I’ll never make a million!

The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

Making RoomPerhaps I am too nice to Ebay, there is no doubt I am too soft, but I like to know that all my unloved possessions are going to a good home and are well wrapped up for the journey to their new owners.

I have amassed an unbelievable amount of shite clutter, in my years on this planet, but now I am getting older I feel that I want to move to a more minimalistic style of living, mainly because I can’t be bothered having to lift ten million things before I dust a shelf.

I gathered together a few items and stuck them on Ebay, all auctions ending around 9 – 10pm on Sunday past. It was a strange little bunch of things, that included a bra, a lighter, CD’s and a watch.

Listing is pretty straight forward. With the bra I was fairly lucky as I was able to put it in two categories at the same time. Lingerie > Bra and Knicker Sets and also Miscellanea > Makeshift Parachutes. In the end a lovely lady who was perusing the lingerie section purchased the bra. I wrapped it in pink tissue paper, and wrote a thank you note which said, “Thank you for your purchase, I hope you find it uplifting!” I sure hope she has a sense of humour because I have only had positive feed back up until now.

Dear Geeky G4mer

I came across your item in the Makeshift parachute section. Whilst at this time I feel I have no need for a parachute, I was wondering if you think it would be any good for carrying boulders?

Dear Ivannapurchase

I think it would make a fine “Over the shoulder, boulder holder”. I can’t believe no one has thought of that before!!

Likewise, the ladies diamond lighter was also adorned with pink tissue paper and accompanied by a little note that said, “Thank you for your purchase, I hope you find it illuminating!”

Sometimes the lovely feedback you receive can make the boring task of packaging parcels whilst sticking your lips to the sellotape all worthwhile;

Dear Geeky G4mer

Thank you so much for your great communication and being such a lovely seller. If only there were more like you!
Have a great day :)

It’s nice to be nice, especially to your customers. They are after all the people who are now storing your crap allowing you to live the minimalistic life you always dreamed about, and besides, things go in cycles, so in another couple of years you can just go ahead and buy it right back!

So, you were taking the piss!

The Indecisive Eejit5 Comments
512px-Jumping_for_joy
There was rejoicing in the Isle of Eejits!

It doesn’t happen that often, in fact I could count the times it has happened on two hands and one foot. Due to the rarity of it’s nature I wanted to share this momentous occasion with you all, and let you know that…..I WAS RIGHT!!!

For anyone who does not have a clue what I am wittering on about, may I please refer you to my previous post entitled ‘You are taking the piss’ in which I had a mini meltdown, right good old rant, discussion about the postage rates being charged by Ebay sellers on the UK mainland. I was so incensed by the extra £20 postage fee, that I felt compelled to send a message to the seller;

Hi,
Out of interest can I ask why someone like myself from Northern Ireland has to pay an additional £20 for postage, when it costs exactly the same for you to send a parcel to your next door neighbor as it would to me here if using Royal Mail?

I didn’t expect a reply and had actually forgotten I had sent the message in the first place. After blogging my displeasure I had obviously found some kind of inner peace with regards to the whole situation! So you can imagine my surprise when a notification tone alerted me to the fact that I had received a message from the seller!

Only for the fact that it makes it a little awkward to use the mouse, I was ready to don boxing gloves and fight to the end of the auction for my right to purchase the CD boxes and NOT pay postage! I was incensed all over again, ready for a war. I located the message and clicked open;

Dear Geeky G4mer,
Sorry thats on that listing by mistake,,, as you quite rightly say its free!

Wait, what!! That’s it? I was like a balloon someone had just stabbed with a huge pin, de fecking flated, there was to be no war of words today! It was a shallow victory!

I didn’t even want the item, I mean what am I going to do with 50 CD postage boxes!

Sad-Cardboard-Robot
Note to self: Buy Rescue remedy for mini meltdown situations!

The Belfast Super Heroes!

The Indecisive Eejit7 Comments

B&S BannerIt’s Saturday afternoon and Billy and Seamus are sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea whilst keeping on eye on the football:

Billy: Did you ever in yer life hear so much fuss about fecking Batman.

Seamus: You mean about the fact thon fella from Daredevil is playing him?

Billy: Aye, the Bat Geeks are not a happy bunch just now.

Seamus: What do you think our names would be if we were super heroes?

Billy: (Laughing) Well you’d definitely be Twatman.

Seamus: Oh ha ha ya fecking genius, when I cuff you one round the lugs you’ll be Throbin!!

Funny as Feck!

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

Daily Prompt: Funny Ha-Ha
Do you consider yourself funny? What role does humor play in your life? Who’s the funniest person you know?

Had I been asked 15 months ago if I thought I was funny, I would probably have answered yes. Right here and now, well I’m not so sure I am anymore, life’s kinda gotten in the way and I miss my funny!

When the whole Alien Leg incident happened, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I went from working all the time, to doing nothing in the space of a 20 second fall.

I got depressed. I was stuck indoors 24/7 and usually up the stairs, constantly worrying about what was going to happen to me, what was going to happen with work, was I going to walk again, was I going to die on the operating table, you have no idea, my mind is like an Ariston, it goes on and on and on, and it always errs towards the side of worst case scenario. I didn’t have my friends to interact with.   I lost a little bit of my funny.

As things started to get better leg ways and life returned to some kind of normality regarding my return to work etc, I started to morph into a housewife. That’s not so unusual says you, it is when you’re not fecking married says I!

I live with my folks, my Mum has stroke damage and I only realised how bad it had become when I was at home everyday to see for myself. I’d always done the housework, on a Saturday, before I headed off for a 10 hour night shift. But as soon as I was able to make it down the stairs after my accident I was kind of pushed into the role of cooking, of course I knew it was going to happen, I just didn’t think it would be so soon. At the start the understanding was I would cook Monday to Friday, but not at the weekends, because at some stage I was going to have to return to my part time job, now I cook Monday to Saturday and Sundays are starting to filter in too, along with the washing and ironing. I lost a bit more of my funny.

One of my friends pretty much told me the other day that I am always moody, and do you know what, they are right. These days I am. I’m sure if you ask Udders and the rest of the gang they will tell you that I am not quite the same person I was before, I’m not, and I know it myself. A lot of days I find it hard to cope, especially when Alien Leg is throwing her two cents in.

My funny is still there, I know it is. It makes brief appearances every now and again. Perhaps I am only now passing through the tail wind of the last 15 months and things will return to normal. I sure hope so, because I love to make people laugh and smile.

I know some of my readers on here have said I already do make them laugh and smile, and every time they do a little bit of my funny returns. But they don’t realise that along with my friends they have been an important key in my recovery.

When I do fully reconnect with my funny y’all better beware!

Daily Prompt: Secret of Success

The Indecisive Eejit21 Comments

Daily Prompt: Secret of Success 

What would it take for you to consider yourself a “successful blogger”? Is that something you strive for?

When I first started out, I used to think that in order to be a successful blogger I had to become Freshly Pressed. That line of thought caused me anxiety, because I knew I didn’t have the skills and the more I fretted about it, the less I wanted to write. After my first few posts I adopted a rather stupid ‘What’s the point’ kind of attitude.

When you’re new, it’s hard having no followers and no likes, in fact no one reading. Yes we all blog for many different reasons with varied end goals, but there are few who could truthfully say that they do not get a buzz when they attain new followers or post likes! So, whilst we all write for ourselves, there is always that little bit of us that craves the attention of others. We have a desire to entertain, amuse, educate and inform, it’s inbuilt.

As time wore on and I got a little better acquainted with the WordPress scene, I started to follow, read and interact with other blogs. I stopped writing for the sake of it, instead choosing to wait until I had something to say. I started to write for myself.

I can’t express how much I enjoyed the ‘Reader’ and I even started to look on Freshly Pressed in a new light, it was no longer something to be feared, in fact in one post I offered praise, as through it, I was introduced to amazing new posts and some equally amazing blogs.

Five months on I now have followers who comment and converse with me on a daily basis. They tell me whats good and what’s bad and their opinions matter more than anyone else’s, more than being Freshly Pressed.

Through the last 100 posts and my circle of friends here, I realised I didn’t have to be a successful blogger or spend time worrying about my lack of skills, I just had to be myself.

 

 

You are taking the piss!!

The Indecisive Eejit2 Comments
Mail_delivery
How the UK mainland thinks we get our post delivered!

I’m irritated, annoyed, a little bit cross, and if I had two good legs I would kick something!

I have completely thrown my teddies out of the proverbial pram!

For anyone that doesn’t already know, I live in Northern Ireland, Strawberry Quicksand excluded, she thinks I live in Scotland, but to be fair she is a bit of an eejit :) So to continue the lesson, Northern Ireland is part of the UK. Bear with me here, I promise I have a point!

I’ve been selling some of my old CD’s on Ebay as I rarely listen to them these days. More often that not I buy my music digitally and listen to it on the Ipod via a docking station.

CD’s are not worth much, in fact things seem to have gone full circle and vinyl is now back in favour and fetching a tidy sum for it’s sellers.

Posting either of these two items requires sturdy packaging, so to ensure my items arrive with the buyers in tip top condition,  I decided to have a look at postage boxes.

The first couple of listings I happened across did not offer postage to Northern Ireland, that’s fair enough, especially if you are delivering by courier. Then I came across another listing, in which the seller offered Free economy delivery, which according to the blurb was provided by Royal Mail, however further down the description for the item it stated:

Customers in Northern Ireland & Ireland, please add £20 for carriage.

WTF!! I mean really….Ireland fair enough is classed as being part of Europe and therefore incurs Airmail rates, but we are classed as part of the UK and therefore fall under the same Royal Mail postage rates as the seller! I took a few deep breaths, composed a question, and sent it while giving my departing message the middle finger. So now I wait for the reply, and there may well be a very good explanation, but surely you see why I am a tad irked!!

Hi,

Out of interest can I ask why someone like myself from Northern Ireland has to pay an additional £20 for postage, when it costs exactly the same for you to send a parcel to your next door neighbor as it would to me here if using Royal Mail?

I mean ffs, it would be fecking cheaper for me to move into the house next door! Money grabbing gits!

Holy cow Batman, I decorated!!

The Indecisive Eejit8 Comments
Brushes
Image by Si Griffiths

So I had a little reshuffle, a wee tweak, quite a lot of arsing around and copious amounts of swearing whilst trying to rekindle my long lost love affair with Paint Shop Pro!

The result is hopefully a much cleaner and sleeker blog. I love my old banner, but I was getting a little fed up with my background. That said, I have kept them both, because no doubt I shall revisit them at some stage.

So what do you think? Do you approve of my new look?

I only wish I could revamp myself so easily :)

So in the short time that it took to design myself a banner, it seems the majority of the Internet is up in arms about the fact that Ben Affleck is to play the role of Batman in the 2015 Superman sequel.

I’m not really sure what the problem is myself, sure you can only see his mouth!

Batman
Insert Ben Affleck!

That said, Christian Bale had a sexy mouth!

Related articles

World Police and Fire Games

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WPFG

Craic – (Pronounced crack) Means great fun, good banter, a good laugh. i.e. “We were at the pub last night and the craic was mighty!”

So for anyone that didn’t know, the World Police and Fire Games were held in Northern Ireland this year.

It was a strange sight to see police officers dandering about without a care in the world, their occupation blazoned across their backs. Well it was certainly strange for here anyway, given our unusual situation.

According to the news reports a good time was had by all, people loved our little country, some even electing to stay a little longer and sightsee when the hype was over and the games had finished.

Being a constant worrier I don’t watch the news much, but one night I happened to catch a snippet of a report about a married couple, who were FBI and had travelled over for the games. The reporter when finishing the interview advised them to visit some of the local pubs and enjoy the craic. I’m not sure the gentleman understood what she was meaning, but he laughed and said he would indeed.

Fast forward a week and the same gentleman is being interviewed after completing his event and saying how much both he and his wife were enjoying the trip, so the reporter asks, and this is not word for word cos I have the memory of a Goldfish, “Did you manage to find any craic?”, to which the gentleman replied, “I’m not sure I would want my bosses to hear me saying on television that I enjoyed craic whilst I was in Northern Ireland.”

Oh how I laughed! Good on ye sir! Would be especially embarrassing if you worked for the DEA!

The Full Moon

The Indecisive Eejit4 Comments
Moon by See-Ming Lee
Picture by See-ming Lee

Daily Prompt: The Full Moon
When the full moon happens, you turn into a person who’s the opposite of who you normally are. Describe this new you.

It was only when I reached my late teens that I realised the phrase ‘full moon’ had a double meaning. Up until that time I had always associated them with the horror movies I used to tremble through on a Saturday evening.

One night a crowd of us were wandering through the local park, when one of the lads in the group asked if I wanted to see a ‘full moon’. Of course I had seen them many times before, but figured this one must be pretty special if you needed an invitation to view it, and excitedly replied that I would indeed like to see, at which point he dropped his trousers and stuck his bare arse in my  face! Apparently this was my full moon initiation and I passed with flying colours. It still reminded me of a horror movie though as his unclad butt cheeks were not unlike those of a werewolf. Much to the amusement of the rest of the group I shared my thoughts with him and I believe that is the reason why I passed.

I however, would not wish to become a werewolf, nor have I any desire to unleash the junk in my trunk on any unsuspecting members of the human race! That indeed would be the mother of all horror movies!

These would be the amazing traits of my full moon alter ego!

  • No worrying. Imagine that, how I would love just one day where I did not worry.
  • No smoking – I’m trying to quit but it’s so hard and I have the willpower of a gnat!
  • No one to look after but me, myself and I, even just for a little while. Let someone else have the cooking and cleaning and stresses.
  • A brain chockablock full of useless computer information so that when I get the blue screen of death I can fix it and not jump up and down in a bad temper, which is what usually happens.
  • Confidence, and I mean confidence, not arrogance. Enough to allow me to walk into a room full of strangers without feeling like there is a neon sign over my head saying ‘Freak!’
  • The moves like Jagger.
  • The ability to make people laugh.
  • The willpower to stop myself eating like the world is going to run out of food tomorrow :|
  • The ability to be able to use the word ‘No’ and mean it.

Thing is though, what would any of it really change, inside I’d still be the same eejit I always was :)

My Udderly Amazing Mucker!

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So whilst traveling home on the train this evening, I figured that same as I had started to tell you about my work colleagues, it was only fair that I offered a little light on some of my other friendships. So having mentioned her before I figured that the logical place to start is with “Udders.”

Udders and I have known each other for a long time, however it was only in the last 10 years or so that a friendship started to form.

Throughout my working life, Udders has been the best source of entertainment ever. In fact in the days when Monkey worked with us as well, there was never a dull moment.

How do you describe Udders, well for one thing she is no lady, but then I guess none of us really are. We are brash, a little crude and swear like troopers sometimes…actually a lot of the time. I know it’s not something to be proud of, but hey, people told me I have to be honest on here and it is MY blog after all! We can however do refinement, if the occasion calls for it.

Udders doesn’t do quiet to well. Although I live miles away from her, we can have a perfectly clear telephone call without the need for a telephone. Ok, so perhaps that is a slight exaggeration, but my chum is the Duchess of the Decibels. We were on a shopping trip one day and whilst in the chemist I had to ring My Dad, who is called Jack to ask if he needed anything. Realising it was my Father on the phone Udders proceeds to run riot up and down the aisles shouting “Hi Jack” at the top of her voice. To this day I still don’t think she understands why we were escorted from the shop!

Grape Dink
An Udderly Ridiculous Grape Statue of Udders!

Once when Udders was on holiday and I was missing her terribly I decided to make her a little welcome back present. I made a statue of her from grapes. By the time I had made the head and her ummm assets, there was nothing left for any other limbs! Remarkably everyone knew who it was!

Udders is also the type of person you want to have with you on a photoshoot, especially one for Facebook. She will do pretty much anything you ask her to, from hanging upside down from trees, riding The Mad Mouse ( a big dipper in Bangor), planking, and many many other things. You name it she has done it. If she’s refuses to do it, she’s usually photo shopped in whether she likes it or not.

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It was the cow print pj’s that did the trick!

A night out is never a dull affair, especially if she has had a glass of wine or three. Take the classic night in Spur for example, when the waiter who must have been all of about 20, comes to the table to take our order. Udders says to him, “I’ll have the Steak,” to which the waiter replies, “Which Size?” “7 inches” says Udders totally unabashed. The whole table burst out laughing, but it took a little while for the penny to drop that she should have in fact said ounces!

Sure she can be udderly annoying sometimes, udderly stupid (in a bimbo kinda way) and sometimes downright udderly ridiculous (pretty much all the time actually lol), but on top of those great things she is also funny, entertaining, loving and udderly amazing. I mean come on, who’s perfect, life would be boring if we were.

She’s my Udderly Amazing Mucker! and I love her to bits!