Smiling despite it all…

dog smiling

Writing my post last night, and all the funny comments that followed really made my night. I went to bed with a smile on my face, the first in a long time.

It reminded me how I used to be, I felt a spark of my old self.

I wish you had all known me before my accident and the birth of Alien leg. In essence I was, and always will be the same person, but I was a little more carefree and a lot more fun.

There have been a lot of changes over the last couple of years, and the stresses of everyday life sometimes takes it’s toal. Both physically and mentally I am no longer the same person. I’ve had to grow up, while learning to adjust to my hopefully temporary disability.

There are some things I will always be stuck with, like anxiety and worry, they are now ingrained in me, perhaps they always were, because looking back I cannot remember a time when I did not worry. That said, these days I seem more able to put things into perspective and employ coping mechanisms. There are other more important things to deal with.

Home life has been the biggest change, even since the time of starting this blog. It is also the main reason why sometimes I do not blog. We have to approach life one day at a time, as the mood of the Mothership determines the mood of everyone else in the household. Sometimes I am mentally drained and incapable of sensible thought never mind writing.

Someday I will write about these things, I need to, it’s not healthy to keep it bottled up, but for now it is not something I feel comfortable doing, even though this is my space.

There are days I resent the fact that I have become a carer, yet other days I just get on with it. Lately I have become resigned to the fact that this is now my life and I am trying to deal with it as best I can. Perhaps this is what has been mapped out for me.

You may not have liked the person I was before, but I loved to laugh and make people laugh. I was always a thinker, but I chose to write my thoughts rather then speak them. I was relatively funny, but better when I had someone to spark off, a partner in crime so to speak.

Last night the interaction and laughter gave me hope that perhaps someday I will be able to return to the person I was pre injury.

friendship_quote
Image from notable-quotes.com

I like the fact that I can write this post and still be smiling and feel positive, despite everything. Perhaps the fog of depression that has hung above me since my accident is now starting to clear and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you to each and every person who has helped to guide me towards it. You kept on pushing me forwards. In the words of Owl City, it certainly does feel like every day like I get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightening bugs!

Keep smiling eejits! :)

 

20 thoughts on “Smiling despite it all…

  1. There will always be reasons not to smile you just got to enjoy the reasons to smile and hope they will eventually outweigh the other. That’s the way I have had to look at everything recently. You need the smiles to keep you sane and I am happy to hear you are smiling and enjoying your day. I hope it keeps going and you keep smiling.

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  2. That was a lovely video, I’m really glad you shared that because I’ve not heard of the group nor the song before, though if my Bushmilled memory serves, Mme. Ross may have recognized that I was attempting to watch it last night before bed.

    According to my twitter notifications I already shared out the post! But I re-read it, and I think you are just great. Keep up the fight, life is a wave with ups and downs, right?

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  3. Keep on smiling and finding the laughter, the spark of the “lightning bugs” (we call them fireflies) even if it’s only for a few seconds — just every little smirk in your heart and soul brings you just a wee (no not pee) step closer to finding “you” again – even with the big and sometimes not so fun and cool changes in your life. “You” in essence are “still” there – just resting on the bottom – so come up for air when you can.

    Love ya Juls! :)

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  4. Stay positive! I know I should have posted this days ago but I got caught up. :P

    As for me, you know I’m also a worrier. But it’s so much better not to worry. I’ve been working on it, don’t worry about my worrying. :P

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