Speaking Litter-aly!

May Prison

I thought it was bad enough the other day when the drunk gentleman swindled me out of the most gorgeous salad ever in my favourite lunch box, but today I find out he has also got me into trouble with the law.

There I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, flicking through a magazine, working, when I glance up and see a Police Constable talking to my boss, who was rather alarmingly pointing in my direction.  I work in a little pod of four people. A quick glance under the desk confirmed there was nowhere to hide. If only I had brought my biggest handbag with me, everything fits in it, including the kitchen sink.

As he’s sauntering towards me I’m wracking my brains trying to think of anything that I could have done that would lead me to be in trouble with the law. Remembering I was out on Saturday night with Onda makes my blood run cold, as I realise there could be any number of things. Fear sets in and I am on the verge of jumping up and screaming ‘It was me’ while holding my wrists out to be cuffed, when I catch myself on and quickly sit on my hands, adopting a look of pure innocence. Batting my eyelids just makes me look like I have an annoying tic so I decided on this occasion to refrain.

Policeman: Good Morning Miss, would it be possible to have a word?

Me: It wasn’t me.

Policeman: What wasn’t you?

Me: Whatever it is you think I did, I didn’t, it wasn’t me.

Policeman: I see. So it wasn’t you who kindly donated your salad to a gentleman in the park the other day.

At his use of the word kindly my ears pricked up and my imagination went into overdrive. Perhaps I had been on one of those hidden camera shows and I was now in line for 20% of the old drunks hidden fortunes.

The quest for fame is a dangerous one.

Me: Oh aye, that, well yes that was me.

Policeman: Ah ha, so it was you?

Me: What was me?

Policeman: That thing I thought you did, that you said you didn’t, it was you.

I felt like I had been slapped repeatedly about the face so confusing was the conversation.

Me: Eh, yes, it’s a fair cop.

Policeman: Your name please?

Me: May

Policeman: May what?

Me: May Dupp

Policeman: Are you trying to be funny?

Me: No, why?

Policeman: I’m expected to believe your name is May Dupp?

Me: You can believe what you wish, but it’s May Dupp not made up. It was given to me by my Mammy.

Policeman: I see.

Me: You seem to see at lot of things.

Policeman: Well I certainly see your name going on a ticket for littering.

Me: But I didn’t litter.

Policeman: You left remains of your lunch in the park. Is this your lunch box?

Me: It might be.

Policeman: This lunch box with the sticker on the back that says ‘Mays Big Box?’

Oh bollox!

Me: But I left it with the elderly gentleman, I shared my salad with him. I can’t be blamed for him leaving it behind.

Policeman: (Raises eyebrow)

Me: Yep, that’s my lunch box.

Policeman: And this Miss Dupp is your ticket.

Me: Thank you PC….?

Policeman: Plod.

Me: I’m glad you find this funny, just give me the damn ticket!

So the moral of this story is, never give your big box to a stranger without removing the sticker first.


29 thoughts on “Speaking Litter-aly!

  1. It always best to start the conversation with a parent or a policeman without the words It wasn’t me. Kind of challenges them to prove otherwise. I think that may have been the downfall and the sticker just added to it.

    By the way, that picture in the post is quite scary. I think you might have got a little too much lift and be headed for a messy disaster!


    • Sadly the long arm of the law stretched all the way through the office! But I shall learn from my mistakes, I hope. ;)


  2. Roflmao —– s’okay …. can’t stop …. need to breathe.

    Bloody ‘ell May – you certainly have talent for trouble ;0


      • Lol —- misadventures turn into life’s most precious (and hilarious) moments and memories – usually after the fact, mind , and a couple of pints ;)


    • Stuck inside the head of an Irish Eejit, who by the way says ditto with regards to you. She is glad we have all finally become acquainted! :)


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