Tag: Eejit

Burning ring of fire!

May Dupp14 Comments

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I would love to tell you that my life has been wonderful since the last time I wrote just a little over a week ago. The truth is I have spent it sitting in a rubber ring whilst nursing burnt butt cheeks. Trust me to pick the only killer electric blanket in the whole wide world!

Ok, so perhaps I am being a little too dramatic, but that is after all what I am good at. I thought I misheard my teacher when she said I would pass a degree in Histrionics without even having to study, I couldn’t even remember signing up for it. Regardless, back to my arse.

I never was the kind of girl to read instructions. If my brain was not able to figure it out then the batting of eyelashes was always able to acquire assistance from somewhere. This time however owning to the fact that the offending piece of gadgetry was in my boudoir, I thought it best to let the brain figure it out all on it’s own, and considering the instructions had already been binned, what choice did I have.

You may remember I had set the blanket to activate 30 minutes before I went to bed, which may well have been part of the problem as Onda decided to ring me with about 5 minutes left to spare. Now I love that girl to death, but once you get her Onda phone, it’s pretty damn hard to get her off it again, especially when you’ve had a weekend like she’s just had, but that’s a whole other story. To be fair to her, it was a rather interesting tale and I forgot all about the fact that it was now way past my bedtime.

1 hour and 57 minutes later (not that I was counting), I managed to make it to the bathroom to complete the necessities. Had I realised at the time that it was the last time I would have normal bare (bum) necessities for a least a week, I would have savored the moment. I vaguely remember thinking when I went into my room that my mad cow pyjama’s were nice and toasty, but as I had forgotten all about the electric blanket I didn’t put two and two together. Instead, I checked my alarm was set, collapsed into bed and went out like a light.

Sometime in the middle of the night I dreamt about the firemen from that Wicked Weekend at The Wicky Digit. Before I knew what was happening I could hear the Nelly song ‘It’s getting hot in here…’ playing in the background,  and the fireman was starting to strip. In my sleep I’m thinking, please don’t wake up, but somewhere in my sub conscious, I’m thinking WTF,  it is getting hot in here. I’ve never had a hot flush before, but I’m smart enough to know that it doesn’t normally happen in your backside, so I leapt out of the bed like a scalded cat. Just in time too it would seem, as smoke started to appear from the middle of the bed. I’d like to say I was the one causing all the sparks in the bedroom, but alas no, it was the electric fecking blanket.

Needless to say I dialed ‘999’ and called for the very same firemen I was dreaming about not 5 minutes ago. They arrived not too long after and I led them up the stairs as quickly as I could, thankfully there were still no flames. I could hear giggles behind me, but figured that some of them were remembering the antics from the previous night we had met. Last up the stairs was the big fire Chief, who looked me up and down while walking past and said ‘Holy Cow’. ‘I know’ says I, ‘it’s made a bit of a mess of me bedroom’. He replied that it had indeed, but he was in fact referring to the huge hole that had been burnt in the backside of my pyjama’s exposing my red raw and rather well toasted butt cheeks. Well at least I knew what the giggling had been when we were coming up the stairs. I’m not sure which set of cheeks were reddest at that point.

I sat on a rubber ring stuffed with ice packs for about 5 days after that, and had to drag Billy and Seamus out of the pub to assist with the redecoration of my bedroom. The electric blanket has been relegated to the wheelie bin and from now on I am going to stick to a good old fashioned hot water bottle, I figure it’s the safest option. The firemen were even kind enough to send me a card, that said ‘It’s a BUMmer You’re not well!’

I think I can live without things getting too hot in my bedroom from now on!

By heart….

The Indecisive Eejit14 Comments

Singing Eejit

The Daily Prompt asks:

You’re asked to recite a poem (or song lyrics) from memory — what’s the first one that comes to mind? Does it have a special meaning, or is there another reason it has stayed, intact, in your mind?

‘More than words’ by Extreme, that’s the one that springs to my mind. Released in 1990 I believe, it was once of the most played songs on the radio when I started my first year of work in 1991. I knew it off by heart, crooning or was that caterwauling along in front of the mirror, a hair brush for a microphone.

If you’re a regular follower of my blog you will know I used to write a piece called ‘The Office Eejits’, you think they were bad, they are nothing compared to the original crew. One guy, let’s for talk sake call him Bart, because that’s what he was like, an adult Bart Simpson,  and I got on famously and every morning around tea break we used to enter all the competitions on a particular radio station.  Well Bart and I had every version of Car stickers, pin badges, pens and pencils that the radio station had to offer. We were even told on more than one occasion that we were not allowed to enter as we were winning too much.

This particular week they were giving away tickets to see Extreme live in Belfast. I wanted those tickets…I wanted them bad. In the morning competition Bart managed to get through and after being asked a question, which to be fair wasn’t that difficult, won a set of the tickets. I was so jealous, but resigned myself to the fact I would have to wait until the next day. As luck would have it, we (Bart and I) were working late that night and another chance came up, and I was on it like a car bonnet!

Waiting to get through to a radio station, hosting a competition for something you really want has to be the most nerve wracking experiences ever. Bart sitting across the office from me was urging me to hang on and eventually the phone was answered, to be honest now I can’t remember who by, but I was getting my chance at tickets. All set and ready to answer my question I prepared myself, I could do this! When the DJ told me that in order to win tickets I would have to sing the first verse of the song, I almost died on the spot. Sing…..live……on……the…..radio……..WTF!!!

wtf
Dude…seriously, you want me to sing?

I was so dumbstruck at his request that I forgot the words. I could sing this song in my sleep yet here I was live on the radio with no memory of the tune, the words or even the time of fecking day. My face must have been a picture!

I think I mumbled that I couldn’t remember it,  despite the fact that  2 minutes before when he had asked me I’d told him I lovvvvvvvvved Extreme and knew the song off by heart. I think he helped me with the first couple of words and off I went, somehow managing to belt the rest out, albeit not with the same gusto that I would have in front of my bedroom mirror. I won the tickets, there was much elation, on my part anyway. Bart, well, when I finally managed to look over at him, all I saw was his two feet sticking up behind the desk, he had literally fallen off his chair laughing.

So ummmm yeah, that’s the first one that comes to my mind :)

 

Movies on a Monday!

The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

I got the loveliest message this morning, that’s always a good way to start the day right?! Am I going to tell you what it said, no I’m not cos it’s private you nosey feckers, but suffice as to say it made me smile!

My sincere apologies to those of you who fought the good fight for the penguins, I am sorry, but as much as I loved the little blue articles they had to go, they made my page look too busy, and me dizzy in the process. That said, I kinda miss them, the plain blue border is downright dull by comparison. I shall just have to keep tweaking, either that or revert to the cats.

Maleficent_poster
Image courtesy of Wikipedia

I finally got to see Maleficent today, it was one that I was genuinely sorry to miss out on in the cinema. I like these kind of films, the combination of visual artistry and musical scores that accompany them. Long before I knew of the films existence I heard ‘Once Upon a Dream’ being sung by Lana Del Ray and fell in love. Only after a little investigation did I find out it was for a forthcoming film.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t blown away, but I was captivated, so much so that I did not see the time pass. Parts of it reminded me of Avatar,  especially the bioluminescence in the world in which the young Maleficent lived. It’s a retelling of an old story, with a twist. Unfortunately I do not know the original very well, because while I am sure I read the book, I do not believe I watched Sleeping Beauty from start to finish. It’s a keeper though, so it will be added to the DVD collection at some stage.

I also finally cracked under the strain of yet again having to listen to the extremely loud buzzing noise on my parents phone line and rang BT to report it as a fault. I’m guessing it must have been bad when at least two of their operatives asked was I ringing with regards to the buzz on the line. No shit sherlock eh? Only thing is they have no idea what it is, so they are going to have to carry out line testing. I shall hear in approximately 24 – 48 hours. I just hope they remember to ring me back and not the faulty number, which sounds like it’s on it’s way out with the pathetic little half rings it is giving.

A bit like me really, tis bed time, I am not as young as I used to be!

Good night eejits :)

Well what do you know!

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

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I made it to Sunday, who knew! It was a rough week, there were more ups and downs than a roller coaster, but I came down a hill, turned a corner and it’s Sunday! There are sadly downsides, the main one being that tomorrow is Monday and I have to go back to work. That said I am not going to complain too loudly, there has been a lot of talk about public sector job losses so best to hang on in there while I still can.

This was the week of the Motherships tablet change, it started well and gave me hope that things were not going to be as bad as I anticipated. Sadly as the week went on the situation deteriorated and she went into orbit a few times, with a spectacular flight yesterday, nothing but her little feet hanging from the ceiling. I did what I do best and cried, because after a week of it I was just sick to the back teeth of the whole fucking thing to be honest. Couple that with colder weather and a blast of leg pain and I was ready for the hills only I was in no fit state to run. Thank goodness for friends who know just the right things to say to spread a moment of calm on an unusually shit situation. I owe you one David, I needed that smile :)

Work was surprisingly ok, I still can’t get used to the idea of calling myself a personal secretary and every time someone else says it I’m looking round like a twit to see who else is in the room. Perhaps someday I will grow up to be the person I am meant to be, until that time however I’m still an eejit, albeit a little better dressed than normal!

I had the pleasure of hosting Steve’s Cosmic Musicology Challenge this week, and there is still time if you would like to enter, all the information can be found HERE!

Mental Mama and I had a very brief chat and rather than cancel the Cartoon Craziness Challenge altogether, we’re going to put it to sleep for a little bit. Everyone has been so busy of late that there is no point heaping anymore onto already overloaded plates. If you still have themes or ideas for it let me know :)

Well I do believe that is it, you’re all up to date and clued into the latest saga’s of the eejit!

Till next time :)

Knock Knock!

The Indecisive Eejit22 Comments

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There was this stupid game we used to play when we were younger, it was called Belfast Knock. I have no idea of it’s origins, or even if I am thinking of the right thing, but this was what it meant to us:

  • Run up to a random front door
  • Knock loudly
  • Run like f*ck!

It’s pretty easy right, and if you wanted to be very particular about the whole thing you could change the name to that of the town in which you reside.  I quite like the way Cloud Nine Knock runs off my tongue.

I remember one Halloween playing Belfast Knock whether I wanted to or not, as a failed attempt at trick or treating at the local youth hostel saw us staring down the barrel of a shotgun with the Northern Ireland version of “Ger orf my land” being bellowed. My knees knocked, there is a fair chance I left skid marks and I never went Trick or Treating ever again!

Belfast Knock is the kind of game you play up until a certain age. Once you reach your peak, you’ll slide into one of the following categories:

  • “Oh lets play something else, I can’t be bothered to run anymore.”
  • “You want me to leave my games console??”
  • “Wise up, what feckin age are you anyway”

I can assure you, this story has a point, although not a very exciting one.

There are times when the working day can seem quite long. I’d been looking at spreadsheets all afternoon and my eyes were starting to turn in and blend all the boxes into a foreign language that no one on this planet was ever going to understand. Deciding to stretch my legs I delivered some post and on the way back decided to play Belfast Knock on the door of my work mates office. His doorway is the first inside a corridor, and to get to it you have to go through a door frame.

I faced the door and prepared to knock. There were no signs of life inside, but still I rapped on the door with all my might. I stood for a minute or too thinking there was no one inside and then heard footsteps, panicked and thought, right, this is the run part, so I turned and ran straight into the other doorway almost knocking myself out in the process.

When my colleague opened the door he was a little bemused to see me standing there rubbing my arm babbling about playing Belfast Knock, and who can blame him. Next time I decide to re visit stupid games from my childhood I’m just going to slap myself and cut out all the crap in the middle!

What games did you like as a kid?

Cosmic Musicology Test – Comin at ya early!

The Indecisive Eejit13 Comments

Steve New Music Challenge

Woo hoo, it’s all very exciting, the Cosmic Captain himself, Steve from Steve Says, is for one week only letting me host his brilliant quiz the Cosmic Musicology Test. Why, I hear you ask yourselves, well because he can’t be bothered thinks I am brilliant is the answer. He’s set the bar high, I have to prove my worth and meet targets, so you’re more than welcome to join in any week, but especially this week to prove to him I am worth my shot in the spot light.

For anyone who has not played the challenge before, here is a refresher of the instructions:

For each test the host will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology Test:…” and link back to that week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Any suggestions for future questions welcomed! Just make sure you leave them on Steve’s page, not this one.

Take a look at all the previous weeks in the Archives or by clicking  “Cosmic Musicology” in the category cloud on Steve’s page.

If you’d like to host one in the future, get in tough with Steve and beg, he’ll give in eventually :)

On to this weeks questions and my answers:

1. I think I am? – Team by Lorde – I do think I am a team, especially here. It’s like a family and I would have nothing if it were not for my followers, many of whom have become friends. Team Eejit, I like that, you in?

2. You think I am? – Freedom by the Housemartins – Do you think I’m freedom from the housework and the chores, from the nagging voice of your boss, from the laundry and anything else that ties you up. Am I 5 minutes of putting your feet up and reading a load of oul tripe? If I am, that’s fine by me :)

3. We should be? – Ticks & Leeches by Tool – Ah ffs, there is always one isn’t there. Hmmm ok, we’re ticks because for some people we tick all the right boxes and for others not so many. Do what you do, you will never please everyone. We’re leeches because every day we learn and  suck in the knowledge of our friends and fellow bloggers and you know what, that’s fine, as long as it makes us more Ticks than Leeches!

Go on, give the quiz a try, you know you want to!!

Cosmic Musicology Test: This or that….

The Indecisive Eejit17 Comments
Steve Says
Wow, that’s so cosmic man!

It’s wake up week for super Steve’s Cosmic Musicology Test, woohoo and this week as an additional bonus he is offering anyone who is interested a chance to host the quiz for a week. I’m all for that…note to self, remember to tell him. Please remember if you are completing the quiz you must link back to Steve’s original post, which for this week, you can find HERE! This is his quiz, not mine.

A quick reminder of the rules:

For each test Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology Test: …” and link back to the post for that week (as above).

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Have a look at the archives or click on “Cosmic Musicology” in the category cloud on Steve’s page to see all previous tests.

For more information, to submit ideas for future questions, to host your own or just general feedback go to Cosmic Musicology Test.

This weeks questions and my answers:

1. Beer or wine? – (Interlude 3) by Alt-J – Some people may indeed use an interlude to peel themselves off the sofa and head to the fridge for more beer or wine. Me, well I’m pretty much a non drinker, but I’ll have that bag of nibbles you have in your other hand :)

2. Sweet or Savoury? – Freedom by Paloma Faith – Oh I like this answer, doesn’t that pretty much give me carte blanche to stuff my fat little face with anything I damn well please. Sweet, savoury….ah just give me one of everything!

Chipmunk Cheeks

3. Morning or evening? – Storms in Africa by Enya – Who cares ffs, we’re talking storms in Africa, anytime would be a good time, nuff said!

If you would like to give this quiz a try for yourself, click on the ink and follow the yellow brick road, or the trail of crumbs I left behind……….

C³ – Fictional Characters

The Indecisive Eejit11 Comments

Cartoon Craziness Challenge Banner

I did it, I did it, I got my Week 9 Cartoon Craziness Challenge drawing done. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to draw, as in, there were a lot of things I gave long consideration to and then realised they were too hard to draw, said feck dat and gave up. After a few more days of chewing on the end of a pencil and listening to my brain cells debating, I got out my sketch book, grabbed a pen and sat down to let my hands take over. I drew Willy Wonka. It’s ok to say WTF, cos I did, several times!

Willy Wonka

He’s not my favourite fictional character but for some reason it was decided that he would be the character that I drew for this challenge. In my head I always imagined him to be more kindly and a little less creepy that the versions portrayed by Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp, but I am ashamed to say I have never read the book, well not that I can remember anyway, so they could have been totally accurate.

The other fictional character I did try to draw was the one and only May Dupp, but she turned out to be all mouth, which to be fair it pretty accurate, but makes for a pretty rubbish drawing. There was no way I was ever going to be able to top the amazing work already done by Bitstrips, so I let that one go.

I’ve been giving serious consideration as to what to do about this challenge and asked Mama what she thought too. Everyone seems to be so busy right now, myself included and I wouldn’t want anyone to feel pressured into having to doodle, but if there are only going to be entries from myself and Mama then there is no point in running it as a challenge. I’ll have a sleep on it and see what I think. Sometimes these things just run their course, that’s what Mama said and perhaps she is right, it has been fun.

Till next time :)

Back to reality…

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

Back to Work

This is kinda how I feel about going back to work tomorrow, I am a little bit traumatised to say the least. Why oh why did I ever think I was going to like the idea of going back on a Friday….seriously….WTF was I thinking!

I was rather unproductive on my three days off, well apart from one where I went to visit some friends, that actually felt like the first slice of normality I have had in a long time and cheered me up me no end.

Today was a trip to the hospital with my Dad to visit an Opthalmic surgeon, who asked me if I wanted to look through his eye machine..oo er Mrs! I did take him up on his kind offer, however I couldn’t see much, but then neither could the Fathership, hence the reason for his visit. He’s got something that is both really hard to pronounce and spell, so I am not even going to try but here’s my easier explanation as I interpreted it:

  • The fathership has an alien being in his eye.
  • It was small, but now it is growing and spreading a little red blanket across the cornea.
  • Dr Who? (no he’s not called that, I just don’t know his name) is going to blast and scrape the beastie before burning it out by the roots.
  • Mass clean of eyeball and off you go.

I either fainted or tuned out, I am not sure, but that’s the general jist of the whole thing. Sorry if your squeamish but there was no way I was suffering this shit alone.

Being back in the hospital reminded me of the whole Alien Leg saga and the countless hours I wasted waiting for appointments. The system seems to be that you are alloted a time for your appointment, but there is a three hour buffer around it. I’m not complaining though, because the service today and back then was first class as always.

It’s funny looking back now though, as I said to the Fathership today, I am never going to forget the accident because I am reminded of it every time I take a step, however it’s no longer the major trauma that it once was. It seems like it happened in another lifetime, the reality is, it was only two years ago. Eventually you have to file it under ‘Feck it’ and carry on.

The Mothership has an appointment on Monday so I am expecting a turbulent weekend as the stress starts to build, but I can always live in hope.

I still have no C³ drawing done, but then neither has anyone else so I’m not feeling too guilty and I will attempt to get it done before Sunday. I’ve had a sneak peak of Mama’s on Bakebook though and it’s looking mighty fine, I can’t wait to see the finished product.

Well that’s about it, I am totally wrecked and need some sleep, I have to be up early to sellotape the sides of my mouth up into a smile for the start of the working day!

Goodnight eejits :)

Half asleep!

The Indecisive Eejit8 Comments

Sleep - IE

The lie in didn’t go so good, if you could see me now, eyes hanging out of my head and hair like I have been dragged through a bush backwards, you would instantly know, there was no lie in! Normally its either the next door neighbours hens clucking and clacking as they try to squeeze an egg out of their arse, or the dog telling them to get the feck up it needs off it’s leash. This morning it was the fathership who was the traitor and decided to mow the lawn at just after 9 in the morning. Seriously old man, have you nothing better to do, like helping the next door neighbours menagerie sort their shit out. Serves me right for going to bed at stupid o’clock anyway!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my blogs recently. It’s funny, but I liked the idea of the May Dupp one because she was a fictional charter, which gave me the freedom to write whatever I wished. I never thought, at the time, that it would be like writing stories, you still have to think of a beginning, a middle and an end. I thought I would (in my head) assume the character of May and it would all come naturally. I’m still enjoying the challenge tho and intend to keep her going for as long as I can.

Yesterday however, in a fit of madness I started a Twitter account for her. Now I have to say I am not the best at Twitter, but I like the idea of being her and causing some havoc, it will probably give me the balls to comment on things I normally never would have, and the fact that she is fictional gives me the freedom of free speech, within reason of course. I intend to have a little fun with her, so follow at your own risk and prepare for cheekiness and naughtiness. To connect with her follow @maydupp.

Sometime over the coming week I hope to get my drawings done for the Cartoon Craziness Challenge. I have a few ideas, and it will be interesting to see if I can transfer them onto paper, they are either going to make you laugh or cry. The most current version of the challenge is C³ – Week Nine. I know I have not updated the main page ^ there yet, but I will at some stage over this weekend.

Ok time to get moving, there is housework to be done and I have decided that for lunch I am going to have a bowl of ice cream, chocolate sauce, toasted almonds and flake! I am on my holidays after all, even if it is just for a few days.