The second installment……
Wicked Weekend Part Two
Previously on The Misadventures of May Dupp – Wicked Weekend Part One.
It was a good time for the firemen to show up, because I was definitely feeling hot hot hot. I’m not sure what the female version of testosterone is, but if it exists it was coursing through my veins, either that or my blood pressure was through the roof.
Onda, on seeing the starstruck look on my face had finally followed my gaze and was draped over the table practically drooling. Even Billy and Seamus had a look of awe about them.
No one seemed to know what event had brought the firemen to the Wicky Digit in the first place. Onda convinced they were strip-a-grams was at this point sidling across the bar clapping and shouting ‘off off off’. Knuckles was coming at them from a different angle, balling his fists and shouting ‘out out out’, clearly not amused that the object of his affection was diverting her attention elsewhere.
Knuckles: What are you boys here for?
Hot Fireman: We’ve had a report of a gas leak.
Knuckles: Well that’s kinda funny considering we don’t have any gas.
Hot Fireman: The smell is coming from the rear of the building.
Knuckles: That’s the toilet area. How do you know it’s gas?
Hot Fireman: A passerby reported an eggy smell coming through the open window. That could mean you have a leak.
Knuckles: But I just told you, we don’t have any gas.
It was at this point that old Joe at the bar started laughing so hard we all thought he was going to have a fit. Everyone turned their gaze in his direction waiting for him to calm down enough to be able to tell us exactly what it was that was so amusing.
Joe: That’s……no…..ahahaha…….gas leak.
Stepping forward to catch Joe just as he was about to pitch off his bar stool onto the floor Knuckles enquired what he was on about.
Joe: That’s probably Bert…..oh my sides.
Knuckles: Flat cap Bert?
Joe: The very same.
Knuckles: So yer telling me flat cap Bert is in the toilets sniffing gas?
Joe: No you dopey sod………
Joe again burst into a fit of laughing, that turned into wheezing, that turned into a fit of coughing. Too many years on the roll ups had rendered him incapable of continuing with his story.
Unsure what was going on and scared of missing something, the remaining patrons in the bar headed single file towards to toilet block. As we rounded the corner the smell hit us like a tidal wave and there was a collective “eughhh” from the gathering.
Knuckles being the first in line, basically because everyone had pushed him forward, turned to Onda who was next in line and told her to ask Sandy the bar man to turn on the toilet extractor fans. Onda, being inquisitive by nature asked why they had not already been on, and Knuckles informed her it was due to a possible fault with wiring, but to be sure not to let the firemen know that particular nugget of information.
Onda quite willingly I believe, left her place of second in line and headed towards the bar. A heated muffling could be heard and then she retraced her steps back towards Knuckles.
Knuckles: What did he say?
Onda: He’s not a bit happy about it, he asked if you knew what you were doing.
Knuckles: And how did you answer that one?
Onda: I said usually you haven’t a fecking clue but at the minute no one else has any other bright ideas.
Knuckles: Geez, thanks very much.
Onda: He also said on your own head be it. What the heck does he mean by that?
Suddenly out of nowhere came a noise like someone hacking at metal with a chainsaw. A few fizzes, bangs and pops were heard and next thing the we know, the Wicky Digit has been plunged into darkness.
Flat Cap Bert: What the f*ck is going on out there, what have you buggers done?
Knuckles: Keep calm Bert, the fire brigade are here, they think there might be a gas leak in the bathroom.
Flat Cap Bert: There’s a gas leak all right, my Beryl gave me duck eggs for breakfast this morning and I’d done nothing but fart ever since. You can tell your firemen there’s no danger, the only gas leaking in here is from my backside.
Everyone started to laugh, even the firemen, onto one of whom Onda was hanging for dear life citing a sudden fear of the dark.
Flat Cap Bert: I’ll be out in a jiffy, only some feckers turned the lights out so I’m going to have to light a match to see where the door is.
At this point everything seemed to go in slow motion as one of the Firemen started a run up to the toilet door, he was trying to shout something, but owing to the previously mentioned fact of the cinematic slow motion he was unable to finish his sentence. He had just spoken the words “tell him not to light a”………when there was a loud bang from the toilets……”match”.
Everything went silent, even Joe had stopped laughing. You could have heard a pin drop. No one wanted to be the first to enter the toilets to enquire after Berts wellbeing. Just as the merits of playing Rock, Paper, Scissors was being debated, the sound of shuffling footsteps could be heard approaching.
Knuckles: Bert, is that you?
Flat Cap Bert: Aye.
At that moment Bert rounded the corner, looking a little worse for wear. His normally dapper appearance had changed to disheveled and his hair was smoking and standing on end, clearly visible through the tattered remains of his flat cap. in fact he looked like he was going to break down and cry at any minute.
Knuckles: You ok Bert?
Flat Cap Bert: You know, the Mrs only gave me them eggs in an attempt to clear up me constipation, well it worked, cos I’ve just scared the shite clean outta myself.
All we could do was laugh.
The only drink taken in the pub that night was cups of tea, but the craic was mighty. Even Bert was laughing in the end, and we even had a whip round to get him a new cap.
Steve’s Music Mix: F@*king Football!
Okay, so perhaps the title of Steve’s Music Mix was not quite as I put it in my heading, but I am sick sick sick of football already, and now even my most favourite music quiz ever has become possessed! Shame on you Steve, I owe you a Glasgow kiss!
Before I get onto the matter in hand, here are a few important notes for you, if you care:
- I’m behind on my reading AGAIN! What a surprise, it seems to be a weekend thing. I’ll get there.
- I appear to be unfollowing some blogs without pressing unfollow, if you catch my drift. I can only assume it is a little quirk in WordPress. If you’ve not seen me for a while or I did become adrift from your shenanigans, please let me know!
- Thank you to all the new followers, and welcome :)
- My copy of the marvelous Sean Smithsons book arrived today. I cannot wait to get started. If you have missed out on the delight that is the Office Inbetweener, you can find him HERE.
Ok on to the matter in hand, and another fantabulous installment of the Mega Quiz that is Steve’s Music Mix.
The Blurb!
Each week Steve will post 3 new questions so…
(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING
Since it’s the World Cup and he is doing his own Music World Cup, this week’s theme is football…
Title your post “Steve’s Music Mix – …” and link back to this week’s page.
Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.
Have a look at the Archives or click on the “Music Mix” category in the category cloud on this page to see all previous weeks.
Any suggestions for future questions welcomed!
This weeks Questions!
I don’t want England to Win Because? – Storms in Africa – Enya – I am doubtful this would happen if England didn’t win, I mean isn’t it kind of expected that they won’t. After all they are one of my teams in the work sweep stake, so I’ve pretty much obliterated any hope they had. Not hard to tell this quiz is from a Scots man tho :P
My goal is? – Viking Death March – Billy Talent – Ok you’re on. If England win the World Cup I will gather together a few of my friends, well Udders and Monkey anyways cos they are the only ones mad enough, and we’ll do a Viking Death March up Royal Avenue in Belfast.
Which team will win? – Cloud of Stink – Biffy Clyro – Oh how I laughed, cos I’m stupid like that sometimes, but all I could think about was overdosing on Brussel Sprouts and blowing all the other teams off the pitch! Now that certainly would be a cloud of stink.
Over to you……………..
Why I Blog…
Tim from the Hillybilly Blogger wrote yesterday about why he blogs, you can read his post HERE. It started me thinking and I foolishly told him that one day I would write a post about why I blog. He challenged me, and that’s a sure fire way to get me to do something.
Why I blog, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
I had a blog before, around 10 years ago. I remained anonymous and it was a place where I could record the thoughts that were rumbling around in my head, in an effort to try and make sense of them. I was going through a difficult time, lots of things had happened at once and my house of cards came crashing down around me. It was a relief when the Doctor diagnosed my chest pains as stress / depression and not a heart attack. That was the start of a mental healing process, part of which included writing on my blog.
It was popular enough, I had comments from people who were going through the same kind of things. I also had comments from others who told me to get a grip on myself. Those were not helpful, and only served to increase my anxiety. Did these people think I liked having depression, did they think it was a choice, because believe me, there are very few people who would choose to travel that path given the option.
I chose not to start on a course of anti depressants, but that, according to the Doctor was the next step. Over the next few months I walked for miles, thought, got angry, but eventually was lucky enough to be able to pull myself out of the pit I had fallen into. Others are not so lucky and still fight their demons on a daily basis, my heart goes out to them.
As my mental state started to shift, my need for the blog lessened, until eventually I made the decision to close it down completely. I wanted to start looking forward, instead of constantly looking back.
Fast forward 10 years and I am in a similar situation. Sustaining a leg injury and the 6 month process of healing took it’s tole on me. Mentally, although not as bad as the time before, I was fragile.
When I first started I had no expectations of what was going to happen. This time I wanted to write to cheer myself up, and if in the process I did that for others also, then that was a bonus. The constant nagging from one of my best friends Paul every 5 minutes didn’t help either, and in fact my very first post was written purely to shut him up and get him off my case. I wasn’t even sure after that if I would write any more.
I’ve told this before in many posts, so my apologies if you are having to read it again, call it old age, it makes me repeat myself.
I used to look at blogs that had a couple of hundred followers and loads of comments and think ‘I wish that was me’. Even though we ‘write for ourselves’, I think we all hope, just a little that we will gain followers and create something that people actually want to read and discuss. We are human after all.
Now that is me, I have followers and people who comment on a regular basis, and blogging has become so much more than I originally thought it could be. I like to think I have not forgotten anyone, there are people who have been with me from day one. I feel sad when someone leaves or takes a break, I feel guilty when I have not spoken to someone for a week and I feel pain when I read what some of my friends are going through.
We start out as bloggers, we write, we strive to amuse, we entertain and for the most part we lay ourselves bare on blank spaces for all the world to plunder. From that first keystroke on that first entry, unbeknown to us, we start a journey. It’s a journey of discovery, not only of all that the world has to offer, but also of ourselves. I know I have changed, as has my writing style, but I hope it is a change for the better.
One day you will write a post and realise that you are there, that you have become the person that you strived to be at the start, with regards to your followers and comments. You will be thankful for all that you have been able to achieve, but you will also realise that it is no longer the most important thing.
When you sit down, cup of coffee in hand and look back, because someone has challenged you as to the reasons why you blog, you will realise it is because you have become part of a family. You will begin to appreciate the love that surrounds you, the support that is offered to you and help you receive. You will realise that it is these people, along with your family and friends who have provided light in the darkness and a reason to smile when you thought there was none.
That is the reason why I blog. I could never have made it through this last year on my own.
What about you?
Life is a rollercoaster!
It’s been a very stressful couple of days. It seems to be that nothing happens for ages and then all at once it starts to crowd in around me. We’re only 3 days into the week, assuming it starts on a Monday and already it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster!
My Mum attended hospital for her check up and they are finally going to try her on Alzheimer’s tablets and refer her to a Dementia Care Team. Although the tablets will not stop whatever is going on, there is a chance it might help her get back a little time. I think my poor Sister wanted to give the Doctor a good slap when she heard he had mentioned the note she put in regarding Mums symptoms, despite the fact that she had put in capital letters a request that he didn’t do so.
The great clean up still continues for the impending visit from the relatives. It’s a little bit daunting when I look into rooms and see that some have got worse rather than better, but I just have to plod on and hope that it all comes good in the end.
On top of that there is paperwork to be done for Dad and others and yesterday I was told that I have to start to shadow the lady who currently does the job I have been ear marked for.
Today I am having brain overload. I want to sidle into a corner and hide until everything has been taken care of. Imagine being able to go to sleep and wake up the next morning knowing everything you need to know without having to go through a learning process. If only!
We’ve also been having some freaky weather of late. Bearing in mind it is almost the start of the summer, the giant hailstones that rained down on us last night were a bit of a shock. My Dad and I were imprisoned in the car for a good 10 minutes while the rain, hailstones, thunder and lightening raged around us. Then it stopped and the sun came out like nothing had happened.
Well that resounding thumping on the door serves to prove that lunchtime is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. But hopefully that little vent has done me the world of good and no one else will loose their heads this afternoon.
Happy Hump Day Eejits, I think I am qualified to say that now that I actually know what it means.
Birth Anniversaries
I’m not a big fan of birthdays, I mean why would I be, every year it’s just a reminder that I am getting older.
For years my folks used to forget the big day, not because they were evil, but because it was close to the date of their anniversary and therefore easy to mix up. My sister though never forgot and always made up for it. As you get older the novelty wears off and it becomes like any other day. My friend was horrified that I said I was going to be doing housework on the night of my birthday, but it’s just like a normal day for me. Despite having offers of having a ‘carry-out’ tea I opted to stay home and cook, I’d already been out once this week and had a chippy lunch, so I fancied something simple and quick.
I don’t like fuss, it makes me feel uncomfortable, run in, wish me Happy Birthday and run out, that’s the best kind of greeting there is. The Tinsel Twit has been teasing me all week about having a party and I have to say I was starting to sweat a little. Worse than that though was the fact that she told everyone who came into the office it was my 50th, and not one person was nice enough to question her. Clearly I need to spend some of my birthday money on anti wrinkle cream!
I went in this morning to banners and balloons and it made me smile, because I realised that was why my co worker had been so keen for me to leave the night before. Once everyone had arrived I received a goody bag which contained stationary (swoon), age resistant moisturiser (fair enough) and a gift voucher. There was also a mini slinky, a little skateboard and a stress baseball. My colleagues know me so well.
Just when I though the day could not get any better, one of my other colleagues asked if I wanted to go for a ‘scoot’ which over here means a drive in the car. I was a little perturbed as my chips (fries) had been ordered and were on their way from shop to my greedy and open gob. My colleague however was very insistent saying he was not going to ask again, and then the penny dropped, and I clapped like a seal, bouncing up and down while repeating ‘You brought your convertible didn’t you’. I’ve never been in a car with no roof before and it’s been on my wish / bucket list for a while, so you can imagine I was as happy as a bee. The wind whipping though my hair, a big smile on my face and flies stuck between my teeth, well come on, this is real life, nothing is ever perfect.
Home time comes and after the tea has been made for ‘The ships’ and the floors mopped it’s up the stairs to yet another voucher from Monkey and a couple of goody boxes from Lee.
I’m in love with the cup with my website name on it and also the little key ring. He’d got me one before when the site was called The Geeky G4mer and I had considered getting myself a new one, now I don’t have too. Udders also got me a Starbucks mug for my collection, so I will be spending the weekend sipping in style.
All in all as birthday’s go, this has been a good one, so no complaints here. My intention would be to finish the night with some GTA with Nugs, assuming he has not fallen asleep in front of his TV.
Happy Friday one and all, as it’s my birthday I request that you hug stranger in celebration of the fact, however should they look in anyway dangerous, just move on and hug a lamp post or a tree!
Wicked Weekend Part One!
It could be a long weekend….
Wicked Weekend Part One!
I love my weekends, two days of fun and laughter that stretch ahead of the working week to tantalise and tease us. I had high hopes of a glamorous and girly extravaganza that involved hair, nails and make up but sadly the weekend that was, turned into something completely different.
I should have known to say no when Onda asked me to go to the ‘The Wicky Digit’, the pub at the end of her street on Friday night. Myself, Onda and alcohol are never a good mix, you’d really think I would have learned my lesson by now, but oh no, there is no show without punch!
The Wicky Digit is a funny wee pub, a fusion between ye olde worlde and the brand spanking new. The furnishings are up to date and the decor like something out of ‘My Pub’s Lush Monthly’, the old is supplied by the liberal scattering of sawdust on the floor that the elderly men spit onto, even though that particular pastime was banned in 2005.
A diverse clientèle frequent this particular establishment, a veritable mix of the good, the bad and the ugly. On the rare occasions that Onda and I attend, we are of course the good. Friday nights can be a little hit and miss for eye candy, but sure if you don’t go, you never know.
Dolled to the nines and tottering up the street on heels that would have raised than the dead, we reached the door of the bar around 9pm. ‘Knuckles’, as the doorman is affectionately known greeted us with his usual lopsided smile and a cheeky wink for Onda.
Knuckles: Have you yer big pants on the night Onda for I’ll be looking into them before the night’s out.
Onda: Feck off Knuckles, the only place you’ll be in is hospital if you keep that up.
His laugh could be heard all the way down the street, and Onda for all her bumph and bluster had a wee blush, I think she has a crush on him, but doesn’t like to admit it.
The place was packed, unusual for so early on a Friday, but we never thought anything of it. Spotting Billy and Seamus in the corner we headed over, eager to avail of the two spare seats at their table. After the cursory greetings Onda headed to the bar to get us both a drink;
Me: Seamus, what’s wrong with Billy’s face?
Seamus: What do you mean what’s wrong with it?
Me: Well it’s more limp than a week old lettuce leaf from the vegetable man.
Seamus: Ach he’s mooning over some girl on the Internet.
Me: A real life one or a computer generated one?
Seamus: Oh no real life, he met her on his bog.
Me: WTF!? His bog???
Seamus: Yeah you know, one of those things you write on and people read it.
Me: Oh you mean a blog? What the hell does Seamus keep a blog about?
Seamus: Ferrets, he puts up pictures and everything.
Me: Heaven help us. So if he’s met someone what’s he so sad about.
Seamus: She’s from Belgium.
Me: Is that where they make chocolate?
Seamus: I don’t fecking know.
Me: Right sorry, what else?
Seamus: She has red eyes.
Me: Umm ok, and what else?
Seamus: That’s all he knows, but it’s love for sure, I’ve never seen him this way before.
Me: Billy, are you ok sunshine?
Billy: Aye.
Me: You sure now Billy?
Billy: Aye.
Me: That’s dead on then. Seamus, there’s feck all wrong with him.
At that moment Onda returned with the drinks and I was just filling her in with the gen surrounding Billy and the red eyed love of his life, when a crowd of firemen walked into the bar. I stopped mid sentence, and if it hadn’t been for Seamus putting his hand under my chin and closing my mouth I swear I would have forgotten to breathe. I kid you not, these dudes looked like they just walked straight out of a calendar and into my life.
To be continued………
Clean Sweep!
What a weekend! I feel like I have been away for weeks, but in reality it was only a couple of days, but it was a couple of days without reading blogs, writing on blogs, or in fact getting a sniff of any blogs. I am having blog withdrawal symptoms, and that’s the reason why I carried my laptop into work and am currently blogging on my lunch hour.
I got lost at the weekend. I’m a little bit lost all the time, but this time I mean I actually got physically lost, in the spare room, which over the last 5 years my mother has been using as a dumping ground.
I remember having to do this once before. The year was 2007 and also the one of my Sisters wedding, I went in like a whirlwind, tooled up with rubber gloves, tongs, black bin liners and a flare, just in case I needed to call for assistance. I got everything shipshape and begged my Mum not to ever let it get into that state again.
Fast forward 7 years, we have visitors coming and it’s back to square one, in fact I think it’s worse. It looks like the carnage I leave behind when I miss throw a grenade and blow my car to bits in GTA. After 1 hour I was able to see a little bit of floor, after 2 and a half hours I realised there was a bed in the room, who knew.
It’s amazing the stuff we amass over the years, and the stuff we actually hold onto. I had to be ruthless, while at the same time not throwing out anything of sentimental value. There were plastic bags of plastic bags, other plastic bags with junk and rubbish in them, old magazines, books that I am sure were never read and newspapers from 2009. I threw out 6 black bags full to the gills with absolute shite. You can imagine I was less than happy when the arse burst clean out of at least two of them and I had to pick the stuff up all over again!
I hurt, oh boy did I hurt, my leg a reminder that I am not fit for standing long periods at a time any more. But when I looked at my handiwork, although not yet finished, I felt good. My fear now though is that when she starts to clean the room downstairs, the junk it contains will be carried up into the room I have just cleaned. The reality is it will probably end up being me who cleans it was well, oh the joy!
There is something good to come out of all this though, I think I am turning into a minimalist, it’s just a shame the Mothership does not share my values.
Say a little prayer for me that the ‘Tidyness Angels’ protect my handiwork 
Did you mean to click follow?
I have almost 500 followers, that’s pretty awesome, thank you to each and every one of you, even those who follow everybody, you’re still welcome.
When I first started blogging, was still at the stage of silently reading posts, and didn’t know any better I used to look at blogs who had that amount of followers and think, WOW they must be awesome. To be fair, most of them were, but they appeared to stick to their own circle of friends, not bothering with outsiders.
I now have 500 followers, and while I am no where near awesome (I am so much better at being a f*ck up lol), I have the best bunch of mad crazy fools anyone could ask for. I only wish that I had not spent so much of my early blogging days fawning over those I perceived to be blogging gods.
At the end of the day, we are all the same, human beings living our lives as best we can, we just choose to write about it. A blog starts with a name, empty pages, and a head full of ideas. Along the way an audience builds, friendships are formed and before we know it figures and stats don’t matter so much anymore, it’s all about the community and interaction.
I miss posts, I know I do, and I’m sorry, but my reader only loads 20 at a time, usually the newest ones, missing out some in the middle. I try to go back, but it’s not always possible. Following by e-mail has helped, but I follow so many it’s hard to do them all this way. Forgive me if I don’t get along to thank you personally for following me, but if I like what I read, you’ll no doubt hear from me at some stage.
Don’t be like me in the early days, don’t read silently. Never be afraid to comment on my blog, because that’s what makes it all worthwhile.
Looking back the best advice I can give you is, be true to yourself and don’t give up, good things come to those who wait.
Good people certainly found me :)
The Indecisive Eejit 