Leave your shoes at the door!

New Shoes
Image from hem.com.np

I don’t normally do the DP Weekly challenge, but this one’s Rara’s so I’m going to give it a go!

Weekly Writing Challenge: Leave Your Shoes at the Door

I’m usually afraid to do challenges like  this because I am always scared that my interpretation of the question will be so far off the wall that no one will have a clue what I am on about.

For some strange reason when  I thought about this challenge all I could think about was writing what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes for a day. Then I thought, why would I walk in someone else’s shoes, when for so many reasons I am not comfortable walking in my own.

On the 5th July 2012 my life changed. People had a habit of saying to me, if you don’t slow down, something is going to happen to make you slow down. My Mum had a mini stroke which resulted with a bleed on the brain around 10 – 12 years ago. Over the last 5 – 6 years she has been getting worse with regards to memory, speech etc, albeit very slowly.

I’d already started to do the housework on Saturdays, after working all week, and then heading in for a 10 hour night shift on a Saturday night. My own work at the time was pretty stressful and on the day of my accident the form in the house was pretty bad. Walking through the living room I tripped and ruptured the patella tendon in my left knee.

I’d never had surgery before.  I’m not ashamed to say I cried. It was the first time I’d had to sign a form to acknowledge the fact that I might die during some procedure or another.  Thankfully I came out the other side.

In the following months during my recovery, I was really low. Always used to working I found the whole doing nothing thing was harder than I imagined. I’m a terrible worrier, in fact, if I am not worrying, I start to worry that I have forgotten what the original problem was. I am also crippled with anxiety. I am finally able to admit it now. I was worried I was never going to walk again.

Being at home for 6 months allowed me to see just how much my Mum had deteriorated and about a month before I was due to go back to work I started to cook the dinners, I was the hop along chef! It’s stayed like that ever since. Now I do the washing, change the beds, all the cooking and cleaning.

I can no longer walk in the shoes I wore pre accident, and I am not walking the same path either. Everything has changed, I can’t honestly say for the better. If I had a pound for all the people who have told me it will get worse before it gets better, I’d be a rich woman.

I have no self confidence, I am a born worrier prone to anxiety and despite how I come across I am actually quite shy until I get to know you, being behind a computer screen is fine. I also now have an intermittent limp and pain most days, but I am walking and that’s the main thing.

So now you see why I wouldn’t feel comfortable writing about being in someone else’s shoes, until I am comfortable in my own. I have a lot of work to do! I need to get new shoes :)

23 thoughts on “Leave your shoes at the door!

  1. Wonderfully written and expressed.
    And congratulations on being able to walk again. I hope the pain fades, and your recovery accelerates.

    From the prompt, this is very much a story of a different perspective.

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    • Sometimes I find them really hard to decipher and because of this I don’t enter. I really shouldn’t worry though I suppose, because no two people are ever going to interpret them the same. Your photo’s are really good though, so you should show them off. :)

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  2. Well my darling Juls – start by giving yourself a break – which is what you just did. :)
    So (((((((((hugs)))))))))))

    Now – get some zip in the zapped step – by going to your doctor and being honest – what you are dealing with is a huge amount – sans the pain – alone – so go, get some help – speak about it honestly to a trusted health worker – and then go from there. There are treatments and therapies available to help with the pain and the wonders of walking out of balance. Even if you’ve done it before – that was then, this is now. As for the constant worry and anxiety – some of it is pain-induced – so you need to be treated for (probably) mild depression and anxiety.

    Don’t wait – it’s Valentine’s day – so love yourself and ask for the help. It will get worse – only because you haven’t been ready to move forwards – so be smooshy chocolately gorgeous with yourself – and take that small toe nudge into the door and move on through.

    You can do it – I believe in you :)

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  3. Really slow on this one… sorry! Plus, I hit the comment button too soon. *sigh* This is why I have comment anxiety, ha! :) Anyways, I loved your perspective and I think you did a fabulous job with the challenge. I also have great admiration for you– this seems like it would have been so hard, but even when you write about it, it’s with light and balance. Thank you.

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