A St Paddy’s Saturday Catch Up

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Well good morning to you all and Happy St Patrick’s Day. Sadly I am celebrating by grabbing a quick 10 minutes to update you and then with a mountain of housework, but I’m not too worried because the rest of Ireland and even the world have it covered.

It seems like such a long time since I sat down to write anything, in fact it even feels weird sitting in front of my computer as it has not been used that much of late either.

I’ve missed here and reading about all the stories of your days and lives, and I try to catch up where I can, but things have been so busy of late there has just been no time to update you.

My little head has been busy, there is a lot going on in there. Work has been playing on my mind for various different reasons and sometimes I think that perhaps I may need to re-visit my counsellor for a couple of sessions just to try and get things straight in my own head. I know it is my own fault for dealing with things the way I do, continuing to see the bad despite assurances from others. As someone said to me the other day, my cup is always half empty, and this is true. No matter what, I will always consider everything to be my fault. This is something I need to work on if I am ever going to move forward.

Life in general has been good though, I’ve been in contact with a friend and I am enjoying the interaction. I’m almost scared to say it, cup half empty and all that, but there have been days where I would say I have definitely been happy! Not something I have felt for a very long time. There is also a possible day trip with the girls in my future, a chance to kick back and relax.

I’ve finally given myself a kick up the backside and started to lose the additional weight I gained when I stopped smoking over a year ago now. To date I have lost 1 stone 2 lb’s. I’m not sure it’s all that noticeable yet, but I feel it in small ways and so does alien leg. I’ve a long way to go and the hardest relationship break up ever is going to be between myself and my dearly beloved Malteasers, but it is going to have to happen.

I hope in the future if things improve that my self confidence will too, but just right now it is proving to be one battle I constantly lose. The sad realisation from my counselling remains true, if I cannot learn to accept /love myself, how will I ever let any one else. I constantly question past events and wonder if they will repeat themselves. Events where I was never quite good enough.

It is not enough to hope to be happy, it has to actually happen. Send good will my way : )

Happy Saturday one and all, I hope you have been well and you have always been in my thoughts : )

27 thoughts on “A St Paddy’s Saturday Catch Up

  1. Sadly despite my Irish heritage I never remember St Pat’s day. I even included a leprechaun in a story I wrote yesterday still not realising the significance. maybe it was all subconscious. Anyway good to see you are still up and about. The confidence thing Jules is a lifelong work in progress, at least that’s how it is for me. best wishes and lovely to see your blog in my intray.

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    • Hey there, good to hear from you too. I hope you are well.
      Paddy’s Day isn’t as big up North as down South but there are celebrations all the same.
      Yes self confidence is the biggee and certainly my biggest nemises :(

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  2. Hello. I’ve been away for quite a while. I’m glad you’re still here. Good to see that Life is on the up for you.

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  3. You seriously did an update in ten minutes? I doubt it and wish I could do an update that quickly. I typically need an hour or two to finish most posts. πŸ˜›
    I keep looking at my cups and glasses and seeing if they are half full or empty, lately.
    I know it feels bad to think/hear you’re thinking negatively…and worse to have others say you are blaming yourself too much (when they aren’t saying you’re making excuses and not “owning” your life decisions). But, part of me feels we blame ourselves because it’s better to be hard on ourselves than consistently point fingers.
    I get pestered as it is anytime I blame my parents for anything. I’ll hear, “Stop blaming them and blame yourself!” And then, out of the blue, when I am trying to get moving, I might hear, “You’re too hard on yourself.” Me? The guy you last accused of blaming others too much? I’m too hard on myself? I just don’t see it. Whatever “hard” I am on myself seems more like discipline and my feeble effort to stay sane and productive. I don’t see it as self-punishment.
    Isn’t that a weird feeling? Not being comfortable being happy or having fun? For me, it’s a fear of the good time coming to an end (too soon). It’s like we’re walking up a mountain and then suddenly look down at how far we could fall. Some may see that as being pessimistic. But, I think it’s just us trying to steady ourselves. Don’t enjoy yourself so much that there is any “fall” when you get back to “reality.” Yet, it kinda sucks the fun out of what we do as if we’re missing something by being a bit cautious.
    Yet, if ya think about it, by choosing to have less fun, maybe, just maybe we avoid indulging in those drinking binges people take just because a friend pushed us to “have fun.” Or, we save our ears from deafness by avoiding the excessively loud concert. We can still be fun people, stay in tune with others’ interests and look after ourselves. It’s those who shame us for being “bores” or “downers” that make “living safe and sound” less favorable.
    I’ve dealt with a lot of cases of “loving yourself,” lately. I might as well be getting paid as these people’s therapist! πŸ™‚ And, each one is a little different…or inspires something different from me.
    Maybe loving yourself–to you–is like getting a perfect grade on a school test. And, maybe, you don’t have to get an A+++ to love yourself. Maybe you can love yourself at a C level, today. Down the road, you have spent more time with good people, maybe gone on a date or two, and you move up to a B level. Further down the road, you find what you think is love and bump up to an A level. But, you don’t have to PERFECTLY love yourself to feel or be okay to live. I think, sometimes, we let such “isms” add to our troubles like one more assignment we need to complete to be acceptable. In a way, by telling ourselves that we still need to do more to love ourselves–according to someone else telling us just that–we accept ourselves a little less. Why can’t we do our own evaluation and determine what is loved and what is disliked or hated? [And, this is a “judge,” saying this, so take it for what you will. πŸ™‚ ]

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  4. A very belated happy Paddy’s Day to you too, it’s been a while since I popped in to say hi! Hope you are feeling a little better since this post. I think I am very much a glass half empty person too, even though I come across quite light hearted in some of my blogs, in real life I’m usually the opposite!

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