Ready or not, here I come Cosmic Musicology Test!

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Steve’s still got one big ball!

Ok I am going to have to have words with Steve, because not only do I think he has a new site, but I think this is this weeks test. If not then oh well, I don’t remember these questions so I will do them anyway.

If you would like to join in, host or even make question suggestions please click HERE for all the information you will ever need.

A quick run down of the rules is as follows: 

For each test Steve (at the above link) will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology: …” and link back to the latest page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

This Weeks Questions and Answers

How was your day?Busy Guy by Hans Zimmerman, The Holiday Soundtrack – I had a quick look there and thankfully all my lady bits are in order, so now we have established that I am not a guy, I can confirm that I was indeed busy today. My boss is off at the minute, so I am trying to get some of the lengthier tasks done. I’ve worked at this one for about 3 days and I am almost done. A small sense of achievement…..I think so :)

What do you want to achieve this week?By your side by Lifehouse – I’ve decided I am never going to be by anyones side, apart from my friends and family that is. Love doesn’t exist, it just makes you embarrass yourself and happy endings are something you get for an extra five bucks at a massage parlour, or so I’ve been told.

Do you enjoy your job?Only if… by Enya – I was curious as to what the answer to this question would be. Pretty good really. I enjoy my job only if I can make cups of coffee, smile, laugh and hopefully make others smile and laugh. Only if I can go home at five o’clock preferably feeling like I have accomplished something. Only if they keep paying my wages, in exchange for my promise to work as hard as I can. Only if I can cherish the two days of my weekend before I go back on a Monday and only if people promise not to ask me how my weekend was if I have a face like a bulldog sucking a wasp as that usually means it didn’t go so well. Only if I still have a job to enjoy……….

What does the Comic Musicology Test say about you….only one way you’ll find out…..get on it like a car bonnet!

P.s Steve, thanks to one of your posts I purchased Sia – 1000 Forms of Fear, I’m loving the song Fair Game, although it has not yet trumped Hunger of the Pine (Alt-J)for most listened to.

Bedroom Antics

Electric Blanket

I always wanted a water bed, although I am not sure why, owing to the fact that I get seasick. I even went as far as to get brochures, and was quite excited at the prospect until one lunchtime Big Bertha told me she used to have one. Naturally I asked if she thought they were a good job, to which she replied ‘it’s all fun and games, till someone gets hurt’. Being nosy concerned I of course asked her what she meant. Blushing a little, she told me about the time her boyfriend was all splayed out on the sheets with a rose between his teeth, and Bertha feeling rather amorous leapt onto the bed with him, catapulting him upwards through the roof tiles. When she told me the only thing that saved him was his Y fronts catching on the fake chandelier I actually fell off the chair laughing. I never thought anymore about a water bed after that.

This winter however I decided I needed to heat things up in my bedroom, sadly not in the way you are thinking, more along the lines of I decided to buy myself an electric blanket. I’m not sold on the idea, let’s call it  intrigued yet dubious. The shop assistant had no sense of humour, as when he informed me my new blanket would keep me toasty warm, he was less than impressed with my reply of, ‘So if I sing and keep turning myself over will that make me a pop tart?”. I’ve decided that when I laugh at my own jokes and no one else does it makes me look more deranged that funny.

Regardless I paid sour bake and brought the blanket home . Sadly, when I dispensed of the box I didn’t realise that the instructions were still inside, and now I have no idea what all these buttons, bells and whistles do, I’m just going to have to wing it and hope that I don’t set fire to my arse.

It’s all set up and my favourite ‘Mad Cow’ pyjamas are underneath the pillow in readiness. The timer is set to activate the blanket about 30 minutes before I go to bed, so it should be nice and cosy by the time I jump in.

I will be sure to let you know how it goes….night night now :)

Cosmic Musicology Test – Hooray Hooray

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One of Steve’s Golden Balls!

I stole Steve’s big golden ball, rolling it down the road was a bit of a nightmare, but I made it home and I don’t think anyone saw me. It’ll be interesting to see how long it takes him to notice. This can only mean one thing, yes indeed, it’s a new edition of his Cosmic Musicology Test. 

A refresher of the rules:

For each test Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology Test: …” and link back to this test’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Have a look at the archives or click on “Cosmic Musicology” in the category cloud on this page to see all previous tests.

Any suggestions for future questions will be welcomed by Steve!

For more information, to submit ideas for future questions, to host your own or just general feedback go to Cosmic Musicology Test.

This weeks questions: (oh and my answers): 

1. Christmas or New Year?Angel sung by Andrea Begley – That’s got to be Christmas then, because that is what Angels remind me of. New Year is more of an angle, as in the angles you have to get yourself into to either receive or duck the New Year advances of the drunk men wearing beer goggles!

2. Halloween or Fireworks Night?Barbara Streisand by Duck Sauce – I don’t really get the difference between these two. I guess here Fireworks night is not such a big deal and both are really just an excuse to get your bangers out…..or is it sparklers. Regardless, I’m picking Halloween, a party in full blast, this song at full volume, and some random drunk in the corner snoggin a pumpkin, what could be better…Just for clarification I have no experience of this, honest!

3. Summer or Winter? – Paradise by Coldplay – The name of the song would suggest it would be summer right? Long sandy beaches, clear blue seas and plenty of sunshine. For me paradise is a cold night where you are warm inside and can hear the rain and wind batter the windows. All snug and wrapped up, cup of coffee in hand and a good DVD to watch. One condition tho, there must be no ice or snow to be seen :)

Now it’s up to you, if you too would like a shot at Steve’s golden ball, feel free to add your own answers into the mix. You can find all the information you require HERE!

 

The Woes of Winter

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It has to be said, I look amazing in a onsie. I am pretty sure the person who invented them had me in mind when doing so. Only that it would not be considered acceptable fashion for the work place, I would wear mine all the time.

They are not the most flattering outfit, but there is something cute about the soft fur and the little ears that adorn the hood of mine. I feel like a marshmallow being gently toasted by the light of the fire..well it’s more a gas heater, I mean who wants to be bother with the hassle of coal and sticks these days, certainly not me, I have the general well being of my nails to consider.

I dread the cold weather coming in, especially walking in the ice and snow, it ‘s always the day you decide to go commando that you go arse over tit while walking to the bus stop. It’s hard to keep your modesty in check whilst trying to save your handbag at the same time. Worse still is when a child decides to help you and hands back your tampon informing you that you dropped your sweet. Damn you and your fancy wrappers anyway. The look on his poor little face when he realised I was not going to give it back to him as a thank you,  what was I to do? I handed him 20p and told him to run along, my face redder than Santa’s suit at Christmas.

Falling leaves, now there’s another curse. Forget what you see in the films, a cute couple kissing as the leaves cascade around them, that’s all bullshit, because what you don’t know is that someone lifted them both and carried them to that spot. The normal people, like you and I, well we’d be lucky to get to there without causing ourselves serious injury. Never mind the ’leaves on the line’ saga, have you ever experienced leaves on the bottom of your Louis Buttons…yes I know, everything about me is just fake, fake,fake. I have heard them described as ‘Killer heels’ in the past, but I didn’t realise that meant they were actually going to kill me. One step in the wrong direction onto a soggy leaf and you might as well say cheerio to any shred of street cred you had.

Ice is the same. With it’s help over the years I have perfected the art of the comedy run, where your feet move but you don’t actually go anywhere. Imagine Bambi on ice, only a little less classy!

So yeah, I can’t wait for Winter…..yay! I wish there was a way to convey sarcasm via text ffs.

Dating Do’s and Dating Don’ts

Periodically I will get fed up either being single, or of the talent in the Wicky Digit and find myself drifting back to the dangerous world of online dating. I say dangerous, because in some instances it would be of great benefit to have a full suit of body armour stashed at the back of your wardrobe.

I have already written about some of my experiences of Internet dating, and I seriously question my sanity every time I go to re-join, it is certainly not for the faint hearted, but in among the many, no, very very many, eejits, there are a few gems.

It would seem that the most popular way of starting a conversation is with the word ‘Hi’, every time I see it, I have to physically stop myself from replying with ‘ho, hi ho, it’s off internet dating we go’.Some people can even make it to two words, ‘Hi sexy’, how the hell do they know I am sexy, I don’t display a picture, I offer very little by way of a description and you will not find pictures of any bits of my booty on the world wide web…I hope, although there was this one time…..oh never mind.

When you first join there are several options you have to choose from when creating your online profile. I chose the option for Friendship but in the next set the only one available to me was “Not looking to date / Casual dating” or words to that effect. Gentlemen viewing my profile somehow managed to translate this to “Keep it simple boys and give us a buck at ye!”. You’ve read my blog, do I sound shy to you, if that’s what I wanted I certainly would not be signing up to a dating site now would I.

I was however talking to a chauffeur the other day, now he’s a grand fella, unlike the bicycle repair man who wanted to take me for a ‘ride’ and the Fireman who seemed to be rather keen to show me his hose.

Conversation was flowing and the craic was mighty and we were getting along famously when he decided it was time to show me a picture of his cock, and to be fair to him, it is rather impressive.

I in turn, liking his sense of humour thought it only fair that I show him one of my breasts.

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Its early days but I might stick around for a while this time…there are so many more people I want to show my breasts too!

Knock Knock!

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There was this stupid game we used to play when we were younger, it was called Belfast Knock. I have no idea of it’s origins, or even if I am thinking of the right thing, but this was what it meant to us:

  • Run up to a random front door
  • Knock loudly
  • Run like f*ck!

It’s pretty easy right, and if you wanted to be very particular about the whole thing you could change the name to that of the town in which you reside.  I quite like the way Cloud Nine Knock runs off my tongue.

I remember one Halloween playing Belfast Knock whether I wanted to or not, as a failed attempt at trick or treating at the local youth hostel saw us staring down the barrel of a shotgun with the Northern Ireland version of “Ger orf my land” being bellowed. My knees knocked, there is a fair chance I left skid marks and I never went Trick or Treating ever again!

Belfast Knock is the kind of game you play up until a certain age. Once you reach your peak, you’ll slide into one of the following categories:

  • “Oh lets play something else, I can’t be bothered to run anymore.”
  • “You want me to leave my games console??”
  • “Wise up, what feckin age are you anyway”

I can assure you, this story has a point, although not a very exciting one.

There are times when the working day can seem quite long. I’d been looking at spreadsheets all afternoon and my eyes were starting to turn in and blend all the boxes into a foreign language that no one on this planet was ever going to understand. Deciding to stretch my legs I delivered some post and on the way back decided to play Belfast Knock on the door of my work mates office. His doorway is the first inside a corridor, and to get to it you have to go through a door frame.

I faced the door and prepared to knock. There were no signs of life inside, but still I rapped on the door with all my might. I stood for a minute or too thinking there was no one inside and then heard footsteps, panicked and thought, right, this is the run part, so I turned and ran straight into the other doorway almost knocking myself out in the process.

When my colleague opened the door he was a little bemused to see me standing there rubbing my arm babbling about playing Belfast Knock, and who can blame him. Next time I decide to re visit stupid games from my childhood I’m just going to slap myself and cut out all the crap in the middle!

What games did you like as a kid?

Cosmic Musicology Test – Comin at ya early!

Steve New Music Challenge

Woo hoo, it’s all very exciting, the Cosmic Captain himself, Steve from Steve Says, is for one week only letting me host his brilliant quiz the Cosmic Musicology Test. Why, I hear you ask yourselves, well because he can’t be bothered thinks I am brilliant is the answer. He’s set the bar high, I have to prove my worth and meet targets, so you’re more than welcome to join in any week, but especially this week to prove to him I am worth my shot in the spot light.

For anyone who has not played the challenge before, here is a refresher of the instructions:

For each test the host will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology Test:…” and link back to that week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Any suggestions for future questions welcomed! Just make sure you leave them on Steve’s page, not this one.

Take a look at all the previous weeks in the Archives or by clicking  “Cosmic Musicology” in the category cloud on Steve’s page.

If you’d like to host one in the future, get in tough with Steve and beg, he’ll give in eventually :)

On to this weeks questions and my answers:

1. I think I am? – Team by Lorde – I do think I am a team, especially here. It’s like a family and I would have nothing if it were not for my followers, many of whom have become friends. Team Eejit, I like that, you in?

2. You think I am?Freedom by the Housemartins – Do you think I’m freedom from the housework and the chores, from the nagging voice of your boss, from the laundry and anything else that ties you up. Am I 5 minutes of putting your feet up and reading a load of oul tripe? If I am, that’s fine by me :)

3. We should be?Ticks & Leeches by Tool – Ah ffs, there is always one isn’t there. Hmmm ok, we’re ticks because for some people we tick all the right boxes and for others not so many. Do what you do, you will never please everyone. We’re leeches because every day we learn and  suck in the knowledge of our friends and fellow bloggers and you know what, that’s fine, as long as it makes us more Ticks than Leeches!

Go on, give the quiz a try, you know you want to!!

Some days…

Sometimes

Hormones, yes, lets talk about hormones. For those not in the know, they are the thing that women seem to have in abundance, but men, by their own admission have very few of, although we women would beg to differ.

Hormones are like a light switch, flipping you effortlessly between wanting to murder anyone within a 10 ft radius and wanting to cry your eyes out at pretty much anything, including adverts for toilet cleaner, wtf!?

Hormones also make us eat, forget Mr Will Power, he has no chance when going head to head with Mr Hor Mone, who pretty much trumps any one at any thing.

Thankfully I have a few years years yet before the lady hormones invade my body and seek world domination, that said, I am already prone to crying at random adverts, which can be pretty embarrassing when they are on billboards in the middle of a busy street. Worse still when you read on and realise that when they were telling her to ‘Be free’ and ‘be light’ they were talking about a fecking sanitary towel. Oh the shame!

My office however is a hive of hormonal activity, that would be a dream for any starter HRT company looking for guinea pigs. In my pod of 4 alone, there are two who are clutching with just fingernails to the brink and two (of which I am one) who are hanging on with everything they have got to the notion that they are still in their twenties.

There are very few men in our office workspace, which is probably just as well, because they would be eaten alive on any given day that ends with a Y! The few that there are tend to travel in packs and seem to have extremely good hormonometers that tell them when to steer clear. They have learnt the hard way that asking the question “Ooo is it your time of the month?” is just about the stupidest fecking question you can ask a woman who has just thrown her faulty stapler against the wall in a fit of temper  an attempt to make it work, and no before you ask, that was NOT me!

So to summarize, hormones are sneaky rotten little feckers…beware!

Greetings Stranger…..

You’re sitting at a café when a stranger approaches you. This person asks what your name is, and, for some reason, you reply. The stranger nods, “I’ve been looking for you.” What happens next?

Well that’s a no brainer, I’d be up the street as fast as my fake Louis Buttons could carry me. In my experience a stranger, who knows you by name and who just happens to be in the same cafe, is not going to be after anything good.

Now don’t get me wrong I know he’s not Dr Death or anything, I mean come on, everyone knows that geezer wears a big black cape, but still, it’s not going to end well.

Stranger: Are you the Indecisive Eejit?

Me: No!

Stranger: You are her, you look just like her avatar thing.

Me: Look pal I have no idea who you are, but I am May Dupp.

Stranger: I know, made up by The Indecisive Eejit.

Me: I don’t know what you mean and besides, I look nothing like her avatar, according to that guy Rob she’s all oogly boogly and shit.

Stranger: So you do know her!

Me: Ye…nope!

Stranger: You sound a little unsure.

Me: Totally sure. As sure as a big sure thing schooled at the school of sureness.

Stranger: 50/50…phone a friend….

Me: Listen here sunshine is there some part of no you’re not understanding.

Stranger: I understand perfectly Miss Dupp. Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes.

Me: It won’t work………

Stranger: and that long silky blond hair, it’s just beautiful.

Me: Really, you thi………..it won’t work. What do you want anyway?

Stranger: I was looking for your May Dupp.

Me: So why did you ask if I was the Indecisve Eejit?

Stranger: The girl at the counter said it would wind you up, she said you’re not good with your fate being in someone else’s hands.

Me: She’s right, so are you going to tell me who you are?

Stranger: I’m a tarot card reader.

Me: Ah feck aff, that’s 20 minutes of my life I’m never going to get back!

Inspired by todays Daily Prompt!

Who knew!

So it appears I have been approaching this blogging malarkey in completely the wrong way. My lack of posts while not really causing me any great concern, has been a niggle at the back of my mind.

I was chatting to Big Bertha from work about it the other day whilst having a cup of tea and a soggy jammy dodger. It took a while for it to sink in with her what I was actually referring to as for the first 15 minutes of the conversation she though I was telling her I was boggin. For those of you who have no idea what this actually means, wonder no more:

Boggin
putrid; grotesquely ugly or disturbing; vile smelling

You can understand, can you not, why I was a little bit annoyed at her believing I would ever refer to myself like this. I may not be perfection, but I spend a lot of money at the beauticians to ensure I am far from boggin..ffs! You will just have to believe me when I tell you there is not a spiders leg in sight!!

I happened to mention to Bertha about my lack of posts and she asked how often I do write, to which I replied only when something momentous happens. It was then that I started to think about it and realised that if I sit around waiting for something momentous to happen then I may in fact never write again. In the grand scheme of momentous, my life is a little more mmmm and most certainly lacking in entous!

Bertha said I can write about whatever I want, whenever I want, stressing that there was bound to be some eejit on the world wide wotsit who would be willing to listen. I never thought of it that way before, that I could write about the normal day to day, I thought I had to wait for the days when I was exceptionally fabulous!

Who knew eh!