Here she goes again ffs……

Photo by Magda Ehlers on

The picture above has no relevance to this post whatever, I just liked it, so here it is….enjoy?

So there it is, and here I am, struggling a little it has to be said with the new blocks and paragraphs system for writing, but I’m typing away like a good un and hoping that by some miracle of modern something or other it will look ok when both you and I have to read it.

It’s that time of the year again. WordPress will very shortly tell me that I have reached another anniversary, this time 8 years I believe. This is perhaps the longest I have stuck at anything, with the exception of my job, although I am not sure that you could call writing perhaps one or two posts a year sticking at something. I miss it, writing that is, I miss it a lot. I also miss the way my old brain worked and my sense of humour but age and life has got in the way of both, so I’ve just got to suck it up and adapt.

Usually around this time I also have mental conversations with myself where I discuss whether to carry on or give up, questioning if it is worth paying for domains that I rarely use. Sometimes I think it isn’t and I consider leaving and then I log into the app and I go to the reader and I catch up on all the things I have missed and I see all the people that I love and I think, I cant go, not yet anyway.

A couple of weeks back I did just that and I logged in and I found people I had not spoken to in such a long time, and then I read posts from a few of the people who have been with me on this journey pretty much from the start, albeit with a few breaks in between and it was like someone had given me the warmest hug, it made my heart so happy to read their words.

I’m never going to be the world’s greatest blogger, and nor would I want to be, it’s like a full time job at the start ffs. What I do want to be is here, as much as I can. If I only write two posts a year, then so be it. If no one reads what I write, that’s fine too, it’s for me anyway, but as I have detailed in countless posts before, that is something I lose sight of.

So maybe I will stick around for another year. I might even try and get back into this, I just need to be more disciplined with time by making sure there is space in there somewhere to write, because it’s good for the soul.

I hope you are all well, and I hope to see you soon :)

I am Seven

It happened sometime in March, and unlike real birthdays, it’s a low enough number not for me to be concerned about, or is it, because in terms of blogging I think seven is probably quite good.

That said, some could argue that I have not actually been blogging and they would be absolutely correct, in 2019 I wrote only seven posts, can we class that as one for each birthday.

In terms of writing, there is still not an issue with regards to wanting to write, because I do all the time, I just never seem to get around to it, something else gets in the way, I am lazy, there are very many reasons, all with their own percentage.

This blog birthday finds the world in ‘unprecedented times’. I have heard that phrase so much in the last six weeks. It’s a time when I should be writing, documenting what is going on, lest I forget, but I think because it is so unusual, it is unlikely that any of us will forget, or should forget the lives that have been lost and the families affected by this pandemic. Neither should we forget all of the key workers who are continuing to do their jobs in the these difficult and unusual of circumstances.

So this birthday, we shall just quietly celebrate that I am seven. Trust me, I’ve had the usual yearly wrangles of should I stay or should I go and for this year anyway I have decided to stay. Who knows, I might even write eight posts, but don’t hold me to it ffs, or we could all be let down.

I hope all my favourite eejits are well. If you are reading, then thank you for still being here :)

I am Six

I am 6. Well technically I was 6 in maybe March, but it has taken me this long to get around to acknowledging it. Thank you WordPress for the reminder.

This year there was even less fan fare than when I was five. I’ve been here so little of late that it seemed pointless to post about it, but actually there is a point, regardless of how much or how little I post, I am still here six years later. Initially I didn’t believe that I would even last six days, so that in itself is some kind of achievement right!?

There are people who have been here for the same length of time I have, and they have celebrated many successes and in one case a million followers. Those people deserve it because blogging is hard work and they have put in the effort while at the same time always being there to offer assistance and guidance to others. I am in awe of both their talent and time.

Success for me is on a much smaller more personal level. I love this place, whether I am silently reading posts or giggling at a comment someone has put on one of mine. I might have been silent but I have been here.

I love the people I have met, seriously my followers are awesome, they are always there with words of wisdom and encouragement. They pick me up when I am down and raise me higher when I am not. They have been a source of entertainment and enlightenment and that has by far been the highlight of my time blogging.

The arrival of each birthday brings with it a series of questions that I ask myself. They mainly centre around whether I need this space any more and whether I have a place here. I believe there is a place here for everyone. While my life is not very exciting and I have little to share that will amaze and astound, I still have things to say. Whilst I mainly direct my writing at myself these days, if even one other person can empathise or understand then isn’t it worth it, even if it helps me realise that I am not alone.

The last six years have been a journey. Sometimes it has been an uphill struggle, but I’m still battling on, I have never given up, not here and not in life. That is something I need to give myself credit for.

While I don’t have a lot to say and I don’t visit as much as I should, each time I open a blank post I still feel that tingle of excitement, that familiar buzz of possibility. I write in my head constantly, weaving snippets of words and thoughts, but more often than not that is where they remain. I need to be better at letting them flow to my fingertips.

In my time here I have written 543 posts, been viewed over 50,000 times, had 23,000 visitors, 10, 501 comments and amassed 1,442 followers.

I am six, but I need you to know that I could never have made it this far without all of you. I need you to know that you are loved, more than you know.

Thank you!

Tomorrow is a new day

Image from My Status 360

It’s probably a bad idea to write a blog post when you’re cross, and I am cross today. Its been another fun filled day in the office and I’ve completely fallen out with myself. About 45 minutes after going in, I wanted to turn on my heel and go back out, but I didn’t have the balls.

It’s fitting I suppose that I should feel like this, because I’ve finally stopped wondering what I am going to do with my blog. After much pondering, humming and haaahing I’ve decided I’m going to do nothing. Nothing drastic anyway.

This blog is important for me, especially on days like today where I need to stop, sit down and have a serious fucking think about where my life is going.

You see if it wasn’t for this space and it’s blank pages, I probably wouldn’t talk about the veritable storm that goes on between my ears. Instead I’d dwell, ponder and make mountains out of molehills. More so than I do normally.

I’m not the same person I was four years ago when I started this blog and it’s unlikely that I ever will be again, so I need to stop pretending to be someone I am not and embrace who I am becoming instead.

In order to do that I need to be able to write everything and about all parts of me. When I started blogging and chose to be anonymous, things were a lot easier, but when people from real life started to find out my words became stifled. So much so that despite the fact that my mind was awash with ideas, many posts remained in my head unwritten.

In reality I like to think that sometimes I can be funny, but I am hounded by anxiety and I have no doubt that often times depression nips at my heels. So I suppose in essence that means there are two sides to me, on one hand we have the public persona and on the other we have the private one. Although both are very different, when they are put together they make up the person I am.

I need and want to be able to express myself on this blog, and going forward that is something I am going to try to do. I don’t need anyone to worry about me. I find writing extremely therapeutic, it helps me to put things into perspective and sort them out. I don’t write for sympathy and nor do I want sympathy. I’m not the only person in the world with problems and this wonderful community proves that. We work and we support each other and for me that is the real beauty behind blogging.

So, you’re stuck with me for a while longer. I’ve decided to take you on my journey of discovery. It’s all about finding out who I am.

Some days there will be tears and some days there will be laughter, but that’s all part of life isn’t it, we have to take the good with the bad.

Thank you so much for being here for the last however many years, months or days you have followed, I have no doubt I have received more from this community than I have given and I feel truly blessed to be a part of it.

To celebrate and as a present to myself, I finally mapped my domain name, I doubt you will have noticed, but it’s just something small that makes things a little more permanent for me.

Also, excluding social media followers, one of my goals was always to reach 1000 followers on WordPress itself. At the time of writing this post there are 998. I’ve decided that’s good enough because in life I am never really quite where I want to be, but it doesn’t stop me trying anyway.

Just over four years ago I had nothing, just some words on a page and no followers. Now I am a part of something I love, and I hope that continues for a long time.

P.s I’m not cross any more :)

I am Four!

It was pretty amazing for me when I made it to the end of one year of blogging, even more amazing that I managed to survive another couple of years despite what was going on in my life. Now, I am four, who would have thought, certainly not me!

While I might not have written my very first post until the 31st March 2013, I had registered the name, which at that time was ‘The Geeky G4mer’. Even in that very first post, I made excuses which paved the way for me more than likely giving up on this new fad, but I didn’t, I am still here.

The last four years have been pretty rough, some of it will be documented on this blog and some of it on others, where I shared my experiences of being a carer for someone with Dementia. Writing from the heart wasn’t always pretty, hence my decision to keep those posts away from here. It didn’t really matter where I wrote, as long as I did, because on many days that was my saving grace, the thing that kept me going.

Had life not intervened the way it did I may have been a blogging superstar by now, these days there are people in the same position as me who have been blogging for only six months, or perhaps even less. I’m quite content to not be a superstar, it’s hard enough being me sometimes. That fame malarky is definitely not the road for an introvert to travel.

I am not, nor will I ever be a magnificent writer, I simply want to entertain and write about life, which can be hard sometimes, because it’s far from perfect despite what some people would have us believe. The difference is the way that people deal with the cards that they have been dealt and every day here, I see examples of people who despite what they hide still manage to put a smile on their faces and carry on regardless with the intention of putting a smile on ours.

Stepping into both blogging and the WordPress community can be daunting at first, but for those of you who are new, my advice would be never give up. Hold on to what you believe in and most importantly never lose sight of why you started your blog. Write for yourself and no one else, the rest will come with time. Open yourself up to this amazing community, there is nowhere else that you will find such a diverse bunch of people who probably shouldn’t work but do. There is always someone to help, comfort, teach and guide, you just have to interact and ask, never be afraid, we have all been where you are now.

In the last four years I have written 500 posts, quite fitting that this should be number 501. I have 1,220 followers, my page has seen 21, 069 visitors with 43, 941 views. There have been 9, 312 comments, with some still pending. That’s amazing, and I am extremely grateful for every follow, like and person who has stopped by whether they commented or not. But for me, what is more important are the people I have met, the friends I have made and the posts I have read that have made me smile, laugh, cry and remember that I am not alone in this world. More importantly it has reminded me I am loved and despite the fact that I am not a magnificent writer, I have things to say that people want to read.

I am four, but only because you all helped me. Thank you, words can never express how grateful I am to have had you all at my side.

Here’s to another 365 days of blogging! Happy blog anniversary to us.

It’s a New Year!


Happy New Year to you Eejits, 2016 is here. For some strange reason I could not find any New Year cartoons on Bitstrips, so I picked the one above, mainly because I liked it, but also because it reminded me of the Sound of Music which I was belting out at the top of my voice yesterday. Yep, you know that rain, it was probably my fault.

You might be fooled into thinking this is me merrily skipping though meadows, technically I am, but it’s more like a running away kinda thing than merrily skipping. Please note my invisible suitcases, one carries my Xbox and the other all the stationary I got for Christmas, and no before you ask, I didn’t forget about the penguins, they are all in the imaginary rucksack or should that be knapsack on my back.

If the last two weeks are anything to go by, then there is going to be very little ‘happy’ about this new year.

Normally I’ll write a post on New Years Eve, this year I just couldn’t do it, my mind was occupied with other things and being trampled with anxiety. I tried again yesterday, nope, nothing, same as they day before, so I did housework instead.

I’d love to sit here and tell you about all the amazing and wonderful things I would like to achieve in 2016, but you know what, it’s pointless, I need to start being realistic and stop living with my head in the clouds, because no matter what I think, life is just not the same anymore. Somewhere along the line I’ve lost myself, because I’ve become bogged down in all the things I need to do for everyone else.

In 2016 I will be happy enough to exist. I hope there are more good days than bad and that I can still find reasons to smile. I hope to be able to continue blogging, despite the fact that when my head is mush I find it hard to formulate sentences. I hope to meet more new people and some of the old ones face to face. I hope to shed a few pounds, but then again I say that every year and it’s usually only achievable by throwing some butter out the back door. Perhaps if I aim small, I will achieve the impossible.

2015 wasn’t a bad year, there was much to be grateful for, but it’s doubtful I could have got through it at all if it had not been for all of you and this platform. Writing really is good for the soul.

Thank you for being here and sticking with me even though I have not been around much. I hope to rectify that in 2016, but I’m making no promises. I have no idea what I will write about, but hopefully, somewhere along the line there will be laughter. If nothing else, that’s one thing we are good at!

Much love to you all and here’s to 2016, the year of achieving the impossible :)

Thank you for the award but………

……..there’s always a but isn’t there.

I’ve been asked a lot this week why I do not accept awards, I have also this week, been the recipient of a couple from fellow bloggers, so what better time to address the situation.

Break Out

I was incarcerated once, there I said it. Phew, I’m glad that’s off my chest. Now before you panic, not in a real prison, but I was put in a detention centre by Akismet – The Spam Killers, it was a cold, dark and lonely place called ‘The Spam Folder’.

Back in the day before any of you knew me, in fact before anyone really knew me I used to get awards and would dutifully do all that was asked of me before passing them on, usually via a link on my intended recipients blog. Before long I started to run out of answers for the questions that were posed, and I also noticed that my comments were no longer showing on other peoples blogs when I stopped by. I figured at first that like me,  people had comment moderation turned on, but time passed and the comment was still no where to be seen. After a lot of head scratching I wondered if I had perhaps annoyed the entire blogging community and was being collectively shunned for my crime, hard for you to imagine I know, but yes I CAN be that irritating. I headed to the blogs of my two best friends knowing they would never desert me, ok hoping they never would, but even they had too. D I S A S T E R!

Eventually, with the help of Mr Google I was able to figure out that I had fallen foul of the filters on Akismet and due to the link posting for the awards, I had been banned for my crimes and branded as Spam. After about a month of pleading and begging people to release me I was finally freed and able to feel the sun on my face, or on my pages…..ahh whatever….I was free, and there I wish to remain.

I have not done awards since, I cherish being able to leave comments and interact with everyone. That however does not mean I am ungrateful, far from it, there is nothing better than knowing that someone liked you enough to put you on their list, it is praise indeed. In the act of doing so, they then introduce you to some of their friends and your little community grows, as far as networking goes, it is a useful tool, just be careful with the links.

Another thing about awards is the fact that you usually have to nominate a certain amount of people to pass the torch too. This used to cause me terrible problems, I hated leaving anyone out as each person who follows and interacts here is unique with different endearing qualities. When you love everyone equally it’s hard to make choices.

I know I’m not here as often as I would like, I’m trying to make changes to rectify this, but hang around, read the comments and interact, not just with me but with everyone who comments here, that’s what this blog is all about, community and hopefully it’s funny too. I have the best bunch of people that can be found on WordPress and there is always room for more, make yourself at home.

To the people who nominated me this week, thank you very much, please know that it is appreciated. Janey from Cupid or Cats is pretty famous in blogging circles so I am humbled indeed and the lovely Ritu from But I Smile Anyway labelled my blog as funny, you have no idea how ridiculously pleased that made me, because after all, that’s the name of the game.

All in all a good end to a pretty up and down week. Whilst looking particularly stressed after a meeting this week, my very nice boss asked if he could make me a cup of tea to which I replied, “I’m away for a smoke, I need nicotine, we’re well past the tea stage!

And on that happy note, till next time eejits!

I am Two!

I am Two

It’s been a busy week meaning I’ve not had much of a chance to check up on my blog, I was too busy hiding under my desk in work having a mini meltdown.

Today however I decided to take a quick peek when I got home, and lo and behold WordPress informed me that I am two, well to be more exact, that my blog is, or was registered two years ago today. Where on earth did the time go?

The Anniversary Times Two Trophy!
The Anniversary Times Two Trophy!

I’m pretty sure at my one year anniversary I wrote a piece about how I was amazed I had made it to a year and what do you know, another one has gone past and I am still here! To the person who put superglue on the seat, I salute you.

Lately there has been a lot of posts in relation to the larger blogs, in particular the number of followers they have and how they obtain them. It’s easy to look up to the stars, but you need to remember that you are still standing on the ground.

I used to be like that, dream that one day I would have thousands of followers and be as cool as those I aspired to be. I realised rather quickly that was not going to happen, my writing was never going to win me awards and my wit alone was not enough to see me through and I was just fine with that, the world still turned.

I’m happy right where I am thank you very much. Yes it may have taken me two years to amass over 800 followers when some people can do that in mere months. Good on ya I say, I’m going for quality and not quantity. In my world 800 is fecking hugeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Every follower is a bonus, and I have found over the last two years that the majority of mine are real treasures and my life is better because they all dandered into it.

So happy I am two day, the fact that I am still here is nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you, my lovely eejits, I would be lost without you all!



To Comment or Not to Comment..

After a conversation last night, I went looking for this post. The subject matter of the discussion centered around comments and my explanations as to why I do not always leave one.

Although this post was originally written in July 2013, most of it still applies, except the one about the blog gods, I figured out eventually there is no such thing. I was new and foolish, don’t judge me. 

A new one to add to the reasons, is time, as in not having enough of it.

Regardless, rather then reblog,  I though I would just re publish the post. 

To comment or not to comment, that is the question…..

I won’t like a post, unless I actually like a post. I’m not in the habit of just scrolling down my reader merrily clicking as I go, not reading anything.  Quite the opposite, I try to read everything. However unless you knew my strategy, you would perhaps assume I am a serial liker as I seldom back up my choices with a comment.

Comments scare me.

There are a few reasons for this, and you will most likely laugh when you read them and in your head reaffirm my status as an eejit, but here they are none the less. It may even help me to become more proactive on the commenting front and you to understand why you don’t always see one.

Firstly we have the blog gods, you know the ones, always on Freshly Pressed and quite rightly so. Super slick blogs and superior content that makes you want to cry because you know no matter how long you blog, or how well you blog, you will just never be in that league. Every time you see one of their posts in your reader you leave it until last because you know it’s going to be the best.

All their posts get over 100 likes and probably around the same amount of comments, each one a beautifully crafted little nugget of wisdom or humour. I can’t compete with that. In I’d wade with my big clod hoppers and muddy the clear waters, by posting something that made me laugh out loud but everyone else would look at and go, what the f……..!

The blog gods would look at little old me and assume I am a serial liker, trying to piggy back off their success to gain views for my own humble offerings.

Secondly you have the posts that make you heart sore. You read it and just want to reach into the screen, pull out the writer and hug them like there is no tomorrow. You want to comment so badly, even if it is just to let them know you understand, but words fail. There is nothing you can say that is going to make any difference, and any offerings you can think of just seem insignificant to the words of wisdom from others. I like these posts and leave, because I never know what to say.

Then we have the gaming posts and movie reviews. If I don’t know enough about the subject matter then I choose not to comment, because to do so would just show my ignorance and lack of knowledge about the post. I love reading them to gain the knowledge and to entertain the possibility of perhaps giving them a try, but usually any comments I make will be questions.

Then I have the circle of blogs I usually do comment on. These people for whatever reason have accepted me, embraced my stupidity and in some cases even encouraged it. Without them I would be lost, because each gives me the courage to carry on and face my commenting fears, by replying and letting me know it’s ok if sometimes I am not the brightest fairy in the forest.

So rest assured, if I follow your blog it is because I find it interesting and would like to revisit, not because I want to use your kudos to move up the ladder. If I comment and you think its nonsense give me the benefit of the doubt, I mean well. If I don’t comment, I probably wanted to, more than you know, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

This blogging malarkey is a learning curve and I am just heading into the bend…..

This could be a long one….

Shirt N Tie

I’ve a lot to say, so bear with me, this could be a long one.

Ben Howard is playing in the background as I type. I’m attempting to sort out new playlists for my journeys as I am back to train travel as from tomorrow morning. It’s time to get ruthless, some music is going to have to go to make room for more. You’d wonder how with an Ipod which has about 15GB of music I can still be bored.

I’ll miss my traveling companion. At the start, being a bit of a loner at times, I lamented the loss of my blog reading time, but I quickly came to love the chat and banter. While I will again be able to read all the things you guys write, I am really going to miss the company. It made the start and the end of the working day so much more bearable.

Periodically over the last month or so the changes to the WordPress platform have really been getting on my wick, but I refrained from saying anything as it’s a great platform, for which I am very grateful. Now though, I miss the Stats page, my notifications go a little awry, I have to multiple click to get to the old WP Dashboard and is there even any point in me voting that I prefer the older stuff if they are not going to change it. I know I am not the only one who feels like this though, so for once it’s good to be in a majority.

I’ve been having a bit of a clean up with regards to the blogs I follow. I finally got around to removing the ones that were no longer active. Periodically WordPress will still do it’s own cull for me, which is a pain in the arse as it’s usually blogs I want to keep following. I never was the kind of person to just follow someone because they followed me, I will only add if it’s something I actually want to read. It’s hard enough trying to keep up without just following people for the sake of it. Everyday I am being introduced to new ones, keep em coming.

Finally, Wee Blue Birdie, who is well worth a follow if you have not already. kindly put me forward for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. Those who have followed for a while, will know that I long since stopped doing these kind of awards, however by way of compromise, I did agree to answer WBB’s questions. After finally sitting down to take a good look at them, I was all WTF have I let myself in for, but never one to back down from a challenge, here goes.

The Weird and Wonderful Questions of a Wee Blue Birdie

1. What kind of bird would you be and why? – Well that would have to be a Penguin. Why? just because. They are penguins ffs, they need no justification.

2. Which people of history had the best clothing? – It’s questions like this that make me wish I had studied History a little harder at school. I do have to say though, I liked the 80’s. I used to think I was all that with my white shirt, my pink tie and black beret. If I could go back in time, I’d slap myself senseless! Had I the figure for it, it would be the dresses from the Tudor period, all heaving bosoms and tight corsets. I mean who needs to breathe when your waist is the same size as your thigh.

3. In which film do you wish you had played the lead? What would you have brought to the role? – To be honest I wouldn’t want the lead. I’m more a behind the scenes kind of person. There are no specific roles I would have liked, anything in the Lord of The Rings trilogy would have been fine. I could probably have been an orc, without the use of any make up! What would I bring? Probably chaos.

4. What was your favourite toy when you were a child? – Again there is no one toy that I can remember being overly attached to. I was a lover of cuddly toys and I could have told you where every one came from. I have a Snoopy somewhere in the attic that I was quite fond of, will that do?

5. If you could be in the Olympics, what would your sport be? – Chasing men and trying to get them to kiss me, in a very non stalkerish way of course. Only joking, it would be the javelin, because 4 days out of 7 I already feel like spearing the shit out of things *smiles sweetly*.

6. If you could cure one human illness or disease, what would it be and why? – Aww that’s a hard one, there are so many horrible things out there, but I guess for me personally, it would have to be Cancer and Dementia, I think everyone knows the answer why without me having to explain.

7. What is your favourite urban myth, and why do you want it to be true? – Fairies. Can you imagine being able to go to the bottom of your garden to have a cup of magical tea with a fairy. One I would not want to be true is Banshee’s. One night while slightly tipsy, I stumbled into the house with an urgent need to use the bathroom. Feeling I would be unable to make it up the stairs in time, I used the downstairs one. Whilst in the act of lowering my underwear in order to sit, I heard this high pitch kind of wail. I raised the underwear and sort of stood mesmerized. Silence. Repeat process, and again, the same thing. I was petrified and thought a Banshee was coming for me. When sense set in, I realised it was the whirly washing line twirling in the wind. It’s true what they say, when the drinks in the wits out.

8. What is your favourite unusual word? – Oxter – which means armpits. There is something refreshingly satisfying about saying ‘feck aff, I’m up to me oxters!’. ‘Feck’, now that would be my absolute favourite.

9. How would you like your writing to influence the world, or affect those who read it? – That’s easy, I’d like it to make them smile. Simples.

10. What is the best thing about being you? – That’s a hard question to ask someone with low self confidence who always thinks their glass is half empty. My Family and friends, both in real life and online. They are without a doubt the best thing about being me.

There you go Wee Blue Birdie, just for you. I’m away to lie down, I’m worn out now!