No coffee thanks just water!

If I was having coffee

If we were having coffee…….actually we wouldn’t be having coffee, it would just be you., I’d have to decline and have water instead. Someone gave me a bag of midget gems today and between myself and the others in the office we didn’t stop till there were none left. Now however I am extremely thirsty and I swear the next time I go to the toilet I am going to shit rainbows.

midget gems
Never had em? You should,         they are the dogs wot nots!

This week I’d probably spend a lot of time asking how your week has been because a) I care and yours is probably much more exciting and b) it will save me having to talk about my own. You’ll laugh and fill me in but eventually you’ll press me for details.

I’d tell you that I don’t quite know where to begin, or how to sort it into things that are fit for sharing on a blog, you have to believe me when I tell you there are details that you do not need to / would not possibly want to know.

I could tell you that my life has been all sex, drugs and rock and roll, but even you know me better than that…..damn it!

So where do I start, at the beginning I guess, and with headers too. Don’t judge, I’m having a day where I need to be organsied, trust me, it’ll not last long.


I’d tell you that the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster with more lows than highs. That said it is good to note that there are still some highs, even if they are few and far between. Everyone told me when I started this job over a year ago that it would take time and to give myself 6 months to a year to settle. Let me tell you, I’ve thrown over 365 days and a whole clock at it and I still feel like packing my bags. That said, it’s not all my fault, how is anyone ever going to learn and adjust to a job when it is constantly changing. Enough already, give me 5 minutes to catch my breath.


You’d be able to tell for yourself that my love affair with both Pom Bears and Peanut M&M’s is in full swing. But with a look of steely determination I would tell you that I am soon going to break this habit and wean myself off them. I like the word soon, it is open to wide interpretation, it can pretty much be any day from now until I die. You need to slap me right now!

The Ships

The Mothership and the Fathership were invited to a wedding on Saturday past. Some of my friends here who also care for people with Dementia will know how important routines are and how even slight deviations can cause catastrophic meltdowns. Oh boy we had those, and then some, the Mothership does not cope well.

I’ve probably recited the details of the wedding and the plans at least 100 times in the last two weeks, had the outfit in and out of the wardrobe at least 25 times, had many varied discussions about knickers bra’s and tights, more wedding details, given my assurance I will be there to get her dressed, promised that the hair dresser will arrive and every other day up until Friday reminded her that I was going to give her a shower.  The shower thing might not seem like a big deal to you and I, but you have to understand, she has never had one before, always preferring a bath.

Friday comes and the mention of the shower has the same effect as a lit match being thrown into a cup of petrol. There was so much much fire at one stage that the Fathership and I were almost tempted to toast a few marshmallows. I had to think on my feet and use my preferred method, reverse psychology, telling her that if she didn’t want to shower and was content to go to the wedding stinkin then that was fine with me. Eventually, but very begrudgingly she agreed to go. There were tears, thankfully for once not mine.

I’d read up on this very subject before hand and tried to make it as smooth a process as I could and after the initial meltdown thankfully she calmed down and while not a pleasant experience for either of us, we made it through. I do however have to give thanks to the big man upstairs who heard my plea for help and sent down the gift of some calm. I am very grateful.

Yes, by the way, you’re quite correct in thinking that those are the details I will spare you.

On that happy note I would leave you without mentioning next week. The true test of a friendship is to find out which of your friends return when you have admitted to shitting rainbows.

Till next time eejits :)

Many thanks as always to Diana from Part-Time Monster for her open invitation to coffee every week. You can participate yourself by clicking on the link below:



35 thoughts on “No coffee thanks just water!

  1. Oh my! And you think my week was more exciting than all that? It sounds like the life that never stops over there! I’m so glad you made it through okay and even better, gave us a post about it! Wonderful catching up with you! If we were having coffee, (okay if you and I both were drinking water)……I’d tell you my son got his learner’s licence last week…and there begins the tale…….


  2. Cooooool Rainbow shit :-) Do the pale midget gems still taste a bit like pear drops? Here’s your medal for surviving another week :-)


  3. I enjoyed reading that whilst actually sitting in a coffee house across from my old flat on my own waiting to go to an appointment. Also, for some reason I am remembering a time when I tried to see how many midget gems I could fit up my nostrils.


  4. I know the feeling. Shame about the lack of all that sex, drugs and rock and roll Juls. Oh well. My home is in Spain living the lifestyle of sea, sex and sangria. I live in the mountains, what’s sex ? and I don’t drink alone at home. So one out of four isn’t too bad ……. I live in Spain ! Yay !
    Why am I offered a coffee when I’ve just made one ? Want a cookie ? :D <3


    • Yes to the cookie, is it a nice one?? And you can’t have da cookie with da coffee and mines all done. I’m getting a sense of vicious circle here, you?
      P.s What about the sand, there must be sand on hand to mix with the sex and sangria surely? I think I’m losing the plot!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Have another cookie !
        Yes, you lose the plot when some toe-rag takes the sand, but sand doesn’t mix too well with sex and sangria anyway ! I did forget sun, but it was raining ! Sun today. Yay !


  5. THERE’S a missing Skittles commercial: Shit the rainbow! :P

    Oh no; I guarantee no weekend is more boring than mine. I spend most of my time away from babysitting in my dungeon, watching old TV shows and trying to create something worth the time of others. I might as well be Hephaestus making tools and weapons for the gods in Mt. Etna. Buuut….I’d rather get out and travel more. :)

    Pom Bears? ‘Sounds like a Japanese thing.


      • Wait, what?? Photo crisps? That sounds like something made in Japan, printed on rice paper and considered edible though it looks like a magazine clipping.

        Or, potato chips?…and not the kind you Brits serve with fish, as “yanks” call them “fries.”

        I thought Pom Bears might be gummy bears like Haribo…or those weird lil cream-filled treats that look like cereal pieces with koalas stamped on them that I haven’t seen for many years now. I think they were called Koala Yummies.

        What about dog gonads?? I had a one color rainbow come out of my but last night. More to be posted by yours truly on that, later.


      • lol Potato, not photo, I was speed typing and but the looks of things not very well!
        You’re about the only person I know who could imagine a video game out of crisps/ chips, but you know that’s no bad thing lol


      • I’d say you, like too many, are relying upon a device that “corrects your mistakes.” Stupid auto correct.

        Well? That’s what the ad reminded me of. A lil brown dancing bear in a funny hat coming out of a castle. I said, yep, that’s that jewel-grabbing bear I used to dream about playing. It was one of my first Atari games and became a scary obsession.


      • You must be exaggerating. How could you re-read so much and still produce mistakes? :) I kid. Well, some PCs do have the pesky auto correct, too. I haven’t heard of one in a while, though, because so many are turning into pad heads.


  6. Hi Juls, what week you had. Rainbows in your toilet would be a change I guess but consider the reaction of the guy at the treatment works when all that came through.
    Dealing with parents as you do is a hard job so my sympathies go out to you, they are who they are, you deal with them as best you can and try and retain some semblance of you your own sanity.
    Hopefully next week will be better.


    • Lets hope so, it’s shaping up not to bad, and as you said quite rightly so, it is what it is.
      Yes I do feel for the guy at the treatment works, here’s hoping though that it adds a little colour to his day :)


  7. I just looked up an advert for the Pom Bears. Now, I want to play Crystal Castles, that old video game where the lil brown bear runs around collecting jewels while dodging monsters and squashing caterpillars.


  8. Oh, now I see. The fruit candy was the “dogs wot nots,” and the chips/crisps are the “dog’s gonads.” For some reason, dog testicles are a good thing to suckle? Well, don’t that beat all after seeing Lister on Red Dwarf reject a can of dog food after picking it over a “pot noodle” by saying, “Now, I know why dog’s lick their testicles.”


    • Oh no!! Bad bad language barrier mistake, I won’t be suckling any dogs do dah’s thank you very much.
      It’s a saying here, if you think someone or something is great then ‘It’s the dogs bollox’ lol


  9. There’s a family history of Alzheimer’s in my family that runs through the women in my mom’s bloodline, so I’m very scared that I’ll end up right where you are. My grandmother is already getting there. I admire your patience and love for your family. <3


  10. I think rainbow do-dos are of a similar ilk to unicorns that fart rainbows of happiness. So I’m wishing you a herd of unicorns that will fart rainbows all over next week … and no showers for Mum :) Have a good one and sorry I laughed at your misfortune … is it okay to be sad next week instead? :) Linda


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