Bedroom Antics

Electric Blanket

I always wanted a water bed, although I am not sure why, owing to the fact that I get seasick. I even went as far as to get brochures, and was quite excited at the prospect until one lunchtime Big Bertha told me she used to have one. Naturally I asked if she thought they were a good job, to which she replied ‘it’s all fun and games, till someone gets hurt’. Being nosy concerned I of course asked her what she meant. Blushing a little, she told me about the time her boyfriend was all splayed out on the sheets with a rose between his teeth, and Bertha feeling rather amorous leapt onto the bed with him, catapulting him upwards through the roof tiles. When she told me the only thing that saved him was his Y fronts catching on the fake chandelier I actually fell off the chair laughing. I never thought anymore about a water bed after that.

This winter however I decided I needed to heat things up in my bedroom, sadly not in the way you are thinking, more along the lines of I decided to buy myself an electric blanket. I’m not sold on the idea, let’s call it  intrigued yet dubious. The shop assistant had no sense of humour, as when he informed me my new blanket would keep me toasty warm, he was less than impressed with my reply of, ‘So if I sing and keep turning myself over will that make me a pop tart?”. I’ve decided that when I laugh at my own jokes and no one else does it makes me look more deranged that funny.

Regardless I paid sour bake and brought the blanket home . Sadly, when I dispensed of the box I didn’t realise that the instructions were still inside, and now I have no idea what all these buttons, bells and whistles do, I’m just going to have to wing it and hope that I don’t set fire to my arse.

It’s all set up and my favourite ‘Mad Cow’ pyjamas are underneath the pillow in readiness. The timer is set to activate the blanket about 30 minutes before I go to bed, so it should be nice and cosy by the time I jump in.

I will be sure to let you know how it goes….night night now :)

8 thoughts on “Bedroom Antics

  1. Y front? You mean man bits?

    I am neither fond of water beds OR electric blankets. I have heard negative reviews on both, the latter even more scary than the former. Water beds are a fantasy item like something you’d see for a high price in a Sims (people/relationships) game. It was cooked up with fun bedroom sex in mind. But, as soon as the above sort of thing started happening, I think the inventor started looking for a hat to hide his face.

    This might be throwing some future inventor a million-dollar bone, but so be it. Someone should create a water-simulation bed pad–sort of like a fake boob–on which people could simulate the feel of a water bed without the same “depth” of hazards. The main concern with a gelatin pad might be a leak (like some fake boobs do experience).

    I might have laughed at the pop tart bit, but you’d have to catch me at the right time. I suspect the guy wasn’t accustomed to such jokes on the job. Or, he may have been preoccupied with some boss/other customer on his shoulders.

    Don’t mess with something electric you don’t know how to work beforehand. You don’t want to wake up French Toast or C-Span. I’ll let you take a crack at deciphering these references. :)


    • Y fronts are mens underpants, favoured by older gentlemen but perhaps worn by all, I am experienced in many things, but rarely inspect mens under-crackers that closely, it may be something I have to look into.

      Ahh now I’ve racked my brains but can’t figure out the references….did I fail? :(


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