And there she was……

So it’s been a minute, a week or maybe even months. There is a fair chance you might not even remember who I am, but I have no doubt that my home grown brand of quirky will remind you in a short space of time.

Contrary to what some people might have thought, I did not drop off the face of the planet and apologies to those who are actually disappointed to see me again. I’m like that, a bad penny, I keep turning up.

Many things have happened in the time I have been gone. Very many things. In fact too many to mention. There has been crazy me, crazy work and a crazy life, which has led to me being crazy busy with very little time to write.

When I was not here I turned 5. This year there were no candles and fanfares, I didn’t even write a post. I acknowledged the notification from WordPress and silently scolded myself because it had been so long since I had actually been here.

I’m not sure you will believe me if I tell you I missed you, but I did. I missed your laughs, your jokes and your comments. I missed reading about other people and how things were going, that daily distraction from what was or was not going on in my own life.

In the last 6 months I’ve faced friendship, love, rejection, happiness, sadness, stress and many more things, but remarkably I am still going, putting one foot in front of the other. I’m still a basket case for sure, but I’ve just asked for another round of counselling to hopefully hit the self confidence monster smack in the face one more time. It’s not something I necessarily want to do, but it is something I certainly have to do.

I’ve lost two stone in weight, that was pretty good going, but it has not bolstered my self confidence at all, there is still some way to go I think and my love affair with Malteasers is not going to end any time soon despite the fact they seem to make me sick.

There have been good days and bad, of late perhaps more bad and while I wanted to write I just couldn’t bring myself to jot things down despite running over them time and again in my head. The old internal battle about laying my soul bare here still continues, no change there then.

I’m finding there is no peace. This year has almost slipped by, a whirlwind of work that is not going to slow down for a while yet as I begin a new round of training. Behind me the other work stacks up too and I’m starting to feel the pressure, but I just need to knuckle down. Thing is though I was sick and although I’m back at work I’m still not mended, so I take things day by day and wait for my Dr’s appointment. It’s probably the Malteasers ffs.

I’m not going to say I am back for good, because who knows. But today I am here. I am here to say hello and tell you that I missed you and also that I will check in when I can.

I am here to tell you that I need this space despite the fact that at the minute I feel I have nothing new to tell you.

I need it despite the fact that I feel that I write the same things over and over.

I need it because I need to write to stop thinking about the same things over and over.

I need it, that’s it, I just do and I need you to understand that despite the fact I have not been here that I love you all.

36 thoughts on “And there she was……

  1. It was a pleasant surprise to see you again Juls…I did wonder where you had gone, its the plight of the blogger isn’t it, sometimes people vanish and you are left wondering what has become of them. If your blog serves any purpose it is to write what irks you at any given time and know there are people out there who will read, sympathise, send you an occasional ( hug) offer their two cents worth of ‘good’ advice and let you know they are thinking of you and care about you.
    So take care of you, your weight loss is very impressive, says he wishing such loss would befall him….
    Best wishes dear Juls….


    • Thank you. It’s good to see you.
      Yes the weight loss is good, sadly I need to lose more. The saddest thing is I literally just cut out all (ok maybe not all) the crap I was eating. Although I did do some walking too.
      I dunno, it doesn’t matter how much time I leave it but the internal struggles with blogging and I seem to continue. Even now looking back over posts I think I just write the same stuff all the time, although I do acknowledge that it is better out than in : )

      We shall see what happens. I hope all is well with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I understand about feeling you are writing the same thing. A lot of prompts I attempt give me the same feeling. But I acknowledge it is better out than in. I hope you can continue to find reasons to write. As you know itโ€™s the best fun you can have sitting down.
        As for me I am older, but hanging together thereโ€™s a lot to be said for gaffer tape.
        Take care Juls, best wishes from across the world.


  2. … and there you are! I went looking for you only three days ago thinking you’d dropped off my WordPress feed and look what happened! You’re still here and despite the crazy hanging around you found time to connect. I love that you did. Life sure is a b***h at times but our tenacity to keep doing the next thing is what pulls us through. You made me smile when I read you’d requested another round of counselling because it tells me you’re doing okay, and insightful to know what you need and ask for it. I love that too. Ah shux, I love you and missed you and pleased to see you on my feed again. Hugs ๐Ÿค— Linda


    • Ahh lovely Linda how your comments brighten my day. I hope you are well :)
      Life is a b**** sometimes I think she doesn’t give me a break at all, that said I often forget to appreciate the small things, hence my journey back to counselling. I know I need to do it, if I can’t learn to love myself then I am never going to be able to believe that anyone else will either, be that friends family or whoever.

      Keep everything crossed for me, although it might be a while before the appointment even comes through. So good to hear from you :)

      Liked by 1 person

    • lol I know right. I always told myself I would never be one of those people, and here I am, one of those people. Thinking about posting was as far as I got. I did read a couple of your posts thought to keep up to date. Hope you, Natasha and the cats are well :) x

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Yay! Welcome back Jules! Also, wow! Well done on losing so much weight! I hope your confidence comes back soon, if not, we’ll all be here for hugs anyway!!
    The BUYB group closed while you were gone, but Lorna and Em both started new friendly sharing groups. Would you like me to send you links to them?


    • I’m glad you told me you had left a comment, you went to my spam folder. It’s good to see you and know that you’re still around.
      I knew aboyt BUYB I was sad to hear it, but hadn’t been there for a while. Not just yet with the sharing groups, I just don’t have enough time to reciprocate so don’t think it would be fair.
      It’s good to be here, I’m scared to say back lol

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Welcome back! Like you, itโ€™s been ages since Iโ€™ve blogged. Iโ€™ve been so busy I havenโ€™t even kept up with reading everyone I follow. Seeing you dip your toe back in might just give me some inspiration! ๐Ÿ™‚


  5. Hey hey welcome back, thats what I love about the blog is when things get tough you can use this as a space to write, I really hope it helps you get through your difficult time and were all glad you are back!


  6. so good you are back! Well done on losing 2 stone, I’ve also lost over 2 stone! Its an uphill battle, lol maltesers dont help, I hope you feel better now from that illness, and happy 5th birthday! ๐Ÿ˜€


Entertain the Eejit!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s