There has been very little free time this past week. Every time I sat down to write something all the ideas I had went flooding out instead of flooding in.
I feel a little bit over whelmed, this last month or so has been crazy busy and I always feel like I am in a higher than normal state of stress, visitors, new job, organising, planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, if this were a merry go round I would already have jumped by now.
I suppose the main factor behind the whole thing is that everything happened all at once. I don’t feel settled at work and that appears to be having a domino effect on everything else. No matter how home life was, work was always a constant, I knew my job, I could do my job and I happily worked away in the background. The new job is a little more in the fore front and last week I felt like a tennis player in front of one of those machines that serves the ball at a million miles an hour, only it had gone haywire and there were balls being fired at me all roads and directions. It would appear I am a shit juggler!
I’ve said over and over this week that I am not cut out for this job, and I firmly believe that. I am a terrible decision maker, I dither and I lose valuable hours and minutes checking and double checking myself and then still worrying about the finer points. I know I am new in the job, and I know the chances are it will get better, or let me rephrase that, I will get better, but this period in between stupid and smart is knocking lumps out of my already battered self confidence. I hate not knowing what I am doing, it feels like failure is smacking me repeatedly about the face.
I would love just one weekend where I didn’t have to worry about anyone else but myself. Thing is though, despite what I say I would still worry. I’d love for other people in my house to realise that they can lift things off the floor, wipe benches, clean up talcum powder that clearly threw itself all over the bathroom and perhaps even put a wash on sometimes. My Dad is good at helping but sometimes it’s the small things that irk the most.
I’m tired, because sometimes my brain will not shut down enough to enable me to relax, which means I stay up until stupid o’clock to make sure that I actually sleep when my head hits the pillow. Dad’s been having the same issues, I hear him pacing the floors as well. He probably needs a break more than me.
I know things in work will even out and I will become more settled, but this was one of the reasons why if I had been given the choice of taking the job, I would probably have refused. I just don’t need the additional stress right now, there is no where to escape from it. Thank goodness for this blog and you guys.
So my mantra for this week is don’t stress the small things, try to make decisions and have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel and remember if all else fails I can always hide under the desk until Friday! :)
Look out for the new Cartoon Craziness Challenge theme tomorrow eejits and thank you for all your participation so far!
P.s I’m ok honest, I just needed to vent, look I feel better already, I’m smilin!