What’s sleep?

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I’m tired. So tired in fact that if the Mothership asks me what the trousers I have left out are for one more time, I might possibly use them to strangle her. Not her fault I know, but she is part of the reason why I am so tired.

I resolved the weekend before last that it would be the final one I worked, but somehow I still found myself in on Saturday. I’m doing 9 hour days and throwing an extra one in at the weekend too and it’s not making a dent on the mountain of things that need done. I really wish I was the kind of person who could just say ‘fuck it’ and dander off.

I’m not sleeping either and that sucks. It’s like I have this little voice in my head going ‘hey you, yes you, it’s been an hour since you last looked at the clock……WAKE UP!’ and damn it I comply. When I do finally manage to fall over to sleep one of two things happen, either the alarm goes off and it’s time to get up for work, or the Mothership wakes me with her screaming at the Fathership. She can never understand why I bark like a dog whose just been stung like a bee, but ffs I just woke up thinking someone’s being murdered, not having their bloody hands washed.

Go to work. Drink coffee. Work……really need a power nap, but there’s no time…..work.

By the time I travel home, stand on trains, stand while waiting for trains, stand while making the dinner and doing the dishes my poor knees feel like they can no longer hold my weight and I can’t wait to collapse into a chair, and then I remember I need to leave out the tablets for tomorrow, wash spuds for tomorrow nights dinner and put on a load of washing, because lets face it if the Motherships ration of knickers falls below 15 you would think the world was going to end.

Back up the stairs, clothes laid out for work, and then a quick shower and  finally I get to sit down, god bless my recliner. The feeling of my feet being lifted off the floor is almost orgasmic and as I settle back to enjoy my 15 minutes of freedom I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet up the corridor.

FUCK!! is what I think, but I don’t voice it, I surprise myself sometimes with how calm I am. There’s no privacy in this house. I’m trying to write a post, maybe read a blog.

Then proceeds a 15 minute to and fro about which nightdress she will wear. When that’s settled, there will be perhaps another 5 trips into my room to confirm the decision that we made not five minutes before.

I don’t attempt to sit down again, there is no point. I just stand and wait.

10 minutes later there is the pitter patter of feet up the corridor once again and it’s time to do the teeth. It’ll take a good five minutes to convince her to give me the gnashers in the first place. Then I have to brush the ones that still remain in place, before confirming at least 10 times that the others are safe in the cup for the night and will be there in the morning.

Finally she goes to put the nightdress on. This whole process from start to finish can take about an hour, and meanwhile time is ticking away and my dreams of an early night are shattered.

I used to hate getting into bed before 12.30 am, it felt like such a waste of a night, now I love my bed, I can’t wait to crawl into it. My legs love me when I lie down.

I was so tired…………..but now I’m wide awake.

FUCK!!

Dementia…..if you didn’t laugh you’d cry!

Remember Me!

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It’s been so long since I’ve been here I’ve almost forgotten how to post. Ok so perhaps it’s not quite as drastic as that, but it has been a long time. I was happy to note however that there have not been too many more changes to the WordPress platform since my last visit, I was a tad worried.

So where have I been? Well I’ve been nowhere but right where I always am, I’ve just been caught up and getting squashed by life. We had a couple of really bad weeks with the Mothership meaning mentally I was not fit for any kind of interaction let alone writing. Every day it seems to be that a little more of my time becomes taken up with the things that need to be done, at this rate, there will be none left.

As far as Christmas goes I’m actually in fairly good shape. The Motherships cards are all written although it would seem she does not believe me, as every time a card is received she asks me at least ten times did they get one. Wonder no more why I hate the alleged season of being jolly, my good will meter is almost empty.

I’ve missed this place, but despite wanting to write and actually sitting down to write, nothing came to mind, mainly, because there were too many other things on my mind already.

I’m behind on reading too, sorry about that, again a combination of needing space and a rekindling of my love for Cookie Jam which has been keeping me amused on the journey to work. I also downloaded Candy Crush again, something I had not played much of since my leg recuperation days. I’ve lost most of my progress though and as a result am battling my way from the beginning, ripping my hair out in the process and wondering how I ever made it through these evil levels in the first place.

I have penned many posts previously in relation to my addiction to the above game, the search terms it generates, and the fact that some people play it naked….don’t even ask, but I swear this time, I am adopting a more level headed approach……I haven’t put it on my phone…..yet!

Anyway, I just though I would drop by, let you know I am still alive and give you a mini hi five, because you are after all, really rather awesome.

I’m hoping to get back to some normality soon, so see you on the flip side!

I got the smarts…sometimes!

Sometimes I have flashes of brilliance, sadly however, they are few and far between. You also must remember that I am rating myself in accordance with my own scale of brilliance, which to be fair, neither starts or finishes very highly.

I suppose rather than being brilliance, it would be better to say I experience seconds of the smarts. In that instance I know what to do, I do it, I don’t flap about it, I am reasonably pleased and the whole incidence passes without too much worry being attached to it.

That’s rather mediocre for having been in a job almost two months, but I am taking comfort from the fact that having seconds of smarts is just the beginning and that full A* status will not be achieved until I have been in my new position for at least six months. Well so those in the know tell me anyway and assuming I am not sacked before that!

If you asked me if I liked the job I still wouldn’t be able to answer, it all depends on what day you ask me. Some are good and some are bad. I like the challenge, but not when it pickles my brains and leaves me feeling like I want to throw myself face first onto the floor and kick and scream. Meh, perhaps that’s just me and nothing to do with the job!

I need to get more organised, both at work and home. I feel that I should have lists and schedules and plans, and ways of working things so that I get more time to do what I want to do, like blogging. It’s a sad state of affairs when your parents have a better social life than you do!

I’m actually blogging this at lunchtime, only I left it too late and didn’t start my lunch until 1.30 and now time is up and I have to go type things for other people instead. So forgive me all my spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors, today I shall blame it on being in a rush.

Remember too, you still have until Sunday to send in an entry for the Cartoon Craziness Challenge, and yes I do know that I still have my own to do!

Alternative thinking!

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Spectres Attack by pKrime

I would say I have quite an inquisitive mind. I like to know things. They don’t always have to be important or earth shattering pieces of information, they just have to be relevant to whatever it is I happen to be thinking about at the time. If I don’t know the answer to a question, I will find it out and ensure I know next time.

I would also say I have a fairly open mind, unless I know for sure something is not going to work. I try not to dismiss things without at least giving them some thought, whether it be before or after the event.

Where is this going I hear you ask, well it’s going to lead you into a very interesting conversation I had yesterday.

My friend believes in ghosts, so much so in fact, that they have been ‘Ghost Hunting’. I however sit on the fence. I would not like to say out loud that I do not believe in Ghosts, lest later on this evening one jumps out and scares the shite clean out of me.

I have however had two experiences, both in my kitchen, that would lead me to believe that there is something else out there. Once while standing at the cooker I felt a tap on my shoulder. I was a little startled as I had heard no one approach. When I turned around to speak to the person, there was no one there. At the time the only thing I felt was quizzical, I didn’t feel scared, I just couldn’t really understand what had happened.

The second incident occurred about two months ago while I was standing at the kitchen sink. It had been a particularly stressful day, especially at home, and I was feeling a little despondent. While washing the dishes I had the sensation of what felt like a hand brush against my cheek. Again I wasn’t scared, but immediately thought of the shoulder tapping incident. For the rest of the evening, every time the phone in the house rang, I was convinced I was going to be told someone had passed away. Thankfully no one had.

I have also seen balls of light, that my friend explained could be Orbs;

Orbs are believed (by many) to be ghosts in the form of balls of light. They are life forms that travel in groups and are believed to be the human soul or life force of those that once inhabited a physical body here on earth – Reference from: Ghoststudy.com

The strangest thing for me, is the fact that I don’t feel afraid, considering I suffer from anxiety and worry like it is going out of fashion. Hopefully it will stay this way, I think being faced with the likes of a poltergeist might be the end of me.

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Image by Jon Feinstein

Conversation then turned to religion, and I asked my friend if he believed in Heaven and Hell. Like me, he believes there is something. I can only speak from personal experience, but I know there are times when I have asked for help and have received it. You could argue that it was fate or chance, who knows, but I believe someone up there was looking out for me. I, like I have no doubt a lot of other people do ask the question, that if there is a God why does bad stuff happen to good people. I can’t answer these things.

My friend once read a book and shared the theories of it to me, sadly I cannot remember the name of either the author or the book. He (the author) believed that our bodies are vessels and that we live out a lifetime in them, for however long that lifetime may be. When we pass, our souls then transfer into another vessel and we begin another life. Curiosity piqued, I asked if this is where Déjà vu comes from. The book believes it is, the rational being that we reach the same point in our lives but choose a different path. It’s a nicer way to look on things. Instead of mourning a past life, we just celebrate the moving on to a new phase.

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Oops wrong vessel!

It’s all very interesting stuff and I would like to read more about the theories of others, even if the only reason is to challenge the way I personally think about things.

What say you, do you believe in ghosts and other worldly beings, yay or nay?