I may be approaching the stage where I spontaneously combust.

I think Level 285 has me beat. I’ve been playing for what seems like weeks and I am getting nowhere! Usually I can see some kind of progress, some chink of light leading to the end of the tunnel! Not this time, the black out curtains are completely drawn, there is nothing but darkness and despair ahead of me on my Candy Crush journey and I am losing the will to partake of my 5 lives!

My trauma is like a mushroom of despair, fanning over my friends. I may even be suffering from Candy Crush depression. I no longer send lives, I have adopted the If I am not going to progress then neither are you attitude. It’s all I can do to not stamp my feet and throw my teddy out of the pram.

Too add to my situation I discovered a grey hair on my head, I definitely did not have that when I was on level 284! I am doomed……..

Last night I had a nightmare that I was being squashed between a striped and a wrapped Candy, they were choking the life out of me. Then spotty fish came and I had palpitations and fell out of the bed!

I rang the CCCS this morning, I was desperate. I found their number in the Yellow Pages. How was I to know they were all about free debt advice, I thought it stood for Candy Crush Counselling Services and not Consumer Credit Counselling Services. She informed me they are now called Step Change. I apologised profusely and said yes I understand, I am going to have to make steps to change as well or Candy Crush will be the death of me.