I am a Criminal Mastermind


Warning – I’m going to talk about gaming, so if that’s liable to put you to sleep, I advise you to carry on about your business!

Once upon a time on the Emerald Isle a geeky gamer met three lads from various parts of the UK. It’s funny how murder and mayhem can bring people together, but that’s exactly what happens in GTA, although there is the possibility that the Irish accent charmed them just a little.

These three lads wanted to embark on a challenging and dangerous adventure and realising that the geeky one was marginally less rubbish than the random strangers the game teamed them with, they invited her along for the ride.

What ensued was two months of murder and mayhem, random deaths, her arse being blown apart by randomly launched rockets and tears of frustration, that was the lads, honestly.

Let me briefly explain the Criminal Mastermind Challenge in GTA. There are a series of heists, five in total that need to be completed. Each has around five set up missions before the actual heist takes place. There are bank robberies, prison breakouts, lab raids, drugs and finally, a $1.25 million bank raid. So you know, just a little something to get your teeth into.

It is quite possibly the most difficult challenge within GTA. None of the four person team can die during any of the parts involved, if you do, then it’s back to the start.

Somehow, against all the odds, this little group of random strangers banded together over the course of two months and became a team. They say practice makes perfect and for them that was the case as on Sunday past they finally completed the challenge.

In the very last part of the final heist not a word was spoken, in fact I’m not sure anyone even took a breath, no one wanted to jinx the mission so close to the end.

Collective deep breaths and curses could be heard when the team passed into the final checkpoint. They were finally done!

It was a long haul, but it was fun! And the payday, well that was a cool 10 million dollars. Shame it isn’t really eh!


26 thoughts on “I am a Criminal Mastermind

  1. While such teamwork and a lengthy achievement sound exciting, it’s the nature of the monster I do not favor. I’d rather take on alien hordes in some Duke Nukem or Halo game than wreak havoc and murder in GTA. I do enjoy the liberty of those games, being able to take cars and run all over the place. But, the violence still bothers me….which is strange considering I can kick hundreds of asses up and down streets in fighting games like Final Fight and Double Dragon. I just feel it’s more real and frightening in GTA. Someone once told me I’d get bonus pts. for setting a group of nuns on fire. I tried it once, and it traumatized me to this day. I worry that indulgence of such mayhem might corrupt one’s moral compass.


      • I’d still rather do it with fists and feet than chainsaws and heavy artillery. If it’s war, then I do war on the battlefield. Not among or war upon normal citizens. In those games, it seems bad guys are anyone you can take out for points.


  2. Sheesh you’ve totally confused me. You write so well are articulate and funny and now I find out you’re a gamer. Totally have to change my preconceived notion of what it takes to be a gamer. Good on ya anyway and if I need help robbing a bank I know who to call.


  3. I’ve watched my husband and son play GTA. I thought the main requirements were the ability to shout at the TV, buying yourself expensive cars, and running over as many people as possible!


  4. Someday I may see what all the fuss is about with GTA, but for now I think I’ll stick with my post-apocalyptic wastelands, ancient tombs, and malevolent AIs!

    You got real balls to stick with a challenge for two months, Juls: respect.


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