Author: The Indecisive Eejit

Strange but Funny. Funny but Strange. Proud to be an Eejit!

Operation Visitation!

The Indecisive Eejit11 Comments

Time for a quick one, update that is, not alcohol, although that might help too!

Things are moving on at a swift pace, it’s now only one week until my Aunt arrives from the United States of America. Seriously, where does the time go, ‘ah no need to panic, there’s loads of time’ has turned into ‘oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!!!’ and ‘arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh’.

This weekend past, I did actually make good strides, I have empty drawers and can see the floor in both rooms, result! The Mothership, when she was finally able to grasp that it’s this coming weekend, informed me that ‘we’ would have to get the house tidied. There was no ‘we’ involved in the messing up of it, so I am not sure how I got into the equation now ffs! I informed her that it’s pretty much done.

The big fear for me now is that when she starts to tidy the downstairs room, that all that stuff will ‘somehow’ make it’s way upstairs into the newly tidied ones. I have never known anyone be able to make so much mess, it’s almost like she goes into a room and flings stuff around her head while screaming ‘Wheeeeeeee’.

I’m going to take a day off at the end of the week, because although I have the bare bones done, there are still a lot of bits and pieces. I did so much on Saturday, that between the pain in my knees and my back I was so sore I couldn’t manage much yesterday. I would love to think that now I have everything ship shape, that it will stay that way, but I know deep down that it won’t.

In other news, my stomach is like a washing machine. The thing about change in the workplace is, I knew it was coming, but while it was not yet here I didn’t have to worry about it. Now it’s starting to become real and a little amount of panic is setting in. Damn you self confidence, give me a break. I will probably be fine, but it’s the period in between now and then that is going to be be quite stressful, especially with everything else that is going on at the same time.

But as a wise man, or perhaps woman once said, ’These things are sent to try us!’

Look inside!

The Indecisive Eejit35 Comments

image

There have been a lot of posts lately in relation to body size and shape and peoples perception of them. It got me thinking, so to stop my brain hurting I am going to have to write about it. 

No two people are the same, even if the old myth is correct and somewhere out there we have a doppelganger, it’s  unlikely they will be an exact replica. We are unique in all aspects of everything we are and do.

I am not ashamed to stand up and say I am self conscious, I have always been that way. I feel awkward in social situations where I do not know people, although if you saw me you would not think this the case.

For years I struggled with weight, my ‘puppy fat’ never disappeared, much to my Mothers disappointment. Clothes shopping was a nightmare and she regularly made her feelings known. I was weighed on a Saturday morning, sometimes skipping meals to ensure I had at least lost something. It was all done with the best intentions, but it had a detrimental effect.

Eventually I did lose weight, and for a reason that everyone told me was the wrong one. I split from the guy I was seeing and in an effort to show him what he was missing, I dropped around 3 stone. I don’t think he noticed, but I certainly felt healthier.

The strangest thing was though, that I didn’t really feel any better about myself. I suppose in my head I thought that weight loss was the key to an instant self confidence boost, it wasn’t. I was exactly the same person, only clad in smaller clothes.

Over the years I would find myself in situations where looks mattered, and my face didn’t fit. It hurts, in fact it hurts like hell, but you pick yourself up and you carry on. Despite the fact that people tell you ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ your brain screams, of course it’s you, are you stupid!

I would like to think that I am a good person, of course I am prone to bad days and bitchy days, but isn’t everyone. I hope that I have enough personality to get me through, making people laugh is a good diversionary tactic that genuinely gives me pleasure.  Yet still I second guess myself and everything I do. I feel that nothing is ever good enough, I find praise hard to take and failure even harder. In essence, I am my own worst enemy.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that I do not see myself as others do. I remember having a conversation once with a young girl of about 18, who was discussing her own issues with self consciousness.  I remember feeling incredulous at the time, she was tall, thin and drop dead gorgeous, and I was thinking what right does she have to feel that way, look at me. As I aged, I realised that it can affect anyone, because it is not about how others view us, it’s about how we view ourselves.

I have a friend on here and every day I want to tell her that she is perfect just as she is, but that’s a little hypocritical of me, considering I do not practice what I preach.

As I commented this morning, I know I have to change the shape of my body, but I also have to change my own perception of myself, because if I don’t, regardless of how much I weigh, I will always feel the same.

You do hope that people will see past the exterior and look on the inside, but the truth of the matter is, if you cannot love yourself, how will you ever let anyone else. Perhaps just once a day I should close my eyes and see myself as others do, accept compliments gracefully regardless of how uncomfortable I feel and start the process of change, because there is no one else on this earth that can do it for me. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

S – Even though you cannot see it, you are amazing and perfect just as you. You’re funny, witty, sassy and above all one of the most kind hearted people I know. Accept this compliment, and repeat it to yourself at least once a day!

What if I answered just 5 questions?

The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments

Last night was random question time ….

The Indecisive Eejit's avatarOkay, What if ?

800px-20_questions_1954 Image from Wikipedia

The process of asking yourself a What if question is actually a lot harder than it looks. I am in awe of how Jed manages to answer so many and still come up with sensible well written content, I tip my hat to him.

I on the other had have been pondering for a few weeks, the subject matter for my next post and I came up with….nothing, not one single idea! Oh sure I asked myself questions, but I wasn’t able to answer them. So, in a quest to keep my ‘end up’ so to speak on the site, I decided to dive head first into the great pool of the Internet, in search of inspiration.

Apparently, what if questions are a good conversation starter, or if you’re already in the middle, a good way to keep it flowing. Now by conversation starter, I don’t mean…

View original post 579 more words

Feeling Sarcastic for Summer!

The Indecisive Eejit30 Comments

image

It’s probably not the warmest day ever, but seriously, it feels like it is! I am melting and by 3 o’clock this afternoon there is a very strong possibility I will have been reduced to nothing more than a puddle on the floor! If there is one thing I don’t do very well, it’s sunshine!

I’m the person that comes to work everyday with a coat,  as with our weather and the fact that I travel by public transport, you have to be prepared for every eventuality. In the old days on the train the heating used to be on 24/7 in the summer, but not in the winter. There were no windows to open, so it was like crowding a hundred people into a cardboard box and setting them beside a radiator. Thankfully these days the new trains have air conditioning, meaning conditions are a little more comfortable.

Warm weather isn’t really conducive to working either. I am sure that my employers would be reluctant to pay me for lying in a heap on the floor, suffering from the effects of heat exhaustion. The new office motto would fast become ‘Keep er cool and Keep er lit!’.

The worst thing about warm weather, without a doubt, would have to be heat rash! For the months between June to September, and sometimes longer I am speckled on certain parts of my body with little red dots, usually from hand to elbow and ankle to knee. It makes me feel a little self conscious about wearing anything with a shorter leg, imagine if someone were to sit down, pull out a pen and start to join the dots, would certainly save me ever having to get a tattoo, although I doubt it would be as artistic.

Hay fever is another one, although I appear to be blessed with it all year round. I am luckier than some however, as I don’t yet seem to suffer from the streaming eyes and runny nose. For me it’s nausea, itching eyes and a feeling like someone syringed cotton wool into my ears during the night, effectively filling my head full of fuzz. I never had hay fever until I was in my 30’s. They say that your blood changes every 7years, some ailments go or change, and some new ones appear. I’m hoping that one of these days the hay fever leaves as quickly as it arrived.

Apart from all that, isn’t summer a glorious time of the year. The long days, birds singing, the smell of fresh cut grass in the air, sand between your toes and the smell of the sea as the nights turn cooler.

Schools will finish soon, and no doubt there will be rain, there usually is when the kids finish for summer break, so instead of complaining perhaps I should suck it up and continue to make hay while the sun shines, so to speak! Assuming I don’t actually melt before then.

For those of you who liver in warmer climes, how the hell do you stick it!

Steve’s Music Mix: F@*king Football!

The Indecisive Eejit26 Comments
Steve Says
Steve playing spot the ball!!

Okay, so perhaps the title of Steve’s Music Mix was not quite as I put it in my heading, but I am sick sick sick of football already, and now even my most favourite music quiz ever has become possessed! Shame on you Steve, I owe you a Glasgow kiss!

Before I get onto the matter in hand, here are a few important notes for you, if you care:

  • I’m behind on my reading AGAIN! What a surprise, it seems to be a weekend thing. I’ll get there.
  • I appear to be unfollowing some blogs without pressing unfollow, if you catch my drift. I can only assume it is a little quirk in WordPress. If you’ve not seen me for a while or I did become adrift from your shenanigans, please let me know!
  • Thank you to all the new followers, and welcome :)
  • My copy of the marvelous Sean Smithsons  book arrived today. I cannot wait to get started. If you have missed out on the delight that is the Office Inbetweener, you can find him HERE.
41wpkgi3xl
You too can own a copy of this book!! Get to Amazon ASAP!

Ok on to the matter in hand, and another fantabulous installment of the Mega Quiz that is Steve’s Music Mix.

The Blurb!

Each week Steve will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Since it’s the World Cup and he is doing his own Music World Cup, this week’s theme is football…

Title your post “Steve’s Music Mix – …” and link back to this week’s page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

Have a look at the Archives or click on the “Music Mix” category in the category cloud on this page to see all previous weeks.

Any suggestions for future questions welcomed!

This weeks Questions!

I don’t want England to Win Because? – Storms in Africa – Enya – I am doubtful this would happen if England didn’t win, I mean isn’t it kind of expected that they won’t. After all they are one of my teams in the work sweep stake, so I’ve pretty much obliterated any hope they had. Not hard to tell this quiz is from a Scots man tho :P

My goal is? – Viking Death March – Billy Talent – Ok you’re on. If England win the World Cup I will gather together a few of my friends, well Udders and Monkey anyways cos they are the only ones mad enough, and we’ll do a Viking Death March up Royal Avenue in Belfast.

Which team will win? – Cloud of Stink – Biffy Clyro – Oh how I laughed, cos I’m stupid like that sometimes, but all I could think about was overdosing on Brussel Sprouts and blowing all the other teams off the pitch! Now that certainly would be a cloud of stink.

Over to you……………..

Why I Blog…

The Indecisive Eejit39 Comments

Tim from the Hillybilly Blogger wrote yesterday about why he blogs, you can read his post HERE. It started me thinking and I foolishly told him that one day I would write a post about why I blog. He challenged me, and that’s a sure fire way to get me to do something.

Why I blog, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

I had a blog before, around 10 years ago. I remained anonymous and it was a place where I could record the thoughts that were rumbling around in my head, in an effort to try and make sense of them. I was going through a difficult time, lots of things had happened at once and my house of cards came crashing down around me. It was a relief when the Doctor diagnosed my chest pains as stress / depression and not a heart attack. That was the start of a mental healing process, part of which included writing on my blog.

It was popular enough, I had comments from people who were going through the same kind of things. I also had comments from others who told me to get a grip on myself. Those were not helpful, and only served to increase my anxiety. Did these people think I liked having depression, did they think it was a choice, because believe me, there are very few people who would choose to travel that path given the option.

I chose not to start on a course of anti depressants, but that, according to the Doctor was the next step. Over the next few months I walked for miles, thought, got angry, but eventually was lucky enough to be able to pull myself out of the pit I had fallen into. Others are not so lucky and still fight their demons on a daily basis, my heart goes out to them.

As my mental state started to shift, my need for the blog lessened, until eventually I made the decision to close it down completely. I wanted to start looking forward, instead of constantly looking back.

Fast forward 10 years and I am in a similar situation. Sustaining a leg injury and the 6 month process of healing took it’s tole on me. Mentally, although not as bad as the time before, I was fragile.

When I first started I had no expectations of what was going to happen. This time I wanted to write to cheer myself up, and if in the process I did that for others also, then that was a bonus. The constant nagging from one of my best friends Paul every 5 minutes didn’t help either, and in fact my very first post was written purely to shut him up and get him off my case. I wasn’t even sure after that if I would write any more.

I’ve told this before in many posts, so my apologies if you are having to read it again, call it old age, it makes me repeat myself.

I used to look at blogs that had a couple of hundred followers and loads of comments and think ‘I wish that was me’. Even though we ‘write for ourselves’, I think we all hope, just a little that we will gain followers and create something that people actually want to read and discuss. We are human after all.

Now that is me, I have followers and people who comment on a regular basis, and blogging has become so much more than I originally thought it could be. I like to think I have not forgotten anyone, there are people who have been with me from day one. I feel sad when someone leaves or takes a break, I feel guilty when I have not spoken to someone for a week and I feel pain when I read what some of my friends are going through.

We start out as bloggers, we write, we strive to amuse, we entertain and for the most part we lay ourselves bare on blank spaces for all the world to plunder. From that first keystroke on that first entry, unbeknown to us, we start a journey.  It’s a journey of discovery, not only of all that the world has to offer, but also of ourselves. I know I have changed, as has my writing style, but I hope it is a change for the better.

One day you will write a post and realise that you are there, that you have become the person that you strived to be at the start, with regards to your followers and comments. You will be thankful for all that you have been able to achieve, but you will also realise that it is no longer the most important thing.

When you sit down, cup of coffee in hand and look back, because someone has challenged you as to the reasons why you blog, you will realise it is because you have become part of a family. You will begin to appreciate the love that surrounds you, the support that is offered to you and help you receive. You will realise that it is these people, along with your family and friends who have provided light in the darkness and a reason to smile when you thought there was none.

That is the reason why I blog. I could never have made it through this last year on my own.

What about you?

Life is a rollercoaster!

The Indecisive Eejit24 Comments

It’s been a very stressful couple of days. It seems to be that nothing happens for ages and then all at once it starts to crowd in around me. We’re only 3 days into the week, assuming it starts on a Monday and already it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster!

My Mum attended hospital for her check up and they are finally going to try her on Alzheimer’s tablets and refer her to a Dementia Care Team. Although the tablets will not stop whatever is going on, there is a chance it might help her get back a little time. I think my poor Sister wanted to give the Doctor a good slap when she heard he had mentioned the note she put in regarding Mums symptoms, despite the fact that she had put in capital letters a request that he didn’t do so.

The great clean up still continues for the impending visit from the relatives. It’s a little bit daunting when I look into rooms and see that some have got worse rather than better, but I just have to plod on and hope that it all comes good in the end.

On top of that there is paperwork to be done for Dad and others and yesterday I was told that I have to start to shadow the lady who currently does the job I have been ear marked for.

Today I am having brain overload. I want to sidle into a corner and hide until everything has been taken care of. Imagine being able to go to sleep and wake up the next morning knowing everything you need to know without having to go through a learning process. If only!

We’ve also been having some freaky weather of late. Bearing in mind it is almost the start of the summer, the giant hailstones that rained down on us last night were a bit of a shock. My Dad and I were imprisoned in the car for a good 10 minutes while the rain, hailstones, thunder and lightening raged around us. Then it stopped and the sun came out like nothing had happened.

Well that resounding thumping on the door serves to prove that lunchtime is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. But hopefully that little vent has done me the world of good and no one else will loose their heads this afternoon.

Happy Hump Day Eejits, I think I am qualified to say that now that I actually know what it means.

Birth Anniversaries

The Indecisive Eejit75 Comments
Birthday2014
Julie was not amused that the candles had just singed her nose hair!

I’m not a big fan of birthdays, I mean why would I be, every year it’s just a reminder that I am getting older.

For years my folks used to forget the big day, not because they were evil, but because it was close to the date of their anniversary and therefore easy to mix up. My sister though never forgot and always made up for it. As you get older the novelty wears off and it becomes like any other day. My friend was horrified that I said I was going to be doing housework on the night of my birthday, but it’s just like a normal day for me. Despite having offers of having a ‘carry-out’ tea I opted to stay home and cook, I’d already been out once this week and had a chippy lunch, so I fancied something simple and quick.

I don’t like fuss, it makes me feel uncomfortable, run in, wish me Happy Birthday and run out, that’s the best kind of greeting there is. The Tinsel Twit has been teasing me all week about having a party and I have to say I was starting to sweat a little. Worse than that though was the fact that she told everyone who came into the office it was my 50th, and not one person was nice enough to question her. Clearly I need to spend some of my birthday money on anti wrinkle cream!

I went in this morning to banners and balloons and it made me smile, because I realised that was why my co worker had been so keen for me to leave the night before. Once everyone had arrived I received a goody bag which contained stationary (swoon), age resistant moisturiser (fair enough) and a gift voucher. There was also a mini slinky, a little skateboard and a stress baseball. My colleagues know me so well.

Just when I though the day could not get any better, one of my other colleagues asked if I wanted to go for a ‘scoot’ which over here means a drive in the car. I was a little perturbed as my chips (fries) had been ordered and were on their way from shop to my greedy and open gob. My colleague however was very insistent saying he was not going to ask again, and then the penny dropped, and I clapped like a seal, bouncing up and down while repeating ‘You brought your convertible didn’t you’. I’ve never been in a car with no roof before and it’s been on my wish / bucket list for a while, so you can imagine I was as happy as a bee. The wind whipping though my hair, a big smile on my face and flies stuck between my teeth, well come on, this is real life, nothing is ever perfect.

Home time comes and after the tea has been made for ‘The ships’ and the floors mopped it’s up the stairs to yet another voucher from Monkey and a couple of goody boxes from Lee.

Little geek cup
I can drink tea while admiring my ‘oogly boogly’ face as Rob calls it!

I’m in love with the cup with my website name on it and also the little key ring. He’d got me one before when the site was called The Geeky G4mer and I had considered getting myself a new one, now I don’t have too. Udders also got me a Starbucks mug for my collection, so I will be spending the weekend sipping in style.

All in all as birthday’s go, this has been a good one, so no complaints here. My intention would be to finish the night with some GTA with Nugs, assuming he has not fallen asleep in front of his TV.

Happy Friday one and all, as it’s my birthday I request that you hug  stranger in celebration of the fact, however should they look in anyway dangerous, just move on and hug a lamp post or a tree!