Tell us what movie you are from and what character you are (or don’t and try to make us guess). Now write me a post as that character.
Anything goes with the What if challenge so if you want to wimp out and write me a post as Batman go ahead, but I think Michael Myers or Dumbledore might make a better post. Maybe Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein or Bruce Leroy (Two of my favorite characters, bonus points to anyone who knows the movies they are from).
Or maybe even a random character from your favorite movie that no one else has heard of. Just have fun with it.
So I guess I should really introduce myself, my name is Warren, well it’s not actually Warren, but that’s what folks call me, and I am a store clerk at ‘Empire Records’ which has to be the coolest place on the planet to work.
The staff of the store are certainly a little kooky and eccentric, but I feel like I belong now. They have become almost like family, wait, what am I saying, they are my family. Boy am I glad I got caught shoplifting!
Yep, you heard right, I was shoplifting from the store, when Lucas, the guy in the black turtle neck chased, hell no, played cat and mouse with me, before knocking me into next week with an open car door.
Perhaps in hindsight going back to the store later that day with the gun was a bad idea, but it was loaded with blanks, what harm could it do. It was the only way I could think of to get their attention. It sure scared the customers. Scared the shit outta me the first time it went off too.
Deb came for me, crazy girl, she wasn’t afraid of the gun or nunthin, just stared at it and walked right for it. That kinda unnerved me and everything started to unravel.
They figured out what I was after, perhaps they knew all along. Hanging round the shop just for one day was the closest I had come to family in a long time. Joe seemed to understand and he even offered me a job. That’s how I ended up here, I mean come on, with eejits like this, how could you not want to work here……
If you want to know more about our story then watch the movie, you will not be disappointed!
I’ve been a little bit stressed this week. To many things going on for my poor little brain to handle.
I’m off for a few days because my friend is coming over to stay, so I’ve been trying to get everything cleared up in work and also at home.
The water board have decided that now is also a great time to dig up the laneway into our house, meaning that both access and water supplies are limited.
I came home last night and whilst filling the kettle to boil it for the spuds, noticed that the water inside the kettle was a weird brown colour. Oh crap thinks I, the water is fecking brown, that’s not so good. Then I noticed that the water coming from the tap was crystal clear. Weird. I tipped out the contents of the kettle, and out popped 2 tea bags. I turns to Mum and says “there’s teabags in the kettle”, to which she replied, rather sharply I might add, “what’s the problem with that, that’s where they go.” Oh okay, silly me, I thought they went into the teapot. FFS!
I’ve a writing challenge to do as well, but I’m not sure this week I am going to have the time, it‘s to be in on Thursday, but tomorrow is all day cleaning and I’m back into work for a half day Thursday before heading to the airport to pick up the English eejit! It’s all go go go!
What’s the most dreadful (or wonderful) experience you’ve ever had as a customer?
I’ve been wracking my brains, but I can’t actually think of a time when I was disappointed with the service I received in a restaurant. I’m sure things have happened, but obviously there was nothing that was so bad it stuck in my mind.
That obviously makes for a very short post, so I am going to have to deviate a little and refer back to an incident that happened when I was a waitress instead.
In my younger days I used to work in a local cafe. I much preferred being behind the scenes, washing and peeling the spuds in the spudder, before transferring them to the chipper, but usually I had to waitress as well. Looking back I would say I was probably not the best waitress in the world, but I got good tips for being a chatterbox and trying to provide service with a smile.
One Sunday, when I was still relatively new to the job, a couple came in. I took their order, passed the information to the chef and headed out to the rear kitchen to prepare the salad for the mains.
I’m fussy about salads, I’ll wash the lettuce leaves a couple of times just to make sure they are clean and will not provide any crunch from unexpected passengers like greenfly etc.
The meal was prepared, delivered and eaten by the diners, so I was surprised when I was called back to the table and shown a single leaf of lettuce which was serving as a presentation plinth for none other than a slug.
The customers were not happy and made a huge fuss proclaiming that due to this unfortunate event the meal should in fact be free. I offered my apologies and told them I had cleaned the leaves myself and was 100% sure there had been nothing on them. I then started to cry because at the time it seemed like the best outlet for my embarrassment and fear of getting the sack.
Hearing the discussion, my boss (who wasn’t all that nice at the best of times) came over, heard the story and said of course the meal would be free, whilst shooting me a look that would kill dead things. Inconsolable I decided to retreat and hide in the back until they had left.
My boss came in and found me, asking how I could have been so stupid and why did I not check the lettuce. I told him time and time again I had and I was positive there had been nothing on the leaves, that I was as shocked as he was. He basically told me in no uncertain terms not to let it happen again and to go and clear the table as the customers had now left.
When I walked back into the dining room, I was able to see the couple getting into their car and the lady gave a little kind of shrug and wave.
I started to clear the table and imagine my surprise when I found an empty matchbox, which when opened contained the unmistakable residue of a slugs backside. Even more remarkable though, was the ten pound tip left under the salt and pepper tray.
I’m sure you noticed, well some of you did anyways, that I recently changed my blog name.
While undertaking this humongous task it appears I may have feckedup broken my WordPress, meaning that you can no longer see my posts in your Reader.
Now I know for many of you this will cause great joy, but I am hoping there are maybe 2 or 3 of you who will perhaps miss me, so I wanted to let you know, that in order to rectify the problem it seems you might have to unfollow me and then follow me right back…immediately. Ok it doesn’t have to be that quick, I just want to make sure you don’t forget!
In Other News
The new challenge from Okay, What if? has been delivered and is in fact due by tomorrow, although I am sure he will be forgiving of stragglers, assuming he is again in possession of his soul.
What if you let your dark side take over?
An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution. What does your darker half have in store for the rest of us?
What can you do to make the Devil smile but still keep your humanity?
Give it a shot, the challenges are always a little whacky, just how we like them, and there is a new one every Sunday!
What if you let your dark side take over?
An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution.
An unusual turn of events indeed. I have been pondering this one for a few days, well since Sunday, when the challenge went up. No one willingly wishes to court the Devil, so the conundrum is, how best to tackle this unfortunate event and in fact turn it to your advantage.
The Devil dislikes my body, he has no option but to use it as a host, so will spend endless hours fashioning it into a more visually pleasing and competent, super human vessel. Even without the option of choice, I will secretly marvel at my new svelte frame and flowing strawberry blond (gingerish) locks, some things it seems just cannot be amended. From the array of clothes that my new figure opens the opportunity of, I will select a black all in one jumpsuit, that clings to every curve and makes both womens and men’s heads turn. “Who are you?” they will say, awed by my presence and I shall reply, “I am the Ginga Ninja, remember my name, for it will be the ruination of many.”
The Ginga Ninja looks a little like this!
The Devil turns his gaze from me, just for a few minutes. It seems his addiction to Starbucks coffee is just the same as any mortals. His lapse in concentration affords me the chance to substitute the list of victims he has provided, with my own.
He bids me farewell, a wry smile on his face. It would appear he does indeed derive great pleasure from a soul in torment. I have 3 hours in which to perform 3 kills, if I am to make the Devil smile and regain my soul.
11.59 am
I slip into an apartment block just west of Sudsly Avenue. It is run down and dingy. Rats scuttle at my feet as I read the names on the mail boxes. Smiling, I mentally note the number and proceed to climb the stairs, mumbling about the fact that his nibs did not consider flying as an option, when it could have been so helpful. Stubborn bloody man.
Two henchmen guard the door, but they are no match for the Ginga Ninja and I quickly dispense of them and hide their bodies in the broom cupboard, giggling to myself about the cliché of it all.
True to his form, Bubbles the Beast McGinn is in the bath. It takes him a minute to realise I am there. “My boss sent me” I say. I am instantly recognizable as soulless, so I am not surprised by the look of shock on his face as I push his head below the water, holding it there until the beast bubbles no more.
12.45 pm
Lunchtime – Kentucky Fried Chicken for a Boneless Banquet for One – Gravy as the side. What ffs??? A girls gotta eat. This assassination lark is not easy and besides my feet are killing me in these high heeled boots!
2.30 pm
Destination downtown Dumpsville. A laundromat on the corner of Persil Place. The sign in the window asks for young female workers, promising good benefits and competitive rates of pay. Rita the Rinser has been using the same ploy for years to lull young girls into her lair. She promises them the earth before she drugs them and sells them on as either prostitutes or slaves. I spy her loading washing into a huge clanking machine and quick as lightening I am behind her. Again she can sense I am soulless and visibly relaxes, that is until I whisper in her ear, “My boss sent me” and push her headlong into the machine, setting it for boil wash.
3.05 pm
A quick call into Manicures for the Mighty. I need to look in pristine condition for my next job, the last on my list.
3.45 pm
A prestigious fashion house. In full stealth mode I hitch a ride to the top floor hidden in a rack of clothes. I see my prey hunched over, pencil in hand, sketching out the new seasons trends. Saying not a single word I snap his neck like a twig.
4.15 pm
Grabbing a Starbucks I head back to ‘Satan’s Shack’ a prestigious gambling establishment I know he with the horns frequents. Sure enough, there he is surrounded by women and being fawned over by men. I step forward and offer the Starbucks.
Me: “I’m all finished, can I have my soul back please?”
Devil: “Why would you even ask such a stupid question, you have just killed two of my most loyal staff members, how could you ever imagine this would please me.”
Me: “I thought you knew everything ffs. Every night those two pray to God to forgive them for theirs sins. Every night their excuse is the same, ‘the devil made me do it’. In the end they were going to be detrimental to your business, and besides you’re going to save a fecking fortune on bubbles and soap powder.”
Devil: (sniggers) “Dam, you made me laugh, and by the terms of our agreement I must give you back your soul. Get out of my sight, I never wish to lay eyes on you again.”
Me: “Suits me. Any chance I can keep the body till the morning though?”
Devil: “GET OUT!!”
I figure my svelte figure could disappear at any second, so I decide to make as much as I can of the little time I have left and head to my local pub ‘The Pearly Gates’. Peter my favourite barman is on and after greeting me with a smile he pushes a pint of water across the bar to me.
Peter: “Busy day huh?”
Me: “Sure was. Is the boss happy?”
Peter: “Delighted, he’s been after those two for a while, however he did mention the fact that you deviated from the original plan and added in an extra assassination. There were only meant to be two.”
Me: “Yeah I know,”
Peter: “So enlighten me. The first two I can understand, but the third one has left me a little confused as well.”
Me: (shrugs shoulders) It was just for fun, and pretty simple really, the devil wears Prada.
Trying to get a lunch break today has proved quite difficult. Everytime I bring out my little tablet and sit down to type the door goes and it’s someone looking me for something.
There is a noted difference in the days, they are getting colder. The Tinsel Twit is talking about snow and we’ve not even hit October yet. Strangely she seems to have forgotten all about the Christmas dinner, I may have to consider renaming her.
I’m tired, so tired in fact that I am scared to lay my head down, even for 5 minutes as there is the strong possibility it would result in a major conking out.
The reason behind my tiredness is the fact that I foolishly decided to change my blog name at stupid o’clock last night. I thought I was smart and started with Facebook (Like me, please!!) changing the name to The Indecisive Eejit. Next I headed on over to WordPress and tried to find the settings for changing the blog name. To my horror I couldn’t find them and in full mini meltdown mode thought I had made a humungous error and was going to have to contend with two different names. Lee noticing the name change on Facebook, commented and I replied “I’ve fecked up”, only being that I was in the midst of said mini meltdown, I forgot to substitute the ‘u’ with the ‘e’, laying the word on Facebook with the full force!
With his help we trawled the inner brain cells of WordPress, otherwise known as the support forums and managed to figure out the steps I needed to take.
Plan in motion, idea half formed, only a little bit sure, I gnashed my teeth, fretted, hovered my finger over the enter key, read some more, fretted some more and in the end annoyed myself so much that I stabbed the enter key out of sheer badness. The deed was one. In 2 seconds flat, The Geeky G4mer was erased The Indecisive Eejit was born.
[Insert 2 minute silence here for the daily departed]
For a few moments I was unable to type. Even though I have wanted to change the name, and have only had it a short while, there is still a little sadness about getting rid of something that has provided so much fun.
You have all come to know me as The Geeky G4mer, and in fact some of you have never known me as anything else. You have all, in your own ways helped me on my journey and nurtured me. There is that moment of panic where you think, what if people stop reading, what if they don’t recognise me, so many what ifs. Count to ten, breathe, smile and carry on, whatever will be will be.
I refreshed the page and there was nothing. I shut down my browser and opened it again, still nothing…..oh for feck sake! I thought I had lost everything, all my posts, pictures the whole heap. I closed down all the windows, opened them again. Still nothing. Lee was able to see it, but I couldn’t.
Eventually it started to work. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
There are still a few problems, old comments remain as The Geeky G4mer, places where you linked to me will not redirect and I am not sure if I even show in your readers anymore, can someone let me know if I do?
There are going to be teething problems, but the bulk of the move is now complete and hopefully now that I am happy (well for the meantime anyway), I can concentrate my writing and hopefully providing you with some laughs!
So I um finally did it, it was a bit of a clicking frenzy, a lot of biting my fingernails and then closing my eyes and stabbing the enter key while my stomach was like a washing machine and my butt cheeks were a clenching!
I went into the vortex as The Geeky G4mer and got spat out the other end as The Indecisive Eejit.
I am sure you all agree, having first hand witnessed me too’ing and fro’ing that something with Indecisive in the title is perfect for me. Unfortunately indecisiveworrywartsillytart.wordpress.com was not available, so I had to shorten it and just go for eejit!
I hope you will all love and support me just the same, my insides have not changed, I just wear a different costume.
My apologies too, all the previous links to my blog will no longer work, sorry about that, but I can’t even do a site redirect now as the name is already changed. I’ll just have to manually go through all my posts when I get a chance and try and rectify everything. No doubt other things will be a little awry for a time, but we’ll get there.
I’m going to bed now, because, well basically I’m done. Nice to meet you all :)
When you’re young a tenna is something usually given at birthdays, pocket money or to go to the shops and buy your groceries with. Otherwise known as a ten pound note, it was and in fact still is a considerable amount of money and I wish I had a few more of them now.
Here Ma, could you lend us a tenna?
As you get older, Tena are a pair of discreet lady garden undergarments you adorn before going out to dinner with your friends, who you just know are going to make you laugh until a wee bit of wee comes out!
Yay for getting old…the happiness…and erm other things just hangs clean outta ye!
I’m still trying to think of names for my blog. I’ve decided that I probably will change, but I’m not going to until I have a name I really like and am going to be content with, although Lee says that is an impossible task. We shall see.
It’s actually really hard to think of names to describe yourself, I wanted Weirdly Wonky, because it’s where the little bit of humour I have comes from. Until I came here and met you lot, I thought I was the only one, but now I have realised that everyone is deliciously wonky in their own way and it’s amazing, I finally feel like I fit in somewhere :)
Another name that is in the pipeline is The Eejit Express, I’m just not sure I want Eejit in my title. That said it means pretty much the same as Weirdly Wonky, so whats the difference. Eejit Evolution was considered and quickly discarded, others I considered were already taken.
You’d think coming from Norn Ireland with out unusual dialect that I would be able to think of something, I mean where else in the world but here would you consider it a compliment when someone shouts across a car park at you that you’re not right in the head.
I’ve been called many things in my life time, not all of them good either. My particular favourite would have to be, when I was told I was ‘as mad as a box of frogs’, again a compliment, because I was obviously in full flight. Sadly it’s already taken so it can’t be my new blog name.
So here’s the thing, you have 3 words and can have anything you want, it doesn’t matter if the name is already taken, we’re only playing a game….I had to pick this one, it’s really hard to play either Operation or Buckaroo over a blog, anyone ever tried? Anyway, where was I, oh yes, in three worlds, describe yourself in a blog title?
I pick Weirdly Wonderfully Wonky for mine, because over the years I have become quite fond of my quirky little brain and I do mean little!
When you’re young, don’t know any better and in fact couldn’t care less about the effects that both age and gravity are going to have on your body, you do the Baywatch run.
You imagine you look like Pamela Anderson. Everything goes in slow motion, as you gracefully sprint from A to B all tanned and goddess like, smiling at your adoring fans with your pearly white teeth.
As you get older, you do the Mummy run, regardless of whether you are actually a mother or not.
You imagine everyone is looking at you, but nit for the right reasons. You can’t get from A to B fast enough and you need to have the arms of an octopus to hold down all the bits of your body that used to be pert and gravity defying. All this and trying to hang on to your handbag as well, not an easy task!
My work colleague (mother) and I (not a mother) discussed this the other night on the way home and almost wet ourselves laughing, another side effect as we get older!
So I guess I should really introduce myself, my name is Warren, well it’s not actually Warren, but that’s what folks call me, and I am a store clerk at ‘Empire Records’ which has to be the coolest place on the planet to work.
The Indecisive Eejit 