What’s sleep?


I’m tired. So tired in fact that if the Mothership asks me what the trousers I have left out are for one more time, I might possibly use them to strangle her. Not her fault I know, but she is part of the reason why I am so tired.

I resolved the weekend before last that it would be the final one I worked, but somehow I still found myself in on Saturday. I’m doing 9 hour days and throwing an extra one in at the weekend too and it’s not making a dent on the mountain of things that need done. I really wish I was the kind of person who could just say ‘fuck it’ and dander off.

I’m not sleeping either and that sucks. It’s like I have this little voice in my head going ‘hey you, yes you, it’s been an hour since you last looked at the clock……WAKE UP!’ and damn it I comply. When I do finally manage to fall over to sleep one of two things happen, either the alarm goes off and it’s time to get up for work, or the Mothership wakes me with her screaming at the Fathership. She can never understand why I bark like a dog whose just been stung like a bee, but ffs I just woke up thinking someone’s being murdered, not having their bloody hands washed.

Go to work. Drink coffee. Work……really need a power nap, but there’s no time…..work.

By the time I travel home, stand on trains, stand while waiting for trains, stand while making the dinner and doing the dishes my poor knees feel like they can no longer hold my weight and I can’t wait to collapse into a chair, and then I remember I need to leave out the tablets for tomorrow, wash spuds for tomorrow nights dinner and put on a load of washing, because lets face it if the Motherships ration of knickers falls below 15 you would think the world was going to end.

Back up the stairs, clothes laid out for work, and then a quick shower and  finally I get to sit down, god bless my recliner. The feeling of my feet being lifted off the floor is almost orgasmic and as I settle back to enjoy my 15 minutes of freedom I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet up the corridor.

FUCK!! is what I think, but I don’t voice it, I surprise myself sometimes with how calm I am. There’s no privacy in this house. I’m trying to write a post, maybe read a blog.

Then proceeds a 15 minute to and fro about which nightdress she will wear. When that’s settled, there will be perhaps another 5 trips into my room to confirm the decision that we made not five minutes before.

I don’t attempt to sit down again, there is no point. I just stand and wait.

10 minutes later there is the pitter patter of feet up the corridor once again and it’s time to do the teeth. It’ll take a good five minutes to convince her to give me the gnashers in the first place. Then I have to brush the ones that still remain in place, before confirming at least 10 times that the others are safe in the cup for the night and will be there in the morning.

Finally she goes to put the nightdress on. This whole process from start to finish can take about an hour, and meanwhile time is ticking away and my dreams of an early night are shattered.

I used to hate getting into bed before 12.30 am, it felt like such a waste of a night, now I love my bed, I can’t wait to crawl into it. My legs love me when I lie down.

I was so tired…………..but now I’m wide awake.


Dementia…..if you didn’t laugh you’d cry!

47 thoughts on “What’s sleep?

  1. Ohhhh fuck! sending you immediate and urgent cyber hugs your way ….


    oh no shite you’re so whacked and tired … hey, you know it’s something when you’re new idea of a HOT DATE is collapsing onto your pillow because you’re dying to meet the sandman ….

    and uh … no kidding you’re not sleeping – you’ve gone beyond exhaustion – and the pain is not helping.

    now look dearie – yeah, cover your ears for this – can we perhaps, perhaps, be practical – or at least consider it?

    there are some things you can’t control or change about your situation – but there are some things you can – ….. working that extra day???? ARE you FREAKING mad????

    Listen – if you can’t say “NO” – then work it out that perhaps – you work 1/2 a day – and if, in the end – all the commuting etc. means it’s not worth it – then FFS – please, please, take a day off – during the week or don’t work the extra day. I mean listen – you are but one delightfully lovely and wonderful person – but you can’t do the job of 10 – and you know – sometimes … sometimes … it really takes an employee saying “sorry” I can’t do all of this because A) I have a life – OUTSIDE – of this place – and it’s really extremely demanding. And you know, it is.

    So, since you can’t control more than you do at home – trying to prep and avoid all kinds of upsets etc – and since this is intensely draining – not only physically, but mentally and emotionally – well, at least give yourself permission to blow up bunch of Brussle sprout farts at work ….

    right …. now that you’ve vented a bit – perhaps you should be running off to bed – and hopefully collapsing????


    • Yes maam! lol I am heading to bed, although I thinkg I’ve passed my limit again lol

      I know, one of these days I wil surprise myselfby saying no and actually meaning it.

      Life!? What’s that – I don’t have one of those outside work ya eejit lol

      Speaking of brussel sprouts, it’s funny how dementia changes a person, my Mum now find bottom burps hilarious, who’d have thought lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • Snorting @ bottom burps …. well … one can never tell what triggers the mind to anything ….

        right then …. you head off …. and you know …. computers are stimulating …. so grab a book and dull yourself to sleep …. or at least try ….

        sending you hugs and wishing you sweet dreams ….


      • I’ve just asked Steve how to “friend” people on Spotify – because if it’s only possible to do that through Faceplant …. then I’m gonna be mad …. I couldn’t find you either …. so perhaps the IT Ninja will know???


      • hmmm ….. I’ll need to check that …. I *think* my account is set for public …. oh damn – perhaps I didn’t leave the spaces when I typed in the name? hmmm … perhaps later …. it’s time to hunt for food …. and the weather is turning into “another winter blow with heavy snow” – so I gotta get some things done before it starts tonight …. it sometimes affects my satellite (internet) connection … so I’m going to run about now and do some stuff … and then double check …. and ahhh I see in your next message …. you found me …. so yay! cool …. I WILL make it my mission to find you too :)

        right …. enough of this … it’s past your bedtime young lady …. march off – hup 2 3 4 … :)


      • If you’re on later then check out my Be Happy playlist and listen to the song Tilted by Christine and the Queens, Ndorfman suggested it to me today and it’s lush. I think you’ll like it too, it’s got a good beat :) Night night :) xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my. You are in such a tough spot all the way round. I really hate that there’s so much on you. But I also hate that you’re not realizing that taking care of you HAS to happen. You aren’t going to be much good to anyone if you don’t find some moments just for you….and I don’t mean moments when tiny footprints can come down the hallway at any moment either. So about that insanity concerning working on Saturday……I’m in agreement with at least the half-day thing mentioned by CPP and perhaps that other half day you could just take yourself out for a bit? A cafe and some uninterrupted internet time and a cup of coffee just for you? And hey, maybe you could even arrange to meet a friend and have a conversation? Now I know how insane that all sounds…..coffee, uninterrupted internet time, conversing with a friend…..but truly, you must MAKE some time for you to have something besides stress. There comes a moment when that isn’t going to work anymore and that’s not a good place to get yourself to.

    On a side note….that comment about “…if the Motherships ration of knickers falls below 15 you would thing the world was going to end.” had me falling off my chair laughing. Even this stressed, you are one funny girl, Juls.

    Sending many hugs and thoughts to tell you I’m with you in spirit and wish I could be the one to meet you in that cafe some Saturday afternoon…….


    • It is true though, if you didn’t laugh it would be 10 times worse. It must have helped writing that post,I slept right through the night last night lol
      Thing is though, if I don’t work Saturday its just replaced by housework anyway so its a much of a muchness as they say lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Just wondering why you would do this to yourself…?

    Surely there must be a cheap bedsit somewhere. Mind you I’m not a regular commenter and not a completely regular reader but.. .uff. Nothing calls for this martyrdom.


  4. Hi Juls I thought anyone over 60 didn’t sleep unless it was induced by a drug that left you stupified for half the next day. I do feel for you as I wake at all sorts of weird hours and I have to admit I do have the luxury of napping during my day and neither do I have parents any longer to care for.
    You mum in her condition will tax you in so many ways. I know a friend of mine had an experience where her parents were married for over 60 years, were pillars of their church, straight laced and conservative. But once dementia struck her mum she changed, began accusing her poor long suffering husband of having multiple affairs with every ‘floosey’ in town, such was her behaviour her family began to wonder where all this aggression came from but it did little to abate her mum’s vilification of her poor husband…..like you they agreed to laugh about it and dismiss it rather than go mad themselves. Good luck with it all, sleep can be induced by various means and sometimes its your imagination that can provide the best impetus…..


  5. I was thinking that of COURSE you don’t want to sleep, it’s the only time you’ve been left alone all day! But yeah, I’m kinda with the crowd saying don’t do those Saturdays. Unless work panic is actually better than home panic. Or you could just lie your ass off, say you are going to work, and play hooky instead. Doesn’t sound like those Saturdays working are helping to reduce the load anyway.
    You unintentionally made me tilt my head like a dog hearing a strange noise, too. “someone’s being murdered, not having their bloody hands washed” sounds more like Mothership murdered someone! Or something, other than your sleep…


  6. I’m sorry to hear about the tough time you’ve been having. It’s especially unfortunate that it’s interfering with your sleep patterns. I’m sure it must be the case that when someone is under such constant stress, getting a decent night’s sleep can be really helpful. I hope things work themselves into an easier to handle routine for you soon.


      • It’s not to do with inability to sleep so much, it’s more just staying up late when I should be getting into bed haha, thank you for the advice though. :) Glad your new pillows are helping though


      • I’m as bad as you in that regard, instead of going to bed when I am tired, I sit on until it has passed. That said, on the nights when I am dead on my feet I still have to wait for the Mothership getting ready for bed anyway so I can brush her fecking teeth, so either way I can’t win lol


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