone asked me what my blog was about, I gave that some thought, in fact I gave it quite a lot of thought and still could not come up with an answer. I don’t believe there is one thing that defines my little place here, but I hope if there is, it’s laughter. Even in the midst of all the crap that goes on around me I try to laugh, because honestly if I didn’t I’d cry.

Even though I don’t have the same amount of time now that I did when I first started the blog, it remains something I want to try and keep making time for. I feel truly blessed because I have gained so many things, new friends, who I believe will be friends for a life, a larger and more diverse music collection, people who understand just how difficult life can be sometimes and forgive you when you’re not around. There’s also Steve’s radio show which has fast become the highlight of my Saturday night. It’s all the small things that help me make it through.

Sometimes I think about giving up, because words fail me. I want to write, but on certain days there is just nothing to say. On those days I read and I remember that if I were not here I would no longer be part of this community that I have grown to love and consider myself very fortunate to be a part of.

When I was two I finished my post on the following line, and as it is still apt today I want to use it again. Simply put it was a comment on the the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!

Something you want to know?

Questions

While writing a post a while ago, who knows which one, I made a comment about being able to get to know people just by what they write on their blog. By picking up all the little snippits of information we are able to build a picture, whether it be the right one or the wrong one. At that time I realised that I don’t share an awful lot of information about myself, well certainly not that I am aware of. There are certain aspects of my life that I will always keep secret, like the village in which I live for example, I already have one someone who follows me around the house, I certainly don’t need anyone else, besides my farts stink, you’d have to be extremely brave.

That’s just one example, but obviously there are things that none of us would want to share in a public forum, I’m not exciting enough to have secrets, lies or hidden video tapes…mores the pity. That said, there may be things you are curious about and always wanted to ask but didn’t like to. There may also be nothing and I am more of an open book than I think I am.

I mulled over this idea for a while and mentioned it to a couple of other people, and while having a commenting conversation last night with Michael from Morpethroad he reminded me of it again when he told me he had learned something new about me. So with that in mind, I’m going to give you the opportunity to ask me any question you like, within reason of course, and bearing in mind some of my family members read this.

Was there something you were curious about? Something random you want to know? Well then now is a good opportunity to ask. I’m not sure whether to answer in the comments or make a post of the replies, I guess it depends how many people are nosey….erm  of course I meant curious. It’ll probably be the comments.

Over to you…..if you can be arsed.

~~

Ralph – If you are reading this, I am stepping away from my duties as an international women of mystery for one day. Still no photo though, unless you follow me on Facebook :)

Success – I’ve scheduled this post, so if you’re reading this I did it correctly! Woohoo the Eejit learns new tricks!

Michael – Until the time of writing this post I believed your blog was called Morph the Road, what an eejit eh, apparently my eyes and brain do not work in harmony. Doh!!

A Songful Saturday!

Happy Saturday people, what you at? I bet you’re surprised to see me here at this early hour, it is after all only 20.45pm. I’m surprised to see myself…….every time I look in the mirror! Boom Boom!

So why am I on so early, Well it’s like this, I’m listening to music, but not just any old music. I’m listening to my good friend Steve from Talk About Pop Music hosting his Saturday night request show.

If you’re currently blogging and want to join in you can tune in HERE!

Want a song played, well then you can contact him via Twitter @stevesays2014 or leave a comment on his Radio post for this week HERE!

Tune in, sure it’s great craic!

Smiling Gratitude – Week One

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Two of the blogs I follow have come up with interesting ideas to help make us all feel a little happier in the New Year.

My good friend over at A Prompt Reply has started 52 Weeks of Gratitude and Trent over at Trent’s World has started Weekly Smile. Now I’m not saying I’ll be able to participate in both of these regularly, because we all know I suck at being regular, but I think that sometimes in the midst of the mire it’s not a bad idea to sit down and remember that there are good times.

Seeing as these two challenges are similar in design and I am strapped for time….busy…ok, lazy, I though I would scrunch them together under the heading Smiling Gratitude.

So what am I grateful for this week I hear you ask, well that’s simple, Blog Friends.

If I had never decided to start a blog (Yes yes Paul, thank you once again, I know you forced me into it!) I would never have met so many wonderful people.

Where else in the world would you get a community who just is, exists, and manages to do so without killing each other (that I know of anyway). Free advice, support, hugs and love come as standard and if you need an extensive knowledge base to question, well look no further.

They say you get what you give, but here, even on days when you have nothing to offer you still receive and are welcomed home with open arms after long absences.

There is comedy, drama, music, and entertainment a plenty.

This week I smile with an attitude of gratitude for all the friends I have met through the wonderful world of WordPress.

Stats just the way it is!

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I hardly ever read my Stats anymore, I mean come on, when I don’t post as often as I used to what do I expect. It long ceased being about the views etc for me, as I’ve said many times before, it’s now all about the community.

I’ve been absent on and off a lot this year, Here There Be Spiders touched loosely on this in  one of her comments to me saying “I know when I get overwhelmed the blog is one of the first things to suffer – but when I do post, it helps so much!” She is 100% correct in what she says, I am exactly the same way, it’s just one more thing to have to deal with, so it gets pushed to the bottom of the list.

The other night I was wrought with anxiety, so much so it was making me feel sick, what can I say, it’s a been a rocky few weeks in the Eejit household, with more to come. One thing I am learning about Dementia is that it cannot be trusted, it’s a sneaky little fecker. Never, ever think that your day is going ok, because when you do and your guard is down, the little git sucker punches you. Anyway, back to my story. I paced the train platform, finally boarding when it arrived, and sat down for the beginning of my journey home. I flicked up the reader, something I hadn’t done in a while. With every post I read I felt my anxiety lift just a little, because reading about the goings on of everyone else took my mind off my own. I realised then how much I missed it, the blogging, the interaction, everything, it was like someone had give me a hug.

So I know you think I’m getting off course here, seeing as how I started this post about my blogs Statistical endeavors. I, like everyone else received the WordPress e-mail about my progress in 2015. Out of everything, the only thing that stood out to me was the fact that I had only written 88 posts throughout the whole of the year. To me, that’s a clear indication of my dwindling free time.

Here’s how it stacks up:

2013 – Birth year (March 2013) – 201 published posts -granted they were mostly shite, but still, not a bad effort.

2014 – 163 published posts – there may have been some readable ones in there if I was lucky.

2015 – 88 – That’s shocking, although perhaps I can console myself with the fact that it was more about quality than quantity? That’s my excuse anyway.

I’m still not going to make resolutions, seriously, I suck at those, but I know for certain I’m going to try really hard to write more than 88 posts this year. I’m going to be really forward thinking and try for 89, anything after that is a bonus!

I need to try and be a little more organised and perhaps make more use of the drafts and scheduler so that I can hide away little posts for the days when my brain is mush. I need to try and read more, interact more and just be here more. Not because I think you lot can’t live without me, but because I don’t think I can live without you.

As usual I am making no promises, I have long ago given up trying to figure out what this life has in store for me. I just have to keep on keeping on like everyone else.

I’ll keep being me if you promise to keep being you. ‘Stats’ all anyone can ask of us :)

 

It’s a New Year!

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Happy New Year to you Eejits, 2016 is here. For some strange reason I could not find any New Year cartoons on Bitstrips, so I picked the one above, mainly because I liked it, but also because it reminded me of the Sound of Music which I was belting out at the top of my voice yesterday. Yep, you know that rain, it was probably my fault.

You might be fooled into thinking this is me merrily skipping though meadows, technically I am, but it’s more like a running away kinda thing than merrily skipping. Please note my invisible suitcases, one carries my Xbox and the other all the stationary I got for Christmas, and no before you ask, I didn’t forget about the penguins, they are all in the imaginary rucksack or should that be knapsack on my back.

If the last two weeks are anything to go by, then there is going to be very little ‘happy’ about this new year.

Normally I’ll write a post on New Years Eve, this year I just couldn’t do it, my mind was occupied with other things and being trampled with anxiety. I tried again yesterday, nope, nothing, same as they day before, so I did housework instead.

I’d love to sit here and tell you about all the amazing and wonderful things I would like to achieve in 2016, but you know what, it’s pointless, I need to start being realistic and stop living with my head in the clouds, because no matter what I think, life is just not the same anymore. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost myself, because I’ve become bogged down in all the things I need to do for everyone else.

In 2016 I will be happy enough to exist. I hope there are more good days than bad and that I can still find reasons to smile. I hope to be able to continue blogging, despite the fact that when my head is mush I find it hard to formulate sentences. I hope to meet more new people and some of the old ones face to face. I hope to shed a few pounds, but then again I say that every year and it’s usually only achievable by throwing some butter out the back door. Perhaps if I aim small, I will achieve the impossible.

2015 wasn’t a bad year, there was much to be grateful for, but it’s doubtful I could have got through it at all if it had not been for all of you and this platform. Writing really is good for the soul.

Thank you for being here and sticking with me even though I have not been around much. I hope to rectify that in 2016, but I’m making no promises. I have no idea what I will write about, but hopefully, somewhere along the line there will be laughter. If nothing else, that’s one thing we are good at!

Much love to you all and here’s to 2016, the year of achieving the impossible :)

A rant about reading!

Burning Sun

This post will probably be quite short, there’s also more than a slight possibility that it’s going to be a rant. Brace yourselves.

For a long time now and in many posts I have lamented the fact that it is almost impossible sometimes to keep up with reading on WordPress. The sheer volume of amazing content and posts is astounding sometimes, blogs I follow can between them export up to 30 posts a day. This last two weeks I’ve found work extremely difficult due to a whole host of changes taking place. At night by the time everyone was fed and all the dishes done I had no energy left for anything other than plonking myself in front of the TV and there I stayed until I dragged my sorry arse up to go to bed.

The train WiFi was also being an arse most likely due to the fact that schools and technical colleges have returned for the new term and the passenger levels on the train have tripled.  There was a few times I nearly lost my phone, mainly because I wanted to heft it out the window.

I got behind on my reading.

There are two main ways I try to keep up, one would be the WordPress reader and the other Bloglovin. The former used to be great and then it was updated and started skipping and missing huge chunks of posts for no reason, at that point I moved most of the blogs I follow into Bloglovin. It was great, it easily filled in the chunks that I was missing. Then they updated it too and now neither of the two work that well. Don’t get me wrong, I can still read posts in both, WP reader will allow me to do all the things I need to, it just seems to be selective about which posts it shows. Bloglovin on the other hand seems to show all posts, but will not allow me to either like or comment, instead it just hangs on a white page. It is extremely frustrating.

Moral of the story and a note to the creators of both readers – If it’s not broke, don’t feckin fix it!

Which way now?

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I think I’m at a bit of a crossroads and I am not sure what direction to take.

Every day this week I have plonked myself in front of my computer with the intention of writing something, anything. Instead, I have nothing, not a damn thing. That makes me question why I am here and why I continue to do this. Even now as I sit here trying to put everything down it’s twisting and turning in my head.

I never thought I would last this long to be honest, I rarely stick at anything. If I don’t feel it’s working then I let it go. I set standards for myself that are usually unachievable and berate myself when I fail. What I don’t realise at the time is that I am usually setting myself up to fail.

When I started blogging I wanted to get the word out there, I wanted people to read, while I didn’t want to be famous, I did want some interaction. I have written many posts before detailing how what I thought would happen and what did happen were two different things and I still stand by those sentiments as expressed in this post:

When you sit down, cup of coffee in hand and look back, because someone has challenged you as to the reasons why you blog, you will realise it is because you have become part of a family. You will begin to appreciate the love that surrounds you, the support that is offered to you and help you receive. You will realise that it is these people, along with your family and friends who have provided light in the darkness and a reason to smile when you thought there was none

Giving up is not an option. While I still feel like I do not measure up, I finally feel like I fit somewhere. I’m a very small part, but I am a part none the less.

I think I am changing, perhaps I am even starting to grow up. I still want to be the happy person I used to be, but most days life has a habit of suppressing it, there is too much other shit to deal with and it’s constant. By the time I deal with all the responsibilities I am too tired to deal with anything else.

I feel restricted in some ways, again, no ones fault but my own. In going back to my statement earlier about wanting to get the word out there I told people I knew, from real life when I started blogging and now I wish I hadn’t because in doing so I feel that I can’t be as open or as honest as I would like to be. That’s something I have to figure out a solution for own my own.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who throws posts out just to fill empty spaces or get blog views, I no longer care about stats, but I do care about this community. I wish I could go back to my younger days were words flowed, they just were and I did not have to give thought or consideration to what anyone else might think.

Sometime in the future I might decide that writing and blogging is no longer for me, but today is not that day.

Perhaps it is more about finding a balance than choosing a path.

The Future Challenge

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Ok so the fact that I have done a few challenges does not mean I am fair game for offers of more. I am still not a fan, half times I don’t even get time to do my own. Occasionally though I will complete one and this one placed before me by Edwina from Edwina’s Episodes is one I shall attempt because she’s lovely and always very supportive of me. It’s the start of the post and I have not yet decided if I will inflict the pain on anyone else yet. Probably not, I am scared of repercussions.

The Rules: 

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • Link back to the challenge creator, Dreams and Movie Screens so she can track your progress – Done.
  • Share 5 things about your future (jobs, kids, marriage, travel etc). Then one day you can look back and find out how psychic you really are.
  • Tag 5 bloggers and put them up to the challenge.

Thank you Edwina, mumble mumble groan groan and all that malarky, you probably thought I hadn’t read the post, but I had, it’s just taken me this long to get around to it. It’s a good job I like you young lady! :)

My Future

When I first read this nearly two weeks ago I had no idea how I was going to answer. Present life these days is not so great, the ups and downs of looking after someone with dementia can prove challenging, so when I think of the future I am quite honestly filled with dread. To wish for easier days is pretty much pointless as there is no cure as yet for this horrible disease. so what do I write, let me see:

  • To feel confident in my job – One day, I would like to be able to deal with the challenges that work throws at me without fluttering towards the ceiling every time the shit hits the fan. A year on and I still feel like the new girl, but I suppose in part that is because the job itself is always changing. Every time I turn around they are giving me something else to do.
  • To wean myself off peanut M&M’s so that hopefully one day I will lose some weight and take much needed pressure of my poor knees. Getting a new bra might help with that too, you have no idea how much things sag when you get older :)
  • To perhaps get a tattoo – I have no idea what, where or when or even if ever, but it’s something I keep mulling over. It will be interesting to find out if my future self grows a set of balls.
  • To keep entertaining people. I’ve struggled with blogging this last while and spoke to someone with similar feelings yesterday. I’ve wondered at times over the last few weeks if this is even something I want to continue, but it is, so I hope that The Indecisive Eejit or something similar exists in my future.
  • To be financially stable. If only I had told myself that many years ago :)

I hate passing on challenges as I know everyone is as busy as me, however on this occasion I am going to pass it on to one person, because over the last couple of months she has already made changes and I am genuinely interested to see what she thinks might be in her future, don’t hate me Bipolar Calico, over to you!

I drank your Cappuccino!

If I was having coffee

I’ve seen the If we were having coffee posts going on for a while now, I had a look back, but I can’t find a recent one to link back to, so thank you to the person who’s idea this is. I’ve never before done one of these, but I have a few bits and bobs to share so figured that now was  as good a time as any, hide your cappuccino’s people, here I come!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that it is exactly three years ago today since I hurt my leg. It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed, most days it still feels like yesterday. While swapping things over on my mobile phone, I came across notes I had made on Evernote regarding my progress, how far my leg was bending, how physio was going and some pictures of Alien leg. At the time I thought I would never be the same, in some ways I was right, I’m not the same, I can’t do a lot of the things I used to and I have to live with pain, but I am walking and as normal as I will ever be. It goes to show that the things that knock you off your feet are just steps that need negotiated. Even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time, we get up and we get on, and we adapt to the new situation.

If we were having coffee I’d probably be on my second cup by now and half way through a caramel square, because that’s how I roll. I’d have my phone out and I’d be showing you the stats on my blog, completely amazed at the fact I have reached 900 followers. You’d probably tell me that clearly those people lead very boring lives if they find me interesting and I’d totally agree, but I’d tell you that I love them all, and they have made life more livable on more than one occasion.

You’d also notice and point out the fact that I had now moved on to a piece of cake and I’d tell you that’s because I am hungry. I had amazing plans to make some nice stewed steak with carrots and gravy but it didn’t quite work out. Being polite you’d ask me why and I would tell you that my crock pot was broken so I had to order a new one which arrived on Friday. I was quite excited and eagerly opened the box, which was rather large for a slow cooker, only to find a suitcase. I actually had to ask the Fathership if my eyes were deceiving me because I couldn’t quite believe it myself, but sadly they were not, it was most definitely a bright blue suitcase. W T absolute F! I can’t cook in that says I and gets straight on the phone. Needless to say it’s going back and I am going hungry!

Last but not least I’d tell you that I saw the RAF Red Arrows for the first time (that I can remember) in my life. Quite a sight. The Mothership may forget many things, but never the men in the red planes. Even though she hated us (the Fathership and I) because we took her out of her normal routine and could hardly see them, because they were quite small and hard to follow from where we were, when she saw the signature smoke trails she cried and waved. She was never going to let on she enjoyed it though or was happy we took her, she was way to pissed off for that. Sometimes you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t, so all you can do it try and hide from the aftermath!

It’s at this point I’d pay my bill and ask you same time next week?