Tag: Eejit

Beating (the crap out of) the blues!

The Indecisive Eejit50 Comments

 

Beat the Blues

I sat down to write, honest I did. It’s just that nothing would formulate in there, taps brain. I started to tinker instead, cleared up the blogs I follow,  made some changes in Bloglovin and got caught up on some reading. It’s hard to believe how many posts can amass in such a short space of time. The weight of it sits heavy on my shoulders sometimes, even after all this time it still manifests itself as guilt.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me this weather, I feel like I need to give myself a good shake, but believe me, that’s a lot easier than it sounds. I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about where I would have been if I had not made some of the choices I did. I wake up every morning, ragged from restless sleep and for a few moments I forget what life is like and then it all comes crashing in and I feel swamped with that feeling of helplessness, scared to go downstairs because I am not entirely sure what to expect when I get there. Sometimes it feels like life just gets a little too big. I am a small hamster on a big wheel, running, but getting nowhere.

I can’t seem to settle either, I always feel restless. When I finally sit I feel like I should be up and about doing something else, making the most of my time, but that’s the problem it is MY time, and there is very little of it, I don’t need to have it peppered with feelings of guilt.

I went out the other day with my friends, I’ve not seen them for almost 2 months and we made the decision to go on a road trip. I was looking forward to it and especially to having a day away. In order to do anything at all however, plans have to be put in place to make sure the ships are fed, tablets are left out and everyone knows the routine. It often feels like it’s more hassle than it’s worth. On the morning in question I came down to make some breakfast and finish preparing the food I was leaving for their tea, only to be greeted with tears and things like ‘Oh I like it there’ and ‘I’d love to go there’ as if she never gets taken anywhere. The sad thing is the Mothership has a more active social life than I do. She seems to forget that not less than two weeks ago the Fathership took her in the same direction as I was heading and she threw a wobbler and ruined both her day and his, refusing to eat and just generally being obstructive. It was a shit start to the day, but thankfully my friends rallied me round and a great day was had by all.

I miss me. I feel like everything I write these days is negative. In reality I know it isn’t as I need an outlet for release, but there used to be so much more and now it feels like there isn’t anything other than work and home life and GTA of course, there is always GTA!

I know things will settle down again. It’s been a very up and down few weeks what with various appointments and eye Ops etc. We’ve been skirting around our normal routine and that pretty much upsets the apple cart. The longer hours in work are not helping either, but right now that is not something that I can change.

Please don’t offer me sympathy, I don’t need it, what I do need is a good kick up the arse, so feel free to administer one of those. The wearing of hob nailed boots however is prohibited!

I’ve followed a couple of blogs lately as I have liked some of the pieces others I follow have written for their prompts. I might give them a go sometime myself, I miss writing fiction. If you know of any other good ones let me know. I know too, that it has been a while since I put a new prompt on Okay, What If?, so if you have any ideas let me know, the question can be anything.

I know I’ve said it before, but hopefully one of these days I will get myself into a bit of a better routine, I shall make no promises, then I cannot be held accountable. I was thinking however that it has been a while since I let May out of her box, heaven help us all!!

Till next time Eejits :)

The Wonky Weekend

The Indecisive Eejit46 Comments

I really want to update you, honestly I do, I just have nothing to say. So here I sit listening to the Tudors Soundtrack staring at a blank screen.

Ah feck it, here goes.

A few weeks ago someone in work told me that for every bad day there would be good days. I laughed and said I can’t remember the last time there was a good day, but as things went, last week was not so bad. Perhaps my new regime of making myself go to bed at a relatively reasonable time was helping, or perhaps I am so far past the end of my tether that I actually just don’t care anymore.

I went in on Saturday and worked for 7 hours straight. When I left there were still things to do, but you know how it is, the Ships have to be fed. It made a wonky weekend being off Sunday and Monday as opposed to Saturday and Sunday, but it was beneficial.

When I arrived home on Saturday night I walked into a complete and utter nightmare. The Mothership seemed to think it was fun to pull everything out of the cupboards and place it in little piles all over any available surface in the living room, the Fathership was already under fire as he had asked her if she was going to tidy it up and I walked in and felt like crying. I cannot stress enough how much it irritates me that I spend at least 4 hours cleaning on a normal Saturday for it only to last half a day, if even. It’s such a waste of time. I don’t want someone to come and visit, look at the mess and think feck that big girl doesn’t do much to help out. Trust me, that’s going to get them a knee in the knackers followed by me screaming ‘give me a break I do pretty much fucking everything!!’

The final straw came on Sunday, while I was running round cleaning, yet again! Now bear in mind that at this stage the living room still looks like a bomb has gone off, so the Mothership proceeds to move to the room next door and tip everything out in there too. I was on to my second load of washing at this stage and owing to the fact that it was raining a whole zoo never mind cats and dogs, I had brought the clothes in and left them on a chair to be placed onto the clothes horse. I left them for two seconds to go and turn on the dinner and came back to find the Mothership trailing the clean clothes across the floor. It was right about then that the top of my head blew off and steam exited at a rather quick pace from my ears, in fact I looked pretty much something like this:

Burning Sun

I get that she was trying to help, but in the name of good fuck could she not tidy the two days worth of mess up instead of sticking an oar in where it’s not needed. I basically said as much too, and then went into the kitchen and broke down. There are people who will judge me, but do you know what, walk a week in my shoes and then see how you feel. Only those who have ever actually had to care for someone could ever understand. I know it’s not her fault and trust me, guilt eats at me, but I am a women fast approaching the menopause with hormonal homicidal tendencies, working full time, looking after two adults, once of whom is getting on like a sullen teenager. No one said it was going to be easy, and given a choice, it’s certainly not something you would sign up for. Right now though I would settle for a tidy house.

That said, tomorrow is another day, just a shame I’m back at work!

Halfway through this post I switched from listening to the Tudors Sountrack to The Penguin Cafe Orchestra. Awesome. Highly recommended for giving the heart a helping hand.

Till next time eejits :)

 

Magic Pens

The Indecisive Eejit42 Comments

Swamped

Bloomin heck you lot, have you all been down to Diagon Alley (if you don’t get that reference, then shame on you!) and purchased magic pens? What on earth is going on, there’s more posts flying about than what you would find in a field full of fences. Everybody just stop, breathe and count to ten……feel better? Thank feck, at least one of us does.

I’ve made reference before to my feelings for the WordPress reader, it would be a magnificent tool if it didn’t somehow manage to spirit away a whole multitude of posts everyday. Now it’s certainly not the readers fault that I have very little spare time on my hands to catch up on reading, so a while back I made a few discreet inquiries (I asked my mate Google) and discovered Bloglovin. It’s been a life saver. That said, it cannot help me with my lack of time either, but slowly I have been adding blogs I follow into my feed and lovely little BL stacks them up until I get time to play catch up.

This week was another busy week, with very little time for reading, so armed with a spare 30 minutes this evening I decided to sit down and get started. It’ll not be too bad I thinks to myself, the page loaded, I went to the oldest post and in the top corner it said 153 unread. It was at that point, that I fell off the chair! I’ll have some of what you lot are having thank you very much!

Normally I get to read and like most things and if I have half decent Internet signal I even get to like them, but even by my standards that’s a lot of posts for me to make it through, so I am going to apologise in advance if I don’t get to read / like everything.  Have you any idea the trauma that amount of information can cause to a single brain cell, especially one that you’re sitting on ffs!

While we’re on the subject, thats the main reason that my comments are set for moderation, that way there is no fear that I will miss anyone, as sometimes it could be a day or two after before I get to reply, that and to correct peoples spelling mistakes, I shall mention no names! But everyone, please feel free to correct my multitude of spelling mistakes at any time, you don’t even have to ask, anything that makes me look a little less like an eejit is good in my books :)

So the moral of this story is….who knows…..I’ve run out of steam!

Till next time eejits :)

P.s Keep writing, I love it really….maximum 2 posts a day should be grand, that leaves me about 100 a day to read……..errrm ok, mebbe half a post a day would be better ;)

I am Two!

The Indecisive Eejit68 Comments

I am Two

It’s been a busy week meaning I’ve not had much of a chance to check up on my blog, I was too busy hiding under my desk in work having a mini meltdown.

Today however I decided to take a quick peek when I got home, and lo and behold WordPress informed me that I am two, well to be more exact, that my blog is, or was registered two years ago today. Where on earth did the time go?

The Anniversary Times Two Trophy!
The Anniversary Times Two Trophy!

I’m pretty sure at my one year anniversary I wrote a piece about how I was amazed I had made it to a year and what do you know, another one has gone past and I am still here! To the person who put superglue on the seat, I salute you.

Lately there has been a lot of posts in relation to the larger blogs, in particular the number of followers they have and how they obtain them. It’s easy to look up to the stars, but you need to remember that you are still standing on the ground.

I used to be like that, dream that one day I would have thousands of followers and be as cool as those I aspired to be. I realised rather quickly that was not going to happen, my writing was never going to win me awards and my wit alone was not enough to see me through and I was just fine with that, the world still turned.

I’m happy right where I am thank you very much. Yes it may have taken me two years to amass over 800 followers when some people can do that in mere months. Good on ya I say, I’m going for quality and not quantity. In my world 800 is fecking hugeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Every follower is a bonus, and I have found over the last two years that the majority of mine are real treasures and my life is better because they all dandered into it.

So happy I am two day, the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!

valentine-penguin-ocal

 

Conversations on Trains

The Indecisive Eejit48 Comments

Train

I think I have one of these faces. I like to smile, in fact I will smile at anyone whether they are receptive to it or not. It would appear that the act of smiling very often leads into the art of the awkward return smile and sometimes rebound conversation.

On an unmanned TRAIN platform in the middle of the universe:

Me: Smiles.

Stranger: Lovely morning isn’t it.

Me: It sure is, but it’s very warm.

Stranger: You waiting for something?

Me: Yes, the train.

Stranger: It’s very warm isn’t it.

Me: Aye.

Train pulls into the station.

Stranger: Is that the train then.

Me: Yes, you getting on?

Stranger: No I think I’ll wait for the train.

Me: Ummm ok then, have a nice day!

Forgive me for being a little confused by this. There is only one line, with all trains going to the same place. I can only imagine he was waiting for a special train. I might check it out on Monday, it could lead me on a very exciting adventure.

At a table, on a moving train in the middle of the same universe.

Me: Smiles

Stranger: That’s one hell of a phone you have there girl.

Me: Smiling and laughing. That’s not a phone, it’s a tablet.

Stranger: Ach no, I wouldn’t want to be swallowing that thing.

We  both laugh at his amazing quip.

Stranger: So what are you doing?

Me: I’m writing.

Stranger: Writing what?

Me: A blog.

Stranger: A wha?

Me: A blog.

Stranger: What’s a blog then?

Me: Hmmm it’s kinda like an online diary.

Stranger: Oh. There must be some good stuff in there then.(In a nudge nudge, wink wink way)

Me: Not really, it’s pretty boring actually.

Stranger: Well it looks exciting. I might have to get me a big old phone like that and one of those there blog things.

Me: What would you call it?

Stranger: You said it was a tablet.

Me: No I meant your blog.

Stranger: It needs a name?

Me: Yes it has to have a title.

Stranger: (Thinks for a minute rapping fingers on the table) Sure I’ll name it Fido after me dog.

Me: (Laughing) Aye that’s dead on. I’ll keep an eye out for it, see ye later.

I think I  might stop smiling.

(I actually posted this before, way back in 2013, but it was kind of right for the Okay, What If? Challenge so I’ve redone it. I think there will most likely be another one too though.)

Looking around…

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

I have itchy feet..or perhaps that should be hands. Every so often I will get the idea into my head that I would like a little blog change, and before you start to panic, I don’t mean the name, I’m quite content with being an Indecisive Eejit, well for now anyway. I do however mean a fresh look, a little interior design so to speak.

For the last couple of weeks I have trawled through the numerous themes on WordPress, but I can’t seem to find anything that jumps out and slaps me round the face as well as a wet kipper (don’t ask). There are a few I like, unfortunately they are the ones that require me to part with cash, which I am not prepared to do right now, mainly cos I have none spare. So in the meantime in order to try and pacify myself I changed my background colour, go me, that’s creativity for you all right!

I still need to make the changes to ensure that May Dupp is incorporated back into the blog, but short of having her jump out of a box in the middle of your screen I’m not sure how I can do that. I’d also like a new banner, I did try to sketch one, or doodle one, or whatever, but it was, for want of a better word, shit and relegated to the trash can. So back to the drawing board.

That said, while doing all this thinking and pondering, I went into my media library on here and decided to clean out some of the pictures that had never actually made it onto posts. In doing so I viewed others that had been linked, and decided to check out the posts. The result, I’ve written some really random shit over the last two years, but I have a smile on my face.

I decided to share, look at it this way, it’s something to do for five minutes if you’re bored. Without further ado, here are my top five posts from tonights browsing:

Hanging by a Sliver…

What do you wanna do?

The Geeky G4mer Gallery

Ha Ha Ha!

What if?…wait….did someone say dragon!!

I need to get back to writing like this, my mind is not as weird and wonderful as it used to be!

To Comment or Not to Comment..

The Indecisive Eejit33 Comments

After a conversation last night, I went looking for this post. The subject matter of the discussion centered around comments and my explanations as to why I do not always leave one.

Although this post was originally written in July 2013, most of it still applies, except the one about the blog gods, I figured out eventually there is no such thing. I was new and foolish, don’t judge me. 

A new one to add to the reasons, is time, as in not having enough of it.

Regardless, rather then reblog,  I though I would just re publish the post. 

To comment or not to comment, that is the question…..

I won’t like a post, unless I actually like a post. I’m not in the habit of just scrolling down my reader merrily clicking as I go, not reading anything.  Quite the opposite, I try to read everything. However unless you knew my strategy, you would perhaps assume I am a serial liker as I seldom back up my choices with a comment.

Comments scare me.

There are a few reasons for this, and you will most likely laugh when you read them and in your head reaffirm my status as an eejit, but here they are none the less. It may even help me to become more proactive on the commenting front and you to understand why you don’t always see one.

Firstly we have the blog gods, you know the ones, always on Freshly Pressed and quite rightly so. Super slick blogs and superior content that makes you want to cry because you know no matter how long you blog, or how well you blog, you will just never be in that league. Every time you see one of their posts in your reader you leave it until last because you know it’s going to be the best.

All their posts get over 100 likes and probably around the same amount of comments, each one a beautifully crafted little nugget of wisdom or humour. I can’t compete with that. In I’d wade with my big clod hoppers and muddy the clear waters, by posting something that made me laugh out loud but everyone else would look at and go, what the f……..!

The blog gods would look at little old me and assume I am a serial liker, trying to piggy back off their success to gain views for my own humble offerings.

Secondly you have the posts that make you heart sore. You read it and just want to reach into the screen, pull out the writer and hug them like there is no tomorrow. You want to comment so badly, even if it is just to let them know you understand, but words fail. There is nothing you can say that is going to make any difference, and any offerings you can think of just seem insignificant to the words of wisdom from others. I like these posts and leave, because I never know what to say.

Then we have the gaming posts and movie reviews. If I don’t know enough about the subject matter then I choose not to comment, because to do so would just show my ignorance and lack of knowledge about the post. I love reading them to gain the knowledge and to entertain the possibility of perhaps giving them a try, but usually any comments I make will be questions.

Then I have the circle of blogs I usually do comment on. These people for whatever reason have accepted me, embraced my stupidity and in some cases even encouraged it. Without them I would be lost, because each gives me the courage to carry on and face my commenting fears, by replying and letting me know it’s ok if sometimes I am not the brightest fairy in the forest.

So rest assured, if I follow your blog it is because I find it interesting and would like to revisit, not because I want to use your kudos to move up the ladder. If I comment and you think its nonsense give me the benefit of the doubt, I mean well. If I don’t comment, I probably wanted to, more than you know, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

This blogging malarkey is a learning curve and I am just heading into the bend…..

This could be a long one….

The Indecisive Eejit29 Comments

Shirt N Tie

I’ve a lot to say, so bear with me, this could be a long one.

Ben Howard is playing in the background as I type. I’m attempting to sort out new playlists for my journeys as I am back to train travel as from tomorrow morning. It’s time to get ruthless, some music is going to have to go to make room for more. You’d wonder how with an Ipod which has about 15GB of music I can still be bored.

I’ll miss my traveling companion. At the start, being a bit of a loner at times, I lamented the loss of my blog reading time, but I quickly came to love the chat and banter. While I will again be able to read all the things you guys write, I am really going to miss the company. It made the start and the end of the working day so much more bearable.

Periodically over the last month or so the changes to the WordPress platform have really been getting on my wick, but I refrained from saying anything as it’s a great platform, for which I am very grateful. Now though, I miss the Stats page, my notifications go a little awry, I have to multiple click to get to the old WP Dashboard and is there even any point in me voting that I prefer the older stuff if they are not going to change it. I know I am not the only one who feels like this though, so for once it’s good to be in a majority.

I’ve been having a bit of a clean up with regards to the blogs I follow. I finally got around to removing the ones that were no longer active. Periodically WordPress will still do it’s own cull for me, which is a pain in the arse as it’s usually blogs I want to keep following. I never was the kind of person to just follow someone because they followed me, I will only add if it’s something I actually want to read. It’s hard enough trying to keep up without just following people for the sake of it. Everyday I am being introduced to new ones, keep em coming.

Finally, Wee Blue Birdie, who is well worth a follow if you have not already. kindly put me forward for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. Those who have followed for a while, will know that I long since stopped doing these kind of awards, however by way of compromise, I did agree to answer WBB’s questions. After finally sitting down to take a good look at them, I was all WTF have I let myself in for, but never one to back down from a challenge, here goes.

The Weird and Wonderful Questions of a Wee Blue Birdie

1. What kind of bird would you be and why? – Well that would have to be a Penguin. Why? just because. They are penguins ffs, they need no justification.

2. Which people of history had the best clothing? – It’s questions like this that make me wish I had studied History a little harder at school. I do have to say though, I liked the 80’s. I used to think I was all that with my white shirt, my pink tie and black beret. If I could go back in time, I’d slap myself senseless! Had I the figure for it, it would be the dresses from the Tudor period, all heaving bosoms and tight corsets. I mean who needs to breathe when your waist is the same size as your thigh.

3. In which film do you wish you had played the lead? What would you have brought to the role? – To be honest I wouldn’t want the lead. I’m more a behind the scenes kind of person. There are no specific roles I would have liked, anything in the Lord of The Rings trilogy would have been fine. I could probably have been an orc, without the use of any make up! What would I bring? Probably chaos.

4. What was your favourite toy when you were a child? – Again there is no one toy that I can remember being overly attached to. I was a lover of cuddly toys and I could have told you where every one came from. I have a Snoopy somewhere in the attic that I was quite fond of, will that do?

5. If you could be in the Olympics, what would your sport be? – Chasing men and trying to get them to kiss me, in a very non stalkerish way of course. Only joking, it would be the javelin, because 4 days out of 7 I already feel like spearing the shit out of things *smiles sweetly*.

6. If you could cure one human illness or disease, what would it be and why? – Aww that’s a hard one, there are so many horrible things out there, but I guess for me personally, it would have to be Cancer and Dementia, I think everyone knows the answer why without me having to explain.

7. What is your favourite urban myth, and why do you want it to be true? – Fairies. Can you imagine being able to go to the bottom of your garden to have a cup of magical tea with a fairy. One I would not want to be true is Banshee’s. One night while slightly tipsy, I stumbled into the house with an urgent need to use the bathroom. Feeling I would be unable to make it up the stairs in time, I used the downstairs one. Whilst in the act of lowering my underwear in order to sit, I heard this high pitch kind of wail. I raised the underwear and sort of stood mesmerized. Silence. Repeat process, and again, the same thing. I was petrified and thought a Banshee was coming for me. When sense set in, I realised it was the whirly washing line twirling in the wind. It’s true what they say, when the drinks in the wits out.

8. What is your favourite unusual word? – Oxter – which means armpits. There is something refreshingly satisfying about saying ‘feck aff, I’m up to me oxters!’. ‘Feck’, now that would be my absolute favourite.

9. How would you like your writing to influence the world, or affect those who read it? – That’s easy, I’d like it to make them smile. Simples.

10. What is the best thing about being you? – That’s a hard question to ask someone with low self confidence who always thinks their glass is half empty. My Family and friends, both in real life and online. They are without a doubt the best thing about being me.

There you go Wee Blue Birdie, just for you. I’m away to lie down, I’m worn out now!

The End of an Era

May Dupp8 Comments

MayDupp BannerIt’s done. In the blink of an eye, ok perhaps more like a stab of the finger, the Misadventures of May Dupp is no more. It’s actually surprisingly easy to delete a site, frighteningly easy actually, so much so, that I almost erased the Eejits by mistake, but please don’t tell her, oh balls, I just did, didn’t I.

I had a fun little run over there, but not having to pay rent here is going to be so much better, and besides, she’ll be the one who has to do all the housekeeping.

There will however have to be changes around here, and we’ll get to them if herself can put down Red Dead Redemption for five minutes. It’s laughable really, a grown woman getting all gung ho about cowboys and horses, you’d never catch me being so fickle (firemen aside that is).

It was a very quiet weekend, Onda is currently living the life of the jet set in New York for a few days. Apparently she’s been spending a bit of time hanging around the sidewalks, no no, not that kind of hanging around ffs, more like she got a little lost. Knuckles told her to take her muff with her, because the weather outside was indeed frightful in New York. He got a look and reassurance that she takes her muff everywhere with her. I think to be honest there was a little confusion as to what they each meant. For clarification, Knuckles meant:

muff – a tube made of fur or other warm material into which the hands are placed for warmth

Onda however, meant something entirely different that is not suitable for typing, and besides, the Eejit would slap me senseless if I did. She’s a dirty clart is that Onda, but she’s a while good laugh.

Well I had better scoot, I’m supposed to be writing a list of all the things that need done. Next to go apparently is the May Dupp Facebook page, so if you want to keep up to date, you’re more than welcome to like the Eejits one,  for which there is a link in the side bar.

I’m hoping to keep my Twitter, it’s still under negotiation. I bought her chocolate today so I am hoping that got me some brownie points, we shall have to see.

Anyways, it’s good to be home and chat soon!

Happy Places!

The Indecisive Eejit24 Comments

Happy Places

A Prompt Reply mentioned me in her post in relation to Happy Places and issued forth a challenge of sorts by passing on this idea. I don’t normally accept challenges, but this one, well I liked the idea of it, so here goes.

A Prompt Reply herself,  and a host of others provide happy places for me with their own blogs and writings. I have met so many great people through this endeavor and even almost 2 years on, it continues to be a place of enjoyment. I wish I had been writing at the time of my accident, because I believe it would have been very good for my mental health, but hindsight as they say, is a wonderful thing.

House sitting for my Sister and brother in law used to be one of my happy places. The current situation at home means I wouldn’t be able to leave now for more than a few days, but then, I used to love cooking for myself, pottering about and having no one to look after but myself and the cat.

Spending time with my friends is a happy place. It provides much needed laughter and relief from the worries if only for a short time. It’s good to catch up, be goofy and talk shit….yes, my friends are eejits too!

Another happy place is spending time with my other friend and her family. She always manages to make me see sense when my anxiety is in overdrive and provides much needed love and hugs on bad days. A smile from her youngest child never fails to cheer me up. Likewise with her other two.

Another place would be the beach, but I like it when it’s windy and the waves crash against the shore, none of this tits out tanning malarky!

Believe it or not work for me is generally a happy place. I’m not scared to admit I like working, I like being useful and feeling like I can achieve things. I’m never going to be a mover and a shaker, I’m just happy being a me and getting the job done. I hope people regard me as a hard worker and someone who is dependable.

Finally, let us not forget music and gaming, both of which take me to a happy places when the real one is anything but. It’s nice to be able to listen to music and feel transported to somewhere else. Likewise, gaming with friends is another release from stressful days

Granted most of these things are not actual places, but when you work and are a carer, there is little time for anything else and you have to make the most of what you are left with.

Thank you to all of you who read this blog and to whom I follow for allowing me to have a peek inside your happy place and for giving me much needed support over the last two years!

Part of taking up this challenge is to pass it on and see if it continues. I am not going to mention anyone specific, there are too many people who’s responses I would wish to see. Instead I am going to ask, that if you are so inclined, you write your own post about your happy places, because I would be very interested to hear what they are. You are or course, more than welcome to link back to this post if you wish.

So, that begs the question, what is your happy place?