Be Yourself!

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Image from http://www.zazzle.co.nz

Being an eejit I decided to read up on the ‘How to Blog’ sections of WordPress after I had already signed up and posted a couple of times. I’ve said it before and I will say it a million more times, I am not the brightest pixie in the forest!

My approach to learning is rather lazy. I’ll find as much reading material as I can about my chosen subject matter, and then proceed to skim the pages until I locate the information I require. If it’s something that matters to me it will stick in my brain, meaning the papers get discarded and I ultimately become bored because I achieved my original goal.

Had I read all the information with regards to blogging before hand, the chances are I would never have started, and even though I already had a few followers, I still felt I was doomed for failure. I was just not ordered and disciplined enough to follow all the guidelines.

Everyone advised me that in order to succeed I had to pick a subject and stick to it ensuring I had a consistent theme running throughout. That was a huge problem for me. You see I am good at little bits and pieces of many things but I am not a master of any. I knew myself that if I chose this path then I would stumble at the first hurdle.

It takes a while initially to find your feet, and it takes even longer to become truly comfortable in your surroundings. Do I feel comfortable yet? The honest answer to that would have to be, probably not. I still worry each time I publish a post. I practically had a mini meltdown the first time I posted on Okay, What If?, just ask Jed.

I had this idea at the start that I was going to be fine and post anything I wanted as I was essentially posting to strangers, but over time I got to know the strangers and they became friends and then like a second family and I realised that I cared what they thought.

I write about anything and everything that comes to mind. Sometimes I don’t write anything at all, especially on the days when the Mothership is experiencing turbulence. On those days anxiety cripples me and I find it hard to function, never mind string together a legible sentence.

I’ve been lucky, everyone who has clicked the follow button either likes my haphazard style of writing, or has been too polite to mention anything. One sure thing is, none of them have ever told me I need to pick a subject and stick to it. I’m still amazed I have any followers at all. 10 months on and I still experience a little rush of delight from every like, comment and follow.

So the point of this post is, never mind what the guidelines advise you to do. Just do what you want to do. I have a very strong belief now, after being lucky enough to find all the people that I have, that those who are meant to be around, and with you will find you, we’re all here for a reason.

I don’t want to be rich or famous, I just want to make people smile :)

Well hello there 2014!

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Image from Amazing Photos

Tomorrow has become today, so you know what that means right, yep, it’s New Year! It’s been a very quiet day, I remarked to my friend whilst we were having lunch that, for me anyway, it did not feel like New Years Eve at all.

Now the night has arrived I almost feel like I should be doing something, I dunno, let’s say swinging my granny pants over my head on a dance floor somewhere. The sad reality is though that I am so tired I am considering falling into bed and sleeping through the big event. I’m crafty though, I am going to type this now and schedule it for just after midnight. If you are reading it on the 1st of January (GMT) then my first foray into the world of scheduling was a resounding success.

2013 has been an up and down year for me. I had high hopes after the disaster that was 2012 that the new year was going to bring great things. In some ways it did, but it’s still been challenging none the less.

I finally admitted to myself that after the whole alien leg thing I was struggling with a bout of mild depression. In relation to the  recovery process I had been prepared for the physical pressure, but I had no idea how badly it would affect me mentally. I’m used to being able to do most things for myself, so having to take a back seat in some aspects and even rely on other people for assistance did not sit well with me. I still get extremely frustrated when there are things I can’t do, or on the days when I feel like the lower half of my body belongs to someone else. I’m learning to cope with the back pain that comes from the change to my gait, and the fact that my leg gives out at random intervals. The whole healing process is just going to take a little longer than I initially thought.

The biggest changes this year have been to my home life, with my Mum having stroke damage / dementia. Looking back it’s hard to believe I ever had a part time job. As things stand currently there is no way I would be able to return. Most days I adopt the ‘just get on with it’ attitude, but occasionally I feel it sitting very heavily on my shoulders and worrying about the future suffocates me. People tell me not to worry, but unless you are living in the situation day in, day out, it’s a rather rash statement to make. Here’s the thing though, I’m a bit of a believer in the saying ‘Things happen for a reason’, so I think there is a reason why I am here, it’s just not become apparent yet. I am extremely lucky to have good family and friends whose hands help me up when I am feeling down.

In 2013 I started blogging. The Geeky G4mer became The Indecisive Eejit and I found a little space on blogsphere where I was happy. I could never have imagined how much of a lift it would give me when on the 31st March 2013 I published my first post entitled ‘Ach what about ye’. In all honesty I had no intentions of staying, I figured it would be just another one of my fly by night ideas, but then a wonderful little thing known as interaction happened.

People started liking and commenting and following and as I got to know them all a new little group of friends formed, not to replace, but to compliment those I already had.

There have been days when the forecast has looked bleak and one of you has added a ray of sunshine. You all, have been an immense help to me, giving me a reason to keep on with my writing, offering me encouragement, sympathy, love and hope. I honestly do believe I would not have made it through unscathed without your support.

So to all of you, Internet friends, real life friends and my family, I wish you nothing but the best for 2014. Set your expectations low, but aim big.

Pri-Li sent me this via Facebook and I just had to share, because it summed up this Eejit and her followers perfectly:

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every numpty can read, but look at you havin a go!
This is a sentimental time of the year.
Please send an encouraging message to fucked up friends, just as I’ve done.
I don’t care if you lick windows, or occasionally shit yourself.
You hang in there cupcake, you’re fuckin special, you’re my mate!
Look at you smiling at your phone!

 

I’m half left!

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Everyone has off days, of course they do. It’s like that old joke when someone asks you if you are alright, and you reply, no I’m half left because if I was all right I’d fall over.

My day was actually fine, the problems started when I got home. Sometimes I just want to go to my room, close the door, climb under the duvet and hide, however the insistent knocking on the door, followed by ‘it’s me again’ makes me want to bang my head repeatedly against the wall instead.

Christmas Card gate is a disaster! My Father remarked he was amazed that I had remained so calm. I didn’t say a word, in fact I kept my mouth tightly shut, because I was scared that if I opened it the shattered remains of my teeth would spill onto the floor. What can I say, in times of great stress I clench and grind!

I’m only beginning to realise how stressful it is to look after a person with a mental illness, and how time consuming it is. It’s also extremely sad to watch someone who you know was a smart, articulate and outgoing individual disappear in front of your very eyes, while trying to convince them that you are not the enemy.

It’s also very hard to remain calm. I think I am getting better, I am certainly trying to. Sometimes it’s just better to walk away, perhaps shed a few tears, have a think and then approach the problem from a different angle. But there is the guilt, always the worry and the guilt.

I fight it a lot. I fight with my own feelings. I didn’t ask for this, but then I guess neither did she. I don’t think I can do it, and then I realise that I have been and I am amazed at the way I have stepped up to the plate and can now sort out tomorrow nights dinner as I cook tonight’s. Simple things I know, but I was used to cooking for one, not running a house for three.

I miss my free time though. I miss being able to ring Udders and say lets go for tea. These days there would have to be a 20 step, 3 day multi action plan before I could consider it. Although the other week I did show my Dad how to fry left over potatoes, so there is progress.

It’s all part of life though isn’t it and these things have to run their course, but sometimes you just need to let off a little steam.

No one said I was always going to be smiley and happy, I am after all half left.

P.s I made a New Year’s resolution I was going to write everything, not just the good stuff on this blog. So just in case the Zombie apocalypse comes before I make it to 2014 I’ve started early!

WordPress Family Award!

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I’m not a lover of awards, I’m kinda boring, so I run out of random facts about myself way to easily!

However today, Life Confusions was given her very first award (well done you!) and saw fit to share it with me as well. Had she not, she would have been one of my chosen nominee’s. Drop on over to her blog and say Hi!

I don’t have to answer questions and I don’t have to give random facts either, and better than that, it’s about something very close to my heart, it’s about recognizing people who you feel are a part of your very own WordPress family.

See this is where I am really lucky, because I have the best WordPress family ever!! Sadly I can only nominate ten. There are a couple of people who I have nominated for awards before and despite the fact they might be missed this time, they are still very important to both myself and my blog. Especially Lee and Paul, two of my best friends, they would hate me if I mentioned them on something that would give them work to do.

Here are the rules: 

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your wordpress experience and family
4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them
5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people that have taken you as a friend, and spread the love.

I’ll do all of them except number 4, if you’ve been with me from the start you will know that when I get awards and pass them on by letting other people know, I usually get relegated to the trash area of the comment section by Akismet! Another fine example of why I don’t do awards. It took me weeks to climb back out and even longer to get the stale smell of food out of my hair!

I am pretty sure everyone I nominate will read this anyway, (see I told you they were awesome!) so it’ll be a nice surprise.

To each of the people nominated and the others I had to miss this time around, thank you so much for being here with me on my journey, for your words of encouragement and your faith in me that never waivers no matter how stupid or ridiculous I am. You are all the reason I keep updating and interacting. You’ve given me something to look forward to when the dishes are done and I sit down to enjoy what little time I get to myself before bed. On nights when things have been tough at home, someone has always been there to make me smile.

It means an awful lot, and I am extremely glad to have met each and every one of you!

I am proud to call you all members of my WordPress family!

In alphabetical oder (to avoid any fights, I know what you lot are like!!):

I also cheated, I chose eleven and not ten, but when you’re sharing the love I’m not sure anyone will mind too much!

Special mention also goes to Caramel Expresso, Janey Macken Street and The Office Inbetweener, Sean Smithson I gotta hide your posts sometimes when I read them on the train, but they don’t half make me laugh!

Now lets have a party!! I love this tune, it always makes me feel upbeat, so I dedicate it to you lot, because You are My (WordPress) World!