Is Summer coming?

The Indecisive Eejit45 Comments

Everyone is all a dither, there have been strange sightings in the sky, some say it is sunshine, but others disbelieve due to the fact that it has not been seen on the Emerald Isle for some time. I’m warm and itchy and generally uncomfortable in my clothing, so I think for me, that signals it’s at least getting warmer. Don’t worry though, I have no intention of stripping off and running through the bluebells. Poor, poor bluebells.

Last night I put my phone on to charge, which would have been great if only I had remembered to turn on the plug…..doh!! I went to work and due to the fact that it was busy all day, I never even got to plug it in. Fast forward a few hours and I am sitting on the train at the start of my journey home, ready to have a few hands of Yahtzee and catch up on blog reading and bam, there’s only a slither of battery power left. When travelling by NIR, you always need to think ahead, at any time there could be a train failure, or leaves on the line, and without a mobile phone, how would I ever be able to inform the Fathership of my late arrival.

Weighing up all these options in my head, I decided it best not to use the phone and instead opted for the Ipod Touch. Whilst virtually redundant now for most things, it still plays music, and plays it rather well might I add.  I listen to tunes sometimes whilst working on my computer, rarely however when I am blogging as I find it distracts my thoughts, but today, between the music and the sunshine, the thoughts were coming thick and fast. Snippets of poems like the old days, adventures for May and perhaps even for Polly Carmichael who I have not written about in a while.

I had no paper.

I had a pen, but no paper.

I had no phone, the mere slither of battery power left rendering it almost useless to write a post with.

I had a redundant Ipod touch, great music, no WordPress.

Bollocks.

I came home and I’ve got nothing. All my great ideas disappeared like the sun!

Do you love it or hate it?

The Indecisive Eejit77 Comments

Love - Hate Challenge

The lovely Judy from Edwina’s Episodes kindly requested of me that I complete the Love – Hate Challenge. Strangely enough, I had seen this earlier on in the day on another blog and thought it looked quite interesting, so I was glad to see the invitation. Thanks Judewina (I like both names so I’m renaming you for the purposes of this post).

In this challenge I have to list ten things  I love, closely followed by 10 things I hate and then shaft nominate 10 other bloggers to complete it too.

Things I Love

  1. My family and friends, which also includes you, ya bunch of randomers. I love each and every one of you.
  2. The smell of fresh cut grass – As long as I have not had to cut it, because then all I can smell is petrol and sweat.
  3. Coffee – I could not exist without it. lifts cup, sips and continues……
  4. Music – It really does make the world go round.
  5. Grey’s Anatomy – It has managed to surpass any other TV show I have ever watched in the love stakes. It’s like a bad relationship, it’s made me happy, sad, cross and cry and yet I still keep going back for more!
  6. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy – I especially loved Legolas and even had a bit of a girl crush on Arwen.
  7. Stationary (by way of clarification, I mean pens etc, not standing still) – Hmmm that might be more of a fetish than love, swiftly moving on.
  8. My Camera – My Sister bought me it as a present and it takes the most amazing photographs despite the fact that I have no idea how to use it properly.
  9. GTA V – It’s my release. I’m not a fan of career mode, but I love playing online with my friends. I am BADASS! Shame the same cannot be said for real life huh!
  10. Pom Bears – I can’t believe I made it to number 10 without mentioning food, and no the coffee does not count thank you very much. For my last slot, I need to confess that I am totally in love with these little bear shaped crisps (original flavour). I try to tell myself they are better for me than ordinary crisps as they are Gluten Free and contain no artificial flavours or colours. The fact is it wouldn’t matter, they are delicious and I am addicted and that’s pretty much all there is to it.

Things I Hate

  1. Cold Callers – I cannot express how much I dislike these people. My new tactic after reading various articles on the internet, is to ask said caller the name, address and contact details of their company. When they ask me why, I inform them I am registered with the telephone preference service and should not be receiving calls of this nature. 9 out of 10 times they will hang up. Result!
  2. Ice and Snow – I like it when I am inside looking out at it, but I don’t like it if I am outside and trying to walk in it.
  3. Politics – I’m not even going to justify that comment, it is what it is and I need to stay awake to the end of this post.
  4. Jam – It’s really strange but so many people are actually horrified when they find out I don’t like Jam, especially on my toast in the morning. WTF, is there some unwritten rule that I HAVE to like it.
  5. Changing Trains – I’d love to be able to just get on a train and stay on a train until I reach my destination, but no, that would be far to simple, right Translink!
  6. Being indecisive, I think.
  7. Smoking – I smoke, and I hate it. I am trying (albeit unsuccessfully at the minute) to quit!
  8. Nails on a blackboard or other similar screeching noises – it makes my teeth hurt.
  9. Clothes Shopping – It does nothing for my self esteem when I stand in garments that are clearly not suited for my shape looking into mirrors that are clearly not designed to flatter. If I ever win the lottery I have every intention of starting my own clothes line. There will be a straight choice between black or navy.
  10. Birds shitting on my clean washing when it’s hanging on the line to dry.

I have to be honest and say that I found the things I hate bit quite hard, no doubt tomorrow on the journey to work I’ll be all ffs this and ffs that as I remember things I should have included.

So here are the people who I would like to see complete this challenge, however no one is under any obligation to do so and there will be no complaints from me, as I usually shy away from them myself.

Mental in the Midwest

Steve Says

A Prompt Reply

Wee Blue Birdie

Here There Be Spiders

Knocked over by a feather

Not A Punk Rocker

My Life, My Way, My Words

Rebelle Angel

Bluefish Way

If I have not included you, but you like the idea of this, consider yourself invited, and as I said before, to any of the ten nominated, if you have already done this or you just can’t be arsed, feel free to pass it on by.

Till next time Eejits!

Beating (the crap out of) the blues!

The Indecisive Eejit50 Comments

 

Beat the Blues

I sat down to write, honest I did. It’s just that nothing would formulate in there, taps brain. I started to tinker instead, cleared up the blogs I follow,  made some changes in Bloglovin and got caught up on some reading. It’s hard to believe how many posts can amass in such a short space of time. The weight of it sits heavy on my shoulders sometimes, even after all this time it still manifests itself as guilt.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me this weather, I feel like I need to give myself a good shake, but believe me, that’s a lot easier than it sounds. I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about where I would have been if I had not made some of the choices I did. I wake up every morning, ragged from restless sleep and for a few moments I forget what life is like and then it all comes crashing in and I feel swamped with that feeling of helplessness, scared to go downstairs because I am not entirely sure what to expect when I get there. Sometimes it feels like life just gets a little too big. I am a small hamster on a big wheel, running, but getting nowhere.

I can’t seem to settle either, I always feel restless. When I finally sit I feel like I should be up and about doing something else, making the most of my time, but that’s the problem it is MY time, and there is very little of it, I don’t need to have it peppered with feelings of guilt.

I went out the other day with my friends, I’ve not seen them for almost 2 months and we made the decision to go on a road trip. I was looking forward to it and especially to having a day away. In order to do anything at all however, plans have to be put in place to make sure the ships are fed, tablets are left out and everyone knows the routine. It often feels like it’s more hassle than it’s worth. On the morning in question I came down to make some breakfast and finish preparing the food I was leaving for their tea, only to be greeted with tears and things like ‘Oh I like it there’ and ‘I’d love to go there’ as if she never gets taken anywhere. The sad thing is the Mothership has a more active social life than I do. She seems to forget that not less than two weeks ago the Fathership took her in the same direction as I was heading and she threw a wobbler and ruined both her day and his, refusing to eat and just generally being obstructive. It was a shit start to the day, but thankfully my friends rallied me round and a great day was had by all.

I miss me. I feel like everything I write these days is negative. In reality I know it isn’t as I need an outlet for release, but there used to be so much more and now it feels like there isn’t anything other than work and home life and GTA of course, there is always GTA!

I know things will settle down again. It’s been a very up and down few weeks what with various appointments and eye Ops etc. We’ve been skirting around our normal routine and that pretty much upsets the apple cart. The longer hours in work are not helping either, but right now that is not something that I can change.

Please don’t offer me sympathy, I don’t need it, what I do need is a good kick up the arse, so feel free to administer one of those. The wearing of hob nailed boots however is prohibited!

I’ve followed a couple of blogs lately as I have liked some of the pieces others I follow have written for their prompts. I might give them a go sometime myself, I miss writing fiction. If you know of any other good ones let me know. I know too, that it has been a while since I put a new prompt on Okay, What If?, so if you have any ideas let me know, the question can be anything.

I know I’ve said it before, but hopefully one of these days I will get myself into a bit of a better routine, I shall make no promises, then I cannot be held accountable. I was thinking however that it has been a while since I let May out of her box, heaven help us all!!

Till next time Eejits :)

A Miniature Update!

The Indecisive Eejit62 Comments

IE News Banner

I haven’t used the breaking news picture for a while, it has no bearing on this post, but I liked it, so thought I would resurrect it. Sadly, there is no breaking news, you can pick your coffee cup back up.

I had a head full of plans for the weekend, the latter half of the week had passed uneventfully and although the vision of my weekend was slightly clouded by housework, I intended to fit some writing and GTA in there somewhere too. It all started well as by 8pm on Friday night most things were done and I was just finishing off the last of my tasks while mentally planning what I was going to spend my free time on, when I fell out the back door. How random right, I have no idea how I fell, did Alien Leg give way, did I slide on something, did my foot catch? who knows, but I tipped forwards out the back door and still somehow managed to land flat on my ass, thank feck it’s cushioned. The poor Fathership, he has no idea how I fell either, but I think he was about two farts away from shitting himself.

Somehow on the way down, in the moments between standing and slump I managed to scrape my elbow against the wall and also jarred my already damaged knee. I think that’s what concerned me the most, I was heart scared that perhaps I had managed to remove my tendon from my kneecap for a second time and sat for a little while cradling myself and praying this was not the case. Eventually I moved myself back, up onto the step and then hauled myself up, flexing my leg and walking. It hurt, but it seemed to be functioning correctly so I heaved a sigh of relief, lamented the loss of a layer of skin from my elbow and went on with the dishes. I babbled a little incoherently for a while, the Fathership informed me I was possibly in shock.

I didn’t move for much of the rest of the night after that, I know my knee well enough to let it rest and by this time it had started to swell. The weird thing is though, that when I was up and moving around later I realised my knee was no longer grinding, the grimace inducing grating of bones had temporarily disappeared, sadly the pain hadn’t. It’s weird isn’t it, that I was wishing the thing that has caused me concern and pain for the last three years would return.

So I’m hoping that perhaps when I jarred said knee I broke some scar tissue, which in the long run might give me some relief. It may also just be a simple case of the swelling causing temporary disappearance. Regardless, apart from a few scrapes, aches and a bruise on my butt I’m grand, if perhaps a little unsure on my feet again.

In other news, a theme was finally released that I like, taadaaaa, what do you think? I tinkered with it for a while before publishing and just this evening Paul sent me a new banner! Isn’t it great. I think that’s me happy again for a little while, but they don’t call me indecisive for nothing you know, so watch this space!

So that was my eventful weekend, how was yours?

Technology

The Indecisive Eejit56 Comments

Technology is one of those things you either love or hate. What is an absolute joy for some, can be a heartache for others.

Back in the days when I was foolish with money and thought it grew on trees, I loved all things gadgety and geeky. These days though, on finding out the hard way that money has to be earned and cannot be found at the end of rainbows, I am a little more considered with my purchases and carry out substantial research before I part with any cash. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It was only after the purchase of my laptop that I realised that size does in fact matter.

Loving music as I do, I put a lot of thought into my purchase of an MP 3 player, if that’s what the cool kids still call them. Eventually I bit the bullet and purchased an IPod touch, not cheap at the £150 it cost me after discount. I thought it would be my friend for life, sadly after three years that is no longer the case.

Whilst I am not yet at the stage where I have to mourn its demise, I am finding more and more that it is no longer equipped to do all that I expect from it.

It would be at this point that you may advise me that perhaps I expect too much, but actually I don’t, I am a simple soul, I just expect it to function. My little friend still has the ability to amuse my eardrums as it pumps music from my pocket to my lugs, but sadly due to lack lustre software it can no longer help me surf, blog, game or lament the emptiness of my bank account.

I need a software upgrade. Almost every app tells me it can no longer function without the aid of IOS 7. No problem says I as I navigate my way to the store nestled within ITunes. I sit watching a loading symbol with glee, eager to eye the new changes only to be told that I cannot upgrade. WTF!! like seriously WT absolute F!

I move straight past sadness and despair to anger, stopping short at throwing my outdated (according to Apple) little friend against a wall, the though of not being able to listen to music the only thing that keeps me from a gadget gore fest extravaganza.

So where does that leave me then, well I’m kind of stuck up a tree without a ladder I guess. I can listen to the birdsong and pick apples, but I can’t look up a recipe to make a pie. Truth is, I am not upset with my little friend, but more at the company who introduced it to the world. I paid a sizeable chunk of money (thank you BNPL) only for my beloved gadget to  become 50% obsolete after 3 years. Surely this doesn’t have to happen, there must be something that can be done to make the crossover a possibility.  In effect, eventually I will be forced to move with the times and upgrade, either that or I will have to make peace with the fact that it will be all about the music and nothing else, basically because I won’t be able to do anything fecking else.

In the meantime however I need to just suck it up! As long as there is music…

The Wonky Weekend

The Indecisive Eejit46 Comments

I really want to update you, honestly I do, I just have nothing to say. So here I sit listening to the Tudors Soundtrack staring at a blank screen.

Ah feck it, here goes.

A few weeks ago someone in work told me that for every bad day there would be good days. I laughed and said I can’t remember the last time there was a good day, but as things went, last week was not so bad. Perhaps my new regime of making myself go to bed at a relatively reasonable time was helping, or perhaps I am so far past the end of my tether that I actually just don’t care anymore.

I went in on Saturday and worked for 7 hours straight. When I left there were still things to do, but you know how it is, the Ships have to be fed. It made a wonky weekend being off Sunday and Monday as opposed to Saturday and Sunday, but it was beneficial.

When I arrived home on Saturday night I walked into a complete and utter nightmare. The Mothership seemed to think it was fun to pull everything out of the cupboards and place it in little piles all over any available surface in the living room, the Fathership was already under fire as he had asked her if she was going to tidy it up and I walked in and felt like crying. I cannot stress enough how much it irritates me that I spend at least 4 hours cleaning on a normal Saturday for it only to last half a day, if even. It’s such a waste of time. I don’t want someone to come and visit, look at the mess and think feck that big girl doesn’t do much to help out. Trust me, that’s going to get them a knee in the knackers followed by me screaming ‘give me a break I do pretty much fucking everything!!’

The final straw came on Sunday, while I was running round cleaning, yet again! Now bear in mind that at this stage the living room still looks like a bomb has gone off, so the Mothership proceeds to move to the room next door and tip everything out in there too. I was on to my second load of washing at this stage and owing to the fact that it was raining a whole zoo never mind cats and dogs, I had brought the clothes in and left them on a chair to be placed onto the clothes horse. I left them for two seconds to go and turn on the dinner and came back to find the Mothership trailing the clean clothes across the floor. It was right about then that the top of my head blew off and steam exited at a rather quick pace from my ears, in fact I looked pretty much something like this:

Burning Sun

I get that she was trying to help, but in the name of good fuck could she not tidy the two days worth of mess up instead of sticking an oar in where it’s not needed. I basically said as much too, and then went into the kitchen and broke down. There are people who will judge me, but do you know what, walk a week in my shoes and then see how you feel. Only those who have ever actually had to care for someone could ever understand. I know it’s not her fault and trust me, guilt eats at me, but I am a women fast approaching the menopause with hormonal homicidal tendencies, working full time, looking after two adults, once of whom is getting on like a sullen teenager. No one said it was going to be easy, and given a choice, it’s certainly not something you would sign up for. Right now though I would settle for a tidy house.

That said, tomorrow is another day, just a shame I’m back at work!

Halfway through this post I switched from listening to the Tudors Sountrack to The Penguin Cafe Orchestra. Awesome. Highly recommended for giving the heart a helping hand.

Till next time eejits :)

 

Eye, Eye!

The Indecisive Eejit36 Comments

It’s been a very surreal week, even by my standards. I spent most of it feeling like I was playing hooky from work, constantly waiting for the knock at the door and the person behind it telling me to get back to my desk.  Now before anyone judges me, ya buggers, I was actually on leave, albeit it was very short notice.

Last Saturday the Fathership got a letter to tell him he had to go for the minor eye op he was waiting for, the problem was it was set for Monday, not the Monday a week or two weeks away, more like the Monday, two days away, I thought, holy crap that’s quick, I better get him clean undercrackers!

Work were very good, I went in for a short while on Monday to get everything organised, ask for leave and then head to the hospital. I had some days booked for next week, but as I was still having to clean the ships eye and put in drops I swopped them and took all last week instead. It wasn’t the relaxing few days I wanted, but that’s life. Two ships and myself under one roof for more than two days creates a little bit of a pressure pot.

I’m sad I had to cancel the days for next week, I had been looking for a couple of days to kick back and chill, sadly this week was anything but and here we are in the middle of the weekend and it will soon be time to go back to work, can’t fecking wait…..not!

I’ve been giving a lot of though to this blog over the last week or so as well, wondering if it is something I should continue. It annoys me that I no longer have the time I need, which in turn saddens me because I cannot get the time to keep up on the reading of all the blogs I love. It is unfair of me to expect people to read and interact when I am not doing the same. I don’t want to give it up though, this is my little space and I feel like I need it sometimes to keep me sane. I’m not going to make any sudden decisions, I still hope that I will be able to get myself into a routine. So stick with me just a little bit longer please.

Sorry for the short update, but it’s 1.35 am and I think it’s time for bed!

I shall be in touch soon :)

Okay, What if You could change!

The Indecisive Eejit28 Comments

Okay, What if? Challenge – You

What of you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Perhaps I didn’t think this challenge through before I issued it. I mean did I seriously think I was going to be able to narrow all the things I would change about myself down to just one, who was I trying to kid!

Throughout my life there have always been things I wanted to change, sometimes even my life itself. I wonder how many of us can say with all honesty that we are living the life we always thought we would. Certainly not me, some of that is my fault and some is down to circumstance, not all things are within our control. In order to change, you need to have the time and means to do so.

There are things I wish I had done, things I wish I could do, and perhaps some things I will still yet manage before my time is up. When I sit and consider everything, all paths lead to the door of confidence, which where I am concerned is firmly shut.

Confidence, or lack of is not like a bruise, it is not an affliction you can see, as such, you might be surprised by the number of people it can affect. I know I have shocked people with my admission, because apparently I appear much more confident than I actually am.

Most everything in life takes a dash of confidence to accomplish, even the most simple thing like walking into a room full of strangers.What can be exhilarating for some, can be crippling for others.

I hate second guessing myself, but it has almost become part of my daily routine. I will eventually make a decision, however I will waste time both before and afterwards fretting the outcome. Lately this has proved detrimental to both my work and my mental health. My perceived failure in my current job is shattering the small shards of confidence I had. I am not stupid, I know that I am my own worst critic, but no matter how many people tell me I am doing just fine, I do not feel like I am. I need to learn to give myself a break, I can only do what I can do.

That said, who would have thought that during this post I would show a little confidence and narrow down my choices after all, either that or I am being super smart and have more posts planned, this theme for me could be endless.

Orange/Apple Confidence

Stolen glimpses

The Indecisive Eejit26 Comments

Yesterday while hanging out my second load of washing for the day, I realised that I am always rushing. I get one job finished and I move on to the next, on and on until all tasks are complete. I leave very little time to stand still and take stock in between. Sometimes I wonder how much I actually accomplish,  everything I need, or do I waste endless minutes flapping while portraying a businesslike exterior.

I stopped yesterday and stared at the sea from my back garden, listened to the gentle hum of bees and the call of birds as they search for a mate and occupy hedgerows in order to build a home and family. Tractors preparing fields for seed and the bleats of new born lambs as they explore unfamiliar surroundings on shaky legs.

In the April sunshine, to one side I could see an expanse of blue sea and to the other green fields, lucky indeed to be centred in the middle of such beauty, a fact I sometimes forget, because I am always rushing.

I wish I had a little more time to appreciate my surroundings, but such is life, the boring run of the mill tasks do not take care of themselves, sadly. So I will just have to continues to catch glimpses of the changing seasons while I hang out the washing or walk  to work. Stolen glimpses are better than none after all.

Happy Sunday eejits!

Grrrr!

The Indecisive Eejit24 Comments

I’m blogging on the train again, go me that’s twice in one month. Is it the same month? I dunno. Who cares.

Today was one of those days where I just had to get up and leave work because I was in fear of my ‘Are you fecking serious’ meter going unto hyperdrive and blowing the top clean off my heed. Thunderous looks and muttered ‘fucks’ were flying in all directions to an audience of myself, mainly because I’ve decided I’m the only one who listens. I can’t even use the PMT card, I’m just angry!

How many things does it take before someone actually breaks, because at this rate I’m going to break myself. I hate anxiety and worry, rotten little shits, always on my case they are.

I’m going home to sit down in a dark room and give myself a good talking to!

Thanks for reading, I feel better now :)