What if you let your dark side take over?
An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution.
An unusual turn of events indeed. I have been pondering this one for a few days, well since Sunday, when the challenge went up. No one willingly wishes to court the Devil, so the conundrum is, how best to tackle this unfortunate event and in fact turn it to your advantage.
The Devil dislikes my body, he has no option but to use it as a host, so will spend endless hours fashioning it into a more visually pleasing and competent, super human vessel. Even without the option of choice, I will secretly marvel at my new svelte frame and flowing strawberry blond (gingerish) locks, some things it seems just cannot be amended. From the array of clothes that my new figure opens the opportunity of, I will select a black all in one jumpsuit, that clings to every curve and makes both womens and men’s heads turn. “Who are you?” they will say, awed by my presence and I shall reply, “I am the Ginga Ninja, remember my name, for it will be the ruination of many.”
The Devil turns his gaze from me, just for a few minutes. It seems his addiction to Starbucks coffee is just the same as any mortals. His lapse in concentration affords me the chance to substitute the list of victims he has provided, with my own.
He bids me farewell, a wry smile on his face. It would appear he does indeed derive great pleasure from a soul in torment. I have 3 hours in which to perform 3 kills, if I am to make the Devil smile and regain my soul.
I slip into an apartment block just west of Sudsly Avenue. It is run down and dingy. Rats scuttle at my feet as I read the names on the mail boxes. Smiling, I mentally note the number and proceed to climb the stairs, mumbling about the fact that his nibs did not consider flying as an option, when it could have been so helpful. Stubborn bloody man.
Two henchmen guard the door, but they are no match for the Ginga Ninja and I quickly dispense of them and hide their bodies in the broom cupboard, giggling to myself about the cliché of it all.
True to his form, Bubbles the Beast McGinn is in the bath. It takes him a minute to realise I am there. “My boss sent me” I say. I am instantly recognizable as soulless, so I am not surprised by the look of shock on his face as I push his head below the water, holding it there until the beast bubbles no more.
Lunchtime – Kentucky Fried Chicken for a Boneless Banquet for One – Gravy as the side. What ffs??? A girls gotta eat. This assassination lark is not easy and besides my feet are killing me in these high heeled boots!
Destination downtown Dumpsville. A laundromat on the corner of Persil Place. The sign in the window asks for young female workers, promising good benefits and competitive rates of pay. Rita the Rinser has been using the same ploy for years to lull young girls into her lair. She promises them the earth before she drugs them and sells them on as either prostitutes or slaves. I spy her loading washing into a huge clanking machine and quick as lightening I am behind her. Again she can sense I am soulless and visibly relaxes, that is until I whisper in her ear, “My boss sent me” and push her headlong into the machine, setting it for boil wash.
A quick call into Manicures for the Mighty. I need to look in pristine condition for my next job, the last on my list.
A prestigious fashion house. In full stealth mode I hitch a ride to the top floor hidden in a rack of clothes. I see my prey hunched over, pencil in hand, sketching out the new seasons trends. Saying not a single word I snap his neck like a twig.
Grabbing a Starbucks I head back to ‘Satan’s Shack’ a prestigious gambling establishment I know he with the horns frequents. Sure enough, there he is surrounded by women and being fawned over by men. I step forward and offer the Starbucks.
Me: “I’m all finished, can I have my soul back please?”
Devil: “Why would you even ask such a stupid question, you have just killed two of my most loyal staff members, how could you ever imagine this would please me.”
Me: “I thought you knew everything ffs. Every night those two pray to God to forgive them for theirs sins. Every night their excuse is the same, ‘the devil made me do it’. In the end they were going to be detrimental to your business, and besides you’re going to save a fecking fortune on bubbles and soap powder.”
Devil: (sniggers) “Dam, you made me laugh, and by the terms of our agreement I must give you back your soul. Get out of my sight, I never wish to lay eyes on you again.”
Me: “Suits me. Any chance I can keep the body till the morning though?”
Devil: “GET OUT!!”
I figure my svelte figure could disappear at any second, so I decide to make as much as I can of the little time I have left and head to my local pub ‘The Pearly Gates’. Peter my favourite barman is on and after greeting me with a smile he pushes a pint of water across the bar to me.
Peter: “Busy day huh?”
Me: “Sure was. Is the boss happy?”
Peter: “Delighted, he’s been after those two for a while, however he did mention the fact that you deviated from the original plan and added in an extra assassination. There were only meant to be two.”
Me: “Yeah I know,”
Peter: “So enlighten me. The first two I can understand, but the third one has left me a little confused as well.”
Me: (shrugs shoulders) It was just for fun, and pretty simple really, the devil wears Prada.
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27 thoughts on “The Devil made me do it!”
Your days of pondering were worth it. This was a very fun read and made me smile a few times. The devil’s probably still laughing
By the way, really like the new blog name.
Thank you, although I think there might be an issue now with people seeing my posts. Is that why you had to refollow me? I guess it will take a while for things to bed in. Hopefully they do though :-)
I wasn’t seeing posts in the reader so I figured I would unfollow and then refollow to see if that worked. I updated your links on the previous What if challenges and my widget area to your new name so your good there.
Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do that, but it is much appreciated. Think I’m going to have to do a short post asking everyone to unlike and re like little old me lol
Ha ha, now that was an evil punchline! Great story, and I like the svelte new figure, definitely top notch.
Why thanks, coming from you that means a lot. I wasn’t sure if people would get it. Halfway through I didn’t know if I was even going to get it lol
It sounds like you have an intuitive writer within you. :)
It’s more likely that I am a one trick pony lol but we shall see :)
Maybe it’s the trick that never gets old? :D
Lol Here’s hoping!
I like this idea!
But first things first: oddly enough you don’t appear in my reader anymore, so I’m gonna unfollow you and follow you again. Don’t be shocked. I hope it will work.
Great post this one! And great punchline!
If I had this chance, I’d probably wear high heels and a pencil skirt, and then peacefully go on a walk and shoot all the people who have been assholes in the knees. Calm and indifferent. Pang.
Does this make me evil?
Why yes it does, but deliciously so lol When I read your post I could just imagine you being all fabulous and sultry as you went about your business!
So glad you did the challenge :) Loved it!
(P.s and thank you for still following, I just have to get everyone else to unlike and re like me now lol)
I don’t want to miss out! ;)
I hope it works now, I haven’t checked it yet. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you…
[…] from Okay what if. Thanks to the Indecisive Eejit for writing a post about this and spreading the idea like […]
Really nice! :D I love how your evil self still had to stop for lunch and manicure!
But of course lol I needed fuel in the tank and to sharpen the weapons lol
[…] The Devil Made Me Do It (theindecisiveeejit.wordpress.com) […]
Great post! Absolute fandabtabulous!
Lol … I just love your sense of humor and wordplay. Gets me going every time :)
Thanks, it was a tough one, it made me think lol
My head is still hurting over the challenge and I haven’t done it yet … I’m late I’m late …. I’m late for a very important date! ;)
I shall await and watch with bated breath!
ohhh please …. eek …. it may take a while …. weather related headache
Lol no pressure!!….hands you two headache tablets lol
thank you kindly ;)
Reblogged this on The Indecisive Eejit and commented:
Reblogging some of my favourites as it’s anniversary week! Don’t panic, there were not that many lol
Ha! So did you have the punchline first, and then build the rest of the story around it?
To be honest I can’t remember lol I probably did, I have a tendency to work better backwards lol