Too many balls, not a lot of juggling!

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There has been very little free time this past week. Every time I sat down to write something all the ideas I had went flooding out instead of flooding in.

I feel a little bit over whelmed, this last month or so has been crazy busy and I always feel like I am in a higher than normal state of stress, visitors, new job, organising, planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing, if this were a merry go round I would already have jumped by now.

I suppose the main factor behind the whole thing is that everything happened all at once. I don’t feel settled at work and that appears to be having a domino effect on everything else. No matter how home life was, work was always a constant, I knew my job, I could do my job and I happily worked away in the background. The new job is a little more in the fore front and last week I felt like a tennis player in front of one of those machines that serves the ball at a million miles an hour, only it had gone haywire and there were balls being fired at me all roads and directions. It would appear I am a shit juggler!

I’ve said over and over this week that I am not cut out for this job, and I firmly believe that. I am a terrible decision maker, I dither and I lose valuable hours and minutes checking and double checking myself and then still worrying about the finer points. I know I am new in the job, and I know the chances are it will get better, or let me rephrase that, I will get better, but this period in between stupid and smart is knocking lumps out of my already battered self confidence. I hate not knowing what I am doing, it feels like failure is smacking me repeatedly about the face.

I would love just one weekend where I didn’t have to worry about anyone else but myself. Thing is though, despite what I say I would still worry. I’d love for other people in my house to realise that they can lift things off the floor, wipe benches, clean up talcum powder that clearly threw itself all over the bathroom and perhaps even put a wash on sometimes. My Dad is good at helping but sometimes it’s the small things that irk the most.

I’m tired, because sometimes my brain will not shut down enough to enable me to relax, which means I stay up until stupid o’clock to make sure that I actually sleep when my head hits the pillow. Dad’s been having the same issues, I hear him pacing the floors as well. He probably needs a break more than me.

I know things in work will even out and I will become more settled, but this was one of the reasons why if I had been given the choice of taking the job, I would probably have refused. I just don’t need the additional stress right now, there is no where to escape from it. Thank goodness for this blog and you guys.

So my mantra for this week is don’t stress the small things, try to make decisions and have faith that there is light at the end of the tunnel and remember if all else fails I can always hide under the desk until Friday! :)

Look out for the new Cartoon Craziness Challenge theme tomorrow eejits and thank you for all your participation so far!

P.s I’m ok honest, I just needed to vent, look I feel better already, I’m smilin!

Summertime Blues

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Thank goodness for post scheduling, because without it this week it’s unlikely there would have been anything from me. And before you get your knickers in a twist I know I only scheduled one, but that’s 100% better than none.

It’s been a funny, weird and strange month and I am having trouble trying to make sense of it all. I feel like I have been turned upside down, tipped out and then put together the wrong may. I’m still me, I’m just not quite the same as I was before.

I hate change and it’s takes me a little while to adjust to anything that is not the norm. Where home life is concerned we need to keep things as routine as possible, it’s the easiest way to avoid arguments, and it seems to have spilled into my life as well. When I heard about the new job I was torn as to how I felt, in my heart of hearts I knew that I was in a rut and needed a change, but if the truth be told I didn’t want the stress of having to learn something new. I get enough stress on a daily basis dealing with the Mothership.

I’m sure I’ll find my feet, I always do. Four weeks in and if you were to ask me how I was getting on, I would tell you that it’s 50/50. I’m struggling with the constant stream of work that comes my way because I hate being in the position where I don’t know what I have to do with something. It’s disconcerting going from knowing a job inside out to not knowing it at all. I want to learn everything yesterday, but I am smart enough to know that is not possible. I’ve never done a job like this before, but I forget that I had never done any of the other jobs before either and I had to learn them too.

The other half of me feels alive, and challenged and eager to get stuck in. For the first time in a long time I look forward to going to work and the days fly by because concentration eats away at the minutes and the hours. I have a lot of learning to do and I am sure I will make many mistakes but hopefully I will get there.

There have been a lot of ups and downs.

Monday came, and my friend rang to tell me his Dog had passed away. I loved that dog. He always came to greet me when I went to visit, lay at my feet when I worked at the computer, stood guard with me when I hid behind the garage for a smoke and constantly nudged my bad leg, even though I put my good one forward, but I didn’t mind because he was my chum.

I stood in my office and cried, because that was one more thing that had changed and it was one thing too many. I cried for Casey, the loss of my old job, my lack of experience in the new one and just life in general. Clearly that was what I needed, because after standing in my new office which doesn’t feel like mine, dressed in clothes that make me feel uncomfortable, crying my lamps , I felt calm.

I’m on a rollercoaster and all I can do is hang on and hope for the best!

Onwards and Upwards!

RIP Casey, you were this womans best four legged furry friend and it won’t be the same without you!

P.s Mama I have NOT forgotten about my 7 weeks of Weird it will be done :)

….and relax….

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Image from freegreatimages

…so I’m not really relaxed, but it makes me feel better to think that I am, and there is always tomorrow.

What a weird, busy and strange two weeks it has been, I can quite honestly say that I no longer know if I am blown up or stuffed! For those of you who have no idea what this means, googling will not help, I just tried it. You’ll just have to believe me when I tell you that at the minute I don’t know which way is up.

It’s been a roller coaster. I get up and go about my daily routine, only these days I am not at my own desk, I have none of my things and I am doing a job that is not yet even mine. It’s totally weird and a little disconcerting. Imagine how it must feel for the lady who is having to train me, she doesn’t even want to go.

I have been enjoying the challenge though. I like it when my brain is occupied and not just ticking away on normal hum drum of everyday life. New things to learn require concentration, which requires brain power, which requires time, which in a weird way makes the day go faster. If only I could get rid of the queasy feeling in my stomach that increases the closer we get to Friday, the day when my counterpart goes on holiday for 3 weeks, then it would be all good!

Having been thrown a little out of routine this last week or so, has resulted in me feeling slightly off balance. I wouldn’t have said prior to this that I was someone who liked life being structured, but I am realising that in fact I like order a lot more than I like chaos. I cannot remember if I was always this way, but it seems to be the direction in which I am now headed.

I’ve been thinking about my blogs….again. A lack of time, on my part, has meant that poor May has not been out anywhere in ages. That started me wondering if I should just move her back to this blog, so she can blend into all the other insanity that sometimes happens here. Any thoughts?

I’m hoping as things start to settle down that I will be able to get myself into more of a routine. I had hoped with my Aunt visiting that I would have had more free time, but just the way things have been, it’s not yet worked out. No one’s fault, it’s just the way it is. On the plus side, it’s been great for my Mum to have some company and they are rubbing along nicely listening to music and looking at old photographs.

That I am afraid, is all I have to give. I’m practically falling asleep at the keyboard. No doubt when I have my shower I’ll wake up again, although I hope not, because I could do with an early night!

Operation Visitation!

Time for a quick one, update that is, not alcohol, although that might help too!

Things are moving on at a swift pace, it’s now only one week until my Aunt arrives from the United States of America. Seriously, where does the time go, ‘ah no need to panic, there’s loads of time’ has turned into ‘oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!’ and ‘arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh’.

This weekend past, I did actually make good strides, I have empty drawers and can see the floor in both rooms, result! The Mothership, when she was finally able to grasp that it’s this coming weekend, informed me that ‘we’ would have to get the house tidied. There was no ‘we’ involved in the messing up of it, so I am not sure how I got into the equation now ffs! I informed her that it’s pretty much done.

The big fear for me now is that when she starts to tidy the downstairs room, that all that stuff will ‘somehow’ make it’s way upstairs into the newly tidied ones. I have never known anyone be able to make so much mess, it’s almost like she goes into a room and flings stuff around her head while screaming ‘Wheeeeeeee’.

I’m going to take a day off at the end of the week, because although I have the bare bones done, there are still a lot of bits and pieces. I did so much on Saturday, that between the pain in my knees and my back I was so sore I couldn’t manage much yesterday. I would love to think that now I have everything ship shape, that it will stay that way, but I know deep down that it won’t.

In other news, my stomach is like a washing machine. The thing about change in the workplace is, I knew it was coming, but while it was not yet here I didn’t have to worry about it. Now it’s starting to become real and a little amount of panic is setting in. Damn you self confidence, give me a break. I will probably be fine, but it’s the period in between now and then that is going to be be quite stressful, especially with everything else that is going on at the same time.

But as a wise man, or perhaps woman once said, ’These things are sent to try us!’

Life is a rollercoaster!

It’s been a very stressful couple of days. It seems to be that nothing happens for ages and then all at once it starts to crowd in around me. We’re only 3 days into the week, assuming it starts on a Monday and already it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster!

My Mum attended hospital for her check up and they are finally going to try her on Alzheimer’s tablets and refer her to a Dementia Care Team. Although the tablets will not stop whatever is going on, there is a chance it might help her get back a little time. I think my poor Sister wanted to give the Doctor a good slap when she heard he had mentioned the note she put in regarding Mums symptoms, despite the fact that she had put in capital letters a request that he didn’t do so.

The great clean up still continues for the impending visit from the relatives. It’s a little bit daunting when I look into rooms and see that some have got worse rather than better, but I just have to plod on and hope that it all comes good in the end.

On top of that there is paperwork to be done for Dad and others and yesterday I was told that I have to start to shadow the lady who currently does the job I have been ear marked for.

Today I am having brain overload. I want to sidle into a corner and hide until everything has been taken care of. Imagine being able to go to sleep and wake up the next morning knowing everything you need to know without having to go through a learning process. If only!

We’ve also been having some freaky weather of late. Bearing in mind it is almost the start of the summer, the giant hailstones that rained down on us last night were a bit of a shock. My Dad and I were imprisoned in the car for a good 10 minutes while the rain, hailstones, thunder and lightening raged around us. Then it stopped and the sun came out like nothing had happened.

Well that resounding thumping on the door serves to prove that lunchtime is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. But hopefully that little vent has done me the world of good and no one else will loose their heads this afternoon.

Happy Hump Day Eejits, I think I am qualified to say that now that I actually know what it means.