Deja Moo

Colourful Cows - S Writings

‘Oh Daisy here they come again. I can’t be doing with this today, I have a hell of a hangover after last night, look at me, I’m practically green.’

‘Well I did tell you that all that chomping on fermented grass was not going to do you any good, but you never listen. Mind you, these are a rare looking bunch.’

All I can say is I hope no one gets too close to my rear end, because I am not sure I can hold in the after effects of said fermented grass much longer.

Ach when I think back now to all we were promised, it’ll be fun they said, you’ll be a veritable cash cow they said, if only you just take the bull by the horns. 

You were none to pleased at the start, I almost keeled over laughing when he said ‘Don’t have a cow’, oh the look on your face.

Ah well, tis show time, just an udder day in paradise. 

~

Written for Priceless Joy’s Flash Fiction for Inspiring Writers – Thank goodness for the + – 25 words, I came in at 168 and even that was tough going. Click on the link if you would like to try this challenge for yourself.

I am three!

It’s true, I am three, well not me, my blog, but you knew that anyway right!?

On each of my previous birthdays, namely my first and second I commented on how amazed I was that I had made it this far and yet here I am still, that is remarkable indeed, because in the grand scheme of things I usually give up on things that I consider to be a fad, and back in the early days I foolishly thought that was what this was. How wrong was I.

In the course of three years I have amassed 1004 followers, most of whom I hope are real, written 465 posts which have been viewed 34, 428 times and there have been over 18, 000 visitors who have commented over 8000 times. Not bad for a lass from the back of beyond with pretty much nothing between her ears. Clearly you people don’t get out enough.

Just this week during a conversation someone asked me what my blog was about, I gave that some thought, in fact I gave it quite a lot of thought and still could not come up with an answer. I don’t believe there is one thing that defines my little place here, but I hope if there is, it’s laughter. Even in the midst of all the crap that goes on around me I try to laugh, because honestly if I didn’t I’d cry.

Even though I don’t have the same amount of time now that I did when I first started the blog, it remains something I want to try and keep making time for. I feel truly blessed because I have gained so many things, new friends, who I believe will be friends for a life, a larger and more diverse music collection, people who understand just how difficult life can be sometimes and forgive you when you’re not around. There’s also Steve’s radio show which has fast become the highlight of my Saturday night. It’s all the small things that help me make it through.

Sometimes I think about giving up, because words fail me. I want to write, but on certain days there is just nothing to say. On those days I read and I remember that if I were not here I would no longer be part of this community that I have grown to love and consider myself very fortunate to be a part of.

When I was two I finished my post on the following line, and as it is still apt today I want to use it again. Simply put it was a comment on the the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!

My week summed up!

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Full of problems that were just to difficult for my poor little brain to solve.

Uncontrollable emotions – by Friday I lost my shit and had a mini meltdown.

Celebrating the fact that it was the weekend only to wake up on Saturday at 5.30am and feel like shit that just slid off a shovel.

Kicking ass in work on Friday night for the 2 hours it took to wait for the next train to arrive after I missed the first one. Cleaner inbox = slight smile on face, until I go back on Monday and it’s just as bad as ever.

Superior people who tell you to let them finish while not letting you get your point across at all!

Assholes – see above.

Keeping myself from slamming down the phone and walking out, which believe me was what I really wanted to do. Previous 2 points refer.

Exciting – The thought of going back to work on Monday and yes, that is sarcasm!

Look carefully – can you crack the code :)

 

 

Halloween Socks!

Some people have asked about other stories involving Polly Carmichael, this was by far her most exciting escapade, so as requested I am reposting. Apologies if you have read it before.
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“Polly Carmichael you are not going Trick or Treating dressed as a sock, and that is the end of it! What on earth has possessed you anyway girl, I’ve told you that you can have any outfit you want and you choose to go as a sock. Honestly, you and your imagination, it causes me nothing but trouble.”

Mrs Carmichael was not impressed and neither was a frustrated Polly, who with crossed arms, pouted throughout her Mothers lengthy tirade.

“But Mama I…….”

“But Mama nothing young lady, where on earth did you get this foolish idea?”

Looking anywhere but at her Mother, Polly whispered “Patricia.”

“Patricia who? The lady who runs the wool shop at the end of the street, Lemon Lime Follies?”

“Yes Mama.”

“Well at least I know you are safe when you are there, but what have I told you about walking on the road unaccompanied and what is it with your sudden fascination for socks, I just don’t understand!”

Ah, there it was, the question that Polly dreaded most of all.

How could Polly explain to her Mother about the wonderful lady in the shop who made knitting fun and told amazing stories of far away lands, dragons and ghosts. Who made the socks she knitted dance by the glow of the fire with her magic knitting needles as she served up delicious buns and sweets to be munched upon.

She had to go tonight and she had to be a sock!

For the last three months a secret war had been waging in drawers all throughout the sleepy little village of Cosy Toe, unbeknown to any of it’s inhabitants.

Sabrina De La Fibrè, on moving to the village had spotted a gap in the market for manufacturing socks. Patricia could knit, boy could she, but her socks were mischievous and caused no end of trouble during their creation. Although funny and harmless, their high jinx meant supply could not currently meet demand. Sabrina, a clever and calculating witch, wheedled her way into the towns good graces and became the number one supplier with her bright colours, bold designs and catchy slogans. However unlike the woolen socks born in the shop which were crafted with love and care, Sabrina’s synthetic fibres were laced with the misery that radiated from her cold dark heart!

On Halloween night they were going to dance anyone who wore them straight into the river to be carried away forever.

“Okay Mama, I will wear last years costume if you will just let me leave now, the festivities have already started” begged Polly.

“Oh for goodness sake off you go, but we shall continue this conversation. Do not be late!”

Polly grabbed the costume from the chair and moved forward like she was heading to get changed, but as soon as her mother turned away she darted out through the back door and ran as fast as she could all  the way to Lemon, Lime, Follies.

Patricia was already at the door and ushered her in, checking up and down the street to make sure she had not been seen. Giving her a warm hug and brushing the hair from Polly’s eyes she said “You all set?”

“Yep” said Polly with a smile and a salute, before climbing into the sock costume laid out in front of the fire.

Patricia lifted a basket from the table, lined with quilted fabric and as soft as a feather, set it on the floor, and proceeded to let out the loudest whistle Polly had ever heard in her life. A chorus of squeals and whee’s of delighted echoed all through the room as hundred of little socks emerged from the shadows, running, bouncing and somersaulting, before eventually diving into the basket.

“Be good little one’s,” Patricia whispered before handing them to Polly. “And to you child, best of luck. I have added extra love into the costume to keep you safe. We don’t have much time, so hurry along.”

Stepping out into the cold, Polly headed towards the town, keeping her head down and avoiding all the glances from the other trick or treaters. She could hear giggling and knew it was at her costume, but resolute she marched on knowing that she would have the last laugh tonight, god willing.

As she approached the town, she became aware of someone making a speech. Hurrying closer she realised it was none other than Sabrina De La Fibrè herself, courting the crowd who had become unusually sombre considering this was supposed to be a celebration. All at once, as if on cue the crowd turned and started to walk towards the river.

“Where are you going Jaded?” she asked the girl who had just become Poet Laureate. No reply. Polly tugged her sleeve trying to gain some sort of response. Nothing, nothing at all. With dead pan faces the crowd continued to march. The only sound that split the night was the evil laughter of the witch.

Knowing the time was now, Polly ran to the front of the crowd and setting the basket on the ground shouted to all the little socks to get to work. With yelps of glee and jumps for joy the little socks began to surround the villagers, encompassing them in a circle. The larger socks drew together to form a platform onto which Polly gingerly stepped. Clearing her throat she recited the words that Patricia had taught her:

Attention feet of all who stand,
Do you know to where you roam
You seem to be heading for the river,
when you really should be going home.

The evil lady tricked you,
There is a darkness at your feet,
feel how weary your legs are,
Would you not rather have a seat.

Remember the days of woolen socks
when your feet felt warm and safe,
not like that new material
that makes you itch and chafe.

Take off your socks and sit a while,
rest your weary heads,
and when you are feeling more refreshed,
head home wards to your beds.

One by one the townspeople fell to the ground, as if in deep slumber, smiles upon their content faces. The little socks jumped up and down with delight, until that is, they saw the witch approaching with a face like thunder.

Banding together they formed lines in front of Polly, a little army protecting it’s precious cargo.

The witch sneered and laughed, “Do you think you can stop me! NOTHING can stop me!!”

“Do you think so” roared the little socks as they started to unravel, joining and growing, binding and making the strongest rope the world had ever seen. Moving forward they started at the witches feet and wove a path up her body encasing her in a tight cocoon, so tight in fact she could not even scream. On and on they worked until not even an inch of her could be seen. Then they started to sing and squeeze. Polly could not hear the words, but the tune made her feel relaxed and happy, as the little socks squeezed and squeezed until eventually the wicked witch exploded into a million pieces that fell to the ground like black snow.

Polly felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Patricia standing behind her. “Well done Polly, I knew you could do it, you certainly knocked the socks off them all!”


My entry for the Okay, What if? Weekly Writing Challenge. 

It’s probably not what I wanted it to be, but as I had no clear idea of where I was going with it, it will have to do. It has literally made my brain ache :)

Nothing is ever easy…

kids books

“Nothing is ever as easy as it looks” said Polly with a wry smile, “how do we know which is the right book?”

“What about the little doll could it hold the key, it looks like it is mechanical?” said Teddy.

Polly lifted the little statue and studied it quizzically. “There’s no key”.

“So turn her backwards, twist her or something, it’s just a doll.”

“Teddy, SHE is not just a doll, how would you like it if I said you were JUST a teddy bear and I twisted you, around the neck!”

“Fair point” mumbled Teddy realising he was beaten.

Suddenly and without warning the little statue began to turn and strange music filled the air. “What’s happening?” exclaimed a startled Polly, “How is it moving?”

“It’s magic” said the little doll. “If you want to find the key, you need to learn your ABCs”. Such was Polly’s fright that she dropped the little doll, who shattered into a million pieces on the floor.

” Well that was weird” said Teddy, “but at least now we know which book we’re looking for” he said pointing to the shelf.

Little Girl Lost

~~

Written for Rogershipp’s Flash Fiction for the Purposeful Practioner

It’s been a while since I did a Polly Carmichael story, most of you probably won’t even know who she is, just be warned, I’m not the best at fiction, but I still like to try :)

What’s Up-date

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Apparently time also flies when you’re not having fun too!

This last two weeks in work have been unbelievably stressful. I really need a day off, but two courses and a new boss next week mean it’s not going to happen. I’m actually worn out, despite the fact that after purchasing new pillows I’m sleeping slightly better.

That said, there are good things about being so busy. I’m hardly smoking these days mainly because I never leave my desk. I can’t tell you if I feel any better for it, but I know that when I reach a certain time scale withdrawal rage kicks in. The second thing is time, it flies.

I’m putting in 9 hour days, but they pass in the blink of an eye, sadly the mountain of post it notes is threatening to consume me if I don’t manage to make my way through them. I used to be quite organised… before I started this job. I need to get back to that and start using my to do book again, I can’t be arsed with the 20 million paper scraps!

It’s looking highly likely that this will be another weekend of working, that stresses me out too because I have jobs to do for both myself and other people, but there are just not enough hours in the day. Thankfully I have Steve’s radio show to look forward to on Saturday night.

I finally started playing Tomb Raider and I’m enjoying it immensely. I’ve had it since Christmas but just haven’t had the time to play. The only downfall is it’s giving me motion sickness which means I can only play for 30 – 60 minutes in one go. That’s ok though, because I usually only have that amount of time spare between getting everything done and going to bed anyway.

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Thanks to all my new followers, you’re all more than welcome. I have a new goal, I’d like to reach a thousand before 2020, I’m keeping a realistic time scale here, I don’t need any additional stress, or disappointment for that matter :)

Well that’s about it for today, my train journey is almost over meaning it’s time for job number two, management of the Ships.

Enjoy your day and till next time eejits :)

What’s sleep?

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I’m tired. So tired in fact that if the Mothership asks me what the trousers I have left out are for one more time, I might possibly use them to strangle her. Not her fault I know, but she is part of the reason why I am so tired.

I resolved the weekend before last that it would be the final one I worked, but somehow I still found myself in on Saturday. I’m doing 9 hour days and throwing an extra one in at the weekend too and it’s not making a dent on the mountain of things that need done. I really wish I was the kind of person who could just say ‘fuck it’ and dander off.

I’m not sleeping either and that sucks. It’s like I have this little voice in my head going ‘hey you, yes you, it’s been an hour since you last looked at the clock……WAKE UP!’ and damn it I comply. When I do finally manage to fall over to sleep one of two things happen, either the alarm goes off and it’s time to get up for work, or the Mothership wakes me with her screaming at the Fathership. She can never understand why I bark like a dog whose just been stung like a bee, but ffs I just woke up thinking someone’s being murdered, not having their bloody hands washed.

Go to work. Drink coffee. Work……really need a power nap, but there’s no time…..work.

By the time I travel home, stand on trains, stand while waiting for trains, stand while making the dinner and doing the dishes my poor knees feel like they can no longer hold my weight and I can’t wait to collapse into a chair, and then I remember I need to leave out the tablets for tomorrow, wash spuds for tomorrow nights dinner and put on a load of washing, because lets face it if the Motherships ration of knickers falls below 15 you would think the world was going to end.

Back up the stairs, clothes laid out for work, and then a quick shower and  finally I get to sit down, god bless my recliner. The feeling of my feet being lifted off the floor is almost orgasmic and as I settle back to enjoy my 15 minutes of freedom I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet up the corridor.

FUCK!! is what I think, but I don’t voice it, I surprise myself sometimes with how calm I am. There’s no privacy in this house. I’m trying to write a post, maybe read a blog.

Then proceeds a 15 minute to and fro about which nightdress she will wear. When that’s settled, there will be perhaps another 5 trips into my room to confirm the decision that we made not five minutes before.

I don’t attempt to sit down again, there is no point. I just stand and wait.

10 minutes later there is the pitter patter of feet up the corridor once again and it’s time to do the teeth. It’ll take a good five minutes to convince her to give me the gnashers in the first place. Then I have to brush the ones that still remain in place, before confirming at least 10 times that the others are safe in the cup for the night and will be there in the morning.

Finally she goes to put the nightdress on. This whole process from start to finish can take about an hour, and meanwhile time is ticking away and my dreams of an early night are shattered.

I used to hate getting into bed before 12.30 am, it felt like such a waste of a night, now I love my bed, I can’t wait to crawl into it. My legs love me when I lie down.

I was so tired…………..but now I’m wide awake.

FUCK!!

Dementia…..if you didn’t laugh you’d cry!

Sunshine and Showers

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WordPress tells me it’s been 8 days since I posted, really, is that all, because to me it feels like weeks ago.

This last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster. I really have no idea if I’m blown up or stuffed at the minute.

It’s all change at work, even after a year and a half in the job I still wouldn’t say I’m used to it. Everyday brings challenges which when added to the ones I face at home leave me almost at tipping point on a daily basis. With the current changes there are two of us managing 5 people while trying to balance our normal workload. I’m also still trying to fend off people who ask me questions about my previous position. Yeah, the whole saying no thing didn’t work out to well, I can think it, I just can’t voice it. I also need people to realise that I am not a walking encyclopaedia, unfortunately I do not have the answer to every question, but I seem to be the first port of call. I have no doubt things will once again level out, I’m just not sure I will make it through the bedding in period.

There are however some shards of light in the darkness. Did I tell you that I LOVE my new computer, I mean actually LOVE it! I might even send it a Valentines Day card. It’s quick, quiet and will let me open more than three pages without playing the blue screen of death card (touches wood). I almost fell off the chair when I opened Spotify and clicked on play. Who knew that’s what my speakers could sound like, certainly not me and I’ve had the little feckers for ages. Now I just need to finish organising my room and figure out a new desk and I will actually have a workable office space. My desk while perfectly fine will not let me kick my legs out, which when you have bad knees can lead to extra pain which I don’t need. It’s all getting there, I’m making progress and that’s the main thing.

Secondly, Steve’s radio show. You might find this heard to believe (probably not actually), but I don’t have much of a social life, there are a lot of factors to that, not just the whole caring thing, but it doesn’t help. Saturday nights can be a tad boring sometimes if no one is around to play Xbox and I have nothing to blog about. Well Steve and his radio show changed all that. I actually smile on a Saturday when I remember it’s on and try and make the dinner earlier so I can be cleared up before it starts. Each week more people have been listening in, making requests and promoting their blogs. It’s an excellent way to bring people together. Great choice of music and great company make for a fun night, armchair dancing with my pal MJ is the icing on the cake.

If you haven’t tuned in, why have you not, shame on you, you’ve no idea what you’re missing!

The last few weeks the show has been held on a Saturday night between 8pm and 10pm GMT, at Talk About Pop Music. This week however Steve and Suzie are joining forces to host the mother of all Valentines blog parties on both Twitter and the Radio. As Suzie herself says:

We are hosting the Ultimate Valentine’s Day Blog Party on Sunday 14th February from 9.00am GMT till I fall asleep in the evening or The Bloke pry’s my iPad from my hands, with the radio request show from 2.00pm – 6.00pm.

Keep an eye on both their blogs for more information, it’s going to be epic!!

Till next time eejits, I need sleep!