Last night, I was chatting with Matthias, the Producer/Director who hopes to make .33 Reverse Gunther his next film. He is on his way to L.A. to meet with potential investors and actors, so I’m cautiously excited about what the future holds.
Over the course of the conversation, Matthias once again mentioned how important this blog is going to be to Gunther’s production. He wants me to keep a production diary once we get a green light, and I’ve assured him that my blog friends and followers will share the posts to help spread the word about the movie being made from my screenplay.
To reassure Matthias that this blog has a great reach, I told him I would conduct a test this weekend. I had already planned to write this contest post, so I thought I’d add a sharing element to it and report back to Matthias with the…
Thank goodness for post scheduling, because without it this week it’s unlikely there would have been anything from me. And before you get your knickers in a twist I know I only scheduled one, but that’s 100% better than none.
It’s been a funny, weird and strange month and I am having trouble trying to make sense of it all. I feel like I have been turned upside down, tipped out and then put together the wrong may. I’m still me, I’m just not quite the same as I was before.
I hate change and it’s takes me a little while to adjust to anything that is not the norm. Where home life is concerned we need to keep things as routine as possible, it’s the easiest way to avoid arguments, and it seems to have spilled into my life as well. When I heard about the new job I was torn as to how I felt, in my heart of hearts I knew that I was in a rut and needed a change, but if the truth be told I didn’t want the stress of having to learn something new. I get enough stress on a daily basis dealing with the Mothership.
I’m sure I’ll find my feet, I always do. Four weeks in and if you were to ask me how I was getting on, I would tell you that it’s 50/50. I’m struggling with the constant stream of work that comes my way because I hate being in the position where I don’t know what I have to do with something. It’s disconcerting going from knowing a job inside out to not knowing it at all. I want to learn everything yesterday, but I am smart enough to know that is not possible. I’ve never done a job like this before, but I forget that I had never done any of the other jobs before either and I had to learn them too.
The other half of me feels alive, and challenged and eager to get stuck in. For the first time in a long time I look forward to going to work and the days fly by because concentration eats away at the minutes and the hours. I have a lot of learning to do and I am sure I will make many mistakes but hopefully I will get there.
There have been a lot of ups and downs.
Monday came, and my friend rang to tell me his Dog had passed away. I loved that dog. He always came to greet me when I went to visit, lay at my feet when I worked at the computer, stood guard with me when I hid behind the garage for a smoke and constantly nudged my bad leg, even though I put my good one forward, but I didn’t mind because he was my chum.
I stood in my office and cried, because that was one more thing that had changed and it was one thing too many. I cried for Casey, the loss of my old job, my lack of experience in the new one and just life in general. Clearly that was what I needed, because after standing in my new office which doesn’t feel like mine, dressed in clothes that make me feel uncomfortable, crying my lamps , I felt calm.
I’m on a rollercoaster and all I can do is hang on and hope for the best!
Onwards and Upwards!
RIP Casey, you were this womans best four legged furry friend and it won’t be the same without you!
P.s Mama I have NOT forgotten about my 7 weeks of Weird it will be done :)
How are you? Can I trust you? I am sick and rich and I want you to help me distribute my funds to charity organizations,
Please reply if you can help me distribute my funds and I am willing to give 20% of 38.5MILLION for your time.
Waiting for your urgent response.
Regards
Mrs Randa Ahmed
The above is yet another fine example of the unrelenting spam mail that Outlook thankfully filters into a ‘We shall take care of this shit for you’ folder. They seamlessly sort good from evil, shielding me from the worst that the world of the Internet has to offer.
My hatred of ‘Spam’ is not a new thing, in fact it was one of my first posts when I started this blog, although back then, nobody knew who I was. Nowadays people still don’t really know, but thankfully they are kind enough to humour me! You can read it HERE if you’re bored.
Occasionally when I see the numbers rise in my junk folder, I will have a quick rummage to make sure nothing of note has slipped through the net. Wading through the offers of Viagra, Penis Englargment Brochures and Free online sex whilst entertaining, is a period of time spent that I can never reclaim. I particularly love the ones similar to the above, that promise me a share of their fortune for a little assistance, which is usually in the form of money, only you’re not told that at the time.
Another pet hate would have to be ‘Cold Callers’, so incensed was I, that I previously wrote about them as well.
My Mother and Father receive an awful lot of cold calls. I have a different telephone line, so I probably do as well, I just never check it.
I used to feel guilty and tell myself they were only doing their job, and what a shitty job it must be. Well not anymore. Cold callers beware, I hate you with a passion and I will make the 60 seconds you spend on the phone with me as tortuous as I can.
Cold Caller (hereafter referred to as Ahole): Good afternoon is that (insert Motherships name)
Me: No, it’s her daughter.
Ahole: Ah good afternoon Madam, I wish to advise you that your computer has been infected with a virus.
Me: No it hasn’t.
Ahole: Yes Maam is has.
Me: No! It really hasn’t.
Ahole: How do you know?
Me: There is no computer.
Ahole: There is a computer.
Me: No! There really isn’t.
Ahole: Are you lying to me?
Me: (laughing) No I am not lying to you.
Ahole: Do you find this funny, you are laughing so you must be lying to me.
Me (getting irritated): You rang up and asked to speak to (insert motherships name) correct?
Ahole: Correct
Me: Well then I am not lying, in fact I am laughing because you are accusing me of being a liar when out of the two of us, I am the only one that clearly knows that my mother does not, nor never has owned a computer. But thanks for your time.
….dial tone!
To be fair, being the worrier that I am, I did run straight up the stairs to make sure my computerwas in fact still working! Surprise surprise it was!
There was another call a while back too, where a gentleman tried to sell me a mobile telephone. The conversation went on for a good ten minutes with me telling him I did not want a new mobile phone and him telling me that I really needed a new telephone. Looking back I have no idea why I didn’t just hang up, instead of standing there, my rage boiling like a kettle. After telling him for the gazillionth time that I did not want the phone, he replied, “Well I’m going to send you the bloody phone anyway” and hung up. WTF!!
Cold callers learn a lesson – I might be a soft touch, who does not say no very often, but believe me, when I say it I mean it!
Dear Mrs Ahmed,
I would ask if I could call you Randa, but I doubt that is even your name.
More likely it is one you have stolen borrowed from some unsuspecting lady who has no idea that she is doing the rounds of the Internet.
But I digress, back to your e-mail, I’m good thank you for asking. With regards to your question of can you trust me, that’s unlikely considering you do not even know me, are you that stupid that you go around offering a 20% share of your fortune to complete strangers. I have 500,000 in Grand Theft Auto Dollars and not even I’m that stupid!
Have you ever considered, what with you being so sick and rich, that you could hire yourself a Secretary to help you distribute your bullshit funds. Failing that, there are lots of very worthy Charities who would offer you help themselves for a sizeable whack of your fortune.
Now I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but to be honest I would rather you just gave the 20% you were going to give me to Charity, while I give you….sweet feck all.
I’d be happy to provide you a list of where I would like my money to go, if you would like to converse again, this has after all been such good fun!
This was the week that was, and I am rather glad it’s over. I have a few bits and bobs to share with you today, so decided to do so in the form of Breaking Wind News, hosted by your current affairs correspondent, yours truly, The Indecisive Eejit!
The New Job
I managed to get through my first day on my own relatively unscathed. I have no doubt I take longer to do things than my counterpart would have, but I am on a bit of a steep learning curve, and have been hit with a few things that left me a little stumped. I’ll get there in the end, I have a thirst for knowledge regarding things I do not know, and I need to learn to go easy on myself, I can’t expect to know everything in a couple of days.
The Visitors
It’s actually been good having my Aunt here as she has managed to keep my Mum on an even keel, meaning that for the two weeks I was training I only had the stress of work to deal with. I am however a little out of my routine and feel a bit all over the place, but I have a couple of days off due to the 12th July holidays, to regroup and catch up on things I have missed.
Cat Naps
I’m think I am getting to the age where I will soon start falling asleep in front of the TV when all the chores are done. I really wanted to write last night, but I could not keep my eyes open. I hate going to bed early on a Friday night, I tend to fall out with myself, due to the fact that it’s the start of the weekend and I conk out before 11pm!
Cartoon Craziness Challenge
This started out as a joke between myself and Mental Mama. I challenged her to do a couple of drawings and she accepted. After a few comments we decided to throw it open to the wider blog community. I have been amazed by the responses, and it seems we do indeed have a few budding Picasso’s in out midst. Please feel free to join in, there is no need to worry about your level of skill, it’s all in good fun and I have really enjoyed seeing all the entries this week.
If you would like to have a look and perhaps join in, you can find my original post HERE. There are also links at the bottom to all the entries so far, check them out, they are truly awesome.
I’ve decided I will make this a regular feature and my favourite Mental Mama (MM) has already picked the theme for next week. I’m undecided I might issue it on either a Sunday or Monday, that is to be confirmed.
MM designed a banner and I expanded on it just a little, so from now on all posts for the Cartoon Craziness Challenge will be under the following banner. I hope you like it :)
Something that deserves a mention!
Every now and again I come across a new blog that I like. When I was starting out, I was glad of the help I received from others. That said I don’t think this blog will have any problems gathering followers as it’s really funny, and if I know you lot like I think I do, then you will as well, so I decided to share.
Iggy the Wonder Schnauzer. Rescue beast. Hobbies include chewing and shrieking. Accomplishments include taking over So Many Feebs before getting his own blog, and sometimes sitting on command. Objectives include smelling every single person on Earth.
Go introduce yourself and say hi to the very witty and funny Iggy, you will not be disappointed :)
I like sometimes how I just happen across blogs, however thank you also to all of my new followers. You widen my world when I would otherwise not have been aware of your existence!
…so I’m not really relaxed, but it makes me feel better to think that I am, and there is always tomorrow.
What a weird, busy and strange two weeks it has been, I can quite honestly say that I no longer know if I am blown up or stuffed! For those of you who have no idea what this means, googling will not help, I just tried it. You’ll just have to believe me when I tell you that at the minute I don’t know which way is up.
It’s been a roller coaster. I get up and go about my daily routine, only these days I am not at my own desk, I have none of my things and I am doing a job that is not yet even mine. It’s totally weird and a little disconcerting. Imagine how it must feel for the lady who is having to train me, she doesn’t even want to go.
I have been enjoying the challenge though. I like it when my brain is occupied and not just ticking away on normal hum drum of everyday life. New things to learn require concentration, which requires brain power, which requires time, which in a weird way makes the day go faster. If only I could get rid of the queasy feeling in my stomach that increases the closer we get to Friday, the day when my counterpart goes on holiday for 3 weeks, then it would be all good!
Having been thrown a little out of routine this last week or so, has resulted in me feeling slightly off balance. I wouldn’t have said prior to this that I was someone who liked life being structured, but I am realising that in fact I like order a lot more than I like chaos. I cannot remember if I was always this way, but it seems to be the direction in which I am now headed.
I’ve been thinking about my blogs….again. A lack of time, on my part, has meant that poor May has not been out anywhere in ages. That started me wondering if I should just move her back to this blog, so she can blend into all the other insanity that sometimes happens here. Any thoughts?
I’m hoping as things start to settle down that I will be able to get myself into more of a routine. I had hoped with my Aunt visiting that I would have had more free time, but just the way things have been, it’s not yet worked out. No one’s fault, it’s just the way it is. On the plus side, it’s been great for my Mum to have some company and they are rubbing along nicely listening to music and looking at old photographs.
That I am afraid, is all I have to give. I’m practically falling asleep at the keyboard. No doubt when I have my shower I’ll wake up again, although I hope not, because I could do with an early night!
….more importantly I found floor space that had not been seen for years.
The big clean up is over, and the house looks, well it pretty much looks like it belongs to someone else. I walk into rooms and i’m like..oh this is nice! Even the Mothership, the cause of all the chaos commented on how nice it looks and how ‘we‘ will have to keep it clean. Ummm hang on, whats with this we business….
My Aunt has arrived and become reacquainted, there are old songs being played on the CD player and photographs of old boyfriends being pulled from little hiding places in the sideboard. The Mothership will remember something and tell my Aunt to hang on and then disappear off to get something else. Sadly if that something else happens to be underneath a bunch of things, they are being lifted out and left on the tidy surfaces. It’s going to be a full time job keeping this house ship shape.
I know you’re probably thinking, what’s wrong with this girl, does she have OCD. I don’t, well not that I know of anyway, I just don’t like clutter. Sadly it seems to be the Mortherships best friend. I’m pretty sure she thinks ‘Oh look there’s a nice clean space, I have some shit in this cupboard that would look just great there’.
I’m sore, but it’s done and now I can get onto the business of fretting about starting to train for the new job tomorrow….oh great!!
Due to the clean up blah, blah. blah I’ve not had much reading or writing time this weekend. Hopefully at some stage over the next couple of days I will get caught up. On glancing through the reader there seems to be some good stuff there, so happy days.
Right time to go get another load of washing in and the lunch made, no rest for the wicked!
Happy Monday Eejits :)
P.s In case, like me you were worried about Steve from Steve Says, because it’s unlike him to be silent (couldn’t resist Steve sorry!), he’s fine. I figured 7 days was time enough and sent him a little e-mail. He’s busy working and normal service should hopefully resume soon :)
The above picture actually looks a little like how I did on Tuesday of this week. I had to make an appearance for a meeting, which falls under the remit of the new job. I wore a pink shirt. Let me tell you that again in case you missed it, I wore a pink shirt! Now you’ll probably not understand how much of a big deal this is for me, but it really seriously is, on a huge scale. Lets just say than when I wear anything other than black, every fecking person on the planet seems to notice. I felt self conscious and uncomfortable the whole day, but I am going to have to suck it up and get used to it, cos this will have to be the new normal!
Speaking of clothes, I was rather excited when I got an e-mail to say that the clothes store I favour was having a 50% off sale. I’m still on the lookout for a few more work shirts etc, now that I know for sure I am moving. You can imagine my disappointment when after 30 minutes of trawling I found out that the only things still in stock, in my size, are a pair of socks! I’ve heard of fur coat and no knickers, I’m just not sure how well, all socks and no suit would go down with the new boss.
I’ve jumped on the Bloglovin bandwagon. I’d signed up ages ago, but just never got around to doing anything with it. In all honesty I’ve still not done anything with it except follow a few friends. I like the idea that you can add any blog you wish, regardless of whether they have signed up or not. Well at least I think that’s how it works.
I’m glad I’ve found it, because I’ve been having a problem with the wordpress reader for a while. It seems to only show me 20 new posts and no more, so I’ve been missing quite a few. I’ve switched a couple of the photography blogs I follow over to Bloglovin, as due to the volume of posts they were dominating my reader. So don’t panic, I’m still stalking you :)
Last night on arriving home I was ready to commit murder! You’ll be aware from my recent posts (if you actually read them!) that I have spent the last 3 weekends getting the house ready for my Aunts visit. Things were looking up, and my stress levels had almost returned to an acceptable level. Walking into the house last night changed all of that, I really did resemble this:
What the absolute f**k!!
I said nothing, not a word, and believe me, that’s when I am at my most deadly. I did however bang pots and pans and sigh a lot, because although some arguments are just not worth pursuing, there is still a need to show disapproval.
The Mothership had started to tidy the good room, which over the course of the last year has become her new dumping ground, since the upstairs room was at that stage pretty much full to bursting. Let me translate ‘tidy’ for you, in this house it means carry the stuff from said room you wish to cleanse and dump the shite it contains onto any available surface that has been previously cleared and decluttered. When I calmed down, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or bang my head repeatedly off a brick wall. In the end I did neither, I had a shower, a strong coffee, loaded GTA V and basically shot the shit out of anything that moved. Weirdly, I did feel a little more relaxed come bed time.
Needless to say I have another weekend of cleaning in front of me, more than likely revisiting places I have already done. Gotta love Dementia, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.
Finally…….
It seems my Sister, after reading my blog, has been practicing her Haiku skills. Her first attempt certainly made me laugh, so I just had to share it. Here is her Haiku of the day –
Sitting on the train
Enveloped in a fart cloud
Of my own making.
My thoughts and prayers are with the families of those on the Northern Ireland Railways Belfast Departure who may not make it home alive, unless of course they had the foresight to pack a gas mask this morning.
Time for a quick one, update that is, not alcohol, although that might help too!
Things are moving on at a swift pace, it’s now only one week until my Aunt arrives from the United States of America. Seriously, where does the time go, ‘ah no need to panic, there’s loads of time’ has turned into ‘oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!’ and ‘arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh’.
This weekend past, I did actually make good strides, I have empty drawers and can see the floor in both rooms, result! The Mothership, when she was finally able to grasp that it’s this coming weekend, informed me that ‘we’ would have to get the house tidied. There was no ‘we’ involved in the messing up of it, so I am not sure how I got into the equation now ffs! I informed her that it’s pretty much done.
The big fear for me now is that when she starts to tidy the downstairs room, that all that stuff will ‘somehow’ make it’s way upstairs into the newly tidied ones. I have never known anyone be able to make so much mess, it’s almost like she goes into a room and flings stuff around her head while screaming ‘Wheeeeeeee’.
I’m going to take a day off at the end of the week, because although I have the bare bones done, there are still a lot of bits and pieces. I did so much on Saturday, that between the pain in my knees and my back I was so sore I couldn’t manage much yesterday. I would love to think that now I have everything ship shape, that it will stay that way, but I know deep down that it won’t.
In other news, my stomach is like a washing machine. The thing about change in the workplace is, I knew it was coming, but while it was not yet here I didn’t have to worry about it. Now it’s starting to become real and a little amount of panic is setting in. Damn you self confidence, give me a break. I will probably be fine, but it’s the period in between now and then that is going to be be quite stressful, especially with everything else that is going on at the same time.
But as a wise man, or perhaps woman once said, ’These things are sent to try us!’
There have been a lot of posts lately in relation to body size and shape and peoples perception of them. It got me thinking, so to stop my brain hurting I am going to have to write about it.
No two people are the same, even if the old myth is correct and somewhere out there we have a doppelganger, it’s unlikely they will be an exact replica. We are unique in all aspects of everything we are and do.
I am not ashamed to stand up and say I am self conscious, I have always been that way. I feel awkward in social situations where I do not know people, although if you saw me you would not think this the case.
For years I struggled with weight, my ‘puppy fat’ never disappeared, much to my Mothers disappointment. Clothes shopping was a nightmare and she regularly made her feelings known. I was weighed on a Saturday morning, sometimes skipping meals to ensure I had at least lost something. It was all done with the best intentions, but it had a detrimental effect.
Eventually I did lose weight, and for a reason that everyone told me was the wrong one. I split from the guy I was seeing and in an effort to show him what he was missing, I dropped around 3 stone. I don’t think he noticed, but I certainly felt healthier.
The strangest thing was though, that I didn’t really feel any better about myself. I suppose in my head I thought that weight loss was the key to an instant self confidence boost, it wasn’t. I was exactly the same person, only clad in smaller clothes.
Over the years I would find myself in situations where looks mattered, and my face didn’t fit. It hurts, in fact it hurts like hell, but you pick yourself up and you carry on. Despite the fact that people tell you ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ your brain screams, of course it’s you, are you stupid!
I would like to think that I am a good person, of course I am prone to bad days and bitchy days, but isn’t everyone. I hope that I have enough personality to get me through, making people laugh is a good diversionary tactic that genuinely gives me pleasure. Yet still I second guess myself and everything I do. I feel that nothing is ever good enough, I find praise hard to take and failure even harder. In essence, I am my own worst enemy.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I do not see myself as others do. I remember having a conversation once with a young girl of about 18, who was discussing her own issues with self consciousness. I remember feeling incredulous at the time, she was tall, thin and drop dead gorgeous, and I was thinking what right does she have to feel that way, look at me. As I aged, I realised that it can affect anyone, because it is not about how others view us, it’s about how we view ourselves.
I have a friend on here and every day I want to tell her that she is perfect just as she is, but that’s a little hypocritical of me, considering I do not practice what I preach.
As I commented this morning, I know I have to change the shape of my body, but I also have to change my own perception of myself, because if I don’t, regardless of how much I weigh, I will always feel the same.
You do hope that people will see past the exterior and look on the inside, but the truth of the matter is, if you cannot love yourself, how will you ever let anyone else. Perhaps just once a day I should close my eyes and see myself as others do, accept compliments gracefully regardless of how uncomfortable I feel and start the process of change, because there is no one else on this earth that can do it for me. :)
S – Even though you cannot see it, you are amazing and perfect just as you. You’re funny, witty, sassy and above all one of the most kind hearted people I know. Accept this compliment, and repeat it to yourself at least once a day!
The process of asking yourself a What if question is actually a lot harder than it looks. I am in awe of how Jed manages to answer so many and still come up with sensible well written content, I tip my hat to him.
I on the other had have been pondering for a few weeks, the subject matter for my next post and I came up with….nothing, not one single idea! Oh sure I asked myself questions, but I wasn’t able to answer them. So, in a quest to keep my ‘end up’ so to speak on the site, I decided to dive head first into the great pool of the Internet, in search of inspiration.
Apparently, what if questions are a good conversation starter, or if you’re already in the middle, a good way to keep it flowing. Now by conversation starter, I don’t mean…
Last night, I was chatting with Matthias, the Producer/Director who hopes to make .33 Reverse Gunther his next film. He is on his way to L.A. to meet with potential investors and actors, so I’m cautiously excited about what the future holds.
This was the week that was, and I am rather glad it’s over. I have a few bits and bobs to share with you today, so decided to do so in the form of Breaking 
The Indecisive Eejit 