The Woes of Winter

funny-pictures-duck-ice-they-see-me-slipping-laughing

It has to be said, I look amazing in a onsie. I am pretty sure the person who invented them had me in mind when doing so. Only that it would not be considered acceptable fashion for the work place, I would wear mine all the time.

They are not the most flattering outfit, but there is something cute about the soft fur and the little ears that adorn the hood of mine. I feel like a marshmallow being gently toasted by the light of the fire..well it’s more a gas heater, I mean who wants to be bother with the hassle of coal and sticks these days, certainly not me, I have the general well being of my nails to consider.

I dread the cold weather coming in, especially walking in the ice and snow, it ‘s always the day you decide to go commando that you go arse over tit while walking to the bus stop. It’s hard to keep your modesty in check whilst trying to save your handbag at the same time. Worse still is when a child decides to help you and hands back your tampon informing you that you dropped your sweet. Damn you and your fancy wrappers anyway. The look on his poor little face when he realised I was not going to give it back to him as a thank you,  what was I to do? I handed him 20p and told him to run along, my face redder than Santa’s suit at Christmas.

Falling leaves, now there’s another curse. Forget what you see in the films, a cute couple kissing as the leaves cascade around them, that’s all bullshit, because what you don’t know is that someone lifted them both and carried them to that spot. The normal people, like you and I, well we’d be lucky to get to there without causing ourselves serious injury. Never mind the ’leaves on the line’ saga, have you ever experienced leaves on the bottom of your Louis Buttons…yes I know, everything about me is just fake, fake,fake. I have heard them described as ‘Killer heels’ in the past, but I didn’t realise that meant they were actually going to kill me. One step in the wrong direction onto a soggy leaf and you might as well say cheerio to any shred of street cred you had.

Ice is the same. With it’s help over the years I have perfected the art of the comedy run, where your feet move but you don’t actually go anywhere. Imagine Bambi on ice, only a little less classy!

So yeah, I can’t wait for Winter…..yay! I wish there was a way to convey sarcasm via text ffs.

9 thoughts on “The Woes of Winter

  1. *snort* – well May, you certainly have a sweet ;) choking with laughter way of expressing yourself – and nay! the sense of sarcasm drips bloody sweetly (roaring now) via the words.

    Goddess, you are brilliant!

    Er…. one thing though — commando? don’t you have girlie bits? then perhaps a new term – more girlie but still tough in implication – maybe – G.I. Jane? :D

    Like

  2. Well, there is that too – depends on how much you want to reveal – if you were Canadian you go simple wear a T-shirt that read “If you’re Canadian – show us your beaver.” :twisted:

    Like

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