Candy Crush…the continuing saga….

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I may be approaching the stage where I spontaneously combust.

I think Level 285 has me beat. I’ve been playing for what seems like weeks and I am getting nowhere! Usually I can see some kind of progress, some chink of light leading to the end of the tunnel! Not this time, the black out curtains are completely drawn, there is nothing but darkness and despair ahead of me on my Candy Crush journey and I am losing the will to partake of my 5 lives!

My trauma is like a mushroom of despair, fanning over my friends. I may even be suffering from Candy Crush depression. I no longer send lives, I have adopted the If I am not going to progress then neither are you attitude. It’s all I can do to not stamp my feet and throw my teddy out of the pram.

Too add to my situation I discovered a grey hair on my head, I definitely did not have that when I was on level 284! I am doomed……..

Last night I had a nightmare that I was being squashed between a striped and a wrapped Candy, they were choking the life out of me. Then spotty fish came and I had palpitations and fell out of the bed!

I rang the CCCS this morning, I was desperate. I found their number in the Yellow Pages. How was I to know they were all about free debt advice, I thought it stood for Candy Crush Counselling Services and not Consumer Credit Counselling Services. She informed me they are now called Step Change. I apologised profusely and said yes I understand, I am going to have to make steps to change as well or Candy Crush will be the death of me.

Freshly Pressed, Freshly Stressed but I am Impressed!

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I am in awe, total awe, of a lot of the posts I read on Freshly Pressed, so despite how it might first appear when you read the post title I am indeed glad it exists.

By far the best post I have read so far was Nickle Lauritzen and the Afterlife on One Boy’s Way of Knowing, it actually brought tears to my eyes. I made Paul read it too and all he could say was “Wow”. Other people will be able to tell you in big fancy words how fantastic it was, I wish I could, but that is just not me. I can simply tell you from the heart it was wonderful and urge you to read it. I am certainly grateful to Freshly Pressed because it allowed me to find and read it.

So I’m in awe! Everyday I read things that make me laugh, make me sad, make me think, make me confused, make me ask questions and last but not least make me jealous.

I want to be able to write like that. I want to be able to make people feel all the different emotions I do and leave it so they want to come back and see if I can do it all again. Sadly I can’t, and I am just going to have to put up with that fact, but secretly it bothers me. I always joke that I want  NGE on my gravestone, which stands for Not Good Enough. I’m not putting myself down when I say that, despite what you might think. What I mean is, I am great at lots of different little bits and pieces of things but I don’t excel at anything.

So I started a blog which guess what, yep it’s all little different bits and pieces, just like the cluttered workings of my brain.

I did have a debate with myself about this, and also about the blog title, because not everything will be about gaming, but I decided I like the name, it sums me up and I can write whatever weird and wonderful stuff I want on here. It’s not going to appeal to everyone, it may not even appeal to anyone but it’s a good way to store my memories, a veritable patchwork quilt of my madness.

So I shall let the content of Freshly Pressed stress me no more, I don’t have to be brilliant like the amazing people featured there. For all the thousands of brilliant writers out there,  are hundreds like me who are happy to be the blanket behind the stars!

Alien Leg, an introduction!

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Never wear lounge pants that have a tendency to slide down as you walk, that’s all I am saying, they are detrimental to your health!

Last summer I was wearing a pair of said trousers and my toe of my right foot caught at the bottom and down I went, landing on, I can only assume a bent left knee. It all happened so quickly, I can’t really be sure how I landed but I knew I had done some kind of damage.

When I was younger my right knee had a tendency to dislocate as in I would turn and it wouldn’t, so I figured this was something similar. After about 5 minutes when I had stopped writhing around and the shock subsided I managed to get myself up onto my feet with relatively little pain, however when I went to step forward I realised I had no control over my leg, I couldn’t kick forward and there was a strange lump about  an inch up into my thigh when I bent my knee, I later learned this was my kneecap.

One trip to A&E later and I am in a full leg cast and all set for the Fracture Clinic the following Tuesday. At this stage I still had no inclination how serious my injury was, ignorance was bliss.

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I’m 41 years old and I am lucky enough to be able to say that up until this point I had never been at a hospital in my life. I was fecking petrified, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure was through the roof and every part of me hurt from trying to haul myself around on crutches. It is sooooo difficult, I used to scowl at people who made it look easy.

7 Hours later I am leaving the Fracture Clinic, my cast is split but bandaged together, the Dr  has said I can weight bear on the leg as I have already done the damage, but I have to go for Surgery on the Friday to fix what I now know is a ruptured patellar tendon.

So back to the title of this post, I affectionately named my left leg Alien Leg or AL for short as it no longer felt like my own.

To be continued…….

Alien Leg – Part 2

I want to document what happened to me, so that I can look back and remember, but as you read this keep in the back of your mind that I am fully aware how lucky I am that I can still walk and my injury while traumatic for me was not life threatening. My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience anything like this or worse, it is not an easy road to travel!

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 5!

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The powers that be in NIR have obviously stumbled upon and read my previous Joys of Modern Travel 1 & 2, because they mention the price of tickets.

I had a relatively lovely week of travel, all on time, a seat everyday, nothing to complain about…..yes I know, for you it’s boring…for me it was just all lovely, rainbows, singing bluebirds the whole heap until I heard on the news one day that the price of tickets is rising 5%!!! I’m telling you, it was all I could do not to cry! and I mean cry as in tears cry, not cry out in anger.

I’m not stupid, I know the cost of everything rises, and they are saying this rise is not even in line with inflation and I also appreciate this is the first rise on some ticket types for a long time, but when everyone is already finding it hard to make ends meet is it a good idea and just when you are starting to encourage people to use your service are you not kind of shooting yourself in the foot?

They say you are better using their cheaper options, weekly, monthly’s etc. Of course a season ticket is the best option, but who in this day and age has a spare £1500 lying around to shell out all at once. There is also still the option of a third off a day return on tickets after 9.30 in the morning, but that does not suit if you are going to work!

It’s now going to cost me £1800 a year to travel, and for that I cannot even catch a direct train, I have to change on every single one. I can’t remember the last time I had a pay rise.

Customer satisfaction remains high as customers appreciate the many improvements we have made to our fleet, technology, ticketing together with innovative promotions and we look forward to  seeing more people try the bus and train over the coming weeks and months

This is true, I’d be a liar if I said I did not love the new trains and the fact that they do not break down. I also love the free WIFI service, but I’m wondering now is it really free, or is that where the bulk of my 5% is going. I’ve not seen any innovative promotions that are aimed at regular working people. How about offering a 6 month season ticket, or buy 3 months get one half price, I’ve love you long time if you would do that!

Sometimes I also wish they would consider other ticketing options. My monthly on the train runs from one date to another, i.e. if I bought it today it would run out on the 28th May, problem is I only very rarely use trains on the weekend, and I don’t always travel everyday of the week either as sometimes I am lucky enough to get a lift, so I’d prefer a ticket like they have on the buses, a 40 journey one, which I could probably make last an extra week or so.

Sad thing is there is no choice, we just have to manage and pay it somehow if we want to travel to work!

Spam!

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Until I dipped a toe into the lake of Information Technology, I thought Spam was something you put between two slices of bread!

“Spam (shortened from spiced ham) is a canned precooked meat product“

When I set up my first e-mail address, and then my first blog I realised there was a whole new type of spam I had never even heard of, processed meat had an evil twin!

“Spam is the use of electronic messaging systems to send unsolicited bulk messages, especially advertising, indiscriminately”

Currently in my junk mail folder I have 6 emails which are as follows:

  • 80% off Viagra – Hmm not going to be much good to me unless I want a stiff neck! Tablets get stuck in my throat a lot, I blame hayfever!
  • Are you getting these???? –  this is some chick who keeps asking me am I getting her e-mails because she wants to give me free passes to her porn show – No luv I’m not, you’re at the bottom of the dung pile, and as lovely as I am sure you are you’re just not my type, as in you are not male!
  • Herbs for Weight loss –  They saying I’m a little rounder than I should be?
  • Outrageously Cheap Wine – I actually might need some. I’m a little traumatised by the previous e-mail calling me a fat fecker.
  • Top sale in Viagra – Perhaps I should start a little import / export here, I never was able to pass up on a bargain! And if I have two e-mails about it, it must be good stuff.
  • Free Lifetime Pass to Sex Whenever you want – To sex whom? Is it kind of like a Get Out of Jail Free card as in you produce it when you need to? I’m pretty sure I would get arrested if I walked up to some random bloke on the street and said here mate I have a Free Lifetime Pass to Sex whenever I want and I want to Sex with you and proceed  to drag him back to my lair.

Receiving spam is kind of annoying, but funny. I’ve been offered some strange shit in the 15 odd years I have been online, and it’s given me a laugh or two.

Now it’s happening here as well. I was all excited today thinking, hey someone liked something, because I had so many comments. Then I noticed the red spam beside it, ffs!

I had an interesting argument with myself for about 5 minutes with regards to the merits of ignoring the spam and putting the comments on anyway…..my reasoning was,  any comment is better than no comment. I mean if you peek through your fingers you can almost block out the promises of penis enlargement, unless of course you feel you may benefit from them in which case click away to your hearts content!

Good sense prevailed and after I had thoroughly read each and every one in the vain hopes of finding something sensible I sent them all to the trash can. I’d rather have comments because  someone found something interesting, funny or had something to say rather than because I am a blue pill popping, fat, sex addicted alcoholic.

The End!

Candy Crush

The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments

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Candy Crush is taking over my life!

It all started in the middle of Phase One of leg rehab! I had a series of leg strengthening exercises to do while lying on the bed! There is only so much surfing the net and reading the news you can do, so one day I made the mistake of accepting an invite from Facebook in relation to Candy Crush. It became my new guilty pleasure, strengthening my muscles while crushing multi coloured candies whiled away the boring hours.

It’s entertaining but it can also be extremely frustrating, I have lost count of the number of times I have wanted to smash my tablet against the wall, mind you I have also had that feeling while playing the Xbox too, my poor poor controller. I’ve not yet followed through on either, but I’m smart enough to never say never.

There are levels that you can breeze through and there are levels that have taken me two weeks. I’m adept at begging for tickets to board the train and extra lives. It’s infuriating when you run out just as you think you are getting somewhere. I’ve been so desperate to play on I’ve moved my tablet on 24 hours just to get 5 more lives, then 24 more and 24 more. When I eventually returned it to the original date the little timer had had a nervous breakdown and told me I could not have another life for 2354783 hours! Uninstall and reinstall, all back to normal.

I’m currently at level 275 and I’m starting to panic that I may run out of juicy levels to play! I think having to cope without Candy Crush would be worse than trying to give up cigarettes. What else would I do on my daily train journeys.

Everyone should try this game at least once, but I urge you to exercise caution. Be prepared to kiss goodbye to valuable minutes, even hours of your life!

Any problems contact me for Candy Crush Counselling! I accept payment in Candy Crush Currency…errm I mean Google Play Vouchers!! lol It’s a good job I’m only joking cos I’d be no help whatsoever, you’d be better calling Ghostbusters!!

Only a half smile for the Hobbit!

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So last night I finally got around to watching The Hobbit.

Most people I am acquainted with know that the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and Final Fantasy Advent Children are my two favourite films of all time. They are the only films that I have watched more than 5 times each, but yet still continue to find new details in each time I do.

I was captivated with Lord of the Rings. I’d not read the books at that stage so I was looking at everything with fresh eyes. I fell in love with the scenery, the characters and the weaving storyline. I felt cheated when the first movie ended and I realised I was going to be forced to wait a whole year for the second instalment, and likewise when it ended and I had to wait for the third.

Now I have the DVD’s, marvellous invention, I find I cannot watch one without having to watch the other two as well.

I have to admit that sometimes this tomboy is a shameless girl, as I always cry in the third movie when the Eagles rescue Frodo and Sam from the mountain after they have destroyed the ring and while being crowned as King Aragorn realises Arwen is still alive. I have also made it known that I want Into the West played at my funeral when it is my turn to shuffle off this mortal coil!

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So I was excited to see the Hobbit.

The trailer was a teaser indeed as it had left me wanting more, but it was a long wait until the films actual release date. When the time came I was still recovering from the knee surgery and didn’t feel ready to go to the cinema, preferring instead to wait for the DVD release. When DVD release date came I decided not to buy it just yet and opted to rent it from Blinkbox instead. It had been sitting in my library section there for about 2 weeks until yesterday, it’s just not easy finding a spare 3 hours these days.

I watched it and found I was disappointed, but I am not sure I can tell you why I was, because I am not really sure myself. Although the music is still by and large the same as LOTR, the scenery and the effects as visually stunning and there are characters we have encountered before, it just lacked a certain something for me. Don’t get me wrong it was watchable and I enjoyed it as I am sure I will the others, but I don’t know if at this stage I would be rushing to buy it or watch it again.

I didn’t fall in love with the new characters. I smiled when I saw Frodo, Gandalf, Elrond and Galadriel and awww’d when I saw the Eagles, but I felt that’s what I was doing, I was waiting for flashes of Lord of the Rings and they were just not there. Most of the actors have been in various other things I have watched and they are all amazing actors, but I wondered if this was also part of the problem, I am to used to them being in other things and found it difficult to differentiate between the two.

So while I may have been disappointed, that should not take away from the fact that this is a visually stunning treat which will no doubt reap rewards.

Perhaps I will fall in love a little more with each instalment. Only time will tell!

Somedays you just know!

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I should have known my day was not going to go according to plan. Usually how it starts is how it’s defined!

I stepped on the scales this morning! Big mistake. No matter were you hope the marker will stop on the scales it always seems to go that little bit further. You step off and remove any article you think is contributing to the weight gain and step back on and the dam needle still rises to where you do not want it to be. Short of performing colonic irrigation on myself and hammering out the fillings in my teeth I was just not going to get the answer I wanted. So off I walked swearing to myself that I would have to cut down while throwing a packet of crisps into my bag to have with my sandwiches at lunch time. Scales – 1, Willpower – 0.

Fast forward a few hours and I’m trying to set up Microsoft Outlook onto my friends laptop for her. So here’s the thing, you buy Microsoft Office which as we all know is not exactly cheap, but you then have the ability to create power points, spreadsheets, write reports,  and e-mail, along with a few other bits and pieces. You then further support Microsoft by using Outlook.com, the new name for Hotmail, but if you want to set up Outlook the office version to check for your Outlook.com mail you’re pretty much screwed. After about a half hour of trying, stress levels rising I hit Google to do a little research and found out I had to install a plug-in. Found that and installed it and went through the process of setting up the mail, and fair enough it worked but it almost creates a second little inbox. I mean come on, why can it not just be a matter of putting in your settings and seeing everything in the main area.

Perhaps in later versions of Office they addressed this problem, however after having paid for the program once I personally would be reluctant to shell out for a later version as I am sure would my friend.

The next piece of equipment to almost get booted around the yard was an Epson printer. There are many arguments for and against using compatible cartridges as opposed to the real thing so you can imagine my displeasure when after shelling out for originals the printer decides it wants to reject them. Feck, arse and bollocks said I, repeatedly. What started out as a simple head cleaning exercise almost made mine explode!

Maintenance > Nozzle Check > You need to clean the heads > head clean…..waiting……waiting…..waiting some more…..unable to recognise cartridge(s) – Black. You have got to be fecking kidding me!

So I changed the black, and then it told me it could not recognise either the black or the yellow. It was around about this time that Paul decided to phone me, I bet he now wished he hadn’t as I went into a full on tirade about Outlook and printers, I’m sure you can imagine how it went. In the end when he had stopped laughing he calmly told me to replace the yellow and all would be right with the world, and it was. Dam the man for always being right. The point is though my yellow was not empty so I had to waste half a cartridge to get the bloody thing to work. Sort your shit out Epson or it’s compatibles from now on for me!

I’ve just been told there is no chicken for my tea, ffs, I’ve been looking forward to chicken korma all day.

The point of this story is that I have completely fallen out with myself now and I am away to sit in a dark cupboard and have a serious think about where my life is going, that said after my foray onto the scales this morning knowing my luck I’ll get feckin stuck!!

Tomb Raider!!

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So before I start let me say I am not a games reviewer, I never have been and I never will be, what I can tell you is that I love the new Tomb Raider so much I could just jump up and down for joy….well I would have in the days pre knee surgery. Not now.

I’d read the reviews and seen the trailers on the XBox and to be honest I was sort of meh about the whole thing. Yes the graphics looked amazing but I wasn’t to sold on the gameplay. I sort of figured I’d have a go sometime but I wasn’t going to rush out and buy it.

Tomb Raider, the original, was the game that got me hooked on the PSone. Up until that point I had a Sega Master System and the most addictive game in the world was Alex the Kidd in Miracle World. Then one night while at my friends house he showed me this game and said I’m stuck want to see if you can get any further and that was me hooked! He lent me the console for the Christmas holidays. No one saw me for days other than the short breaks I took to grab some food. I have only ever taken leave from work for two games, this was one of them and the other was Final Fantasy VII. Granted some of the puzzles drove me almost insane, but for that time the graphics were awesome, the music haunting and the gameplay addictive.

Since then the games that have held my attention have been few and far between. I’ve enjoyed games but not to the point where you get restless until you sit down and pick up the controller.

I was lucky enough to pick up a copy of  the new Tomb Raider, so I anxiously installed it to hard drive and pressed play.

Awesome graphics. I love FMV scenes, especially where it’s almost hard to tell what is real and what’s not. I guess I was hooked from the starting scenes.

It’s a completely different experience to any other TR game, but that’s just my opinion. It has the same feel about it and you know that’s what you are playing, but it’s in a different class.

I have to say, I was worried as my weapon mastery skills are not the best,  for example here’s how Battlefield 3 usually goes…..Spawn, stand up, get shot, die. Respawn, stand up, get shot, die, and so it goes on. After a few attempts I fell in love with the bow and arrow and it is currently my weapon of choice, however the others do come in handy as well. I’ve become quite adept at headshots, and my list of achievements is growing. What can I say I am a shameless achievement whore!!

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The puzzles are challenging but not frustratingly so. The challenges are puzzling but not frustratingly so.

There is plenty of terrain to explore and there were a couple of times when I actually Oooo’d an Aaahhh’d at the landscapes, something I had not done since playing ICO.

There were also a couple of places where there was a little twist of unexpected gameplay, where I whooped in delight and wondered why I have never seen this in any game before.

I’ve almost completed the game. I’m on the run up to the final level, however I still have plenty to explore and find, as I have uncompleted challenges, unfound treasures and missing GPS caches, but instead of thinking oh crap I can’t be bothered doing all this again, I can’t wait. I have a desire to totally complete the game. Whether the desire becomes a reality remains to be seen.

My recommendation! Give it a try, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

 

 

The Joys of Modern Travel Part 4!!

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There seems to be a bit of a theme developing here, however I am aware that at some stage I am going to have to change the record and move on! Not tonight though, there are a few words still to be spoken.

Mini Rant Number 1

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I have recently undergone knee surgery. Actually anyone who doesn’t know me would probably also be able to guess that there is something not quite right with me, but for the most part now I am back on my feet and walking, I look relatively normal. I no longer have to avail of the use of a crutch or walking aid. Good news you say, and yes considering the state I was in 7 months ago it certainly is.

However is it not so good when trying to travel by train.

The other morning, the the trauma of having to walk from the car park to the train platform had really taken it’s toll! Ok, slight exaggeration, my leg was a little sore so I needed to sit down..happy now! So I’m the first person on the platform, but pretty soon others start to filter out.

So over the speaker comes the announcement about the next train leaving Platform 1, blah, blah, blah. I gather myself together, make sure I have all my belongings and step forward on the platform. After almost 20 years travelling back and forth I am a pretty good judge of where the train usually stops, for the carriage I want anyway and sure enough it slows down. Now on these new fangled trains opening the door is almost a two person operation. The doors are so wide that the button to open them is a fair bit to the left of the door. A kind gentlemen who is a little closer to the left hand side than I, steps over to hit the button and my bad leg and I step forward to grab the rail and hoist ourselves onto the train. Then out of nowhere comes this…well I was going to call her a young lady…but…this young lass just barges in between us both and onto the train, actually pushing us out of the way slightly. I’m not a violent person in any shape form or fashion, but right at that moment I had a clear vision in my minds eye of me pulling her by the pony tail and hauling her ass back off the train.

It happens at other times too. The train pulls into the station and the people from the platform are trying to barge their way past the throng trying to come off. Now I’m no rocket scientist but would it not make sense to let it empty a little before you try to embark, increasing your chance of finding a seat ffs! In fact would it not be a common courtesy to just wait until the others disembark!

Mini Rant Number 2

Which leads me nicely into my second foray into rantdom! Seats.  Some days there are just not enough of them.

Now that is not exactly the rail company’s fault. I mean unless you have physic powers how would you ever be able to know how many people are going to travel. Ok sure, look at peak times and try and address those issues! But for the most part you can always get a seat somewhere.

Unless of course someone has placed their bag, coat, mobile phone, briefcase, hat, scarf and kitchen sink on the spare seat beside them. I mean, hellllooooooo did you pay for that extra seat?? Cos see if you didn’t, get yer shit picked up and make way for the irate woman with the bad leg who wants to sit down!! And you can stop giving me that pinched face look too, you only bought a ticket not the whole dam train!

Mini Rant Number 3

And last but not least, access onto the platform itself!

As a result of said knee surgery I am at present unable to descend stairs. I can climb up them, albeit with a lot of effing, blinding, grunts and groans but for some reason going down eludes me.

The station I depart from at home time is underneath a bridge…sort of. Being unable to do the stairs I have to walk about 50 yards further and head down a ramp which I am guessing they class as a wheelchair ramp. My advice,  if you’re in a wheelchair avoid it at all costs, that fecker is steep. You lose grip or your brakes fail and you’re on a one way ticket to tracksville! Anyone hanging onto the back of you is going to fly like a kite! Go another 50 yards further on and down through the car park, it will be a much more pleasant journey, I promise! That’s what I now do.

I never realised until I hit that hill how much of a toll surgery had taken on my muscles. I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, finding it really difficult to hold myself back and scared witless I was going to topple forward. I eventually made it down but I was practically doubled over hanging off the hand rail. People had joked with me when I went back to work about me carrying walking poles and I had laughed and said I’ve just got rid of crutches, but I could have done with them that day! Obviously as the days go by and the more I walk the strength returns and I shall soon use the hill as exercise, but I will proceed with caution and take a parachute!

I’ve lust let Paul proof read this post and his response was that I am going to get known as a train hater. To which I replied, I’m not a train hater though, I love the train, it’s just paying for it and some of the other passengers are the problem :)