The things I now know…

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Image by seaternity

I am an introvert, who knew.

I had suspicions, not because I knew what an introvert was, but because I found a page on Facebook that had all these little memes which could have been tailor made just for me. I was able to identify with lots of the sayings which when put under the cover of a name seemed to make sense. I’m not a weirdo after all, I am an introvert and better still, I am not alone.

I wonder if I had realised sooner that along with the anxiety and worry this was part my ‘affliction’ would I have been a little more settled within myself. Probably not, that is after all why I am having to go to counselling.  That said, I am told there is hope for me and I am not the lost cause that I thought I was.

The first lesson I need to teach myself is that I do not need to apologise for who I am and as a consequence, people who know me need to make allowances for the person I am whilst I am in my transition period from anxiety mania to anxiety. Contrary to what a lot of people seem to believe having anxiety /worry is not a choice. It is not something we can stop just because we are told to. If you had any idea just how debilitating it can sometimes be to deal with the simplest of tasks you would understand. According to my counsellor my mind goes 1, 2, skip a few, 99 a milllion! Those who know me well would attest to that.

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I love the fact that I am defined as an introvert, because I can now be the person I am without believing there is something wrong with me. I do not love the fact that I suffer so badly from worry and anxiety and that is something I am hoping to change with the help of my counselling sessions which have so far proved worthwhile.

My counsellor told me a statement that I have no doubt I will be repeating time and time again over the next few weeks,  “Just because I think it, doesn’t make it true”. That statement is me in a nutshell. She also asked would I ever turn to someone and say “You have no confidence and you’re useless” and I said no of course not and all she said was well then why do you do it to yourself. It was a good point well presented that I had no answer for.

I’m only two weeks in, but already I am challenging myself and the thoughts that lead to the fear and anxiety. It’s going to take time, because as I was told today I have to erase the ‘crap’ that has been placed into my head over the last 40 odd years by both myself and others.

So whilst having anxiety and worry  is not a choice as these traits can be picked up from a very young age and then carried throughout life, deciding to change is. Once you know and are aware of the problem it can be dealt with, perhaps not 100% but a step in any direction is a step in the right direction, right!?

18 thoughts on “The things I now know…

  1. Welcome to a wonderful world of being introverted!!! and proud of it!
    If you haven’t already, check out:
    http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extravert-and-introvert.htm

    It can be tough because “Western” culture really does tend to value the “extraverted” style and scorn us introverts. But we ponder longer and consult our inner compass more consistently, and the world NEEDS that.Too much anxiety hurts us as it would anyone, but knowing our perspectives are legitimate takes the anxiety down a peg. Or ten.

    This too: http://www.keirsey.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m very open about being an introvert on my blog. You’re right, it’s not something easy to deal with, anxiety and self doubt, and living in an extroverted world doesn’t make it easier. In my case, medication to take the edge off my anxiety (which is a symptom) was what I needed to push through it all and get to a place of acceptance and understanding. It took me a while, but I found ways to satisfy my need for solitude and time to process that wasn’t impactful to the people in my life. Open and honest dialogue also eased them into an understanding of what I needed even if they didn’t totally understand why. I’m happy that things are starting to get better and you know some of the why’s even if the solutions are still elusive. Hang in there and keep fighting, it gets easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m trying this before I go down the medication route, simply because I have never tried anything like this before, despite talking about it for years.
      I know the hard work all rests with me, and I’ve been trying her strategies, but sometimes they are not enough. On those days I write down what has caused me the anxiety to ask her about it the next time :)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m an introvert too, and I realized this some years ago when I heard and identified with the concept of being worn out by too much social interaction at once. And although having introversion tied to the twin scourges of anxiety and sabotage of self-worth is a new concept to me, it nonetheless makes sense that these are also things that I have been dealing with all my life, and so I was wondering whether you could somehow link me to that Facebook page with all the introvert memes?

    The advice coming from your counselor makes so much sense in a simple way, it seems hard to believe that it doesn’t occur to us to treat ourselves better, even in our own minds and judgment. I like to occupy myself with my crazy pursuits, they give me a place to hole up. I just wish one of them was writing. :)

    Stay strong, Miss Eejit!

    Like

    • I know, when someone else tells you these things it seems like the most common sense thing in the whole world, but taking it away and actually following it through is not as easy. I went for my first session since Mum passed away on Wednesday and I found it really hard, I told her I couldn’t see the end result. She said, you’ve had two sessions, look how far you have come in two hours and she’s right, because now I do challenge myself when I get anxious.

      Liked by 1 person

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