Tag: Blogging

Don’t be afraid of the dark!

The Indecisive Eejit41 Comments
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Image by Jim Pennucci

Imagine WordPress is a lake, where the waters are calm and still. This morning when I opened the reader, something felt different, almost like a storm was brewing. There were ripples on the normally smooth surface of the water. Sadness, people leaving, people hurting, it kind of knocked me for six a little.

When I started blogging I have to admit I was a little scared. Sure I had experience of WordPress before, but that was on a self hosted blog that no one ever read. The first couple of months contained many days of me stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way, experimenting and generally teaching myself how to publish a post.

For the first while you hang around unseen, watching and hoping one day you are brave enough to comment on that post that you really liked. You quickly find all the ‘cool’ blogs, because those are the ones everyone gravitates to. You don’t feel worthy to be seen, so you observe from a distance, thinking, ‘when I grow up, I want to be a blog just like that one.’

You feel that every post you write deserves to be Freshly Pressed and obsessively check your e-mails in case you delete that precious message by mistake. Then when you have the time you actually check out some of the posts that have been given the award and reality slaps your resoundly about the face when you realise that if that’s the standard that is required then it’s never coming your way. As time goes on you realise it doesn’t matter anyway, there are much more worthwhile reasons to blog.

Still you hanker after the cool blogs, liking and commenting in the hopes of being noticed, because after all that’s what you are advised to do, get yourself out there and make new friends. Your pride is a little dented when after a month you have still gone unnoticed,  but a few strangers stop by to say hello.

The strangers become friends, and bring some of their own along. The craic is good and before you know it you are visiting the cool blogs less and less. You have the approval of the people that matter to you, and that’s more than enough.

One day you realise that all blogs are the same, because they are being run by humans and humans make mistakes. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than worthy, appreciate those who already think you are good enough.

Don’t be afraid of the dark, and don’t be dazzled by bright lights, it’s all the little ones that come when you least expect it that light your way! Don’t give up, they will find you.

Feeling Humbled!

The Indecisive Eejit26 Comments

-Dear-Followers

I’ve had a few new followers of late, thank you very much and you are more than welcome. My apologies for the fact that I have not been along personally to thank you, but you see I never did that with any of the old hands and I don’t want to hear any cries of discrimination. People seem to just happen along and hang around, adding bits and pieces every now and again and that’s just the way I like it. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay. There’s a great bunch of folks who visit, I’m sure you’ll get to know them soon enough.

The addition of new followers to my blog has also meant the addition of new material to my reader. I love it when people introduce themselves, because the chances are I would never have found them otherwise. For some reason, my ‘You May Like’ section usually throws up the same 4 blogs, even though I have previously indicated they were not my type of thing. If you think about it, there are over a million people on WordPress, but yet it still recommends the same ones. Perhaps I have found the best ones already, most days it certainly feels like I have, because you lot rock!

I always did pretty much live on the Internet, right from the first time my sister let me have a go on her laptop and introduced me to ICQ. I spoke to people all over the world and nothing would do but I had to get a computer of my very own to explore this new world I had previously known nothing about. Over the years I have made some amazing friends, met some complete wankers, learned new skills, honed old ones and many other things that I would never have managed were it not for easy access to the World Wide Web.

Despite how I come across I am actually quite a shy person, most likely due to low self esteem, so hiding behind the screen of a computer suits me just fine. I do love going out with my friends and if I feel comfortable with you I will open up, but I hate that moment of having to meet someone for the first time, or walking into a crowded room. People who know me would tell you that they find this weird. They say I am the life and soul of the party and strangely, they find me funny. I love that, but it bemuses me at the same time.

So you see this little space of mine on the Internet, has given me a lot to be thankful for. I have been fortunate enough to meet amazing people, with more coming along every day. I’ve shared their stories, their journeys, their happiness and heartache. I’ve been in total awe of the strength people show in the most dire of circumstances and how despite everything they continue to write, offering those who follow hope and a lifeline. I’ve giggled at the sexploits of others, yes Sean, this time I do mean you, take a bow! and I’ve even been educated, probably more than I ever was at school.

I don’t get time to comment on every post I read and the ‘Like’ button along with Translink’s free Wifi have been a tad temperamental of late, but I try and read as often as I can to keep up to date with everyone’s goings on. So don’t think that just because I have not liked or commented on a post that I have not read it. Even after all this time I still get stuck for things to say, so I choose not to comment. Sometimes nothing else needs to be said.

There has been so much going on here too, what with working full time, being later home at night and the cooking every day now, that I don’t have the same amount of time I used to. I want to be writing all the time and my mind is a hive of activity with ideas for this site and also for posts on Okay, What if?, where I now guest post, it’s just that when I finally get everything done my brain goes, ‘seriously you want me to remember all those things you were thinking about? How about a big slice of feck away off” and the great ideas I had vanish into the ether.

thinking-please-be-patient-thecuriousbrain.com_
Image from simplelifestrategies.com

In fact it’s doing that right now, reminding me it’s bed time and that I’ve not been sleeping the best. Funny things brains, ingenious inventions, you can be as thick as shit, but the old top box still rules the roost!

Anyway all I wanted to say was, thank you for following me, for putting up with me and for sticking around. I am so glad to have met you all!

 

Well hello there 2014!

The Indecisive Eejit11 Comments
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Image from Amazing Photos

Tomorrow has become today, so you know what that means right, yep, it’s New Year! It’s been a very quiet day, I remarked to my friend whilst we were having lunch that, for me anyway, it did not feel like New Years Eve at all.

Now the night has arrived I almost feel like I should be doing something, I dunno, let’s say swinging my granny pants over my head on a dance floor somewhere. The sad reality is though that I am so tired I am considering falling into bed and sleeping through the big event. I’m crafty though, I am going to type this now and schedule it for just after midnight. If you are reading it on the 1st of January (GMT) then my first foray into the world of scheduling was a resounding success.

2013 has been an up and down year for me. I had high hopes after the disaster that was 2012 that the new year was going to bring great things. In some ways it did, but it’s still been challenging none the less.

I finally admitted to myself that after the whole alien leg thing I was struggling with a bout of mild depression. In relation to the  recovery process I had been prepared for the physical pressure, but I had no idea how badly it would affect me mentally. I’m used to being able to do most things for myself, so having to take a back seat in some aspects and even rely on other people for assistance did not sit well with me. I still get extremely frustrated when there are things I can’t do, or on the days when I feel like the lower half of my body belongs to someone else. I’m learning to cope with the back pain that comes from the change to my gait, and the fact that my leg gives out at random intervals. The whole healing process is just going to take a little longer than I initially thought.

The biggest changes this year have been to my home life, with my Mum having stroke damage / dementia. Looking back it’s hard to believe I ever had a part time job. As things stand currently there is no way I would be able to return. Most days I adopt the ‘just get on with it’ attitude, but occasionally I feel it sitting very heavily on my shoulders and worrying about the future suffocates me. People tell me not to worry, but unless you are living in the situation day in, day out, it’s a rather rash statement to make. Here’s the thing though, I’m a bit of a believer in the saying ‘Things happen for a reason’, so I think there is a reason why I am here, it’s just not become apparent yet. I am extremely lucky to have good family and friends whose hands help me up when I am feeling down.

In 2013 I started blogging. The Geeky G4mer became The Indecisive Eejit and I found a little space on blogsphere where I was happy. I could never have imagined how much of a lift it would give me when on the 31st March 2013 I published my first post entitled ‘Ach what about ye’. In all honesty I had no intentions of staying, I figured it would be just another one of my fly by night ideas, but then a wonderful little thing known as interaction happened.

People started liking and commenting and following and as I got to know them all a new little group of friends formed, not to replace, but to compliment those I already had.

There have been days when the forecast has looked bleak and one of you has added a ray of sunshine. You all, have been an immense help to me, giving me a reason to keep on with my writing, offering me encouragement, sympathy, love and hope. I honestly do believe I would not have made it through unscathed without your support.

So to all of you, Internet friends, real life friends and my family, I wish you nothing but the best for 2014. Set your expectations low, but aim big.

Pri-Li sent me this via Facebook and I just had to share, because it summed up this Eejit and her followers perfectly:

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every numpty can read, but look at you havin a go!
This is a sentimental time of the year.
Please send an encouraging message to fucked up friends, just as I’ve done.
I don’t care if you lick windows, or occasionally shit yourself.
You hang in there cupcake, you’re fuckin special, you’re my mate!
Look at you smiling at your phone!

 

Here comes 2014!

The Indecisive Eejit22 Comments
New-Years-Resolution-Cartoon
Image by Dave Granlund – Click picture for more info.

When the mad rush of Christmas is all over and we lie around in our chairs unable to move due to the fact that we are stuffed to the gills with turkey and the brussel sprouts have not yet started to work their magic, thoughts will start to turn to the New Year and the hopes and dreams we wish for, neatly sold as resolutions.

When I kept diaries, every year I would faithfully write my wishes for the year ahead, everything I was going to do, achieve and how I was going to change and better myself. Unbeknownst to me, until I read them all back one after the other, was that they were all the same. Every year I was wishing and hoping for the same things and nothing was changing.

So this year, I’m not going to hope for anything or make any kind of wishes, I’m just going to go with the flow and see what happens. I’m not going to wish away my anxiety and worry, instead I am going to keep an eye on them and if things don’t improve I am going to seek outside assistance in the form of some kind of medication.

I’m going to lose weight, if for nothing else, but the sake of my knees. I’ve been back to work almost a year since my accident and whilst I am much improved I am also beginning to realise that I am never going to be the same, so any assistance I can give my ailing joints will I am sure, be appreciated.

My before the end of year goal is actually relatively simple, I want to reach 200 followers on this blog. Now I know you will look and say but you have over that now, and yes I do, however if you take Facebook and Twitter out of the equation I don’t. I’d like to earn my little 200 followers badge, I only need 5 more people and I’m happy.

I love blogging, I’ve met some amazing people, tried things I never thought I would, written things I still can’t believe I did, and I’ve even researched and written a Haiku, and lets not forget the fact that I am possibly in the running for a date with the witty Office Inbetweener (click here for your chance to win). It’s been an eventful year. Let’s hope it is the first of many, I certainly didn’t think I would last as long as I have.

So never mind following the yellow brick road this Christmas,  follow me!

Ahoy there!

The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

My apologies for being a little lacking in the posting department this last week or so. It’s been a combination of having naff all to say and trying to get everything that needs done, done! Finding the time to sit down and write proved a little difficult.

You might however have seen a couple of random posts mid week. Rob certainly did! They were from my Netbook as I tried to get it set up for blogging. It’s hard finding an offline text program that is going to work hand in hand with WordPress. After a little research I figure I am going to give Windows Live Writer a try, it seems to get pretty good reviews. If you look at my posts and they are complete and utter tripe (excluding the content, which is usually tripe anyways) then you can rest assured that I am going to blame WLW, even though it may not be the culprit! It was in fact the sausage fingers, in the living room with the Laptop. Case solved, we can all go home.

I’ve also figured out how to cure the having nothing to write about problem. I’m going to write about anything and everything that pops into the empty space between my lug holes. Ok perhaps not everything, because lets face it, there is limited capacity up there.

Until I get into the full swing of things there will be a week long series of posts about fresh air!

Lastly a huge thank you to all my new followers. Welcome aboard, there are a good bunch of eejits who hang around the good ship Indecisive and you are all more than welcome! Keep spreading the word :)

The Idea Machine!

The Indecisive Eejit27 Comments
Salazar-Install-500x333
Picture: Souther Salazar, Alejandro and the Idea Machine, 2010

I need a contraption that can suck the thoughts out of my head and e-mail them to me!

That’s strange I hear you mutter to yourself, and why yes, you are correct, it is indeed very strange, but it is also very much needed!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks what with people being off in work and things to be done at home. My free time was pretty much slashed to nothing. I usually blog on the train or at lunch time in work, but lunch times were few and far between, peaceful ones anyway, and tables were lacking on the trains. The blog gods were against me! The weekend was designated to housework. I started early so that I would have the rest of Saturday afternoon free to sort things out on here, but then the Father ship decided I needed to clean out his paperwork drawer and get stuff ready for the accountant. 3 hours later, oh yes, 3 hours, and it was time to make the tea!

Sunday I could have blogged, in fact I could have blogged for most of the day, but you know what, I was just too darn tired and my two remaining brain cells were rattling round the empty space between my ears road testing their Halloween costumes, which just happened to be Teflon frying pans, nothing was sticking!

In the midst of all this however I did have some ideas for posts, I would even go as far as to say some of them were great ideas for posts. But then I forgot them. I have this uncanny knack of coming up with ideas when I have nothing on which to write them down. I tell myself I won’t forget, I repeat them to myself in an effort to increase the likelihood, and then nothing, zilch, nada….all gone!

I come in at night when everything has been done, I’m showered, clothes are laid out and I am free to enjoy the little bit of time I have left before bed. I am like a master pianist, I flick out my pajama top tails and seat myself at my instrument, crick my neck from side to side, flex  my fingers, limbering them up, preparing them, and then move them to hover above the keys, and there I sit.

To an outsider I probably look like I am in pain as I try to recall the ideas from the various nooks and crannies in my head, I guess it’s a little like brain constipation, I push but nothing happens. The ideas have all gone, they are lost somewhere in space and time, never to return.

Enter the idea machine. It would store all my little bits and bobs and then replay them to me whilst I limber up, allowing those beautiful and ‘Freshly (yeah right) Pressed’ deserving ideas to filter back into my consciousness, meaning I will no longer have to endure writers block!

I did start out tonight with the intention of writing my piece for this weeks Okay, What If? challenge, but after 30 minutes of screen staring, nothing was stirring so to speak, I can only apologise!

Happy Halloween my most favourite eejits in the whole wide world!

Happy-Halloween-logo

They prompt nothing but frustration!

The Indecisive Eejit19 Comments

I am in awe of the people who look at the daily prompts everyday and can manage to string together legible pieces of writing.

I swore a couple of months back that I was going to try and participate more often, I even took heed of the words on a strangers blog, when they said, look at the prompt and then just write about the first thing that comes to mind.

I look at the Daily Prompt every day and the first thing that comes to mind is “Ah for f*ck sake” as the subject matter goes whizzing high above my head.

I am not an unintelligent person, that said, I am not the brightest pixie in the forest either. Sure my grammar and punctuation need work and I’d be scuppered without spell check, but sometimes I can manage to string a sentence together and if I am really lucky, it’s relatively sensible.

So what is this strange aversion (disinclination) I seem to have for the prompts? I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I’ve discovered what the problem is. It’s me!

After 6 – 7 months of blogging, I still don’t trust myself to write the things I want to and I still find it hard to open up. With regards to the prompts, I am scared to write the first thing that comes into my head, because lets face it, what I am making for tomorrow nights tea is not going to be to everyones taste and is probably going to be unrelated to the chosen subject matter as well.

So what’s the solution. Well firstly I need to serve myself a huge slice of ‘Get the feck over yourself’ and conquer my fears with regards to commenting and subject matter. I need to spend less time worrying about what others will think and just write. I did consider deactivating my Facebook page, and that may yet happen, because it’s easier to write when you don’t think people who actually know you are reading. In fact I am going to stop telling people in my real life that I even write, because I think to be honest my friends just humour me.

Secondly I am going to serve myself an equally proportioned slice of ‘you have to at least try’. I mean what’s the worst that can happen, it’s not like I am going to be burnt at the stake for crimes against the blogging community if I write a post that reminds me of the Prompt subject, but means bugger all to anyone else. Chances are they will read it and say “Ooo that’s a strange one” and to be fair to them I resemble that remark so I can hardly grumble about it.

Most challenges run Monday – Friday or days in between and few run at the weekend when I have more time. I may have to ask Mr Okay, What If? for a sneak peek on a Friday, because I like his challenges.

Tomorrow I have Steve’s Monday Music Quiz to look forward to, it’s nice and simple for an eejit like me :)

So here is a disclaimer, if you read a post from me on a Daily Prompt and you think it’s in no way related to the question they asked, just keep it to yourself! I already know I’m an eejit and I am appreciative of the fact you read it at all! :)

What to write?

The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

In a world full of incidents and information, you would think that finding a subject to write about would be an easy enough ask for a lowly little blogger like myself. Not so the case. It would appear that unless my brain has an affinity for my chosen subject matter it refuses to function.
 
There is nothing particularly unusual about that to be honest, the functionality of my brain has always been something that confused and frustrated me.
 
I wanted to be a genius, honestly I did, I was just too lazy / stubborn / undisciplined to study. I preferred the ‘drift into it’ method. When the time came and I looked at the slip of paper that bore my results I’m sure I uttered a sentence that started with “if only…”.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was to become a regular saying in my life.  Another favourite would become, “I have no one to blame but myself”. At least I have enough balls to admit when I am wrong, well most of the time anyway.
 
The trouble is, when I do something I like to do it well. I would feel uncomfortable writing about a subject that I have very little knowledge of. Sure I have an opinion and can offer it to anyone prepared to listen, but it won’t necessarily be right or correct.
 
Most people seem to think that you need to pick a subject matter and stick to it. Essentially this means that there is a theme running through your blog, but doesn’t this pigeon hole you a little? In later months you might feel a little uncomfortable about hitting your readers with a different subject matter than usual and perhaps losing some of the street cred you have spent months, even years building.
 
Personally I love people who write little bits of anything and everything. It keeps me interested and engaged. But each to his own.
 
If there are indeed different categories in the blogging world, then I fall squarely into the ‘mongrel’ one, because I am not a defined breed. I am a sum total of many different parts of anything and everything that comes to mind. Kinda makes sense now that I have been called ‘barking’ mad right?
 
I don’t have an exciting life. I don’t have time for hobbies, well except blogging and the Xbox and…ok so maybe I do have hobbies. I don’t travel the world. I don’t have an interesting job that I can regale you with stories of, however I do have very entertaining work colleagues and friends.
 
So you see even though I am, in my own way unique and individual, I am also the same.
 
I sleep, get up, work, come home, make dinner, do dishes, wash, iron, sleep and then rise the next morning to repeat the whole cycle again. The only difference between myself and some other folks is that instead of doing all of this for a partner and children I do it for aging parents, one of whom is regressing back to childhood.
 
Where’s the subject matter in that? Most times I am too tired to think.
 
So the moral of this story? Well that’s easy. Just write whatever the feck you want, there are eejits everywhere, if you build the blog they will come!

In the midst of the Meh!

The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

 

I’m not a big lover of posting videos, I like to share my music tastes as the ‘In my music bubble’ page shows, but I didn’t like having to make people watch things. A few others have been sharing their music using you tube video’s and I realised it was actually a great way to share the songs here. How could I have been so stupid, I mean how did I think people were going to find my offerings. Stupid cow, can I blame the fact that I am an eejit? Thank you Rob and NBI for opening my eyes :)

I’ve been feeling a little off kilter for the past couple of weeks. I can’t seem to put my finger on why, but my happiness meter is nowhere near where it should be. I suppose I can take some comfort from the fact that I am able to recognize the dips, I’ve had them before.

Even before my friend came on holiday, my posting had been a little sporadic, mainly because of the way I had been feeling.

I would describe myself as two halves, on one hand you have the person you all know, the jokey one, who gets a kick from entertaining and loves all the interaction.

On the other hand you have the constant worrier. The older I get, the worse it gets. This half still loves all the interaction, but doesn’t feel particularly deserving of it, in fact I think you’re all nuts and hiding behind rose tinted glasses lol I still get scared to comment, even though I know in my heart of hearts you will understand me and get what it is I am trying to say. This half is eternally grateful to you all, well actually both halves are, because you all make me feel grounded and a part of something. I adore the interaction. You’ve helped my quiet side step out from the shadows.

I wanted this blog to be a happy place, I didn’t want to bring my other side in, however the downside of that, is that when you are feeling a little ‘meh’ you either don’t want to write or feel that you can’t.

It’s stupid that I should put restrictions on myself, at the end of the day this is my blog and I can write what I want. I don’t need to seek approval. Anyone who is a friend will accept me for all the parts of me, not just the ones I chose to show at any given time. There are no hard and fast rules that state I have to be happy all the time, although given the choice and a slightly less frazzled brain, that would be the preferred option.

I am my own worst critic, of that there is no doubt. I am never happy, no matter how well I do at something, but I am going to try and make changes. At the end of the day, if I don’t feel comfortable within myself, how can I expect others to be comfortable around me. I am in awe of the eejits that have already pulled up their recliners and settled down around me, you are more than welcome, now put the kettle on would ya? I brought biscuits!

I’m telling you this because I want to. I’m letting you know that in the life of The Indecisive Eejit, whilst it is always indecisive, it is not always rainbows and unicorns. I’m preparing you for the fact that I might let the blog ship sail on stormy days and not just the sunshine ones.

I’m also, if we go right back to the beginning of this post and how it started out, sharing a you tube video of the latest song I like listening to whilst I am wallowing around in the big pond of mehness that surrounds me.

I hope you like it too and thank you for being here, you complete and utter bunch of eejits :)

Blogging to beat the blues…

The Indecisive Eejit12 Comments
Blog
Image by Joel Montes

The Geeky G4mer was not my first foray into the blogging world. Oh no. There were many many others.

Over the years I have had various little bits and pieces about my life on the World Wide Web. Scraps of this and that, scattered over random names that I have long since forgotten.

To date though, this has been the one I have updated the most, but it‘s hard to think of new content when your life is just run of the mill and compared to some, downright boring.

Everyone has something to offer. Everyone has something to give. Everyone will touch someone regardless of whether they realise it or not.

A blog for all intents and purposes it usually an outlet for something. Somewhere to be honest, somewhere to be humorous, somewhere to vent, the list is endless. Most of us do it for fun. There are some though,  who have crafted their art so skillfully they can now live off the proceeds, or so they would have us believe. I feel under pressure to think of new things now, imagine what it would be like if I was getting paid and had deadlines. Pressure cooker springs to mind.

Despite the fact I do it for fun and to keep my aging brain active, there is no denying the little buzz you experience when you get a notification of a new like or follow. If I write and post something on my morning train journey, one person liking the post has me squealing with delight, usually at the expense of the eardrums of everyone within a 100m radius.

It makes me want to better myself, but in doing so, do I set the bar to high.

Years ago I realised I was never going to be an amazing writer or poet and I’m ok with that. I’m content to be mediocre or even something close to it. I’m enjoying the company of the people I have around me here, and getting to know them via the details they choose to share.

I’m learning things about myself, like the fact that I don’t have to be perfect or amazing or even all that intellectual. It’s perfectly fine to just be me, a little bit thick and occasionally funny. I’ve made people smile and I’ve made people laugh, and that in turn has made everything worthwhile.

Every time there is a little tinkle of a notification or someone leaves me a comment it’s a little pat on the back, someone is saying, you know what, you’re no Whilimena Shakespear but that wasn’t a bad attempt. That beats back the blues just a little.

So to sign out I am going to leave you with one of my poems, Lee who is much more organised than me kept a back log of all my old posts and poems from the site I used to have called “The Trouble With Me”. Now bear in mind this was written around 2002, so a little like my mental age, it’s around 11 years old.

Being Late

The birds didn’t sing and the sun didn’t shine,
as I snored in my bed unaware of the time.
And the next thing I know it’s a quarter to 8,
and my Mum’s screaming up, “you’re going to be late”.

But even at that time all hope was lost,
I’d missed the damn train and my parents were cross.
My bed was calling but my mind said “Make haste”
So I tossed off the covers and to the bathroom I raced!

A quick sprinkling of water, and a brush round my jaws,
and a luke warm face cloth around my face and my paws,
locating clean clothes amid all the clutter,
running around like a bit of a nutter.

Down the stairs slowly it feels like a mile,
But “Good afternoon” she says with a sarcastic wee smile,
into the car for a 5 mile journey of silence,
mind it could have been worse there might have been violence.

So here I am on a later train,
I shall never trust my alarm clock again,
but you know what it’s worth all the trouble and strife,
to get another shot at this thing they call life.