And there she was……

So it’s been a minute, a week or maybe even months. There is a fair chance you might not even remember who I am, but I have no doubt that my home grown brand of quirky will remind you in a short space of time.

Contrary to what some people might have thought, I did not drop off the face of the planet and apologies to those who are actually disappointed to see me again. I’m like that, a bad penny, I keep turning up.

Many things have happened in the time I have been gone. Very many things. In fact too many to mention. There has been crazy me, crazy work and a crazy life, which has led to me being crazy busy with very little time to write.

When I was not here I turned 5. This year there were no candles and fanfares, I didn’t even write a post. I acknowledged the notification from WordPress and silently scolded myself because it had been so long since I had actually been here.

I’m not sure you will believe me if I tell you I missed you, but I did. I missed your laughs, your jokes and your comments. I missed reading about other people and how things were going, that daily distraction from what was or was not going on in my own life.

In the last 6 months I’ve faced friendship, love, rejection, happiness, sadness, stress and many more things, but remarkably I am still going, putting one foot in front of the other. I’m still a basket case for sure, but I’ve just asked for another round of counselling to hopefully hit the self confidence monster smack in the face one more time. It’s not something I necessarily want to do, but it is something I certainly have to do.

I’ve lost two stone in weight, that was pretty good going, but it has not bolstered my self confidence at all, there is still some way to go I think and my love affair with Malteasers is not going to end any time soon despite the fact they seem to make me sick.

There have been good days and bad, of late perhaps more bad and while I wanted to write I just couldn’t bring myself to jot things down despite running over them time and again in my head. The old internal battle about laying my soul bare here still continues, no change there then.

I’m finding there is no peace. This year has almost slipped by, a whirlwind of work that is not going to slow down for a while yet as I begin a new round of training. Behind me the other work stacks up too and I’m starting to feel the pressure, but I just need to knuckle down. Thing is though I was sick and although I’m back at work I’m still not mended, so I take things day by day and wait for my Dr’s appointment. It’s probably the Malteasers ffs.

I’m not going to say I am back for good, because who knows. But today I am here. I am here to say hello and tell you that I missed you and also that I will check in when I can.

I am here to tell you that I need this space despite the fact that at the minute I feel I have nothing new to tell you.

I need it despite the fact that I feel that I write the same things over and over.

I need it because I need to write to stop thinking about the same things over and over.

I need it, that’s it, I just do and I need you to understand that despite the fact I have not been here that I love you all.

Remember Me!

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It’s been so long since I’ve been here I’ve almost forgotten how to post. Ok so perhaps it’s not quite as drastic as that, but it has been a long time. I was happy to note however that there have not been too many more changes to the WordPress platform since my last visit, I was a tad worried.

So where have I been? Well I’ve been nowhere but right where I always am, I’ve just been caught up and getting squashed by life. We had a couple of really bad weeks with the Mothership meaning mentally I was not fit for any kind of interaction let alone writing. Every day it seems to be that a little more of my time becomes taken up with the things that need to be done, at this rate, there will be none left.

As far as Christmas goes I’m actually in fairly good shape. The Motherships cards are all written although it would seem she does not believe me, as every time a card is received she asks me at least ten times did they get one. Wonder no more why I hate the alleged season of being jolly, my good will meter is almost empty.

I’ve missed this place, but despite wanting to write and actually sitting down to write, nothing came to mind, mainly, because there were too many other things on my mind already.

I’m behind on reading too, sorry about that, again a combination of needing space and a rekindling of my love for Cookie Jam which has been keeping me amused on the journey to work. I also downloaded Candy Crush again, something I had not played much of since my leg recuperation days. I’ve lost most of my progress though and as a result am battling my way from the beginning, ripping my hair out in the process and wondering how I ever made it through these evil levels in the first place.

I have penned many posts previously in relation to my addiction to the above game, the search terms it generates, and the fact that some people play it naked….don’t even ask, but I swear this time, I am adopting a more level headed approach……I haven’t put it on my phone…..yet!

Anyway, I just though I would drop by, let you know I am still alive and give you a mini hi five, because you are after all, really rather awesome.

I’m hoping to get back to some normality soon, so see you on the flip side!