Things you should know

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I did’t stop for coffee this week, so having no other way to update you I am going to do it now, very quickly and most likely in the form of a listing type thing. Seriously, I have become a lady of the lists since I started my new job, it’s the only way I can cope.

Training the top box

Once upon a time, while bored and surfing the Internet I came across an App for brain training called Elevate. When you have no idea whether or not Dementia is going to come knocking at your door,  trust me, you do all you can to assist the old grey matter. I wish I hadn’t bothered, because it just proved what I have known for a long time…..I’m fecking stupid.

It’s a good App and I am enjoying the challenges, however sometimes it speaks to me in a language I do not understand. I don’t mean a foreign language, it uses words like alliteration, which to me sounds like a rave at a rubbish tip, or algorithm, a dancing plank? cos in my head when I see that I hear a – log – o – rhythm.

What however did surprise me was that I aced the estimations for the Maths test, strange considering I passed both my English ‘O’ Levels, but never my maths. Apparently since I have aged my brain has gone all arse about face (back to front, for those not in the know).

I have no doubt that as I progress the tests will get harder causing either one of two things to happen, a) my brain will explode or b) my phone will as I bounce it against the wall in frustration.

Social Media

I am, by my own admission, pretty rubbish at the whole social media thing. I know (because Google says so) that in order for Facebook pages etc to work they must be regularly updated. What I didn’t know (thanks Google), is that telling a rubbish joke once a month is not classed as a regular update. Note to self, improve networking technique.

What I was amazed about however is how far a post can go just from a few likes. A FB page will give you insights into how well a post has done. One with no ‘likes’ will perhaps only be viewed say 5 times. One with 4 ‘Likes’ can lead to views of 100 people. It’s fascinating yet scary, and shows that my friends are very popular…damn them!

On the strength of this, I decided to host a little experiment and see how far a post of mine would go. It made it to the end of the street, that’s a result right?!

Wanna like my page on Facebook? – You can HERE . I regularly update with one joke a month :)

That’s all I’ve got you’ll be glad to hear. Till next time eejits :)

No coffee thanks just water!

If I was having coffee

If we were having coffee…….actually we wouldn’t be having coffee, it would just be you., I’d have to decline and have water instead. Someone gave me a bag of midget gems today and between myself and the others in the office we didn’t stop till there were none left. Now however I am extremely thirsty and I swear the next time I go to the toilet I am going to shit rainbows.

midget gems
Never had em? You should,         they are the dogs wot nots!

This week I’d probably spend a lot of time asking how your week has been because a) I care and yours is probably much more exciting and b) it will save me having to talk about my own. You’ll laugh and fill me in but eventually you’ll press me for details.

I’d tell you that I don’t quite know where to begin, or how to sort it into things that are fit for sharing on a blog, you have to believe me when I tell you there are details that you do not need to / would not possibly want to know.

I could tell you that my life has been all sex, drugs and rock and roll, but even you know me better than that…..damn it!

So where do I start, at the beginning I guess, and with headers too. Don’t judge, I’m having a day where I need to be organsied, trust me, it’ll not last long.

Work

I’d tell you that the last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster with more lows than highs. That said it is good to note that there are still some highs, even if they are few and far between. Everyone told me when I started this job over a year ago that it would take time and to give myself 6 months to a year to settle. Let me tell you, I’ve thrown over 365 days and a whole clock at it and I still feel like packing my bags. That said, it’s not all my fault, how is anyone ever going to learn and adjust to a job when it is constantly changing. Enough already, give me 5 minutes to catch my breath.

Food

You’d be able to tell for yourself that my love affair with both Pom Bears and Peanut M&M’s is in full swing. But with a look of steely determination I would tell you that I am soon going to break this habit and wean myself off them. I like the word soon, it is open to wide interpretation, it can pretty much be any day from now until I die. You need to slap me right now!

The Ships

The Mothership and the Fathership were invited to a wedding on Saturday past. Some of my friends here who also care for people with Dementia will know how important routines are and how even slight deviations can cause catastrophic meltdowns. Oh boy we had those, and then some, the Mothership does not cope well.

I’ve probably recited the details of the wedding and the plans at least 100 times in the last two weeks, had the outfit in and out of the wardrobe at least 25 times, had many varied discussions about knickers bra’s and tights, more wedding details, given my assurance I will be there to get her dressed, promised that the hair dresser will arrive and every other day up until Friday reminded her that I was going to give her a shower.  The shower thing might not seem like a big deal to you and I, but you have to understand, she has never had one before, always preferring a bath.

Friday comes and the mention of the shower has the same effect as a lit match being thrown into a cup of petrol. There was so much much fire at one stage that the Fathership and I were almost tempted to toast a few marshmallows. I had to think on my feet and use my preferred method, reverse psychology, telling her that if she didn’t want to shower and was content to go to the wedding stinkin then that was fine with me. Eventually, but very begrudgingly she agreed to go. There were tears, thankfully for once not mine.

I’d read up on this very subject before hand and tried to make it as smooth a process as I could and after the initial meltdown thankfully she calmed down and while not a pleasant experience for either of us, we made it through. I do however have to give thanks to the big man upstairs who heard my plea for help and sent down the gift of some calm. I am very grateful.

Yes, by the way, you’re quite correct in thinking that those are the details I will spare you.

On that happy note I would leave you without mentioning next week. The true test of a friendship is to find out which of your friends return when you have admitted to shitting rainbows.

Till next time eejits :)


Many thanks as always to Diana from Part-Time Monster for her open invitation to coffee every week. You can participate yourself by clicking on the link below:

weekendcoffeeshare

 

The Wonky Weekend

I really want to update you, honestly I do, I just have nothing to say. So here I sit listening to the Tudors Soundtrack staring at a blank screen.

Ah feck it, here goes.

A few weeks ago someone in work told me that for every bad day there would be good days. I laughed and said I can’t remember the last time there was a good day, but as things went, last week was not so bad. Perhaps my new regime of making myself go to bed at a relatively reasonable time was helping, or perhaps I am so far past the end of my tether that I actually just don’t care anymore.

I went in on Saturday and worked for 7 hours straight. When I left there were still things to do, but you know how it is, the Ships have to be fed. It made a wonky weekend being off Sunday and Monday as opposed to Saturday and Sunday, but it was beneficial.

When I arrived home on Saturday night I walked into a complete and utter nightmare. The Mothership seemed to think it was fun to pull everything out of the cupboards and place it in little piles all over any available surface in the living room, the Fathership was already under fire as he had asked her if she was going to tidy it up and I walked in and felt like crying. I cannot stress enough how much it irritates me that I spend at least 4 hours cleaning on a normal Saturday for it only to last half a day, if even. It’s such a waste of time. I don’t want someone to come and visit, look at the mess and think feck that big girl doesn’t do much to help out. Trust me, that’s going to get them a knee in the knackers followed by me screaming ‘give me a break I do pretty much fucking everything!!’

The final straw came on Sunday, while I was running round cleaning, yet again! Now bear in mind that at this stage the living room still looks like a bomb has gone off, so the Mothership proceeds to move to the room next door and tip everything out in there too. I was on to my second load of washing at this stage and owing to the fact that it was raining a whole zoo never mind cats and dogs, I had brought the clothes in and left them on a chair to be placed onto the clothes horse. I left them for two seconds to go and turn on the dinner and came back to find the Mothership trailing the clean clothes across the floor. It was right about then that the top of my head blew off and steam exited at a rather quick pace from my ears, in fact I looked pretty much something like this:

Burning Sun

I get that she was trying to help, but in the name of good fuck could she not tidy the two days worth of mess up instead of sticking an oar in where it’s not needed. I basically said as much too, and then went into the kitchen and broke down. There are people who will judge me, but do you know what, walk a week in my shoes and then see how you feel. Only those who have ever actually had to care for someone could ever understand. I know it’s not her fault and trust me, guilt eats at me, but I am a women fast approaching the menopause with hormonal homicidal tendencies, working full time, looking after two adults, once of whom is getting on like a sullen teenager. No one said it was going to be easy, and given a choice, it’s certainly not something you would sign up for. Right now though I would settle for a tidy house.

That said, tomorrow is another day, just a shame I’m back at work!

Halfway through this post I switched from listening to the Tudors Sountrack to The Penguin Cafe Orchestra. Awesome. Highly recommended for giving the heart a helping hand.

Till next time eejits :)

 

Lacking Inspiration

Blog Tidy

I’m having one of those days. I have so much to do, but I have no idea where to start. Thankfully the Ships (for newbies I mean my parents, the Mothership and the Fathership) have been fed and the chores are all done, everything that’s fuzzy is blog related.

I need to clean up, tidy up, read and write, but I find myself sitting here looking at a blank screen. My current favourite song of choice Hunger of the Pine plays in the background and my mind is drifting to other places. Anywhere other than where I actually need it to be, which is in the here and now.

This last few days May Dupp has also been rapping at the front of my brain reminding me she is still here and needs to be attended to as well. Sometimes I wish she was more like a ventriloquists dummy so I could just put her in a suitcase and wheel her out when needed. Unfortunately as she is free to wander the vast blank spaces between my ears, she can make her presence felt whenever she so chooses. Damn me and my imaginary characters.

I still can’t find a theme, there are bits and pieces I like about a lot of them, but very few where I like everything. My attempts for a banner have also stalled, I have decided I am no graphic designer. I still like what I have though so I’ll stick with it for a while longer.

I’ve not been writing much, what do you mean you didn’t notice *cue shocked face*. I don’t want this space to become somewhere I just moan about the rigors of caring for someone with dementia so on weeks like last week when it was prevalent, I decided to say very little. I try as much as possible to keep this a fun place,  of course I will have the occasional rant, who doesn’t, but I don’t want to drag myself, you and the kitchen sink into the mire. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try you just can’t summon the funny. Thank goodness the rest of you can and there is always something to read.

At this point Itunes randomly throws up and starts to play Paul Simon ‘I know what I know’, it’s fast becoming my man the feck up song and it works.

I’m still loving Twitter and have been playing the Hash Tag games, I personally thought my entry of ‘The Peelers’ was outstanding for the tag #IrishA Band, but what do I know. If you want to follow along and join in the link is over there somewhere ———–>

How’s your Sunday going?

Settle Down

Unicorn

If you read the tips pages on WordPress, they advise that you should never apologise for an absence, so I won’t, I shall simply start with hello again. That said, those of you who have followed me for a while are well used to my absences.

I didn’t write last week, I didn’t even read much. As far as weeks go, it was the worst one in a long time. There was so much going on and things were continually piling in on top of each other. The Mothership was stressed and seeing things under the table, and I was stressed wondering how I was going to extract a urine sample from her, whilst worrying about the fact she was seeing things under the table. I end up walking around with constant nausea because worry turns my stomach into a washing machine.

Imagine a day where you have a shadow and that shadow is constantly talking at you and getting irritated when you don’t understand. Imagine finishing all the housework and finally sitting down only for the door to open and the shadow to appear asking yet another question which means you have to get up cos you need to be shown what it relates to. To finally get to sleep at 4am to be woken the next morning to start the routine of dressing the shadow. I may turn to alcohol!

Work was just as bad, I’m finding it really stressful. I get up in the morning and feel nauseous because I have no idea what I am going in to. I leave work and feel nauseous because I have no idea what I am coming home to. I’m not sleeping which of course makes everything seem ten times worse than it actually is.

I broke down in work the other day and told my boss I was not cut out for the job and that I couldn’t do it. I hate to admit failure, but, that’s genuinely how I feel, my job is making me feel stupid, which in turn is giving my already low confidence a good boot in the balls. He was very nice about it, but he more than likely thinks I am a fruit loop. Ah well if the cap fits.

Phew, I feel better after writing all that and now I’ve left myself with nowhere to go. I really don’t want hugs or kind words or commiserations, I just needed to get that off my chest. With a few nights good sleep (hopefully) I’ll be dead on. Tell me a joke instead or something random that will make me smile!

Missed you lot.

(I deliberated about posting this, because I really do not want sympathy, if it’s this hard for me, imagine what it must me like for the Mothership, but I promised myself a while ago I would write the good and the bad and that’s what I need to do. Better out than in as the man says!)

It’s a new year!

New Year

For someone who is not a Christmas lover, this one passed off pretty good. I got a couple of little surprises for which I am really grateful and  which will hopefully help me along as I advance into 2015.

I didn’t write yesterday, I did consider it, but in the end I decided I was going to let the fact that it was the start of a new year just pass by quietly. While I am grateful for all the wishes that I will have a happy one, I have no doubt that this year will be more or less like last year, perhaps even worse. That’s not me staring into a cup that is half empty, that’s me being realistic. The start of  new year is not going to magically take away the Motherships dementia and all it’s related issues, so I’m pitting myself at the bottom of the happiness scale and hoping to be pleasantly surprised.

It’s not all bad though, there are a few issues I hope to address in the New Year, let’s not call them resolutions because I totally suck at those, lets just call them steps, as in I’ll do them one step at a time.

Here are some of them:

  • Make more time for myself. If I need to stay somewhere else for a night just to get my head showered then I am going to do it. Caring for someone with mental health issues takes a toal on your own.
  • No unessential spending. Ok there will most likely be one exception to this. Usually when I get money at Christmas, I use it for the day to day things like groceries etc, this year I decided I would like to use it to actually buy something for myself, and that will most likely be an Xbox One. It is my escape after all :) All day Boxing Day I sat on my hands to stop myself buying one that was in a boxing day sale, because while I have some money I am still a long way off having it all. Other than that, there is an immediate curb on spending and more of an effort to get the finances straight.
  • No more junk food / crap. I swear to feck there are nights when I feel like a wheelie bin. My mouth is constantly open and crap is being shovelled in on a regular basis. I need to drop some weight, which will help another of my problems, the dreaded knee, which daily lets me know if it’s existence.
  • Write more regularly, both here and on The Misadventures of May Dupp. It’s not until I sit down to write a post that I realise how much I missed both it and the interaction from you guys.
  • Listen to more music. This year there were two contenders for favourite song, which were Say Something by A Great Big World and Hunger of the Pine by Alt-J, both of which you can list to on my Music Bubble page. Best album without a shadow of a doubt was This is All Yous by Alt-J.
  • De clutter – This is the year of getting rid of all the clutter. I started today and was ruthless, if I don’t use it anymore it goes! All the old boxes got broken down for recycling, even the one for my Xbox 360, which I have had for 6 years…..wtf!! If I make enough space then the PS2 is going to be set up, I have decided I need a little Bubble Bobble in my life.

So I think for now that’s enough to be going on with. If I can manage even a few of those then I’ll be happy. If I’m really lucky, I might even have finished the de cluttering before the start of the next New Year.

I don’t know if you noticed or not, (but if you did, pretend you didn’t), that I didn’t get my Cartoon Craziness Challenge drawing done, had I, it would have been a little picture of me with a Ferrero Rocher for a head and a brussel sprout for a body.

There were however two entries and you can take a look at them here:

Mama’s Christmas Cartoon | Mental in the Midwest

Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #139 — 12/25/14 | Evil Squirrel’s Nest

Thank you to you both :)

Can I just take a moment to say thank you to each and every one of you who read this blog. You have been with me through all the rough times of 2014 and laughed either with or at me through the happier ones. You’ve lifted me up when I’ve been down and you have entertained and challenged me, I like that.

So all that is left for me to say, is that I hope that 2015 is everything that you hope it will be and more. I look forward to spending it with you all!

Two tits, a Duck and a Dartboard!

Boiling PointYesterday! It was like any normal Tuesday, except I felt the need to repeatedly bang my head against the table. Back to back meetings had me climbing the walls by around 11am and there I stayed for pretty much the rest of the day.

Came home. It was like any other Tuesday only I felt the need to bang my head repeatedly against any solid surface. I actually felt like going and sitting in the garden shed for an hour just to get some peace and quiet, only it was fecking freezing and there is every possibly there are mice in there, so yeah…..feck dat!

I didn’t have high hopes for Wednesday, but as hump days go, it was slightly unshittier than the others. I came home to the most amazing little parcel from Mental Mama over at Mental in the Midwest full of lots of little goodies like a candle in a holder, earrings, a phone charm, chocolate and a beautiful little snowflake for the Christmas tree. Each little piece was handmade by the lady herself, which makes it all the more special. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Then later when I was trying to find a post on my blog I realised that I have reached 700 followers, well on the front page anyway. Have you any idea how momentous that is? Probably not, but trust me, it’s Mo fecking Mentous! Who’d have thought eh, certainly not me.

You know I have said it before and I have no doubt I will say it a million more times, but blogging has meant an awful lot to me. By far and away, the best bit is the interaction with other people. Think about it, you have a problem, you Google it. Bloggers have a problem, we write about it, because there is almost always someone within your circle of followers who has experienced something similar and has words of wisdom to offer. Trust me consider bloggling it next time.

I’ve read blog posts in relation to other people who are in a similar situation to myself with regards to looking after someone with Dementia. It’s opened my eyes, because I now realise there are certain traits that are related to the illness and not the individual person. It nice to realise you’re not alone, because as much as people want to understand, they can’t, unless they are living in the same situation day in and day out.

It’s amazing how you can form connections with people you have never met, through this one common bond that we have called blogging. I have been so lucky with the people who have found me and visa versa. Each and every person is unique and amazing and really rather awesome if the truth be told. I love you all.

If you have made it to the end of my post then thank you very much, and I have no doubt you are wondering as to why the title is what it is. Well in the middle of writing this there was some social interaction with a certain Mr Smith. I joked that this was the title of the post I was writing and I kinda liked it, so now it is :) Hopefully it grabbed you attention!

Night night now :) x

Hump Day News Round Up!

IE News Banner

The above picture actually looks a little like how I did on Tuesday of this week. I had to make an appearance for a meeting, which falls under the remit of the new job. I wore a pink shirt. Let me tell you that again in case you missed it, I wore a pink shirt! Now you’ll probably not understand how much of a big deal this is for me, but it really seriously is, on a huge scale. Lets just say than when I wear anything other than black, every fecking person on the planet seems to notice. I felt self conscious and uncomfortable the whole day, but I am going to have to suck it up and get used to it, cos this will have to be the new normal!

Speaking of clothes, I was rather excited when I got an e-mail to say that the clothes store I favour was having a 50% off sale. I’m still on the lookout for a few more work shirts etc, now that I know for sure I am moving. You can imagine my disappointment when after 30 minutes of trawling I found out that the only things still in stock, in my size, are a pair of socks! I’ve heard of fur coat and no knickers, I’m just not sure how well, all socks and no suit would go down with the new boss.

I’ve jumped on the Bloglovin bandwagon. I’d signed up ages ago, but just never got around to doing anything with it. In all honesty I’ve still not done anything with it except follow a few friends. I like the idea that you can add any blog you wish, regardless of whether they have signed up or not. Well at least I think that’s how it works.

I’m glad I’ve found it, because I’ve been having a problem with the wordpress reader for a while. It seems to only show me 20 new posts and no more, so I’ve been missing quite a few. I’ve switched a couple of the photography blogs I follow over to Bloglovin, as due to the volume of posts they were dominating my reader. So don’t panic, I’m still stalking you :)

Last night on arriving home I was ready to commit murder! You’ll be aware from my recent posts (if you actually read them!) that I have spent the last 3 weekends getting the house ready for my Aunts visit. Things were looking up, and my stress levels had almost returned to an acceptable level. Walking into the house last night changed all of that, I really did resemble this:

steamgirl
What the absolute f**k!!

I said nothing, not a word, and believe me, that’s when I am at my most deadly. I did however bang pots and pans and  sigh a lot, because although some arguments are just not worth pursuing, there is still a need to show disapproval.

The Mothership had started to tidy the good room, which over the course of the last year has become her new dumping ground, since the upstairs room was at that stage pretty much full to bursting. Let me translate ‘tidy’ for you, in this house it means carry the stuff from said room you wish to cleanse and dump the shite it contains onto any available surface that has been previously cleared and decluttered. When I calmed down, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or bang my head repeatedly off a brick wall. In the end I did neither, I had a shower, a strong coffee, loaded GTA V and basically shot the shit out of anything that moved. Weirdly, I did feel a little more relaxed come bed time.

Needless to say I have another weekend of cleaning in front of me, more than likely revisiting places I have already done. Gotta love Dementia, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

Finally…….

It seems my Sister, after reading my blog, has been practicing her Haiku skills. Her first attempt certainly made me laugh, so I just had to share it. Here is her Haiku of the day –

Sitting on the train
Enveloped in a fart cloud
Of my own making.

My thoughts and prayers are with the families of those on the Northern Ireland Railways Belfast Departure who may not make it home alive, unless of course they had the foresight to pack a gas mask this morning.

Happy Hump Day Eejits :) x

 

Life is a rollercoaster!

It’s been a very stressful couple of days. It seems to be that nothing happens for ages and then all at once it starts to crowd in around me. We’re only 3 days into the week, assuming it starts on a Monday and already it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster!

My Mum attended hospital for her check up and they are finally going to try her on Alzheimer’s tablets and refer her to a Dementia Care Team. Although the tablets will not stop whatever is going on, there is a chance it might help her get back a little time. I think my poor Sister wanted to give the Doctor a good slap when she heard he had mentioned the note she put in regarding Mums symptoms, despite the fact that she had put in capital letters a request that he didn’t do so.

The great clean up still continues for the impending visit from the relatives. It’s a little bit daunting when I look into rooms and see that some have got worse rather than better, but I just have to plod on and hope that it all comes good in the end.

On top of that there is paperwork to be done for Dad and others and yesterday I was told that I have to start to shadow the lady who currently does the job I have been ear marked for.

Today I am having brain overload. I want to sidle into a corner and hide until everything has been taken care of. Imagine being able to go to sleep and wake up the next morning knowing everything you need to know without having to go through a learning process. If only!

We’ve also been having some freaky weather of late. Bearing in mind it is almost the start of the summer, the giant hailstones that rained down on us last night were a bit of a shock. My Dad and I were imprisoned in the car for a good 10 minutes while the rain, hailstones, thunder and lightening raged around us. Then it stopped and the sun came out like nothing had happened.

Well that resounding thumping on the door serves to prove that lunchtime is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. But hopefully that little vent has done me the world of good and no one else will loose their heads this afternoon.

Happy Hump Day Eejits, I think I am qualified to say that now that I actually know what it means.

Smiling despite it all…

dog smiling

Writing my post last night, and all the funny comments that followed really made my night. I went to bed with a smile on my face, the first in a long time.

It reminded me how I used to be, I felt a spark of my old self.

I wish you had all known me before my accident and the birth of Alien leg. In essence I was, and always will be the same person, but I was a little more carefree and a lot more fun.

There have been a lot of changes over the last couple of years, and the stresses of everyday life sometimes takes it’s toal. Both physically and mentally I am no longer the same person. I’ve had to grow up, while learning to adjust to my hopefully temporary disability.

There are some things I will always be stuck with, like anxiety and worry, they are now ingrained in me, perhaps they always were, because looking back I cannot remember a time when I did not worry. That said, these days I seem more able to put things into perspective and employ coping mechanisms. There are other more important things to deal with.

Home life has been the biggest change, even since the time of starting this blog. It is also the main reason why sometimes I do not blog. We have to approach life one day at a time, as the mood of the Mothership determines the mood of everyone else in the household. Sometimes I am mentally drained and incapable of sensible thought never mind writing.

Someday I will write about these things, I need to, it’s not healthy to keep it bottled up, but for now it is not something I feel comfortable doing, even though this is my space.

There are days I resent the fact that I have become a carer, yet other days I just get on with it. Lately I have become resigned to the fact that this is now my life and I am trying to deal with it as best I can. Perhaps this is what has been mapped out for me.

You may not have liked the person I was before, but I loved to laugh and make people laugh. I was always a thinker, but I chose to write my thoughts rather then speak them. I was relatively funny, but better when I had someone to spark off, a partner in crime so to speak.

Last night the interaction and laughter gave me hope that perhaps someday I will be able to return to the person I was pre injury.

friendship_quote
Image from notable-quotes.com

I like the fact that I can write this post and still be smiling and feel positive, despite everything. Perhaps the fog of depression that has hung above me since my accident is now starting to clear and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you to each and every person who has helped to guide me towards it. You kept on pushing me forwards. In the words of Owl City, it certainly does feel like every day like I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightening bugs!

Keep smiling eejits! :)