SSDD but that’s life!

Yet again it’s hard to believe it’s been almost three weeks since I sat down to write. As usual, it’s not because I didn’t want to,  I think about writing all the time, it just never happens.

Last week I had this crazy idea that I was going to carry my lap top to work with me, take a half day  and spend the afternoon somewhere in the city with a cup of coffee while leeching free WiFi off the person who provided it, blogging away to my hearts content about all that was going on around me. It never happened, there are usually conflicting interests these days, something always needs done that is slightly more important than anything else.

I’ve been struggling lately, home life has been.. I dunno actually, how do I describe it, well lets just say things are not getting any better. There is just no escape from it, hence the reason behind my wish for an impromptu afternoon. Every day I lose a little bit more of my free time, I’ll only have just sat down  before the Mothership comes a knocking, which makes me want to knock my head repeatedly against a wall. The worst bit is that lately she has been more vocal, so when she’s shouting at me that I do nothing for her while sucking up my free time, well you get the drift right, there is only so much counting to ten a sane person can do. It’s exhausting.

Work has been hectic, relentless sometimes, but yesterday was the first time I’ve worked a weekend in a while and even then I only worked for half a day. I don’t want to be in the position where I have too much time again.

I need to stop getting so stressed out about simple things, I feel like such a second rate citizen sometimes, like I am lagging behind, even though everyone tells me that is not the case. Lack of sleep honestly has a lot to answer for, it makes everything seem worse than it actually is. Last night I was so tired I got into bed at 8.30pm and set my alarm for 30 mins just so I could have a nap to tide me over till the Mothership came up for the bedtime routine. At one point in the midst of all the shouting when she finally did come up, I was begging her just to go to bed because I was so tired. By the time I eventually got everything sorted I was wide awake again, go figure. Yet without fail I’ll be woken at 7am the next morning with her screaming because shock feckin horror the Fathership is trying to wash her hands.

There have however been little glimmers of the good stuff in the middle of the mire. I’ve got Spotify premium, well I have it for 3 months anyway owing to the fact that it was on offer at 99p! I know fine well that I am going to be gutted when the trial runs out, but I’m not sure I can justify spending £9.99 a month. So if you have any chilled out music you think I might like then please let me know, I am always looking for additions to my Songs for Writing playlist.

I also had to get a new mobile phone which meant going back onto a contract. Mine was working not too bad, the only problem was it had completely run out of internal memory, even with all the non essential apps removed. So far so good the new one is much better, and ladies believe me, that extra half inch makes all the difference…..screen size ya dirty buggers! I do however miss my little notification light, there is no more blinking when someone from the outside world tries to contact me, instead I have to touch the phone but hey ho, I’ll get used to it.

It’s good  to be back, I’ve missed you guys :)


*SSDD – same shit, different day :)

34 thoughts on “SSDD but that’s life!

  1. Good to see you back my lovely! If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know of anyone who actually feels like they are keeping ahead. You can only do what you can do – hope you feel better soon!


  2. Sending you great big hugs ….. a few extra inches can make all the difference in the world, eh? ;)

    Actually, seriously, hugs and hugs to you, cause you’re beating yourself up for no reason. You’re not lagging behind the world – you’re just having to deal with a nearly damn impossible situation that is not going to get any better. Sorry, that’s hard to live, I know. And the fact that it’s escalating, no one’s fault, it’s just what it is, means that your energy and emotional exhaustion is going to rise too. And you know, you do need to take time off – even if you can beg off an extra half hour at lunch and just go for a walk or head to shop where you can just wander. Because it’s all “take take take” – and you aren’t in the position to give too much back to yourself. So please, find some way to help ease the strain, and stress. And enjoy the premium!


      • don’t be apologizing …. you’re running on next to nothing ….. and you haven’t missed anything on my end – I’ve barely been around much – and I’m certainly not up to anything.


  3. I’d like to think life may get better for you Juls but I doubt it will for some time. Those friends with aging parents and those with dementia have a terrible long journey which I am sure you are well aware of now. I hope you manage to retain your wonderful sense of humour, enjoy those few extra inches and find plenty to laugh about….take care….


  4. Well, somehow (and I’m not sure how) you seem to be keeping your chin up through it all…..I’m so encouraged to hear that the idea is in your head and you’re looking for snippets of time just to remind yourself who you are and that there is life outside the asylum! New mobile phone might be lots of fun, who knows….almost time for me to go that route and though I dread it I know it must happen so I’m trying to look on it in a positive way………sigh……


    • It’s getting harder to keep my chin up Torrie, there is usually something every day now that sets me back!

      Just go for the phone. I do love my new phone, but I’m trying to be sensible with the apps, although thankfully this one has double the memory that the last one had.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As I read about the mythical Electra tearing her hair out from grief before turning into a comet, I feel like doing the same–and/or picture you doing the same–from reading this. I kinda know what your prison life feels like. Ya just want to cry from despair or anger/frustration.

    You lose sleep and motivation; work is an escape from home. You feel like you could be doing more if those “shackles” were not there. It all sounds so exasperating.

    How does music that inspires slitting of wrists/morose tunes help you get through the mess? Isn’t that inspiring suicide or homicide?


  6. I’ve missed you, too. And for what it’s worth, my mothership doesn’t have the issues yours does but is every bit as demanding with my time. Sucks. Here’s hoping our knight in shining armor finds his way to us soon and sweeps us away to a remote island somewhere. :D


  7. Keep pushing through, sending hugs and all that. As for Spotify, I’m envious of your premium trial, need to get that. If you’re still looking for chill-out music I have a dreamy playlist on my account :)


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