Size Does Matter

The Indecisive Eejit16 Comments

size matters

Clearly I am a girl for whom size matters as I stare with with glee at the 21.5 inches before me. Yes, that’s correct, I got a new monitor, well it’s second hand, but it’s new to me so it’s all good. It’s amazing the difference that a couple of extra inches can make. Apologies though to those of you who thought this post was going down a different route…you should be ashamed!

So perhaps you’re thinking, awww, she got a new monitor, that’s where she’s been, staring at the wall and typing away to thin air, while lamenting the fact that there is no picture to look at. As much as I appreciate your faith in me, you’d be wrong, I’m just lazy. Thinking about writing is about as close as I have got this last week or so. I’ve been going Christmas crazy, not in a ho ho ho lets get the decorations up kind of way, more like in a it’s driving me fecking crazy kinda way, and I’ve not even started the Motherships Christmas cards yet, that joy is still ahead of me!

Between work and the housework there is very little time left and when I do get to a shop I find I can’t focus. I am going to have to become a person of lists, this relationship I have with scraps of paper is just not working out, I think it’s time to move on to something a little more mature, like a hunky ‘To Do List’ notepad. I have shivers just thinking about it.

Apart from that life has been very run of the mill and ordinary, which at my age is probably no bad thing, sudden surprises could have fatal consequences, like two weeks ago when I found the mouse in the cupboard under the sink, it had already shuffled off the mortal coil and I had a fun little game of Breathe, Breathe, Brown Paper Bag. I wasn’t hyperventilating, there was Buckfast in it.

Anyway it’s bed time for this Eejit, I have a wee thing to do tomorrow, it’s called work!

Are you ready for Christmas?

Let’s talk TV!

May Dupp7 Comments

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I have a guilty pleasure…hmm actually I have a few, so let me rephrase that…I have only one guilty pleasure that I feel comfortable about sharing with you..yes, that’s much better, lets carry on. I have a guilty pleasure, for Trash TV. I know you’re going to find that hard to believe, me being so cultured and all, but it’s true. There is nothing like sitting down with a nice cup of rosie lee, fluffy slippers keeping the feet warm, curlers in setting the ‘do’ for tomorrow and some good old trash TV on the Goggle box!

I have a special fondness for Made in Chelsea even though most of the time I am fighting an overwhelming urge to jump into the TV and slap them all senseless. For those of you who have no clue what I am talking about let me simplify it, think an area of London where all the beautiful young people talk with marbles in their mouths and basically date each other, oh and argue, lots and lots of arguing. It’s one of the few programs I watch that can actually make me cringe, but I’m hooked.

A new favourite at the minute is Ching’s Restaurant Redemption where basically Ching, as a chef, walk’s into someone’s ailing restaurant and informs them the food is shit, rips their restaurant to shreds, tells them what to cook and basically saves day. She’s ballsy and to be fair I’d be doing whatever she told me for fear of getting a meat cleaver in the forehead. The main problem with watching this program late at night is the food she cooks always looks amazing and makes me hungry and after a visit to the fridge I have to trundle back to the sofa with a couple of slices of raw carrot inside a slice of bread, my version of a spring roll.

Last, but by no means least is Mystery Diners. I used to love Cheaters, but I can no longer find it on the free channels damn it, so MD has ably filled the void. Restaurant owners bring in a crack team of spy’s who bug their establishment in the hope of catching the tea leaf who has been having it away with the takings, food or other things that are not suitably nailed down. It’s amazing how lucky they are, I mean they always manage to catch the culprit in 30 minutes, the length of the show. Lots of shouting and tears ensue and more often that not the offender is thrown into the street without a second thought despite their pleas on innocence. Eh see that person on camera, well that’s you dickhead, I saw you thieving. Oh it’s great, but it’s also quite amazing to see the lengths some people will go to in order to hoodwink their boss.

What’s your guilty TV pleasure?

Digging for Roots wearing DM boots!

The Indecisive Eejit6 Comments

In this week’s Weekly Writing Challenge, tell us about what makes you, you.

Although I studied Biology at school and by some complete miracle eventually passed it, my knowledge of the human body and what it comprises of is very limited. That said, apart from the tiny birthmark beside my left eye and the 6 inch scar on my kneecap, I am, for the most part, just like every other person on the planet. So what does make me, me?

We’re told we inherit things from our parents, my Mother gave me a splash of red hair and no doubt a little of the fire in my temper also. My father, well he gave me heartburn and anxiety, but sadly thought it unnecessary to pass on some of his laid back demeanor, when not suffering from the second affliction.

I am an extremely simple, yet complex individual. One of these days I will sit down with the latter and have a discussion about why we are the way we are. Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, but sometimes your own advice, as directed by following your gut instinct, is the only one you should heed.

I am a daydreamer and a wistful thinker always staring into a glass that is half empty instead of half full. I have imagination, but I lack the concentration to align the two to make something amazing…one of these days.

I am lonely sometimes, but yet I am surrounded by many people who care for me. It’s hard to make people understand when you cannot understand yourself.

I worry. It is not a choice as some people seem to think, because do you not think if I had the choice I would stop. It’s an affliction and sometimes it is crippling. Yes, of course I could take tablets, but isn’t that a little like papering over the cracks?

I like to make people laugh and sometimes, for all the ills mentioned above, laughter is the best tonic.

There are many things that make me the person I am, but I am nothing special. I’m just trying to navigate life as best I can. Sometimes, it gets a little rocky, and there are days when I don’t think I can go on, but I do, because I have to.

There are many people in this world and each one is unique, which in turn makes me unique, that in itself is a reason to smile.

A tale of two titties!

May Dupp18 Comments

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Today I had to set off for work a little earlier than usual, and believe me, I am not a morning person. It takes a lot of time to look as presentable as I do. All those magazine types who spout about effortless beauty have clearly never had to do their own hair and make up! As a result, I was later leaving the house than I should have been, no time even for a shot of coffee, which is never a good thing.

After locking my door I turned around to find a man wearing a trench coat and trilby leaning on my fence. Now that’s not something you see everyday, considering we are no longer in the 1940’s. What was more alarming however was the fact that there was a rather large and expensive camera hanging from his neck, sporting a zoom lens.

Man: Good morning Miss. You have Great Tits.

Pardon me

Man: You have Great Tits.

Dude!!!! WTF?? (I have been watching way to many american TV shows)

My hands at this point moved protectively over my girlie bits as I shot him a look that would wither stone.

Man: In your garden. You have Great Tits in your garden.

You have to remember, that at this stage I was still suffering from morning brain. It takes a little while for all the synapses to start firing, even longer when they have not had an injection of caffeine.  So I’m standing there wracking my brains trying to think of the last time I had my baps out in the back garden and there is not one time that I can recall, unless we’re referring to a different kind of bap and there was a burger between them.

Man: Would you mind if I took a picture?

Of my Great Tits? Don’t you think that’s a little cheeky?

Man: Well it is rare to see such amazing specimens.

This is getting a little ridiculous now, I mean who does this man think he is.

Where or how the feck did you see them?

Man: On the table.

The table….you saw my tits on the table, are you off your head. 

Man: Yes, I saw them on the table, the bird table.

You saw my tits on the…wait, what, the…ohhhh….the…bird…table. 

Suddenly as if the sun had come out I was finally able to see where he was pointing, and sure enough it was at the bird table on which two little feathered things were sitting.

Ohhhh, you mean those ti……..birds? Yes take as many pictures as you like. 

Heaving a sigh of relief I finally lowered my hands.

The moral of this story….always leave enough time to have a cup of coffee, unless that is, you want to make a Great Tit of yourself!

Those Salad Days

The Indecisive Eejit17 Comments

The Daily Prompt asks:

Is there a period in your own personal life that you think of as the good old days? Tell us a story about those innocent and/or exciting times (or lack thereof).

It would be really easy for me to say that ‘the good old days’ were those before my leg injury and the onset of the Motherships dementia, but that would be a lie, because even back then things were far from perfect.

It would be really nice to say that it was the days before crippling worry and anxiety, but I can’t remember a time without them, and sadly my memory is not what it used to be.

I’d love to tell you it was my school days, but I was bullied. Retaining puppy fat and being somewhat ginger into your teens is a tough cross to bear. Hang in there though my ginger friends, because when you reach a certain age people will be matching your hair to the colour charts on the side of a box of hair dye because they admire it so much. Little do they know that these days mine is enhanced courtesy of one of those very same little boxes.

There is one constant though, life is shit, and it has lots of ups and downs, but everyday, there are still reasons to smile, even if you are so deep in shit that you can no longer see the tops of your wellies, there are still reasons to smile. For me, those are the good old days.

For my friends who ran barefoot with me on beaches and carried me home when I was drunk (thank feck I have strong friends). For the ones who made me laugh until a wee bit of wee came out and cried with me to acknowledge heartbreak. For the people I have loved and lost, whose memories will never die and for the nights under starry skies where you are thankful to be alive to witness it. For all my friends and family, a million and one reasons to smile.

Every moment, every event, every interaction, a memory that can be added into the album entitled ‘The Good Old Days’.

~Written for the Daily Prompt: Salad Days

 

 

Cosmic Musicology – Hopelessly Addicited

The Indecisive Eejit9 Comments
voyager-gold
Steve still has a big golden ball!

Righty ho folks it’s that time of the week again. Actually it was that time of the week a good few days ago but, ach well, you know how things go! For those new to Steve’s Cosmic Musicology Challenge, here is a quick refresher of the rules.

For each test Steve (at the above link) will post 3 new questions so…

(1) Go to the music player of your choice and put it on shuffle
(2) Say the questions aloud and press play
(3) Use the song title as your answers
(4) NO CHEATING

Title your post “Cosmic Musicology: …” and link back to the latest page.

Post your response in the comment section of that week’s page.

This weeks questions, and my answers:

1. I’m addicted to? – Storm Clouds Gathering – America History X Soundtrack by Anne Dudley – Now there are two ways you could look that this. If we’re talking about the storm clouds in the sky, then yes I do like that and to watch them, although I am not such a big fan of thunder and lightening. If however you are talking about storm clouds gathering before an argument or some kind of altercation then no, I’ll steer well clear thank you. If you’re talking about storm clouds gathering in the undergarments then you know I have had one to many Brussel sprouts!

2. I wish I didn’t? – Young, Single and Sexy by Rita Ora – I have no need to wish that I didn’t at least two of these. I am just slightly on the wrong side of 40 to be classed as young anymore. I am not sexy in any shape form or fashion. I am however single and yes, sometimes I wish I wasn’t, but that’s life!

3. I would love to? – Lego House by Ed Sheeran – When things get tough here, I do wish I had a house, somewhere I could go and just clear my head. A lego house would be pretty amazing wouldn’t it, you could just tear it down and rebuild it as and when you wished. You could remodel every other week. No need for paint, just change the colour of your bricks….hey Jed, I think I feel a what if post coming on? lol

If you would like to give Steve’s quiz a try, just follow the links. What are you waiting for??? …well……..c’mon, scoot!

 

Two tits, a Duck and a Dartboard!

The Indecisive Eejit27 Comments

Boiling PointYesterday! It was like any normal Tuesday, except I felt the need to repeatedly bang my head against the table. Back to back meetings had me climbing the walls by around 11am and there I stayed for pretty much the rest of the day.

Came home. It was like any other Tuesday only I felt the need to bang my head repeatedly against any solid surface. I actually felt like going and sitting in the garden shed for an hour just to get some peace and quiet, only it was fecking freezing and there is every possibly there are mice in there, so yeah…..feck dat!

I didn’t have high hopes for Wednesday, but as hump days go, it was slightly unshittier than the others. I came home to the most amazing little parcel from Mental Mama over at Mental in the Midwest full of lots of little goodies like a candle in a holder, earrings, a phone charm, chocolate and a beautiful little snowflake for the Christmas tree. Each little piece was handmade by the lady herself, which makes it all the more special. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat!

Then later when I was trying to find a post on my blog I realised that I have reached 700 followers, well on the front page anyway. Have you any idea how momentous that is? Probably not, but trust me, it’s Mo fecking Mentous! Who’d have thought eh, certainly not me.

You know I have said it before and I have no doubt I will say it a million more times, but blogging has meant an awful lot to me. By far and away, the best bit is the interaction with other people. Think about it, you have a problem, you Google it. Bloggers have a problem, we write about it, because there is almost always someone within your circle of followers who has experienced something similar and has words of wisdom to offer. Trust me consider bloggling it next time.

I’ve read blog posts in relation to other people who are in a similar situation to myself with regards to looking after someone with Dementia. It’s opened my eyes, because I now realise there are certain traits that are related to the illness and not the individual person. It nice to realise you’re not alone, because as much as people want to understand, they can’t, unless they are living in the same situation day in and day out.

It’s amazing how you can form connections with people you have never met, through this one common bond that we have called blogging. I have been so lucky with the people who have found me and visa versa. Each and every person is unique and amazing and really rather awesome if the truth be told. I love you all.

If you have made it to the end of my post then thank you very much, and I have no doubt you are wondering as to why the title is what it is. Well in the middle of writing this there was some social interaction with a certain Mr Smith. I joked that this was the title of the post I was writing and I kinda liked it, so now it is :) Hopefully it grabbed you attention!

Night night now :) x

Burning ring of fire!

May Dupp14 Comments

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I would love to tell you that my life has been wonderful since the last time I wrote just a little over a week ago. The truth is I have spent it sitting in a rubber ring whilst nursing burnt butt cheeks. Trust me to pick the only killer electric blanket in the whole wide world!

Ok, so perhaps I am being a little too dramatic, but that is after all what I am good at. I thought I misheard my teacher when she said I would pass a degree in Histrionics without even having to study, I couldn’t even remember signing up for it. Regardless, back to my arse.

I never was the kind of girl to read instructions. If my brain was not able to figure it out then the batting of eyelashes was always able to acquire assistance from somewhere. This time however owning to the fact that the offending piece of gadgetry was in my boudoir, I thought it best to let the brain figure it out all on it’s own, and considering the instructions had already been binned, what choice did I have.

You may remember I had set the blanket to activate 30 minutes before I went to bed, which may well have been part of the problem as Onda decided to ring me with about 5 minutes left to spare. Now I love that girl to death, but once you get her Onda phone, it’s pretty damn hard to get her off it again, especially when you’ve had a weekend like she’s just had, but that’s a whole other story. To be fair to her, it was a rather interesting tale and I forgot all about the fact that it was now way past my bedtime.

1 hour and 57 minutes later (not that I was counting), I managed to make it to the bathroom to complete the necessities. Had I realised at the time that it was the last time I would have normal bare (bum) necessities for a least a week, I would have savored the moment. I vaguely remember thinking when I went into my room that my mad cow pyjama’s were nice and toasty, but as I had forgotten all about the electric blanket I didn’t put two and two together. Instead, I checked my alarm was set, collapsed into bed and went out like a light.

Sometime in the middle of the night I dreamt about the firemen from that Wicked Weekend at The Wicky Digit. Before I knew what was happening I could hear the Nelly song ‘It’s getting hot in here…’ playing in the background,  and the fireman was starting to strip. In my sleep I’m thinking, please don’t wake up, but somewhere in my sub conscious, I’m thinking WTF,  it is getting hot in here. I’ve never had a hot flush before, but I’m smart enough to know that it doesn’t normally happen in your backside, so I leapt out of the bed like a scalded cat. Just in time too it would seem, as smoke started to appear from the middle of the bed. I’d like to say I was the one causing all the sparks in the bedroom, but alas no, it was the electric fecking blanket.

Needless to say I dialed ‘999’ and called for the very same firemen I was dreaming about not 5 minutes ago. They arrived not too long after and I led them up the stairs as quickly as I could, thankfully there were still no flames. I could hear giggles behind me, but figured that some of them were remembering the antics from the previous night we had met. Last up the stairs was the big fire Chief, who looked me up and down while walking past and said ‘Holy Cow’. ‘I know’ says I, ‘it’s made a bit of a mess of me bedroom’. He replied that it had indeed, but he was in fact referring to the huge hole that had been burnt in the backside of my pyjama’s exposing my red raw and rather well toasted butt cheeks. Well at least I knew what the giggling had been when we were coming up the stairs. I’m not sure which set of cheeks were reddest at that point.

I sat on a rubber ring stuffed with ice packs for about 5 days after that, and had to drag Billy and Seamus out of the pub to assist with the redecoration of my bedroom. The electric blanket has been relegated to the wheelie bin and from now on I am going to stick to a good old fashioned hot water bottle, I figure it’s the safest option. The firemen were even kind enough to send me a card, that said ‘It’s a BUMmer You’re not well!’

I think I can live without things getting too hot in my bedroom from now on!

By heart….

The Indecisive Eejit14 Comments

Singing Eejit

The Daily Prompt asks:

You’re asked to recite a poem (or song lyrics) from memory — what’s the first one that comes to mind? Does it have a special meaning, or is there another reason it has stayed, intact, in your mind?

‘More than words’ by Extreme, that’s the one that springs to my mind. Released in 1990 I believe, it was once of the most played songs on the radio when I started my first year of work in 1991. I knew it off by heart, crooning or was that caterwauling along in front of the mirror, a hair brush for a microphone.

If you’re a regular follower of my blog you will know I used to write a piece called ‘The Office Eejits’, you think they were bad, they are nothing compared to the original crew. One guy, let’s for talk sake call him Bart, because that’s what he was like, an adult Bart Simpson,  and I got on famously and every morning around tea break we used to enter all the competitions on a particular radio station.  Well Bart and I had every version of Car stickers, pin badges, pens and pencils that the radio station had to offer. We were even told on more than one occasion that we were not allowed to enter as we were winning too much.

This particular week they were giving away tickets to see Extreme live in Belfast. I wanted those tickets…I wanted them bad. In the morning competition Bart managed to get through and after being asked a question, which to be fair wasn’t that difficult, won a set of the tickets. I was so jealous, but resigned myself to the fact I would have to wait until the next day. As luck would have it, we (Bart and I) were working late that night and another chance came up, and I was on it like a car bonnet!

Waiting to get through to a radio station, hosting a competition for something you really want has to be the most nerve wracking experiences ever. Bart sitting across the office from me was urging me to hang on and eventually the phone was answered, to be honest now I can’t remember who by, but I was getting my chance at tickets. All set and ready to answer my question I prepared myself, I could do this! When the DJ told me that in order to win tickets I would have to sing the first verse of the song, I almost died on the spot. Sing…..live……on……the…..radio……..WTF!!!

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Dude…seriously, you want me to sing?

I was so dumbstruck at his request that I forgot the words. I could sing this song in my sleep yet here I was live on the radio with no memory of the tune, the words or even the time of fecking day. My face must have been a picture!

I think I mumbled that I couldn’t remember it,  despite the fact that  2 minutes before when he had asked me I’d told him I lovvvvvvvvved Extreme and knew the song off by heart. I think he helped me with the first couple of words and off I went, somehow managing to belt the rest out, albeit not with the same gusto that I would have in front of my bedroom mirror. I won the tickets, there was much elation, on my part anyway. Bart, well, when I finally managed to look over at him, all I saw was his two feet sticking up behind the desk, he had literally fallen off his chair laughing.

So ummmm yeah, that’s the first one that comes to my mind :)

 

Keeping you up to date…….

The Indecisive Eejit28 Comments

I know you have all been wondering where I have been…..you have right!? Well the truth is I haven’t been anywhere, now that’ll be a shock to those of you who regularly read my blog, me having such a fantastic social life and all……not!!

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Image from Silver Diner – not my dinner table….sadly!

Actually that’s a lie, I did go out for tea last week with the friend who sends the texts  that make me smile and it was great fun, I ordered a burger that when it arrived I had no idea whether to climb it or eat it. I decided on the latter and it was bloody good! Hopefully I’ll go again, if I am asked that is.

I realised something this week, and it is something of great importance….you lot write too fecking much. The amount of unread posts in my Bloglovin never seems to go below 70, WTF….where do you all get the time. I’ve reached the stage of reading and not liking (by pressing the button that is), but even that is not making a dent in the list. So take a deep breath, relax have a cup of coffee and slow the feck down will ya!

Thank you and welcome to all my new followers, and thank you for sticking around to all the old ones. Even little Miss May has had a few new ones which is why I have finally stopped reblogging her posts. It’s time to see if she can stand on her own two Louis Buttons.

I’ve been loving the new Alt-J album, This is all yours . It’s been on constant repeat on my music player. That said, Steve from Now this is what I would call music, also introduced me to Sia’s new album. I’ve already had some of her music, but the tune ‘Fair Game’ has also become a firm favourite this week. Considering Steve was also the one who introduced me to the song ‘Moving on’ by James which you can listen to on my Music Bubble page, then I would say his site is well worth checking out.

Well that’s about it from me, what’s been happening with you lot?