I thought it was bad enough the other day when the drunk gentleman swindled me out of the most gorgeous salad ever in my favourite lunch box, but today I find out he has also got me into trouble with the law.
There I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, flicking through a magazine, working, when I glance up and see a Police Constable talking to my boss, who was rather alarmingly pointing in my direction. I work in a little pod of four people. A quick glance under the desk confirmed there was nowhere to hide. If only I had brought my biggest handbag with me, everything fits in it, including the kitchen sink.
As he’s sauntering towards me I’m wracking my brains trying to think of anything that I could have done that would lead me to be in trouble with the law. Remembering I was out on Saturday night with Onda makes my blood run cold, as I realise there could be any number of things. Fear sets in and I am on the verge of jumping up and screaming ‘It was me’ while holding my wrists out to be cuffed, when I catch myself on and quickly sit on my hands, adopting a look of pure innocence. Batting my eyelids just makes me look like I have an annoying tic so I decided on this occasion to refrain.
Policeman: Good Morning Miss, would it be possible to have a word?
Me: It wasn’t me.
Policeman: What wasn’t you?
Me: Whatever it is you think I did, I didn’t, it wasn’t me.
Policeman: I see. So it wasn’t you who kindly donated your salad to a gentleman in the park the other day.
At his use of the word kindly my ears pricked up and my imagination went into overdrive. Perhaps I had been on one of those hidden camera shows and I was now in line for 20% of the old drunks hidden fortunes.
The quest for fame is a dangerous one.
Me: Oh aye, that, well yes that was me.
Policeman: Ah ha, so it was you?
Me: What was me?
Policeman: That thing I thought you did, that you said you didn’t, it was you.
I felt like I had been slapped repeatedly about the face so confusing was the conversation.
Me: Eh, yes, it’s a fair cop.
Policeman: Your name please?
Policeman: May what?
Me: May Dupp
Policeman: Are you trying to be funny?
Me: No, why?
Policeman: I’m expected to believe your name is May Dupp?
Me: You can believe what you wish, but it’s May Dupp not made up. It was given to me by my Mammy.
Policeman: I see.
Me: You seem to see at lot of things.
Policeman: Well I certainly see your name going on a ticket for littering.
Me: But I didn’t litter.
Policeman: You left remains of your lunch in the park. Is this your lunch box?
Me: It might be.
Policeman: This lunch box with the sticker on the back that says ‘Mays Big Box?’
Me: But I left it with the elderly gentleman, I shared my salad with him. I can’t be blamed for him leaving it behind.
Policeman: (Raises eyebrow)
Me: Yep, that’s my lunch box.
Policeman: And this Miss Dupp is your ticket.
Me: Thank you PC….?
Me: I’m glad you find this funny, just give me the damn ticket!
So the moral of this story is, never give your big box to a stranger without removing the sticker first.