Showdown at Big Sky

April 22, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

548880_373581799380199_1150984336_n_large

Taken from todays Daily Prompt:

Showdown at Big Sky

How do you handle conflict? Boldly or Directly? Or, do you prefer a more subtle approach.

I personally favour the running away approach. For this method to be successful there need not be screaming, crying or flailing of arms, they are entirely optional and a matter for personal choice.

There is also the ‘Ostrich’. I’m good at that one too, although instead of burying my head in sand it’s usually my pillow.

Unlike a kettle I tend to go off the boil rather quickly. I’ll get myself all worked up about something and start to put my point across, but if someone then counteracts me, while starting a gentle rolling boil themselves, I tend to back off, whether I am right or wrong.

It’s one of the many pet hates I have about myself and I am sure it most likely stems from a lack of confidence. I need to be able to learn to put my point across, without losing the plot and boiling over, something that thankfully I don’t do all that often.

If all else fails, go into a dark room and have a serious think about where your life is going until such times as the conflict situation has subsided.

I’ve been doing this for years and I still have no idea where I am headed, so best of luck!

Much more than I imagined!

April 18, 2014April 18, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit20 Comments

640px-Stipula_fountain_pen — Power of Words by Antonio Litterio

Dear Mr Charisma,

On Monday whilst perusing my reader I came across your prompt for that day. It was entitled ‘Imagine‘. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a prompt that inspired me, but strangely yours did. For the first time in a long time I didn’t worry or plan what I was going to write, I just sat down and wrote. It was a short little piece that came straight from the heart and said everything that I needed it to say. I posted it, pinged back to your site, went to bed and thought no more of it for a day or so.

On Thursday morning when I awoke and checked my phone, it said I had 50 e-mails. I wasn’t that concerned as my mobile likes to play tricks on me sometimes, pretending I am more popular than I actually am by doubling and sometimes tripling up on e-mails as they come in.

I’m still at that stage in blogging where I like to see if anyone has liked what I have written, I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t care, but I’m easily pleased, I am as happy with one as I am ten. I think to date my record for likes on a single post was around 20 ish for something I have written, so I thought with the doubled up e-mails I perhaps had 25 and I was more than happy with that.

I had to go to work so I didn’t pay too much attention. I’m not much of a morning person, I need to get up and get out as quickly as possibly, because usually everything is left till the last minute.

I remember the time almost exactly, it was 8.20 am on the morning of the 17th April, whilst sitting on a train bound for Belfast that I discovered that each of the 50 e-mails I had received were genuine. I can only describe the look on my face as that of a fish as I looked around for the hidden cameras with my mouth opening and closing pretty much like…well..a fish!

I smiled and then I smiled some more. 50 people liked a post I had written. That’s pretty huge in my little word.

Throughout the day I got more e-mails, notifying me of more likes and new followers. In the middle was one saying that you, Don Charisma had reblogged my post and everything fell into place.

I guess you are wondering why I am writing this post, well you see it still has to do with the theme of your prompt.

When I first started blogging just over a year ago now and before I had met some of the awesome people that I have, I used to imagine what it would be like to be ‘Freshly Pressed’. I used to look at blogs that had over 300 followers and be in complete awe.

As time wore one I realised that none of that was important to me, I was perfectly happy to be just me, I considered myself extremely lucky to have met the people I did, and after seeing some of the other blogs out there I realised I was never going to win any awards for my writing, and I was ok with that too.

I smiled all day on April the 17th 2014, because of you. You took the time to reblog my little post, sharing it with your extended family, who then took the time to stop by and tell me they liked it. Some of them have even decided to hang around and they are more than welcome.

I received 117 likes on a simple little post. To some, who perhaps get this number day and daily that would seem normal, to me, well I still can’t quite believe it and I am truly humbled.

I don’t need to imagine anymore, because you Mr Charisma, have made me feel like I have been freshly pressed and to you and your followers, I am very grateful.

The Indecisive Eejit :)

NB – I had to do a little edit because I got my dates mixed up! Yes I am an eejit :)

Imagine!

April 14, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit24 Comments

640px-IMAGINATION_by_archanN — ‘Imagination’ by Mehdinom

I imagine sometimes that I can slice off the top of my head as easily as I do that of a hard boiled egg. Why, I hear you ask, would you want to do that? and to be fair to you, that is a very good question.

I imagine my brain is like a patchwork quilt, made up of all different little scraps of information, my substitute for material. Over the years, due to use, various little bits of the quilt have become ragged and worn, while others remain intact, hardly touched or used (most likely anything to do with mathematics).

It’s still useful and does it’s job, but I want it to grow. I want it to continue to evolve and become something magical. I want to take out the quilt and wash it, start afresh, be able to rectify my mistakes and grow into something more than I am now.

“Imagination does not become great until human beings, given the courage and the strength, use it to create.”
― Maria Montessori

I believe I do have imagination (in small doses). My mind is a weird, wonderful and sometimes scary place. My problem is that I lack the courage to send it forth into the world. I still hold back on some of the things I want to say lest I meet with disapproval and disappointment. Like too many things I reign it in, say / write nothing and then end up falling out with myself and the world in general.

So I shall imagine I have the courage to face my fears!

Written for Don Charisma’s Prompt – Imagine.

Is it Friday yet FFS!

April 11, 2014April 11, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit22 Comments

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to run away and keep on running as fast as your little legs will carry you? Yep, me too, in fact it’s been like that every day this week.

Sometimes people just expect too much of me, they want me to see myself through their eyes, and while the compliments and sentiment is nice, sometimes it just becomes another burden. Instead of lifting my spirits it dampens them, as I always feel the spectre of failure lurking close by.

Work

This whole job debacle has been preying on my mind, probably more than even I realised. Seeing as I had not heard it mentioned in a over a week I figured the whole thing had calmed down and perhaps been shelved, eradicating the need for me to make a decision. But no, just as my ass got comfy where it was, it rears its ugly head again. I’ve been told I am moving, as in do not pass go, do not collect £200, you have no choice, you’re outta your office, thanks for your time. Granted I am only moving up the stairs, but still, change is change.

50% of me likes the fact that I am being told, as it means 4 months down the line I cannot regret any decision I may have made should it prove to be the wrong one. The other 50% is like Whoa, WTF just happened! One thing is for sure, I am going to have to purchase some new clothing, my jeans and slogan tees will just not cut it in the ‘real’ world. I am going to have to become one of those women with a capsule wardrobe, I’m thinking 2 black shirts and 2 pairs of black trousers and I’ll call it a uniform, accessorizing with cheap but gorgeous scarves from Primark! The main problem with that is finding clothes I actually like and being able to pay for them.

The Ships

It would appear that the mother-ship feels I am not deserving of a social life. She seems to have forgotten that I am only 42 years of age and have a life to live.

Me: I got these little Quiches for when I am out on Tuesday.

Her: You’re out on Tuesday?

Me: Yes, and I am out tomorrow too.

Her: You’re out tomorrow?

Me: Yes.

Her: You’re going out an awful lot.

(Last time I was out with friends was about a month ago)

Me: I am entitled to a social life you know. You go out every week.

Her: Well it’s not much when I do.

Me: No but you still get out.

She seems to view me as the live in housekeeper who disappears for around 8 – 10 hours a day. Considering by this stage I’d already made the tea, cleaned up, made tomorrow nights tea, put in a load of washing and written the note for the Fruit and Veg Man all after a full day at work. Truth be told after all the preparation, I’m too feckin tired to go!

The father-ship is getting just as bad, and he doesn’t even have Dementia. I came home from work yesterday and he’d boiled eggs for their lunch. He didn’t however seem to feel there was any need to turn the pot off afterwards, which was why I came back to find the stove still on and the arse burnt out of it. The previous week he had turned the spuds on with no water and a few days after that turned on the wrong ring. Is it any wonder I’m stressed!!

Despite all this I have remained in relatively good humour, strangely.

What lies ahead!

Tomorrow night though is tea with Udders and Monkey and I can’t wait. I need some laughter to help me to forget the week that was.

Over the weekend there will no doubt be some GTA so if you’re playing online watch out, I have a lot of frustration to vent!

Happy Friday Eejits :)

Talkin Tv!

April 6, 2014April 8, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit23 Comments

1950s-television-set-006 — Image by Hulton Getty

I don’t watch a lot of TV, a mixture of not having a lot of spare time so choosing to do others things with it, and also there being not too many appealing programs. Every week I scan the TV book in the hope of something exciting, but I am usually left disappointed.

My guilty pleasure would be ‘Hollyoaks’, the only soap opera I watch. It’s dinner time viewing, as in something to do when I eat, well that’s what I tell myself anyway. The truth is I hate missing it and will flee to the catch up channel on the few occasions that it happens.

Then you have the hard hitters that keep me hooked week after week, like Grey’s Anatomy. I was a late starter to the joy that is this program, but many late nights spent on Lovefilm ensured I got caught up, so much so that I am currenly watching the latest season as it airs on Sky.

Lately though I have found a secret pleasure in programs containing ‘The Great British’ in the title. Like ‘The Great British Bakeoff’ and more recently ‘The Great British Sewing Bee’. I have no interest or knowledge of sewing, bar running away from people who wish to sew my lips shut, but strangely I am finding this program both entertaining and enlightening. I love how over the course of the program we see ordinary people grow and flourish in their chosen craft, while learning about them as a person at the same time.

Also top of the list has been a 6 week run of a programme called ‘Hair’, same kind of idea, amateur hairdressers are pitted against each other in order to find an overall champion. Believe me there were some weird and wacky styles on display, but also some rather amazing ones.

On hindsight, perhaps I do like the old google box after all!

What shows make you oooh and ahhhh? and what would be your guilty pleasure?

The rights and wrongs of rocking!

April 1, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit24 Comments

I have to face facts, I am just not destined to have routine, order and a plan in my life. When I do, something comes along and knocks it for six.

I’ve been hit with a work conundrum, as in I have been given possible options and I have no idea which to choose. Suffice as to say it was totally out of the blue and when three hours later the shock wore off, my stomach was like a washing machine on spin cycle.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt I am my own worst enemy. I am told it at least once a week. I have myself convinced I cannot do something before I even try it. That said, I don’t tell people that I feel I cannot achieve something just to get them to disagree and flatter my ego. I tell people, because that it was I believe and the thought of change scares the absolute shit out of me. That said, sometimes a change is as good as a rest.

I lost my whole weekend (and valuable blogging time) to my best friend worry, running over scenarios in my head and trying to devise solutions to problems that may never arise. It is one of my worst attributes, from my point of view anyway, my work colleagues would no doubt offer some more were you to ask them. It is true what this quote says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Based on that, I rocked the weekend away and still didn’t reach a resolution.

The thing is, if I don’t believe in myself, how can I ever expect anyone else to. I take criticism to heart and shy away from compliments. I have no faith in myself and after 42 years it’s highly unlikely I am going to find any now. In an effort to improve I may have to invest in either a self help book or a bar of chocolate!

How do you know you’re making the right decision though? and do you believe that what’s for you will not go by you. Is it a case of kicking back and waiting to see how it all pans out and dealing with the consequences when they arise?

I’ve adopted that attitude today, because I needed to stop the chair rocking. It was giving me motion sickness.

Nothing may come out of all of this anyway. I believe it was just someone putting out feelers to gauge my reaction, but it’s started a thought process that cannot be stopped. Knowing my luck right when I decide I might need a change after all, the option will no longer be on offer. Only time will tell, and for now I just have to wait.

Now do you see what I am called indecisive! :)

P.s Yes! I know it could have been worse, I could have been handed my P45!

The Devil made me do it!

March 26, 2014 The Indecisive EejitLeave a comment

Reblogging some of my favourites as it’s anniversary week! Don’t panic, there were not that many lol

The Indecisive Eejit

This weeks Whatif? Challenge
What if you let your dark side take over?
An unfortunate event has allowed the Devil to own your soul. He has decided to give you a chance to get it back but to win it you must bring a smile to the Devil’s face with your actions. He allows you to have one full day in which you can do anything your heart desires without fear of consequences, retaliation, retribution or prosecution.

An unusual turn of events indeed. I have been pondering this one for a few days, well since Sunday, when the challenge went up. No one willingly wishes to court the Devil, so the conundrum is, how best to tackle this unfortunate event and in fact turn it to your advantage.

The Devil dislikes my body, he has no option but to use it as a host, so will spend endless hours fashioning…

View original post 1,011 more words

Spring is in the Air!

March 25, 2014March 25, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit18 Comments

8231068506_93fc525369 — Image by Globalhawk

I can’t stop singing ‘Once Upon a Dream’ by Lana Del Rey. It’s got itself firmly stuck in my gray matter and bursts forth at the most inopportune moments, like while I am in the kitchen making my lunch as workmen rewire the ceiling outside. Emerging to a round of applause was…umm…embarrassing.

It was nice heading into work this morning with a little sunshine beaming from the sky. Spring is certainly walking towards us, but the nip in the air only serves to prove that it is not taking quick steps. Hard to believe that March is almost over.

Normally I don’t like the lighter nights, but this year I am enjoying the gentle stretch, it’s making me feel a little more energized. I now understand the saying ‘Spring Clean’, because that’s what I want to be doing every night. Sadly time, lack of funds and the fact that the house is not mine firmly put the brakes on that little endeavour. Add to that the fact that as soon as I tidy anything the whirlwind that is the ‘Mothership’ wrecks it, I lose heart and give up. I lost count over the weekend of how many times I used the phrase ‘F*ck it’, but it was an awful lot. Stress levels were high.

In a bid to assist with the housework I purchased a ‘Steam Mop’ as after conducting a survey of 100 random people I was assured it was the gadget of the moment. I ordered it online at the cost of £59.99. I rationalised it by adding up how much I pay on detergent and mop heads, said ‘F*ck it’ (again) and hit purchase.
It arrived and I was mildly excited at the prospect of this piece of kit revolutionising my cleaning regime. I even considered (very briefly) donning an apron and marigolds to complete my look, but that all went out the window when I saw the sticker on the front of the box. WTF!?! £60 reduced to £49.99, a whole ten new pounds less than I actually paid!

In normal circumstances I would not usually pursue something like that, being a big Ginny Ann and all, but ten quid is ten quid and it’s better in my pocket, so I fired off an e-mail to ask had I either received the wrong product or only been charged the lesser price. I have had an acknowledgement e-mail, but no reply to date, I shall keep you informed.
The steam mop itself is not a bad bit of kit, and it’s certainly more therapeutic than using a mop and bucket, just don’t pay any more than £49.99 if you want to keep your stress levels to a minimum!!

Happy Spring Eejits!

(Image courtesy of Globalhawk from Flickr)

Bonne Anniversaire!

March 24, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit39 Comments

Dear WordPress,

Thank you for reminding me that today is my anniversary, well the anniversary of the creation of this blog. I had been thinking the date to remember was the 31st March, as that was the date of my first post, but no, you surprise me with a new little trophy informing me that today is the day.

I never imagined that I would still be here after 365 days, let alone have followers and over 20, 000 page views. I’m not renowned for sticking at things, I get bored easily and tend to leave projects unfinished. This became so much more than a project.

12 months ago I was The Geeky G4mer, writing about gaming, Spam and the Joys of Modern Travel. Notifications received a reaction of unprecedented proportions. Little did I know that the time, that those were from people who liked everyone and everything. Still though, I stuck at it, even when the only real life person liking my posts was Paul, he felt a strange kind of pity for me.

I was happy, but I didn’t feel comfortable. After playing around with the idea for a month or so, I made the decision to change the name of the blog to ‘The Indecisive Eejit’. I finally felt at home, and more people came to visit, but in the process of the changeover I lost some of the few people I had met at the start. Perhaps one day they will find me again.

I started to meet some amazing new people, who helped me to climb out of the black hole I seemed to have found myself in. The next few months brought laughter and enlightenment, hopefully I even provided a smidgen of both for others.

I loved the little place I had created, but sometimes I felt like giving up. On those days one or other of my new found friends always seemed to manage to lift and inspire me, making me want to stay just one more day. So far, according to you anyway, I have managed to hold on for 365. That is largely due to that colourful and vibrant mix of personalities here on WordPress. I have no idea what it was that lead them here to me, for it certainly wasn’t my writing skills, but I am thankful everyday that they came, saw and stayed.

So yes, whilst I may write (badly), draw ( atrociously) and comment (more dire than a big dire thing) I still have managed to find people who care, and couldn’t care less about my lack of skills.

I still have a lot to learn, both about writing and about myself. I need to let go of my inhibitions and write freely, but looking back to some of my very first posts, I can already see that I have changed, hopefully for the better.

So, Happy Anniversary to me, and thank you WordPress for being the place that allows me to be me, and sends me people who appreciate me just the way I am. You Rock!!

Juls

The Indecisive Eejit :)

Music is in the Air!

March 21, 2014 The Indecisive Eejit15 Comments

I love music. It fascinates me. There is nothing else that can alter and sway my emotions as effectively.

Even though I love Rock and Pop I always seem to lean towards the more morose side of music, or as my boss refers to it, ‘music to slit your wrists to’. I class it more as chilled out, the more haunting the melody the better.

I have no idea why it is that these songs have such an effect on me. It is what it is, and the heart loves what it wants. You instantly know when a song has captured your attention, because you stop at nothing until you find out the name of both the song and the singer.

It’s sad to think there are millions of songs out there that would entertain my ears yet I will never know about them. Most things I happen upon by chance. The kind of music I like is not exactly daytime radio material, more like late night alternative.

Soundtracks are also amazing and more often than not undiscovered by the general public. I have soundtracks for movies I have never seen, but they came up under the section ‘People who bought this also liked…’, sometimes it makes good suggestions.

I love that the power of music can transport you to somewhere else entirely. I have found myself on the train journey home, listening to a song while staring out a window down which the rain was pouring, creating my own video for the track playing at the time.

I’m going to put here a list of some of my favourites. I would class these as being melancholy, rather as seeing them as morose I view them as great melodies and tunes. If you listen to a couple and can think of something else you think I might like, then I will be most grateful if you share that thought! Some of these you might already have seen on my Music Bubble page, apologies for the crossover.

So in no particular order:

1. Lana Del Rey – Once Upon a Dream (From the forthcoming film Maleficent)