What if I said sorry?

January 23, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit1 Comment

Jed challenged me to make him smile! Can you do any better?

Dear Jed,

Thank you for getting in contact, you are quite correct, things have been a little weird in blogsphere of late. In fact things have been a little weird everywhere. You’ll never guess what I saw in my neighbours garden the other day….a spaceship, I kid you not, it was a real live, honest to goodness spaceship with flashing lights and everything. I was so mesmerized I walked into a lamp post. When my head stopped spinning and the little blue birds stopped singing, I looked up and it was gone, almost as if it had never been there in the first place.

I was sorry to hear your bad news, and as much as I would like to be the one to cheer you up, I am afraid that you are going to have to accept this letter as a means of apology. Hang on a minute, why…

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May Dupp: International Dating Superstar!

January 21, 2014January 22, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit19 Comments

Apparently as far as Internet dating goes I rock! The fact that, as previously mentioned, the men out number the women on the site at least 10 to 1, has abso fricking lutely nothing to do with it, so you can put the brakes on that train of thought right now!

My Inbox is full to bursting with e-mails from eligible bachelors from all over the world. I have even had some offers of marriage, although I am a little concerned as to why they need my bank details and an immediate loan of $3000. My brother Jamesy said to stay clear, something about it being a Scam thing, now I dunno about you, but I’ve never heard of that religion before. Ah well, I need a man who is a little less concerned with the contents of my bank account considering there’s feck all in it.

I actually did go on a date last Thursday afternoon. I took the advice of all my friends and work colleagues about meeting in daylight and in a public place. I briefed at least 16 people with regards to my whereabouts and provided handouts containing bulletin points of my proposed agenda. You think that was a little too much? believe me there are some rare types on those dating sites. I should know ffs, I’m one of them!

I didn’t really think the whole thing through to be honest. The plan was to go to Starbucks for coffee, keeping in mind the very casual nature of our date. We were to meet outside WH Smith and so I could pick him out from the crowd, he was to carry a newspaper under his right arm. Clearly not one of my better ideas, considering that particular shop incorporates a newsagents and as a result every man except one carried a paper under his arm. There is no surer way to alert the general public to the fact that you are on a blind date than working your way along a line of men asking each one in turn if they are ‘Barney’.

I was beginning to think as I came to the end of the line that perhaps ‘Barney’ on seeing me approach had seized his opportunity to leg it up Royal Avenue, but like a true gentleman he stepped forward and informed me he was the one I had been waiting for, which was greeted with a roar of approval from all the non Barneys. I smiled, shook his hand, and kept my face very non committal, whilst thinking, no, no, no, you are so not the one I have been waiting for. Call me picky if you like, but jeans and manure covered wellington boots were always a turn off for me on a first date.

Not wanting to let the side down, or face the wrath of Onda, I decided to proceed with the date anyway, so ten minutes later found us seated in Starbucks with our coffees and a cheeky caramel square each. My sister on hearing I was to go on a blind date had told me we needed to have a codeword for text messages, as she was worried that my date might murder me, but manage to keep it a secret by replying to my text messages. The codeword was to be ‘FFS’ and she was to text at 4pm exactly.

Now I’m not saying I wasn’t enjoying my date, I was having a good laugh and the craic was mighty, but there was no chemistry, or is it biology, you know what I mean, it’s one of those sciency type things. So at 4pm my phones bleeps and right on cue it’s my sister:

Sister: Are you ok? How’s it going?

Me: Yeah it’s going not to bad thanks.

Sister: Who are you and what have you done with my sister, I’m calling the police.

Me: It’s me ffs, everything is ok!!!

Sister: You didn’t use the codeword.

Me: FFS!

Considering the shaky start, the rest of the date went not to bad. We finished our coffees and then it was time for me to head home. I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again, but he was a nice enough bloke, he even gave me his paper to read on the train.

(Some people didn’t seem to sure after my first couple of offerings, but please remember when reading these posts that May Dupp is a fictional character….I am not Internet dating so you have no need to worry about my safety, but thank you for caring!

The only part of this post which was based on real life was the text messages. That did actually happen with my Sister one time when I went on a blind date, although I can’t remember it word for word.)

Sleep typing…

January 21, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit53 Comments

The past few days have been weird around blogsphere what with everything going on. I wanted to write yesterday, but the post was in pieces and I couldn’t quite manage to pull it together, so in the end I gave up and watched a few episodes of ‘Life Unexpected’ instead.

I also wanted to start work on a new What If? piece for Jed and his blog, but again I couldn’t get anything to stick. Any suggestions for me?

I’m sure it has not escaped your notice that despite my big girl bragging about changing my page and forcing it to grow up, there are little or no differences at all. Now, before you get all judgmental on me, it has NOTHING to do with me being lazy and EVERYTHING to do with me not being able to find a theme that I like as much as my current one. I tried each and every one in WordPress, on Saturday night, cos ~~I’ve no social life~~ thats just how I roll! In the end I gave up. I need more time to make an informed decision so that when I start the begging process with Paul regarding a new banner I know exactly what I am asking for! That said I have help on tap with regards to CSS cos my good friend from No Blog Intended passed her exam with flying colours! Well done young lady :)

This is only going to be a short post, I managed a 10 hours shift in work today, the first since I had my accident and do you know what, it felt good. The Diamond Dancer and I didn’t stop and I was amazed at how quickly the time went and the amount we were able to achieve in it.

I’d left dinner out for the olds with instructions on what to do. It seems they managed ok, apart from one phone call from the Fathership asking what number on the cooker the spuds had to be turned on to. It would appear however that unless something is able to go in the dishwasher neither of the ‘ships’ will touch it, meaning after arriving home at 9.45pm I had to start and wash the pots and pans and then prepare tomorrow nights dinner. Next time I go out, they can order in and I will leave out paper plates and cups. Problem solved!

That’s about all I can manage, I really don’t want to wake up in the morning with ‘qwerty’ embedded on my forehead because I fell asleep at the keyboard!

One last thing tho before I go, can I please (if I have not already) draw your attention to my new page entitled ‘Challenges’. On it you can find the most recent ones from Okay, What if?, Robs Surf Report and also Steve’s Monday Music Challenge. Check them out and put in an entry, go on I dare ya!

Night night now :)

P.s The video at the top is The Crooked Kind by Radical Face. It’s my song of choice for this week. It’s been on repeat since I first heard it!

Don’t be afraid of the dark!

January 18, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit41 Comments

5893380315_c8474d4928_n — Image by Jim Pennucci

Imagine WordPress is a lake, where the waters are calm and still. This morning when I opened the reader, something felt different, almost like a storm was brewing. There were ripples on the normally smooth surface of the water. Sadness, people leaving, people hurting, it kind of knocked me for six a little.

When I started blogging I have to admit I was a little scared. Sure I had experience of WordPress before, but that was on a self hosted blog that no one ever read. The first couple of months contained many days of me stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way, experimenting and generally teaching myself how to publish a post.

For the first while you hang around unseen, watching and hoping one day you are brave enough to comment on that post that you really liked. You quickly find all the ‘cool’ blogs, because those are the ones everyone gravitates to. You don’t feel worthy to be seen, so you observe from a distance, thinking, ‘when I grow up, I want to be a blog just like that one.’

You feel that every post you write deserves to be Freshly Pressed and obsessively check your e-mails in case you delete that precious message by mistake. Then when you have the time you actually check out some of the posts that have been given the award and reality slaps your resoundly about the face when you realise that if that’s the standard that is required then it’s never coming your way. As time goes on you realise it doesn’t matter anyway, there are much more worthwhile reasons to blog.

Still you hanker after the cool blogs, liking and commenting in the hopes of being noticed, because after all that’s what you are advised to do, get yourself out there and make new friends. Your pride is a little dented when after a month you have still gone unnoticed, but a few strangers stop by to say hello.

The strangers become friends, and bring some of their own along. The craic is good and before you know it you are visiting the cool blogs less and less. You have the approval of the people that matter to you, and that’s more than enough.

One day you realise that all blogs are the same, because they are being run by humans and humans make mistakes. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than worthy, appreciate those who already think you are good enough.

Don’t be afraid of the dark, and don’t be dazzled by bright lights, it’s all the little ones that come when you least expect it that light your way! Don’t give up, they will find you.

Feeling Humbled!

January 17, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit26 Comments

-Dear-Followers

I’ve had a few new followers of late, thank you very much and you are more than welcome. My apologies for the fact that I have not been along personally to thank you, but you see I never did that with any of the old hands and I don’t want to hear any cries of discrimination. People seem to just happen along and hang around, adding bits and pieces every now and again and that’s just the way I like it. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay. There’s a great bunch of folks who visit, I’m sure you’ll get to know them soon enough.

The addition of new followers to my blog has also meant the addition of new material to my reader. I love it when people introduce themselves, because the chances are I would never have found them otherwise. For some reason, my ‘You May Like’ section usually throws up the same 4 blogs, even though I have previously indicated they were not my type of thing. If you think about it, there are over a million people on WordPress, but yet it still recommends the same ones. Perhaps I have found the best ones already, most days it certainly feels like I have, because you lot rock!

I always did pretty much live on the Internet, right from the first time my sister let me have a go on her laptop and introduced me to ICQ. I spoke to people all over the world and nothing would do but I had to get a computer of my very own to explore this new world I had previously known nothing about. Over the years I have made some amazing friends, met some complete wankers, learned new skills, honed old ones and many other things that I would never have managed were it not for easy access to the World Wide Web.

Despite how I come across I am actually quite a shy person, most likely due to low self esteem, so hiding behind the screen of a computer suits me just fine. I do love going out with my friends and if I feel comfortable with you I will open up, but I hate that moment of having to meet someone for the first time, or walking into a crowded room. People who know me would tell you that they find this weird. They say I am the life and soul of the party and strangely, they find me funny. I love that, but it bemuses me at the same time.

So you see this little space of mine on the Internet, has given me a lot to be thankful for. I have been fortunate enough to meet amazing people, with more coming along every day. I’ve shared their stories, their journeys, their happiness and heartache. I’ve been in total awe of the strength people show in the most dire of circumstances and how despite everything they continue to write, offering those who follow hope and a lifeline. I’ve giggled at the sexploits of others, yes Sean, this time I do mean you, take a bow! and I’ve even been educated, probably more than I ever was at school.

I don’t get time to comment on every post I read and the ‘Like’ button along with Translink’s free Wifi have been a tad temperamental of late, but I try and read as often as I can to keep up to date with everyone’s goings on. So don’t think that just because I have not liked or commented on a post that I have not read it. Even after all this time I still get stuck for things to say, so I choose not to comment. Sometimes nothing else needs to be said.

There has been so much going on here too, what with working full time, being later home at night and the cooking every day now, that I don’t have the same amount of time I used to. I want to be writing all the time and my mind is a hive of activity with ideas for this site and also for posts on Okay, What if?, where I now guest post, it’s just that when I finally get everything done my brain goes, ‘seriously you want me to remember all those things you were thinking about? How about a big slice of feck away off” and the great ideas I had vanish into the ether.

thinking-please-be-patient-thecuriousbrain.com_ — Image from simplelifestrategies.com

In fact it’s doing that right now, reminding me it’s bed time and that I’ve not been sleeping the best. Funny things brains, ingenious inventions, you can be as thick as shit, but the old top box still rules the roost!

Anyway all I wanted to say was, thank you for following me, for putting up with me and for sticking around. I am so glad to have met you all!

How Till Speak Norn Iron!

January 15, 2014April 18, 2017 The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

I’m reposting this for those that missed it first time round!
There are lots of different variations of all languages. I love how quickly people pick up little phrases after only speaking to me for a short period of time. I laughed my head off the first time Shady told me he was “Feckin knackered”.

Paul will berate me sometimes because he says people won’t understand some of the phrases and slang I use and Lee has to ask me to slow down, to be fair I do have a tendency to ramble.

So in an effort to make the whole thing a little easier I have compiled a list of some of the most popular phrases. Feel free to use it for translation if there is ever something in one of my posts you cannot understand. This is only a few of a vast array, I will no doubt think of others and have to add them at a later date.

A Rough Guide to Norn Iron Speak!

Saying	Translation
Eejit	Yes it does mean an idiot in most cases, however if I said to you “You’re a fecking eejit”, I would mean it as in you’re a headcase, or a laugh. Idiot doesn’t necessarily mean stupid here, it can also mean funny!

Ach What About Ye.	Hello. How are you doing.

Aye	Yes

Catch Yerself On	Wise up.

Yer Having a laugh!	You cannot be serious.

Shut Yer Bake	Shut up or close your mouth. Bakebook = Facebook

Feck away aff!	Go away. Quickly.

Giz a buck at ye!	You look hot today. Would you like to come in for coffee.

Keepin Dick	Keeping a look out.

Away fer a feg!	I’m off to have a cigarette.

Alright Mucker	Hi mate

Lamps	Eyes – “I cried my lamps out at that film”

C’mere wee lad	Come over here young man

Spuds	Potatoes. “I need to get home and get the spuds on.

Yer Ma	Your Mother

Cheeky wee skitter!	Cheeky little imp

You’re heeds a marley	You’re not thinking clearly

Knackered	Tired or worn out.

Till	To. “I’m away till the shops”

The craic’s mighty / It’s great craic Wee	It’s a good laugh. It’s great fun. We say this with everything. Would you like a wee come of tea? Oh come in for a wee minute?

Comments welcome with variations of your own funny phrases!

A tiny bit of titivation!

January 13, 2014January 14, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

page-under-construction

Gentlemen I don’t want you to get excited here, titivation, I am sorry to tell you means to make decorative changes. I know how flustered some of you become at the mere mention of anything titi related!

So I’ve been feeling lately that my blog needs to grow up a little. I’ve already made minor changes to the fonts, but I guess the most noticeable would have to be the banner, which is not going anywhere, so any further changes I make will have to fit round it.

I bit the bullet and went for the custom design option, although I have to be truthful and say that the whole CSS thing is lost on me, I do however like the fact I can now change fonts, backgrounds and colours.

I’ve been road testing a few new themes and giving each one a new coat of paint as I go, but nothing feels like home yet, well certainly not as comfortable as the one in which I currently reside. Perhaps like me, my blog is not ready to grow up.

Watch this space!!

May Dupp Internet Dating!

January 11, 2014January 14, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit31 Comments

This Internet dating lark is easy, said no one, ever!!

I mean come on, you have a 27 page questionnaire to complete before they even let you get to the stage of picking a password! Apparently I completed one of the questions wrong too. It seems that where it said sex, I was supposed to answer with ‘Female’ and not ‘Yes Please’. Oh well, at least I know for next time.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and you’d be right, just exactly why are two voluptuous girls like myself and Onda having to resort to a dating site. Well if you lived where we do and frequented the same bars, you would know exactly why that is. It’s the same old faces all the time, half of them I went to school with and the other half are as old as me Da. There is, sadly, a definite lack of available men within our age range, which the way things are going at the minute could be anywhere from 21 – 55.

We have become girls of a certain standard, no longer interested in the young farmers, who ‘Do it in Wellies’, we’ve grown up and moved on so we’re now more inclined toward the likes of accountants and bankers, because apparently, they ‘do it with interest’, and by ‘do it’ I mean dating of course, you dirty sods!

Truth be told this is more for Onda than me, but you know what it’s like, you have to support your friends and in all honesty I’d be scared of missing out on something.

Onda’s last bloke, Kevin, an award winning butcher from the shop on Main Street, as lovely as he was, thought of her as a piece of meat, quite literally! He was always asking her to put a smile on her ‘chops’, complimenting her on her lovely ‘rump’ and referring to her, albeit proudly, as a prize heifer to his friends!

Cow with lipstick — “When Kevin met Onda”

Onda for the most part, good soul that she was took it all in her stride at the start, however cracks started to appear and the crunch came when all the girls in the pub started winking and making references to the size of Kevin’s prize winning sausage, commenting that because of that surely his oddities could be overlooked. One sausage joke to many, and Onda realising that he fell more into the category of cocktail than beef decided he had to go.

So now do you see why I am here today, writing this post and hiding from the task of having to embellish the details of my life in order to make them suitable for the many single men in the stratosphere, well the Emerald Isle at the very least. First impressions would lead me to believe that the men on the site outnumber the woman by at least 10 to 1 and I have already been asked to do things that I would never consider due to the massive health and safety risks involved. In fact I am pretty sure no ones body can bend like that naturally.

I shall keep you informed of how it all goes, the dating that is, not the…umm..other stuff!

I need the Zzzzzz’s

January 9, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

1170668_1452738048282273_443562932_n — Zzzzzzzzzzzz!

I didn’t sleep very well last night. For some strange reason I kept waking up thinking I was going to be sick. I put it down to nerves, due to the fact my first ever post was about to be published on Okay, What If? and also my impending visit to the works physio.

When I woke up this morning I had notifications that there were 10 likes on my newly published piece so that lessened that worry. Thank you to all my new followers from this week, it’s good to have you on board. Thank you to Jed, who has enough faith in me to let me loose on his awesome blog, and thank you also to all of you for supporting me, it means a lot.

The good start to the morning slowed the washing machine that had somehow become lodged in my stomach during the night. No longer on spin cycle I had wound down to a steady rinse, which through my awesome powers of deduction (I was only worried about two things) I concluded had to be the visit to the physio.

I needn’t have worried, again good news. She says the strength in my leg has greatly improved, I have also gained about another 5 degrees on my range of motion which I didn’t expect as usually where you’re at after 12 months is where you stay! She explained the back and hip pain I am experiencing are normal due to the fact there has most likely been a change to my gait and I am over compensating. So yes I’m still going to be sore, but at least there is improvement!

We got to discussing life in general and I was talking about how although I had expected the physical pain with my injury I wasn’t prepared for how it would effect me mentally. She asked about home life and such things and was kind enough to suggest that perhaps another referral might be a good idea so I could go and just chat with someone and perhaps let off some steam. I might actually consider it, watch this space!

Check out my new page entitled Challenges.The sidebar was getting a little crowded so I moved all the useful information to a page of it’s own. You can find all the information for Jeds Okay, What If Writing Challenge, Steve’s Monday Music Mix and Robs Haiku Challenge. If you have a challenge you would like added bear in mind before you ask that I can be bribed with either stationary or confectionery unless you’re super rich and want to make it monetary! :)
Remember a while back I was boasting about my love for my new netbook, so much so in fact I had already bought it a Valentine card. Well it would appear that it has a dark side. For the first time ever I carried the laptop into work with the sole purpose of blogging on my journey home. Imagine my horror, and we are talking large scale horror here, when after getting myself all settled and beginning to type I started to experience motion sickness. I tried to ignore it at first but when it reached the stage where I wanted to projectile vomit, I shut everything down and closed my eyes for the rest of the journey. Fingers crossed it was just a one off, but in case it wasn’t, I have been pointed in the direction of the nearest chemist to buy sea bands! My suggestion of B&Q for a bucket was not received very well!

So there you have it. The above was meant to be ‘News in Brief’, but I was too tired to photoshop the words onto a pair of knickers so you’ll have to make so with an old picture.

Night Night now :)

Steve’s Monday Music Mix – Week 11

January 5, 2014January 5, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

I should think by now you will all be getting the hang of Super Steve’s music challenge, but just in case you are new and want to try it for yourself, click on his picture above.

Here’s a reminder how it works:

Each week Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Steve’s Monday Music Mix – Week…” and link back to that week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Steve would welcome any suggestions for future questions!

For more information, to submit ideas for future questions or just general feedback go to Steve’s Monday Music Mix.

This weeks questions:

1. How do you feel right now? – I feel better by Gotye – That’s actually a good song for me, the blues of post Christmas seem to have lifted a litte bit, so he’s right, I do feel better. It a nice wee feel good song too, so if you need cheered up check it out, sing along and dance like there is no tomorrow!

2. You will only make one New Years Resolution and it is…? – Teardrop – Newton Faulkner cover – This is one of my favourite songs of all time. The original by Massive attached is the best version, but Newton here does a sterling job with his cover. Hopefully this means I am going to shed a few less Teardrops in 2014 :)

3. What do you think of this Steve’s Monday Music Mix? – She’s a Rebel by Greenday – Oh I’m a rebel all right because I never do the challenge on the day I am supposed to, but as the man (some random man that is), better late than never, and Steve hasn’t shouted at me yet :)

There will be a new one up tomorrow so please feel free to join in!