I thought it was bad enough the other day when the drunk gentleman swindled me out of the most gorgeous salad ever in my favourite lunch box, but today I find out he has also got me into trouble with the law.
There I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, flicking through a magazine, working, when I glance up and see a Police Constable talking to my boss, who was rather alarmingly pointing in my direction. I work in a little pod of four people. A quick glance under the desk confirmed there was nowhere to hide. If only I had brought my biggest handbag with me, everything fits in it, including the kitchen sink.
As he’s sauntering towards me I’m wracking my brains trying to think of anything that I could have done that would lead me to be in trouble with the law. Remembering I was out on Saturday night with Onda makes my blood run cold, as I realise there could be any number of things. Fear sets in and I am on the verge of jumping up and screaming ‘It was me’ while holding my wrists out to be cuffed, when I catch myself on and quickly sit on my hands, adopting a look of pure innocence. Batting my eyelids just makes me look like I have an annoying tic so I decided on this occasion to refrain.
Policeman: Good Morning Miss, would it be possible to have a word?
Me: It wasn’t me.
Policeman: What wasn’t you?
Me: Whatever it is you think I did, I didn’t, it wasn’t me.
Policeman: I see. So it wasn’t you who kindly donated your salad to a gentleman in the park the other day.
At his use of the word kindly my ears pricked up and my imagination went into overdrive. Perhaps I had been on one of those hidden camera shows and I was now in line for 20% of the old drunks hidden fortunes.
The quest for fame is a dangerous one.
Me: Oh aye, that, well yes that was me.
Policeman: Ah ha, so it was you?
Me: What was me?
Policeman: That thing I thought you did, that you said you didn’t, it was you.
I felt like I had been slapped repeatedly about the face so confusing was the conversation.
Me: Eh, yes, it’s a fair cop.
Policeman: Your name please?
Policeman: May what?
Me: May Dupp
Policeman: Are you trying to be funny?
Me: No, why?
Policeman: I’m expected to believe your name is May Dupp?
Me: You can believe what you wish, but it’s May Dupp not made up. It was given to me by my Mammy.
Policeman: I see.
Me: You seem to see at lot of things.
Policeman: Well I certainly see your name going on a ticket for littering.
Me: But I didn’t litter.
Policeman: You left remains of your lunch in the park. Is this your lunch box?
Me: It might be.
Policeman: This lunch box with the sticker on the back that says ‘Mays Big Box?’
Me: But I left it with the elderly gentleman, I shared my salad with him. I can’t be blamed for him leaving it behind.
Policeman: (Raises eyebrow)
Me: Yep, that’s my lunch box.
Policeman: And this Miss Dupp is your ticket.
Me: Thank you PC….?
Me: I’m glad you find this funny, just give me the damn ticket!
So the moral of this story is, never give your big box to a stranger without removing the sticker first.
29 thoughts on “Speaking Litter-aly!”
*LOL* Noted! :) Cher xo
Yes, make sure you learn from my May Dupp mistakes :) lol
Aye! Got it! *LOL* Cher xo
Reblogged this on The Indecisive Eejit and commented:
Oh May. Whatever will be next!
It always best to start the conversation with a parent or a policeman without the words It wasn’t me. Kind of challenges them to prove otherwise. I think that may have been the downfall and the sticker just added to it.
By the way, that picture in the post is quite scary. I think you might have got a little too much lift and be headed for a messy disaster!
Fair point with regards to the picture, thats a lot of head for a little toilet! lol
LOL…just when she thought she was safe……
Sadly the long arm of the law stretched all the way through the office! But I shall learn from my mistakes, I hope. ;)
Roflmao —– s’okay …. can’t stop …. need to breathe.
Bloody ‘ell May – you certainly have talent for trouble ;0
I am a veritable Misadventure magnet, but I suppose somebody has to do it! :) x
Lol —- misadventures turn into life’s most precious (and hilarious) moments and memories – usually after the fact, mind , and a couple of pints ;)
5 a day my arse!
Your arse does 5 what a day? and might I say that is one busy backside you have right there!!
It’s been on a number of talent shows
Damn, I can’t believe I missed that! I am sure it was a sight to behold lol
Simon Cowell was speechless
Tut tut May? Littering?! That’s deplorable. ;)
But, but, but……….
ahahahaha, do something nice and it’ll cost ya :lol:
I know right!? Next time I eat on the run! lol
I love it! Where have you been all my blog?
Stuck inside the head of an Irish Eejit, who by the way says ditto with regards to you. She is glad we have all finally become acquainted! :)
Oh May, ROFL over the sticker on your box — still, I bet my box is bigger than yours!
Oh I say, this could lead to a game of I’ll show you yours if you show you mine, only I am afraid Mme Ross may win by belting me about the face with her frying pan! :)
Lol you must have met Mme. Ross!
Lol I am sure she is gorgeous inside and out if you chose her to fall in love with, but I’m also sure she’d protect you…with a frying pan lol
Well, yeah I don’t doubt it. But I was referring to my lunchbox, it’s a big green one, long enough that a full-size Thermos can snap into the top of it.
Oh my, that is a big lunch box you have!! ;)