May Dupp Internet Dating!

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This Internet dating lark is easy, said no one, ever!!

I mean come on, you have a 27 page questionnaire to complete before they even let you get to the stage of picking a password! Apparently I completed one of the questions wrong too. It seems that where it said sex, I was supposed to answer with ‘Female’ and not ‘Yes Please’. Oh well, at least I know for next time.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and you’d be right, just exactly why are two voluptuous girls like myself and Onda having to resort to a dating site. Well if you lived where we do and frequented the same bars, you would know exactly why that is. It’s the same old faces all the time, half of them I went to school with and the other half are as old as me Da. There is, sadly, a definite lack of available men within our age range, which the way things are going at the minute could be anywhere from 21 – 55.

We have become girls of a certain standard, no longer interested in the young farmers, who ‘Do it in Wellies’, we’ve grown up and moved on so we’re now more inclined toward the likes of accountants and bankers, because apparently, they ‘do it with interest’, and by ‘do it’ I mean dating of course, you dirty sods!

Truth be told this is more for Onda than me, but you know what it’s like, you have to support your friends and in all honesty I’d be scared of missing out on something.

Onda’s last bloke, Kevin, an award winning butcher from the shop on Main Street, as lovely as he was, thought of her as a piece of meat, quite literally! He was always asking her to put a smile on her ‘chops’, complimenting her on her lovely ‘rump’ and referring to her, albeit proudly, as a prize heifer to his friends!

Cow with lipstick
“When Kevin met Onda”

Onda for the most part, good soul that she was took it all in her stride at the start, however cracks started to appear and the crunch came when all the girls in the pub started winking and making references to the size of Kevin’s prize winning sausage, commenting that because of that surely his oddities could be overlooked. One sausage joke to many, and Onda realising that he fell more into the category of cocktail than beef decided he had to go.

So now do you see why I am here today, writing this post and hiding from the task of having to embellish the details of my life in order to make them suitable for the many single men in the stratosphere, well the Emerald Isle at the very least. First impressions would lead me to believe that the men on the site outnumber the woman by at least 10 to 1 and I have already been asked to do things that I would never consider due to the massive health and safety risks involved. In fact I am pretty sure no ones body can bend like that naturally.

I shall keep you informed of how it all goes, the dating that is, not the…umm..other stuff!

31 thoughts on “May Dupp Internet Dating!

  1. I think it can be inferred how my last “It Came From the Internet!” relationship went considering some of my posts over the last month, but if not then I can confirm: NOT GOOD.

    If, IF, and when I decide to do this again, I am putting it out to my loyal followers to write my profile for me. And I want an interactive quiz for my potential suitors to know the difference between Kardashian “fat” and reality “fat” (for me, not you :-) ).

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    • Lol that’s ok, it kinda applies to me too, I am of the portly persuasion :)
      The last one for me, was just before I did my leg in, turned out he was married, so I thought perhaps my accident was a sign lol I’m not ever doing it again, it should carry a health warning, either that or any male who fills out an application be made to drink a truth serum before they do lol

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  2. What site have you joined? I joined Plenty of Fish in support of a friend. It needs to be renames Plenty of Freaks! I’ve been asked for gang bangs, threesomes, will I do this with an animal, will I do that with a fruit or veg. All the best to you, your going to need it lol xXx

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  3. LOL That was amazing …Made me laugh ! I have never tried online dating thing never ever ever !!! How can you blindly trust someone ? I can’t. I have trust issues, I admit but seriously…can’t. Your story is amazing though :P Your wrong answers make much sense ;)

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