WTF is it with…..

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

…junk comments these days. It’s like they multiply. No matter how many times I empty the junk folder, it is always full when I return. Perhaps I should return more often, so this is kind of my own fault isn’t it. Anyway, moving on, that is not actually why I stopped by, it was just something that irritated me on my journey and I thought I would share it, because I am nice like that :)

How have you all been? The strange goings on in the world continue, the return to normality that some have been dreaming of is not yet here, albeit there is perhaps a glimmer of light in the horizon. Me personally, well I’m still hoping for a blended mix of the old and the new, fingers crossed.

So I was in hospital, that was a thing that happened, oh way back in May now. The dreaded gallstones decided to play dirty and introduce themselves to my pancreas. Clearly they didn’t get the memo about social distancing and decided this was a space they would like to muscle in on, thoughtless little shits. So I’m also sure you know that being in hospital comes with all the tests, bloods, scans, not just one variety, noooo I had them all, CT, MRCP and Ultrasound. Then after the scans come all the things that you didn’t even know you had, like a large mass, stranding / weird things around the gallbladder, a hiatus hernia. I mean ffs, I though the gallstones was enough to be getting on with, but apparently not.

The current situation is that I am waiting on the results of tests. I’m finding that consultants don’t really talk to you, they talk around you and mention things like tumours and anomalies, but don’t really tell you why or if this is something that you need to actually worry about, bearing in mind I have anxiety and worry about E V E R Y T H I N G. Thankfully for me, in the last visit the mention of tumour was preceded with I don’t think it’s a…. so I hope they are right. Anyone going through this, my heart goes out to you, it is a very unsettling time. There is something going on in my body though and I hope they find out what it is soon so I can at least have an explanation for the daily pain.

Being off work has been challenging for me. I am so used to working that for the first few weeks I felt an incredible guilt that I was letting people down even though I knew myself that I was not well, very little tired me out, and it took a while to build up my eating routine again. Thankfully this last week I have not been tiring as quickly, I can tidy a little bit more before I have to sit down, but I’m not yet at the stage where I can return to any kind of normality. It’s incredibly frustrating. That said, I am thankful that I am still here typing, another lady who came into the hospital at the same time as me with the same thing didn’t make it out again.

Being in hospital was a real eye opener. We hear all these stories of the fabulous NHS and the work they have done throughout this pandemic, but honestly, from the outside, we have no idea. Those nurses are incredibly busy, they never stop, I know for sure I could not do what they do, never mind anything else, I would not have the patience, especially for those people who treat it like a hotel stay. I’m incredibly grateful for the care I received during my stay.

So I guess in the grand scheme of life, this is the next hurdle to face. Most days I am ok, and sometimes I cry, but I think that’s to be expected, I mean apart from anything else I’m probably being smacked in the face by the menopause too, so the fecking hormones are almost as problematic as the gallstones.

Anyway, what’s new with all of you, tell me a good story, actually just tell me a story, we have to take the rough with the smooth!

15 thoughts on “WTF is it with…..

  1. So sorry to hear you are dealing with health issues. Was the gallbladder removed? I had to have mine removed two weeks after I delivered our last child by c-section. The little devils had traveled through the ducts and it wasn’t fun so I feel for you.
    Hope you get to feeling better soon.

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  2. Oh god sweetie. Hug from a veteran.

    See, last spring just after the pandemic hit I started feeling a little stuffed in the midsection, and then all of a sudden I was going through a second puberty at the age of 65 (count off the things that happen at puberty, yup, all of them). Next thing I know I’m in an MRI machine, and next thing after that they’re prepping me for surgery and everyone’s looking at each other with no color in their faces.. Well, three hours of dissection and forty four staples later they had removed Phred, who was essentially a water balloon filled with applesauce that grew on my left ovary, in the style of things that happen to women half my age. Clearly Phred was exuding young woman sex hormones. I have no explanation. They called it a “borderline” tumor and have followed it up as if it were the worst, and I had to stumble into an acquaintance with a retired GYN online to hear someone qualified say that borderline tumors wouldn’t concern her.

    I wish I could be as grateful for my care. When I begged to be allowed to sleep for more than an hour at a time instead of having people wake me up to measure me and poke me, all I got was “Don’t be mad.” Mad? (Or, more precisely, pissed off). I was exhausted, crying from lack of sleep, frightened and hungry because there was NOTHING TO EAT that wouldn’t nauseate a rat. On top of the fear.

    All of which is to say, I GET IT. I will never not be afraid of doctors and resentful of the way they talk as if you couldn’t be expected to understand anything about your own status. Sending empathetic vibvs, which is all I can do.

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    • Oh I am sorry that you had to go through that and your experience was not good. I hope you have not had too many issues since.

      I do remember the lack of sleep and wake ups in the middle of the night, just didn’t write about this. I was wheeled out of one ward into the next crying my eyes out as I had not slept and saying to the guy in the bed next door, I don’t want to go, it was good craic (fun) in here. I was inconsolable for about two hours. Worse so when I realised they had wheeled me into the bay and exact spot where the lady had passed away the day before. I was convinced they were wheeling me in there to die!

      It wasn’t all roses, but those kind of things were out of the nurses control, so I don’t count that as part of my care, although I don’t know why, because it is lol

      How are things with you otherwise, all good?

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      • Yes and no. I’m vibrating about the closeness of getting my eyes fixed so I can finally take “half blind” out of my profile, but everything seems to be logistical complications. Sigh. And I think I’m going to be hearing from this belly scar on wet days for the rest of my life.

        I’d be on the CEILING if someone wheeled me into a room where someone had just died. I wish there were fairy dust we could both sprinkle over our memories.

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  3. Well I sure hope things get better for you soon. I’m a little shocked that you haven’t posted sooner if you have been off work, but maybe it takes a little time to come back around to writing when life sucks you away? Still, go to a hospital for anything and they will look for everything about you that does not fit the mold; I’d say don’t worry so much but I get why that’s hard. Just know that you have people all over who love you and are pulling for you and think you are so tough!

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  4. I was there a few years ago, with other body bits, but very much the same. You’ll be ok because that’s what we do, we survive. And you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. I’m glad you’re still there typing, too. Sending lots of love and hugs. <3

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