Reflection….

February 8, 2014February 8, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit26 Comments

So I was thinking, and I know I’m not supposed to be doing as much of that, but I was bored whilst travelling home and figured it would be a good way to pass the time.

I love people watching, and a long journey is just the right place to do that. The evening train is packed full of many different characters, school children, students, shoppers, those in suits, and then people like me.

I had no clear direction of what I wanted to do when I was younger. My Sister was the smart one, thankfully she has enough smarts for both of us. She was focused on her studying and worked really hard to forge her career. I had no idea what I wanted to do and was extremely undisciplined when it came to a learning. I can still remember people stressing to me at exam time how important it was that I study, while I stood there nodding my head, promising that I would, but not really meaning it. Being older I can now see how that must have been very frustrating for the speaker, as anyone I tried to impart the same wisdom to, gave me the look and answers I had, causing me to jump up and down saying nooooo, you have to believe me, I speak the truth!

I wish now though that I had focused, studied and perhaps had a trade so to speak. I would love to have gained a little more knowledge regarding computers, and yes I know it’s not too late and I could still enrol in classes, but that takes both time and money, neither of which I have in abundance right now.

If something interests me I will self teach myself and that knowledge has got me through life so far without too many major problems. But still, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I have always done office work. I’m probably not the best there is out there, but I am certainly not the worst either. I try to treat people as I would like to be treated, but I am noticing as I get older that there are a few less notches on my bullshit meter and my hormones which are undoubtedly hurtling towards the menopause make me more prone to wanting to choke people.

As you get older life becomes a little less carefree and a lot more stressful. Perhaps it’s your body telling you that you have to grow up, but your brain is fighting it, because it still thinks it’s 18 and in the prime of its life!

Things that were previously effortless now require work. Life’s got busy and there is not a lot of time for the day to day and people can feel left behind, which is not actually the case. Friendships and relationships are a two way street, that require effort from both sides if they are to survive. I personally find that living life day to day like my Dad and I now do, leaves me mentally drained and unable to cope with anything after 9pm, lets call it my threshold watershed! Sometimes just getting through a day unscathed is an achievement in it’s own right.

So taking all things into consideration, the chances are that even had I studied and been a top notch information technology specialist, I would still be sitting where I am today. I would have had the same heart that would have loved and been broken by the same people. I would have had the same sense of duty towards home life and sadly I would probably have made the same mistakes.

I don’t have to like it, but it’s where I am at. I don’t have much, but I am hopefully conscientious in my work, loved by my family and friends and good at lots of little bits and pieces that will see me through to the end of this journey.

I might not be overloaded with the smarts, but thankfully there is a shred common sense!

Pertaining to thought!

February 5, 2014February 5, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

thinking-please-be-patient-thecuriousbrain.com_

If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done. – Bruce Lee

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I have come to the conclusion that I do a lot of thinking. There is a chance that I might in fact, do a little too much thinking. All thought and no play makes Julie a dull girl!

Thinking in itself would not be a problem, especially if there was some reason behind it, or perhaps a few light bulb moments, but no, I kind of just stare off into space and think about….well that’s the thing I have no idea what I think about.

I’d love to say it’s because I over use my obviously highly intelligent brain cells, which then need to shut down to regenerate, but you and I both know that’s not true. I have and always will be a member of the Not The Brightest Pixie In The Forest Brigade. Out of interest I decided to Google that very phrase and surprisingly I am the second entry, being pipped to the post by Wikipedia, who being much more knowledgeable than I, could probably tell you who the brightest pixie in the forest actually is.

I’ve decided to curtail my thinking activities in the hope that it will make me more productive. All those moments when I blank out and transcend to Thinksville could be used for things like drawing and writing. I was going to say cooking and housework and then I ‘thought’ wise up. That one I listened to.

There are times though when the practice of thinking will still be permitted:

I shall still continue to think before I speak, as I have been told that a smack in the mouth can be a quite painful.
I shall continue to think before I cross the road, because I need to get to the other side safely to ask the Chicken a question.
I shall continue to think about what to wear each day. I made a New Years resolution that I would never go shopping in my Onesie, and so far, despite a few wobbles, I have remained true to my word.
I shall continue to think about what I make the ‘Ships’ (Mothership and Fathership)for dinner. Too much spice might have them reaching for the cooling bog roll in the secret compartment of the fridge.

emergencyroll — Keep in fridge for Spice Nights!

There is however one thing I do intend to do a little more of, and that’s thinking positively. I don’t seem to have been doing very much of that lately, which goes a little way to explaining my lack of posts. From now on when I get stuck for things to blog about, I will politely remind myself that I can write whatever I want, even if it is a random post about thinking.

For now though, I think it’s bedtime. Another late night, the Thin King has a lot to answer for!

Fellowship of the Ring Haiku: Three is Company

February 3, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit17 Comments

Laith’s Ramblings has started the above Group Haiku Project. I’m only learning about all things Haiku, ask Rob, I posted my very first on his Haiku Challenge. You can also ask Laith, who provided me with some tips.

I liked the idea of this when I first saw it, but didn’t feel confident enough to take part. I outlined all my excuses to Laith, who was very understanding. But I’ve decided to grab the bull by the horns and give it a go, because the Lord of the Rings Trilogy are three of my favourite films.

The books are being done in chapters and there are still some slots available should you wish to join in. You can read all about it here.

Three is Company

All possessions sold,

Frodo and friends leave the Shire.

Danger lies ahead.

Make sure to check out the previous posts! and thank you Laith for accepting me at the last minute!

Leave your shoes at the door!

February 2, 2014February 9, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit23 Comments

I don’t normally do the DP Weekly challenge, but this one’s Rara’s so I’m going to give it a go!

Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door

I’m usually afraid to do challenges like this because I am always scared that my interpretation of the question will be so far off the wall that no one will have a clue what I am on about.

For some strange reason when I thought about this challenge all I could think about was writing what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes for a day. Then I thought, why would I walk in someone else’s shoes, when for so many reasons I am not comfortable walking in my own.

On the 5th July 2012 my life changed. People had a habit of saying to me, if you don’t slow down, something is going to happen to make you slow down. My Mum had a mini stroke which resulted with a bleed on the brain around 10 – 12 years ago. Over the last 5 – 6 years she has been getting worse with regards to memory, speech etc, albeit very slowly.

I’d already started to do the housework on Saturdays, after working all week, and then heading in for a 10 hour night shift on a Saturday night. My own work at the time was pretty stressful and on the day of my accident the form in the house was pretty bad. Walking through the living room I tripped and ruptured the patella tendon in my left knee.

I’d never had surgery before. I’m not ashamed to say I cried. It was the first time I’d had to sign a form to acknowledge the fact that I might die during some procedure or another. Thankfully I came out the other side.

In the following months during my recovery, I was really low. Always used to working I found the whole doing nothing thing was harder than I imagined. I’m a terrible worrier, in fact, if I am not worrying, I start to worry that I have forgotten what the original problem was. I am also crippled with anxiety. I am finally able to admit it now. I was worried I was never going to walk again.

Being at home for 6 months allowed me to see just how much my Mum had deteriorated and about a month before I was due to go back to work I started to cook the dinners, I was the hop along chef! It’s stayed like that ever since. Now I do the washing, change the beds, all the cooking and cleaning.

I can no longer walk in the shoes I wore pre accident, and I am not walking the same path either. Everything has changed, I can’t honestly say for the better. If I had a pound for all the people who have told me it will get worse before it gets better, I’d be a rich woman.

I have no self confidence, I am a born worrier prone to anxiety and despite how I come across I am actually quite shy until I get to know you, being behind a computer screen is fine. I also now have an intermittent limp and pain most days, but I am walking and that’s the main thing.

So now you see why I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about being in someone else’s shoes, until I am comfortable in my own. I have a lot of work to do! I need to get new shoes :)

What if I met a Mermaid?

January 29, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

For No Blog Intended. I hope it didn’t disappoint :-)

What if you haven’t followed Jed’s site, Okay, what if? Well then you really should :-)

Okay, What if ?

If you remember a couple of weeks back I told you about the time I got sucked down a plughole, a both terrifying and enlightening experience. At the end of the journey when I skimmed out of the sewer pipe and into the deep blue ocean, what should I see before me but a Mermaid. Now I know what you’re thinking, it’s something along the lines of how did I know what I was looking at. I’ve seen enough films to know and to be fair the whole half woman, half fish thing kind of gave it away.

I had always thought Mermaids were Sirens of the Sea, portrayed in Greek mythology as beautiful yet dangerous creatures who lured sailors to their death with femme fatal looks and enchanting song. The one floating in front of me looked a little less daunting I am thankful to say.

She was…

View original post 377 more words

There’s a what, in the where….

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit21 Comments

The fact that he had just been told there was a spaceship in his neighbours garage should really have caused Seamus some concern right? The thing is, if you knew anything about the man next door at all, then you would understand that in the grand scheme of things a little spaceship wasn’t that much out of character.

So the news found Seamus calmly shrugging his shoulders as opposed to running about the yard like a headless chicken, whilst squealing like a pig!

“So what does he plan to do with this spaceship then?” he asked.

“Well dance to it I presume,” said Billy looking at his best friend quizzically. “What the feck did you think he was going to do with it?”

Seamus started to laugh, until that is he looked at Billy’s face and realised that he was actually serious.

“Is there some kind of little dance you do to get it started? Does dancing make it happy? How the hell can you dance to a spaceship, Billy ffs, catch yourself on!”

“There’s no need for the sarcasm sunshine, I’m pretty sure you press a button to turn it on, and dancing to it certainly seems to make him next door happy. Yesterday I heard him singing along to it as well.”

“Billy sometimes I wonder about yo….” started an exasperated Seamus.

“Look if you don’t believe me, see for yourself, there he goes now to get it started,” said Billy pointing towards the garage at the top of the garden.

Sure enough, giving them a wave, their neighbour slipped in through the garage doors. Many bangs and clanks could be heard from within.

“Any minute now,” shouted an excited Billy bouncing up and down.

Next thing Seamus sees are the doors of the garage being flung open and he can hardly believe what his ears are hearing, as out of the garage comes the all to familiar lyrics….

♪ Looking in your eyes I see a paradise, This world that I found is too good to be true.
Standing here beside you, Want so much to give you…… ♪

“I know what I want to give you Billy ya fecking dickhead, that’s not a spaceship, that’s Starship!! See if I get my hands on you……”

Written for the Okay, What If? Month Long Writing Challenge – What if you discovered a space-ship in your neighbor’s garage?

Steve’s Music Mix – Communication

January 27, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit12 Comments

SteveDJ — Join Steve doing the funky chicken!

So I know this makes two similar posts in quick succession, but for once I am trying to be a little ahead of myself by doing something on time.

Again, here is a refresher of the rules for Steve’s Musix Mix for this week!

The Blurb

Each week Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Steve’s Music Mix – …” and link back to this week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Have a look at the Archives or click on the “Music Mix” category in the category cloud on this page to see all previous weeks.

Any suggestions for future questions welcomed!

For more information, to submit ideas for future questions or just general feedback go to Steve’s Music Mix.

This weeks questions:

1. Are you a good listener? – The Loneliness of a Tower Crane Driver by Elbow – This song contains the lyric’s ‘Send up a prayer in my name. Just the same. They say I’m on top of my game’ So I guess that means I must be a good listener right?! I suppose the best people to ask would have to be my friends.
2. Are you a good public speaker – Metropolis by Owl City – Hmmm I would have no desire to publicly speak in front of a whole Metropolis. I actually did public speaking when I was younger for the school Young Farmers Club. We won a Northern Ireland Championship so we must have been the best of a bad bunch. It funny how when you are younger you are less self conscious. I would hate the thought of having to stand up in front of a crowd now.

3. Are you a good writer? – Inside by The Guillemots – That’s pretty accurate. Inside I want to be a really good writer as it’s something I have found I really enjoy. The reality though as far as I am concerned does not match up. I have issues with grammar and spelling, but I am hoping practice will push me towards perfection and if I am entertaining people along the way then I am happy!

If you would like to try this quiz for yourself, then click on the picture at the top to be taken to Steve’s page. He’d love you to tag along and have a go.

Don’t also forget to check out my challenges page which has links to this one and a couple of others that are worth checking out!

..Steve’s Music Mix – We are the world!

January 26, 2014January 26, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit29 Comments

The Blurb!

I’m late as always, but hey, as some random man once said, better late than never!

Let me refresh you of the rules for Steve’s rebranded Music Mix.

Each week Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Steve’s Music Mix – Week…” and link back to this week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Have a look at the Archives or click on the “Music Mix” category in the category cloud on this page to see all previous weeks.

Any suggestions for future questions welcomed!

For more information, to submit ideas for future questions or just general feedback go to Steve’s Music Mix.

So to the questions for this week:

1. In an ideal world…? – Blood, Sweat and Tears – Paloma Faith – Hmmm that wouldn’t really be my idea of an ideal world to be honest. I was kinda hoping to ditch those. Ooo unless of course I own my own company and I’m putting in Blood, Sweat and Tears to make it work…I could handle that!

2. In a cruel world…? – (Can’t get my) Head around you – The Offspring – I can imagine living in a cruel world where I can’t get my head around anyone at all. Sometimes it’s hard enough trying to figure out what’s going on in my own without having to analyze others.

3. In another world…? – Carry On – Fun – Pretty true really isn’t it. It kinda doesn’t matter where we are or what we do, when hardships come we just have to Carry On.

If you would like to try Steve’s Music Mix for yourself, click his picture at the top to find out all the information. Pass it a long to all your friends too.

All the random things

January 26, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit40 Comments

I was never really a collector of anything. There are no dead bodies in my back garden, or stamps in my cupboard, well not that I am aware of anyway. I do however have a few nifty badges and broaches that I gathered up over the years, my favourite being a little pair of sunglasses.

If I invited you into my living room / little office, the things that would draw your attention, would most likely be my penguins. I liked penguins, but I wouldn’t have said I loved them. It all started because one year my Sister bought me a penguin for Christmas, but liked it so much she decided to keep it for herself. every year after that, as a joke, she and I bought each other something with a penguin on it, whether it be small or large. I guess word got around and then other people started to buy me penguins and now I have a lovely little collection and the like has grown to love.

IMG_20140124_152739-1 (400x243) — My new penguin umbrella purchased yesterday!

It came to my attention yesterday however, that I also seem to have a mini fetish for mugs. The purchase that sparked this realisation, a Heinz Tomato Ketchup mug that was reduced in the sales to £2 and has ‘Hot Dawg’ in bold letters on the side. I have a little thing for Starbucks mugs too, so every time my sister goes away she brings me one from the location of her visit. The one I use the most at the minute though is my Geeky G4mer one that Lee had made for me, which has my old banner and tag line printed on it.

The standing joke in the office though it my unabashed love for all things stationary! Every time someone hands me something new I experience a little joygasm, I just can’t help myself. Pens, pencils, sketchbooks, notebooks, in fact anything at all and I’m as happy as a bee.

In my head I am organised and efficient, and promise that every new notebook I buy will have a purpose. The reality though is very different and the poor things usually get regulated to a shelf or a drawer within 3 weeks of purchase. I’ll go cold turkey for a while, not allowing myself to enter any premises where anything vaguely stationary like is sold. Eventually I give in.

Thinking about it, running a stationary store would have to be my dream job. I’d have the weirdest but coolest collection of things ever and people would travel from all over the world to buy what I was selling.

Ah….if only!

Be Yourself!

January 24, 2014January 24, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit34 Comments

i_love_my_computer — Image from http://www.zazzle.co.nz

Being an eejit I decided to read up on the ‘How to Blog’ sections of WordPress after I had already signed up and posted a couple of times. I’ve said it before and I will say it a million more times, I am not the brightest pixie in the forest!

My approach to learning is rather lazy. I’ll find as much reading material as I can about my chosen subject matter, and then proceed to skim the pages until I locate the information I require. If it’s something that matters to me it will stick in my brain, meaning the papers get discarded and I ultimately become bored because I achieved my original goal.

Had I read all the information with regards to blogging before hand, the chances are I would never have started, and even though I already had a few followers, I still felt I was doomed for failure. I was just not ordered and disciplined enough to follow all the guidelines.

Everyone advised me that in order to succeed I had to pick a subject and stick to it ensuring I had a consistent theme running throughout. That was a huge problem for me. You see I am good at little bits and pieces of many things but I am not a master of any. I knew myself that if I chose this path then I would stumble at the first hurdle.

It takes a while initially to find your feet, and it takes even longer to become truly comfortable in your surroundings. Do I feel comfortable yet? The honest answer to that would have to be, probably not. I still worry each time I publish a post. I practically had a mini meltdown the first time I posted on Okay, What If?, just ask Jed.

I had this idea at the start that I was going to be fine and post anything I wanted as I was essentially posting to strangers, but over time I got to know the strangers and they became friends and then like a second family and I realised that I cared what they thought.

I write about anything and everything that comes to mind. Sometimes I don’t write anything at all, especially on the days when the Mothership is experiencing turbulence. On those days anxiety cripples me and I find it hard to function, never mind string together a legible sentence.

I’ve been lucky, everyone who has clicked the follow button either likes my haphazard style of writing, or has been too polite to mention anything. One sure thing is, none of them have ever told me I need to pick a subject and stick to it. I’m still amazed I have any followers at all. 10 months on and I still experience a little rush of delight from every like, comment and follow.

So the point of this post is, never mind what the guidelines advise you to do. Just do what you want to do. I have a very strong belief now, after being lucky enough to find all the people that I have, that those who are meant to be around, and with you will find you, we’re all here for a reason.

I don’t want to be rich or famous, I just want to make people smile :)