No coffee thanks just water!

The Indecisive Eejit35 Comments

If I was having coffee

If we were having coffee…….actually we wouldn’t be having coffee, it would just be you., I’d have to decline and have water instead. Someone gave me a bag of midget gems today and between myself and the others in the office we didn’t stop till there were none left. Now however I am extremely thirsty and I swear the next time I go to the toilet I am going to shit rainbows.

midget gems
Never had em? You should,         they are the dogs wot nots!

This week I’d probably spend a lot of time asking how your week has been because a) I care and yours is probably much more exciting and b) it will save me having to talk about my own. You’ll laugh and fill me in but eventually you’ll press me for details.

I’d tell you that I don’t quite know where to begin, or how to sort it into things that are fit for sharing on a blog, you have to believe me when I tell you there are details that you do not need to / would not possibly want to know.

I could tell you that my life has been all sex, drugs and rock and roll, but even you know me better than that…..damn it!

So where do I start, at the beginning I guess, and with headers too. Don’t judge, I’m having a day where I need to be organsied, trust me, it’ll not last long.

Work

I’d tell you that the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster with more lows than highs. That said it is good to note that there are still some highs, even if they are few and far between. Everyone told me when I started this job over a year ago that it would take time and to give myself 6 months to a year to settle. Let me tell you, I’ve thrown over 365 days and a whole clock at it and I still feel like packing my bags. That said, it’s not all my fault, how is anyone ever going to learn and adjust to a job when it is constantly changing. Enough already, give me 5 minutes to catch my breath.

Food

You’d be able to tell for yourself that my love affair with both Pom Bears and Peanut M&M’s is in full swing. But with a look of steely determination I would tell you that I am soon going to break this habit and wean myself off them. I like the word soon, it is open to wide interpretation, it can pretty much be any day from now until I die. You need to slap me right now!

The Ships

The Mothership and the Fathership were invited to a wedding on Saturday past. Some of my friends here who also care for people with Dementia will know how important routines are and how even slight deviations can cause catastrophic meltdowns. Oh boy we had those, and then some, the Mothership does not cope well.

I’ve probably recited the details of the wedding and the plans at least 100 times in the last two weeks, had the outfit in and out of the wardrobe at least 25 times, had many varied discussions about knickers bra’s and tights, more wedding details, given my assurance I will be there to get her dressed, promised that the hair dresser will arrive and every other day up until Friday reminded her that I was going to give her a shower.  The shower thing might not seem like a big deal to you and I, but you have to understand, she has never had one before, always preferring a bath.

Friday comes and the mention of the shower has the same effect as a lit match being thrown into a cup of petrol. There was so much much fire at one stage that the Fathership and I were almost tempted to toast a few marshmallows. I had to think on my feet and use my preferred method, reverse psychology, telling her that if she didn’t want to shower and was content to go to the wedding stinkin then that was fine with me. Eventually, but very begrudgingly she agreed to go. There were tears, thankfully for once not mine.

I’d read up on this very subject before hand and tried to make it as smooth a process as I could and after the initial meltdown thankfully she calmed down and while not a pleasant experience for either of us, we made it through. I do however have to give thanks to the big man upstairs who heard my plea for help and sent down the gift of some calm. I am very grateful.

Yes, by the way, you’re quite correct in thinking that those are the details I will spare you.

On that happy note I would leave you without mentioning next week. The true test of a friendship is to find out which of your friends return when you have admitted to shitting rainbows.

Till next time eejits :)

Many thanks as always to Diana from Part-Time Monster for her open invitation to coffee every week. You can participate yourself by clicking on the link below:

weekendcoffeeshare

 

A rant about reading!

The Indecisive Eejit51 Comments

Burning Sun

This post will probably be quite short, there’s also more than a slight possibility that it’s going to be a rant. Brace yourselves.

For a long time now and in many posts I have lamented the fact that it is almost impossible sometimes to keep up with reading on WordPress. The sheer volume of amazing content and posts is astounding sometimes, blogs I follow can between them export up to 30 posts a day. This last two weeks I’ve found work extremely difficult due to a whole host of changes taking place. At night by the time everyone was fed and all the dishes done I had no energy left for anything other than plonking myself in front of the TV and there I stayed until I dragged my sorry arse up to go to bed.

The train WiFi was also being an arse most likely due to the fact that schools and technical colleges have returned for the new term and the passenger levels on the train have tripled.  There was a few times I nearly lost my phone, mainly because I wanted to heft it out the window.

I got behind on my reading.

There are two main ways I try to keep up, one would be the WordPress reader and the other Bloglovin. The former used to be great and then it was updated and started skipping and missing huge chunks of posts for no reason, at that point I moved most of the blogs I follow into Bloglovin. It was great, it easily filled in the chunks that I was missing. Then they updated it too and now neither of the two work that well. Don’t get me wrong, I can still read posts in both, WP reader will allow me to do all the things I need to, it just seems to be selective about which posts it shows. Bloglovin on the other hand seems to show all posts, but will not allow me to either like or comment, instead it just hangs on a white page. It is extremely frustrating.

Moral of the story and a note to the creators of both readers – If it’s not broke, don’t feckin fix it!

Me my skillz and I

The Indecisive Eejit48 Comments

whatifwww

I thought it about time that I put finger to keypad and lay down some observations for my challenge over at Jed’s site Okay What If?

In the latest challenge which you can view HERE, I asked:

 Okay, What if you went to bed one night and the next morning you awoke to find you were able to do three things that you couldn’t the night before. That can be anything, new skills, new talents, give it your best shot.

As I am sure you can imagine the options are endless, skills that could make me rich, popular and successful to name but a few. Me, I don’t want any of those things, I’m perfectly happy being ordinary thank you very much.

So smarty pants, you quite rightly ask, what would your new skills be. Well if you hang around just a little longer I shall tell you.

Drumming

By this I don’t mean my fingers on my desk to express irritation, any Eejit can do that, I mean drumming of epic rock band proportions with actual drumsticks. I found out many years ago that the rapping of pencils on a bean tin while providing a nice little rhythm didn’t quite cut it.

I’ve always been fascinated by the rhythm and beat that someone with skill can extract from a drum kit. I was lucky enough in my younger years to have a friend in a band who excelled in this art. I was allowed to try a few times but the result was nothing short of horrendous, making the very foundations of the barn in which we were housed shake.

Sadly it quickly became apparent that while I liked rhythm, I didn’t fecking have any. It was then that my hopes of becoming a professional drummer were abandoned.

Sign Language

I would love to know sign language. I once had a friend whose parents were deaf and it was mesmerising watching him converse in what to me felt like a secret language. It amazes me that in schools they teach foreign languages yet do not offer something that could be more beneficial to every day life. I have a qualification in French but I’ve never been to France. I have however met people with hearing impairments who I wish I could have conversed with, but was unable to.

That said, there is nothing stopping me trying now, despite the fact that my brain does not retain information like it once did. My friends daughter, the little girl who I adore can sign makaton and she is only four years old, I have been trying to learn little bits and pieces but I’m only up to a few words.

If you’re not sure how much better my learning of sign language as opposed to French would have been, then watch this video, yes it’s an advert, but just look at the reaction being greeted with sign language gets.

Sketching / Driving

Ok I realise that is actually two more skillz, but I’m balancing between what other people would want for me and what I would want for myself.

I can’t drive, it’s not something that I am proud of and I feel for others around me it is one of my biggest let downs. I just don’t have the confidence and even though I try to explain my feelings on the subject, no one ever really listens. I was never a great passenger after being involved in a couple of accidents, but what clinched the deal for me was later being involved in one where there was a fatality, albeit that it was not as a direct result of the collision. Perhaps someday I will pluck up the courage, but for now I get the shakes just thinking about it.

Of course, if I were to go to sleep one night and wake up the next morning just automatically knowing how to drive it would be amazing, but I would also have to receive an injection of confidence along with that injection of knowledge.

For me I’d love to be able to sketch and draw properly. I can doodle away to my hearts content, in fact I am quite adept at telephone doodling these days.

wpid-wp-1442956267542.jpeg

But I’d love to be able to draw more than silly characters and eyes, don’t ask, I appear to have a bit of a thing for drawing eyes and half faces with wild hair. On days when the train WiFi is being an arse I’d love to sit and sketch away while listening to music on the pod. For now though I’ll just have to keep doodling.

What would your skillz be? There is still time to tell us :)

 

Okay What If? – New Skillz

The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

A new challenge – why yes it is, you interested?

The Indecisive Eejit's avatarOkay, What if ?

whatifwww

Good evening folks from both myself and Professor Cat. As you might have already guessed it’s time for another challenge should anyone feel inclined.

Thank you to all those who last month shared their ideas for custom mugs, if you were not able to view some of the ideas you can catch up HERE and have a read through the ping backs and comments, there are some interesting and evil ideas.

You guys rock Mug

For this time round, the idea came to me last night, but I needed beauty sleep and lots of it, so I had to put it on hold until this evening.

Are you ready? Okay, What if you went to bed one night and the next morning you awoke to find you were able to do three things that you couldn’t the night before. That can be anything, new skills, new talents, give it your best shot.

You have…

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Coffee Anyone?

The Indecisive Eejit37 Comments

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If we were having coffee I’d probably just hand you a list of updates because these days I am finding that it’s the only way I can effectively remember things. Lists of groceries, lists of things to do, lists of bills to pay to name just a few,

I’d gratefully sip the cappuccino I bought, I need a good hit of coffee today as I’m feeling a little shaky, probably due to the bad dreams and lack of sleep. Didn’t see those coming and I have no idea why they are, but any dream with an ex in it is usually bad.

I’d tell you I’ve been off for a few days and it’s been nice, but that I am filled with dread at the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow, I’ve kind of enjoyed living the last few days at a slower pace. Still the same anxiety, but perhaps not such a strong grip.

Conversation will most likely turn to WordPress and blogs and I’ll explain that I am a little miffed at all the changes being made to a platform that functions just fine without them. I’ll curse people who feel a need to fix things which are not broken and change things that are just fine as they are. I’d say I’ve missed a few posts lately between Bloglovin and The Reader because sometimes they just like to be a right royal pains in my posterior!

With glee I would tell you that I am quite possibly…actually almost certainly addicted to Nashville. People had been telling me it was good but I just never got around to checking it out for myself. When I did it was a little like a series watching hoe down in a barn, once I had started I just could not stop. That said, I have only made it to the end of Series Two so please do not fill in any of the blanks for me just yet.

There I’d have to leave you because I have just noticed the next thing on my list is to leave out clean clothes for work. I’d thank Part-Time Monster for giving us a reason to meet up in the first place and encourage you to share some stories of your own.

Till next time Eejits :)

Which way now?

The Indecisive Eejit50 Comments

ed6f6b6377a5f1ac3ddaa200e04ad60a

I think I’m at a bit of a crossroads and I am not sure what direction to take.

Every day this week I have plonked myself in front of my computer with the intention of writing something, anything. Instead, I have nothing, not a damn thing. That makes me question why I am here and why I continue to do this. Even now as I sit here trying to put everything down it’s twisting and turning in my head.

I never thought I would last this long to be honest, I rarely stick at anything. If I don’t feel it’s working then I let it go. I set standards for myself that are usually unachievable and berate myself when I fail. What I don’t realise at the time is that I am usually setting myself up to fail.

When I started blogging I wanted to get the word out there, I wanted people to read, while I didn’t want to be famous, I did want some interaction. I have written many posts before detailing how what I thought would happen and what did happen were two different things and I still stand by those sentiments as expressed in this post:

When you sit down, cup of coffee in hand and look back, because someone has challenged you as to the reasons why you blog, you will realise it is because you have become part of a family. You will begin to appreciate the love that surrounds you, the support that is offered to you and help you receive. You will realise that it is these people, along with your family and friends who have provided light in the darkness and a reason to smile when you thought there was none

Giving up is not an option. While I still feel like I do not measure up, I finally feel like I fit somewhere. I’m a very small part, but I am a part none the less.

I think I am changing, perhaps I am even starting to grow up. I still want to be the happy person I used to be, but most days life has a habit of suppressing it, there is too much other shit to deal with and it’s constant. By the time I deal with all the responsibilities I am too tired to deal with anything else.

I feel restricted in some ways, again, no ones fault but my own. In going back to my statement earlier about wanting to get the word out there I told people I knew, from real life when I started blogging and now I wish I hadn’t because in doing so I feel that I can’t be as open or as honest as I would like to be. That’s something I have to figure out a solution for own my own.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who throws posts out just to fill empty spaces or get blog views, I no longer care about stats, but I do care about this community. I wish I could go back to my younger days were words flowed, they just were and I did not have to give thought or consideration to what anyone else might think.

Sometime in the future I might decide that writing and blogging is no longer for me, but today is not that day.

Perhaps it is more about finding a balance than choosing a path.

The Future Challenge

The Indecisive Eejit28 Comments

Loopy Future]

Ok so the fact that I have done a few challenges does not mean I am fair game for offers of more. I am still not a fan, half times I don’t even get time to do my own. Occasionally though I will complete one and this one placed before me by Edwina from Edwina’s Episodes is one I shall attempt because she’s lovely and always very supportive of me. It’s the start of the post and I have not yet decided if I will inflict the pain on anyone else yet. Probably not, I am scared of repercussions.

The Rules: 

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • Link back to the challenge creator, Dreams and Movie Screens so she can track your progress – Done.
  • Share 5 things about your future (jobs, kids, marriage, travel etc). Then one day you can look back and find out how psychic you really are.
  • Tag 5 bloggers and put them up to the challenge.

Thank you Edwina, mumble mumble groan groan and all that malarky, you probably thought I hadn’t read the post, but I had, it’s just taken me this long to get around to it. It’s a good job I like you young lady! :)

My Future

When I first read this nearly two weeks ago I had no idea how I was going to answer. Present life these days is not so great, the ups and downs of looking after someone with dementia can prove challenging, so when I think of the future I am quite honestly filled with dread. To wish for easier days is pretty much pointless as there is no cure as yet for this horrible disease. so what do I write, let me see:

  • To feel confident in my job – One day, I would like to be able to deal with the challenges that work throws at me without fluttering towards the ceiling every time the shit hits the fan. A year on and I still feel like the new girl, but I suppose in part that is because the job itself is always changing. Every time I turn around they are giving me something else to do.
  • To wean myself off peanut M&M’s so that hopefully one day I will lose some weight and take much needed pressure of my poor knees. Getting a new bra might help with that too, you have no idea how much things sag when you get older :)
  • To perhaps get a tattoo – I have no idea what, where or when or even if ever, but it’s something I keep mulling over. It will be interesting to find out if my future self grows a set of balls.
  • To keep entertaining people. I’ve struggled with blogging this last while and spoke to someone with similar feelings yesterday. I’ve wondered at times over the last few weeks if this is even something I want to continue, but it is, so I hope that The Indecisive Eejit or something similar exists in my future.
  • To be financially stable. If only I had told myself that many years ago :)

I hate passing on challenges as I know everyone is as busy as me, however on this occasion I am going to pass it on to one person, because over the last couple of months she has already made changes and I am genuinely interested to see what she thinks might be in her future, don’t hate me Bipolar Calico, over to you!

Okay, what if you were a mug?

The Indecisive Eejit23 Comments

I though it about time that I wrote a post for the challenge I set over at Okay, What if? You can get the full details here, but below is a quick summary:

Mug

If you were this mug, which is essentially a blank canvas, how would you decorate it to let the world know it was in fact yours? What would you add to stop your work colleagues stealing it? What would be your catch phrase or picture?

I love my mugs, perhaps almost as much as I like Penguins. I have amassed quite a few over the years, the problem being that they can be quite bulky and hard to store. My sister always brings me a new one from her holidays, originally Starbucks ones were my favourite, but since they changed the shape to something that resembles a bucket, they have have fallen slightly from grace. This however leaves room for new ones like my ‘Evelyn’s Coffee Bar’ mug from Canada, or my big yellow taxi one from New York.

I’m also a closet Dennis the Menace fan and have a couple of those mugs kindly donated to my collection by Lee. A Wizard of Oz mug that my Sister gave me due to the fact that I once played the cowardly lion in the school play, I’m afraid there’s no denyin’….

Anyway, I digress, back to the job in hand which is how would people know that a mug is mine. I am lucky in this regard, I’ve already bought or been given mugs that sum me up rather well. In work I have three favourites:

  1. A Penguin travel mug. Considering that my office is littered with penguins, everyone knows that cup is mine.
  2. A mug with the slogan ‘Proud of my attitude problem’
  3. A mug with the logo from my old blog ‘The Geeky G4mer’

All of these are recognisable as mine by people who know me.

As I sit here and type I am currently sipping from one I purchased myself just the other week while on a Wednesday shopping trip with the ships. If only you knew how traumatic that could be, you would forgive me for my spending of £1.99 on a little something for myself.

Geek Cup

I shall draw this to a close. Out of all the mugs I own there is one that sums me up perfectly and could not be more perfect in either look or description that was again bought for me by my best friend Lee.

Little geek cup

 

There truly is nothing better, I am after all indecisive and an Eejit :) The only other one I might need at some stage would be this one, so people would know when to back off!

Anx - Mug

So there you have it, if you haven’t given this a try yet, but would like to, let us know over at Okay, What if? what your mug would look like!